


Minnie and Crocodile dad

by TheLadySyk0



Series: The New Alternia [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Babies, Earth, Fluff, Grubs, Hurt/Comfort, Illustrated, Illustrations, Lusii, Lusii raising a baby, Other, Troll/Human cooperation, baby cuteness, grub cuteness, humans raising grubs, lusus raising a baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2018-04-20 16:33:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 130,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4794515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadySyk0/pseuds/TheLadySyk0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If humans can raise Grubs, well why can't lusii raise babies? Crocodile is a very experienced lusus, he has raised over twenty grubs in his long lususing career but when he decides that he should adopt a HUMAN baby he is in for quite a lot of surprises.</p><p>Now illustrated by CyanideOreo! Check her out on Tumblr and give her a follow!All illustrations are now Available on tumblr at "The New Alternia series" Along with updates and cool extras!</p><p>Also! if you love the illustrations in this fic (and I know you will because holy hot damn) consider commissioning the artist yourself! You can find our lovely artist at CyanideOreos on Tumblr!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Earth

Earth.

A wondrous planet. Or so you’ve been told.

It's a strange thing for the Troll species as a race to COOPERATE with any alien species but with the new Empress Fereri, slowly the empire is becoming gentler with how it treats both its citizens and off-planet races.

Usually when one mentions “treating off-planet races gentler” it just means ignoring them instead of conquest and genocide, but humans are special.

In the pre-celestial age of Alternia, when grub production first started to outnumber the amount of available and suitable lusii certain measures were put in place to ensure that no sick or deformed grubs were given lusii. Then it was the best of the remaining grubs, then the best of those, until the grub trials became as brutal as they were.

With a new gentler attitude the empire was once again facing a problem that they had previously just solved with mass infanticide. 

Grub populations were just too. Damn. High.

Which is what makes humans so valuable!

Your former grubs contact you every once in awhile, you get letters and voice calls, troll adults don’t get along with troll young at all so it is very rude to call upon a lusus who is currently raising a grub so you must make do with non-physical contact. You raised a teal-blood who later became an ambassador to Earth. You’re so glad he’s doing well. But what’s important is what he told you.

He says that the people who live on “Earth” called “Humans” (what an odd name to call yourself) are mammals that look very similar to trolls. No horns, no claws and no sharp fangs, a little smaller than trolls are. They are tribalistic and much more social than trolls, coming together in large groups to live and socialize, and they do this without killing each other for the most part! How interesting!

What truly makes them valuable to the empire though, is that they raise their own young, and the young of other animals! Every single one of them has the instinct, though just like on Alternia, not all of them act on it. An entire planet full of potential lusii! Amazing!

The empire raised the idea of human lusii to the humans and while of course their governments wanted something in return (mostly technology) they readily agreed. Humans from all over their planet actually VOLUNTEERED to take in grubs! The trial population is currently small as both sides are still working out the kinks of the inter-planetary arrangement but the numbers are rizing as more and more humans take in grubs.

Although it doesn’t happen all the time, humans usually raise their young with their mate (you miss your own mate, you remember her glittering scales and her kind eyes fondly). They also raise MULTIPLE offspring at the same time! You admire them for this! What a triumph! Truly their lususing skills are great. You are quite experienced at your job (you have successfully raised 20 grubs to adulthood which is quite a feat among lusii) but even you have not ever raised multiple at the same time!

Troll grubs are very territorial when it comes to their lusus and will often hiss at other grubs if they get too close. It is possible for two grubs who already have lusii to come together in a HIGHLY SUPERVISED play date,but it isn’t recommended. Grubs will either purr and snuggle sweetly together, ignore each other, or decide the other grub has to die. While most lusii agree the first outcome is very cute (many pictures and recordings are taken every time this is achieved) it just isn’t worth risking injury to your grub.

Humans utterly fascinate you! You read everything you can get your claws on about them! Their society! Their family structures! Their tiny cute clawless hands!

You look through photo after photo of human young, laughing and playing together sweetly...

You contact your former charge at the human/Alternian embassy and make a proposition. While he’s obviously surprised, he promises to make all the necessary arrangements. 

It seems a bit pointless to you but there apparently is quite a bit of a battle with “If humans can adopt grubs, why can’t lusii adopt babies” and “Why doesn’t he just get another grub?”, but in the end your teal is victorious! He always was a smart one! You’re so proud!

You pack your bag, there isn’t much (The Empire promises to pay for your expenses as they are very interested in the outcome of this experiment) and you head for earth.

You are absolutely besides yourself as you shuffle back and forth in the transport pod, your armored scales twitch and your talons scrape against the cool metal of the pod as you pace. Your grin is wide and full of razor-sharp teeth.

You’re getting a baby!


	2. A wooden crate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As much as you admire humans on a lusus-to-lusus professional standpoint. You have to admit that they have no fucking idea how to run a proper transport operation.
> 
> The absolute indignity! A crate! A fucking crate!
> 
> You sit in your wooden crate, holes punched in the sides that allow you to breathe, and seethe with rage.

As much as you admire humans on a lusus-to-lusus professional standpoint. You have to admit that they have no fucking idea how to run a proper transport operation.

The absolute indignity! A crate! A fucking crate!

You sit in your wooden crate, holes punched in the sides that allow you to breathe, and seethe with rage.

Its just as well you suppose. You remind yourself that humans are quite a bit smaller than yourself or even Trolls. If you stand on your hind legs you are just about ten feet tall. You definitely wouldn’t fit in the plane seats…

And the human at the embassy on Alternia were kind enough to give you a heat lamp. You have fur on your belly but it isn’t nearly enough to keep you warm. You dig and arrange the straw lining the bottom of the crate just so and settle in under the orange glow of the lamp. You huff and watch as pieces of straw fly with your breath and fall back down.

He had been the first human you had ever seen in person. He smiled and nodded at you. Tiny and weird-colored with light hair and pale seafoam green eyes (SEAFOAM! What an odd color...). He didn’t seem to act like any lusus you had seen on Alternia, he didn’t perform the standard greeting of the lusii, a heavy snuffling and a lick as a proper introduction. Just because he was being rude didn’t mean that you had to be though, and he was indeed properly snuffled and licked.

He laughed and extended his hand towards you. You only looked at him, you didn’t know this ritual.

“Here..” He smiled kindly “I’ll show you, it's a very common human greeting.”

He took your paw in his own hand. Oh! You were entranced! He was so cute! Your Teal later informed you that he was actually tall for a human at six feet. Only six feet tall, how absolutely darling! His skin was impossibly soft under your talons as he performed the greeting ritual.

He sort of...wiggled...your paw? Up and Down, Up and down.

He smiled satisfied. “There. It's a very common way to say hello.”

That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen. How in the heavens are you supposed to know anything from wiggling hands? At least with a snuffle and lick you know where he’s been, what he’s eaten, whether or not they have a mate. Important things! Whatever...It's not your position to judge…

He talked with you for a very long time about what humans considered to be polite. So many rules! You’re not allowed to shit outside. You’re not allowed to kill people (even if they’re in your territory?? Only if they are about to hurt you??). You have to get licenses to hunt.

And then there are all the things that are optional, but will make humans like you more. Nod and smile, hold open doors for people who are carrying things, help if you see someone in obvious distress. Truly this was their tribalism in motion, it was fascinating how much humans did for the health of the group as a whole! Throw away your trash in the proper place, let old people have your seat on the bus etc. etc.

He also gave you a little set of cards and a paper and pencil. If you should find yourself in a jam you can just ASK a human and most of them will do their best to help you! Amazing! What odd and wonderful little creatures! On the cards there are little pictures, a picture of a load gaper that says “Where is the bathroom please?” another one with a confused face that says “I am lost, can you help me find_” You are to then write the completion of that card given the situation of lost-ness. Another card has a smiley face and a greeting. You grin and test out this card on the human.

HELLO! :D

The human smiles “Yes, hi...hello.”

HELLO! :D

“Yes hi.”

HELLO! :D

“Lets practice with a different card now.”

HELLO! :D

“OK THEN ONTO THE NEXT CARD.”

He picks up a card with a human in a blue uniform. “This…” he motions to the card “Is a police officer…should you experience violence, should you be robbed or otherwise, show this card to another human and they will get you help.”

You have to snort a little to yourself because come on. You’re a ten foot tall armored lizard lusus. Humans are tiny and squishy and cute. You can take care of yourself. 

He takes in your smug look and shakes his head “No remember you’re not allowed to hurt anyone unless it is absolutely the last resort.”

You roll your eyes.

“Hey.” He gently pats your arm to get your attention “I mean it. Humans aren’t used to people like...like…” He motions towards you and your claws and your teeth “A lot of them might even be afraid of you…”

Wait what? No!

He nods sadly “Humans are smart as individuals, but really dumb when they’re in groups. If they think that you might harm them, or their children you could be in a lot of trouble. Its called a mob mentality and you don’t want to see what happens when humans get scared about things they don’t understand…”

You shake your head furiously. You would never harm a child! Children are your life! Why would anyone think that-

He pats your paw “Look I get it, Lusii are wonderful, but I didn’t know that when I first got here. Animals on our planet don’t care for our young, sometimes we would take small ones in as companions but… You’re very large...And very sharp...And to a human who doesn’t know any better...You might look really scary…”

No no no no!! You are a lusus! Just like them! You would never! You would never dream of-

The human shrugs “But we can fix that. show people how good you can be ok? When your former charge Jukilo brought up your proposal, he made a point of how patient, gentle and experienced you are. Show them those traits and you’ll be fine.”

You recognize the name your former charge chose for himself, it means “Fire warrior” in traditional Alternian, he always was a bit of an overdramatic one...You nod. Oh dear. You hope the little human you choose won’t be scared of you…

 

You close your eyes in your crate as the human transport vehicle “airplane” shudders and jolts around you. The humans at the embassy are sending you someplace that will be good for a reptile your size. You were assured that this “Florida” is warm enough for your needs and has plenty of swamps to swim in.

As you start to drift off to sleep, you think of impossibly small human hands, the laughter of human children and you fall asleep with a smile across your toothy maw.


	3. Diego Castillo hates his job

Diego Castillo works at the Miami international airport. Overall it’s not so bad. He loads suitcases onto luggage carts and takes them either to or from airplanes. Sometimes they haul large packages, crates and the such but this crate is...different.

There has to be something alive in there, why else would they put holes in it? A note is taped to the side of the box.

“Hello worker human.” The note greets.

“This container contains, as container contains things, a very special guest who is both special and a guest. He is as such special and a guest of the Alternian Embassy, as it is the Alternian Embassy who has sent for him, thus making him a guest of the Alternian Embassy, and special as we value him particularly, thus making him special. The Embassy, which by definition is Alternian as it is established by the Alternian government,-”

The note just goes on like that for a bit, repeating itself. Diego skims to the bottom.

“And as he has been contained in the container he will need to be let out of said container. The container of which I refer to is of course the one he is contained in. Please un-contain him from the container and call the number below, the number below the text in which you are reading. This is my number.The number I can be contacted by, which thus makes it my number.”

Its signed in teal pen “Jukilo Jurrok” with a telephone number underneath.

Diego looks over at his friend Darrel who had been reading over his shoulder.

Darrel shrugs “...Whatever man I’ll go and get me a crowbar…”

Diego looks apprehensively over the crate “...I dunno...We don’t know what's in there…”

Darrel grins “That's right! You know Alternians got freakin’ HOUSE-SIZED spiders!! Ridiculous man! Ridiculous!”

Diego really hopes it’s not a giant spider…

Darrel shrugs “Maybe thats whats in there! Giant spiders! Dragons! They even got centaurs man! Centaurs.”

Diego shivers “...Should we uh...call someone?”

“Phhht…” Darrel shrugs him off “No we don’t need to call no one!....But that note DID say to call that embassy guy…” He pulls out his cell phone “...shit we can’t use our phones on the tarmac...hold on buddy I’ll be right back!”

“NO WAIT!!” But Darrel is already jogging away, his cellphone to his ear.

Well shit.

Diego holds the crowbar in shivering hands and gulps. Well….here goes nothing….

He digs the crowbar in between the nailed-together sections of wood that make up the crate. The wood creaks and groans but starts to loosen. Just then something shifts inside the crate. something heavy.

Something really...really...heavy…

He can hear something sharp scrape against the wood. Deep low breaths as the wood creaks. there's more shifting inside the crate…

The box shakes as the thing thumps inside. Then a deep growl.

Oh God.

Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god

Diego jumps back as the side of the loosened box creaks and comes apart. The wooden wall falls to the ground with a loud thwump, nails fall around Diego’s boots.

The box is lit in an eerie orange glow. Silhouetted in the glow a dark shape rises from the bottom of the box. It’s huge, ten feet tall, maybe more. It opens it’s eyes, yellow and cat-like with harsh vicious looking slits. The creature steps forward, horrifyingly long and sharp talons scrape against the wood.

Diego falls back.

Oh god.

He’s going to die.

The creature steps forward. Armored scales line it’s back in thick heavy plates, its eyes are yellow and flick like a predator’s, it’s teeth and long and sharp, escaping past it’s lips like daggers, on it’s front paws there are long obsidian-black talons. It stands on it’s hind legs. It stretches, it’s armor plates twitching, it opens its mouth to reveal a terrifying maw.

This is it.

This is how he dies

He’s going to die because of this shit job that doesn’t even have dental insurance! No one told him he would ever have to deal with giant crocodile monsters! He hopes his family sues fo-

There's a card in his face.

HELLO! :D 

Diego eyes the card held delicately between the long claws of the monster. “.....uh…..”

The beast digs around for a moment in the straw lining the container. It pulls out a little satchel and gives a pleased little huff. It digs gently around in the bag for a moment before another card is retrieved.

This card has a little picture of a toilet with the phrase “Where is the bathroom?”

“...uhhhhh….” Diego rubs the back of his neck and points to a porta-potty at the end of the tarmac “They put those up for workers, but you’re free to use it I guess…” His mom always raised him to be hospitable and helpful, even if it is a giant lizard monster that you found in a box.

The beast smiles (SMILES???) and gently pats him on the head with two long talons. It waddles over to the porta-potty on its two hind legs. It hunches into the tiny booth, nearly filling up the whole thing, shuffling about gingerly before it closes the door. The little sign on the outside switches to “occupied”.

What the hell just happened….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love it when you guys comment! Thank you for every single comment!


	4. introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> please comment if you enjoyed!

You awaken to the sound of something squeaking. You snuffle and yawn. You rise a bit and look out one of the holes in the crate.

It seems that you have arrived. And oh look! A human is trying to assist you in freeing you from this box. Don’t worry tiny and adorable human, you are well able to free yourself from this box!

You rise a bit and knock your head against the top of the box.

Ow! You rub the armored plates on top of your head and growl to yourself. This box really is too small for a creature your size...You square yourself against the side of the box and push.

The wall gives way and wow is it sunny outside! The Earth sun isn’t nearly as bright or hot as the Alternian sun, you had survived the sun of Alternia before with your thick scales.This sun although bright, doesn’t burn. It’s actually very pleasant! It's like a giant heat lamp! You will definitely have to find a rock to sun yourself on. How lovely! What a lovely planet! You love it already!

It looks like the kind human that tried to help you from your box has fallen down. The poor dear! You root around for your greeting card. It’s your favorite card so far!

“.....uh…..” the human answers.

Hmmm. Not a talkative one? Well that's alright you suppose...You wonder if he can help you with a erm...problem...It has been quite a long journey and you are not quite so crass to shit where you sleep. You look for your little bag and root around for the card with the load gaper on it.

You show him the card.

“...uhhhhh….” the human answers before he points to a little blue box a little bit aways from the two of you “They put those up for workers, but you’re free to use it I guess…”

You suppose it will have to do. What a helpful little human! You pat him on the hair (its so cute and curly!) and walk over to the little booth. It is a little small for a creature your size and girth, but you manage to get in and close the door.

 

Darrel comes jogging back. “alright so I talked to that embassy guy. Man is he long-winded! He’s coming right over.”

He looks over Diego and his shocked expression, still on the ground and the smashed-open crate.

“.....So what did I miss?”

 

Another human “Darrell” is kind enough to lead you into the transportation hub. Chatting cheerily the entire way there.

“So Alternia got Giant spiders and centaurs and like...Giant Crocodiles? Man this shit is Ridiculous! Ridiculous!”

You look at him curiously. What in the heavens is a “crocodile?”

“Hmm man whats up?”

You take the little pad of paper from your satchel and a pencil. You scritch out your query.

CROC-DILE. WHAT IS?

Darrel human smiles “It's what you are! Or like..pretty damn similar...like smaller...greener...less smart an’ shit ya feel me?”

You nod even though you have no idea what he’s talking about.

The humans give you a wide berth in the terminal and eye you cautiously. Darrel just grins.

“Alright Croc dude the embassy guy said he should be here…”

You scan the crowd. You haven’t seen your little wiggler since he left Alternia for conscription. You scan the sea of humans for a familiar set of curvy horns and oh! That must be him!

He’s much taller than the last you saw him.

He stands at the other end of the terminal. His horns curved into the shape of query noodles. He’s dressed in human formal attire, but you don’t think he knows how to tie the fabric noose-thingy that human fancy males like to wear correctly. You think he’s grown up rather well, tall and lanky, and you feel a deep stab of pride.

Your little wiggler.

All grown up.

You catch his eye and he smiles.

You may or may not tip over quite a few things in your haste to get to him. You rush to him and immediately scoop him up in your paws.

“DAD!!!” He protests “I AM NOT A WIGGLER! I AM AN ADULT! AND AS AN ADULT IT IS UNWARRANTED TO SUBJECT ME TO THE TREATMENT OF A WIGGLER!”

You roll your eyes but set him down anyways.

Oh my goodness he cut his hair!

He used to have the longest, prettiest hair! You used to comb it and braid it for him! You whimper and run your claws through his woefully short hair! Oh and it's full of sticky gel too! This is terrible! Honestly, you leave children alone for five minutes...

He tries to bat your paws away “Don’t give me that! It is uncommon for human males to wear their hair long! Fashionable human males wear their hair short! I cut my hair short and thus I am fashionable!”

You chitter and try and comb out the gel with your claws. You quickly give up and decide to lick it out. You hold him in your arms and groom him as he desperately tries to get away!

“FOR THE LAST TIME MY HAIR IS FINE! IT IS OF ACCEPTABLE QUALITY! AS IT IS FINE THERE IS NO NEED TO GROOM ME!!”

You continue licking, headless of the horrible taste until he is properly presentable again! You let him go with a huff and he quickly goes to straighten his hair and brush off his suit, his cheeks dark teal. What an idiot.

You love him so much.

It's just then that you notice a pair of humans staring at you and grinning. It’s actually pretty disconcerting, you wish they would stop...Your teal coughs lightly into his fist and goes to introduce the humans.

“Father...The humans have sent representatives of their own, representatives who are theirs to overlook the adoption and to advise of the care and treatment of the human child subsequently.”

The human woman continues to grin at you. She has brown hair and light blue eyes and stares at you in absolute wonder. “Oh!” She startles herself from her revelry “I didn’t mean to stare! Whoops! Just wow! You are quite the specimen!”

The male has bright red hair and dots across his skin, he stares at you with dark brown eyes under glasses and takes a picture of you on his mobile device “Darling.” He addresses the female “Doesn’t he look like an alligator? It's remarkable!”

The female circles around you mesmerized “But look at the fur on the belly and these long fore-claws, it reminds me of an ant-eater!” She goes to your back and knocks lightly on your armored plating. “And this shell reminds me of an armadillo!”

The male joins her and you are highly amused at their curiosity complete lack of personal space as he also knocks against your plating “You’re right!”

She moves back to your front and gently pets your belly “He’s so soft!” she gently rubs your claws “And his claws are so smooth! Oh his scales are so pretty!”

You have to preen a little at that because DAMN STRAIGHT you’re pretty. You puff up your chest with pride. You always do take careful consideration of your grooming.

Your teal hides his face in his claws “...please do not encourage him. He is already vain enough…”

You stick your long spiny tongue out at him.

The woman presents her hand to you and yes! You know this greeting ritual! You gently grasp her hand and wiggle it up and down like you were shown.

“My name is Laura! And this is my husband Thomas!”

The red haired human waves his hand “Hello!”

You wave back and smile as the female “laura” continues to talk.

“We’re here to help with the adoption! We want to give you as much help as you need with the child and to conduct a careful record of their development!”

You don’t suppose there's anything wrong with that…

Your teal pipes up “They’re scienterrorists…”

Laura grimaces at him “Scientists! Nothing with terror! We actually take an oath to do no harm...Well when you’re a doctor like me...Child psychologist really. Thomas is a biologist.”

You look over to where Thomas is still poking at your scales. “Yes thats me. We’re very interested in how this little “experiment” will play out! Tell me...What is your main foodsource? are you partially aquatic?...”

Well you like to swim sometimes, perhaps that counts? You nod and he goes and happily scribbles something in a notebook.

Laura smiles at you “We’re also parents ourselves so if you run into problems feel free to ask us! We’ll be available 24/7! We’re actually very close by in the neighborhood that you have been placed in!”

Oh fellow lusii! You make sure to give laura a proper snuffle and lick! She giggles as you groom her, her hair sticking up in all directions. Thomas smiles and takes a picture on his phone. When she’s done you set her down and pick him up, giving him the same treatment.

“Your tongue!” Thomas sputters and laughs “Is very similar to a cat’s!” Your tongue knocks his glasses askew “That's remarkable!”

You let them go and they are still smiling and their hair is sticking up from your grooming. Laura gently rights Thomas’s glasses and he smiles at her.

“Now!” laura addresses you. “Do you want to get settled in your assigned home or do you want to go to the orphanage!”

You are practically buzzing with excitement. You bounce up and down and give her a pleading look, claws clasped together.

You teal smiles fondly at you. “The look in which he is presently giving you leads me to believe he would rather go straight to the orphanage.”

Thomas and laura clasp each other’s hands and squeal excitedly. “EEEEEEE!!!!”

Thomas takes out a set of keys and starts to run out of the terminal “TO MY VAN!!”

Laura looks up at you “This.” She nods excitedly and puts her hands to her hips “Is going to be so much fun.”

You all load up into Thomas’s van. Your teal sighs as you put his seatbelt on for him and you speed away to the place that holds your soon to be human child!


	5. Jukilo Jurrok's arrival on Earth pt1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some backstory for everyone's favorite rambling teal

Two years ago:

Your name is Jukilo Jurrok. You are a teal-blooded civil servant-terrorist and your life sucks.

You named yourself “Jukilo” when you came of age at six sweeps (how stupid is it to name yourself at 6, it’s terrible living with forever something you thought was a good idea when you were a fucking juvenile) “Jukilo” means “Fire warrior” in traditional Alternian (Shut up you were going through a phase) but your job has just about nothing to with fire or being a warrior.

When one is a teal-blood a few things can already be expected of them from the get-go. Teals are not low enough on the hemospectrum to have psiionic powers, Teals are not high enough on the spectrum to usually have mind-controlling powers. Teals do not have a special job set out for them like Jade-bloods.

Teal bloods are just high enough on the hemospectrum that the higher ups feel like they can entrust them with certain duties. Teals bloods however are low enough on the spectrum that none of the things ever entrusted to them turn out to be important.

Which is why most teals turn out to be civil servant-terrorists.

Of course there are teals who are exceptional. Teals who go off to be great legislacerators or what not, but for the most part? Desks. Lots and lots of desks.

Under the new reign of Empress Feferi you have seen the empire become gentler than it once was. You fill out far less culling certificates, you haven’t had to make a decapitation report in ages and you dare say it's been MONTHS since you’ve seen an evisceration order go across your desk.

The only real changes for you though is that different papers get set on your desk than before, and now if you’re incompetent you get demoted instead of culled by your boss.

meh.

It is the proper and due course for a teal and you have accepted this a long time ago. When you were just past grubhood, you used to go onto the roof of your hive and look out to the stars and wonder….

You would wonder if what you were given as a teal member of your society is really all that's meant for you…

You would look out to the stars and wonder if anyone else out there felt the same way…

Your armored lizard lusus would then usually go out to sit with you, sometimes he would bring you a hot drink or a snack and you would just lean against his scaly hide and look out to the stars…

 

But you’re not looking at stars right now. You’re looking at a fucking expense report. You’re tired and the numbers DON’T FUCKING MAKE SENSE and culling for incompetence almost sounds appealing at the moment.

Your boss trudges over to you (a rather hefty looking cerulean female with huge tusks) and slaps something on your desk.

“Oy, Jukie-whatever. You’re on new assignment.”

You rub your eyes. “I had taken it that I was doing well on my current assignment. You had told me that I was doing well, and so I assumed it to be so. Those who are incompetent get “moved” to new assignment. As you told me I was doing well and as such I am not incompetent. As I am not incompetent, I should not be moved to a new assignment.”

Your boss squints at you. “....What the fuck are you going on about?....”

You open your mouth to explain again but she waves you off “Actually I don’t care. You don’t really have a choice so just go and pack your fucking bags.”

You sigh “And the assignment I have been assigned to, thus making it my assignment, is located where?”

She smiles and her tusks glint at you. “Earth jackass! We need someone to oversee the grub relocation!”

 

Earth is a planet that has been getting quite a lot of attention lately.

Under the old regime the occupants of Earth would have been slaughtered and/or enslaved and the empire would have been on it’s merry little way.

Under the new regime however, trolls actually pay attention to things like “sentience” and are introducing novel new concepts like “Slavery is BAD”.

While most new races that are discovered as of late are ignored rather than being enslaved, the humans could be….useful.  
A gentler new regime means that a lot of problems are popping back up that used to be solved with murder.

Does someone have an illness?

Murder.

Is someone impaired physically or mentally?

Murder.

Does someone disagree with you?

Murder.

And now that murder isn’t an acceptable option anymore, there a whole lot of problems that people don’t know how to solve. One of said problems is the booming population, without the widespread murder of grubs and without the widespread murder of people for being deficient in some way or another population has exploded.

There are simply not enough lusii for grubs.

Which is why an entire planet of lusii seems like a dream come true.

Of course humans must be tested to see if they meet certain requirements. On paper they seem like a dream, intelligent enough, raise their own young and that of other animals.

The empire needs someone to test the worth of the humans and to oversee the grubs placed with them. A task that is important, but not too important…

A perfect job for a pencil-pushing teal.

Joy.

You are loaded up with instructions, briefed about humans and loaded up onto a ship with about 100 hissing grubs of various blood-types in crates.

You hate grubs. And it seems that the feeling is mutual as they hiss and spit whenever you pass by them in their little crates.

There is a reason that adult trolls do not care for grubs, barring Jade bloods, any grub will hiss and spit and attack any grown troll. You know that in theory grubs can be sweet and purr with a lusus but it's nothing you have ever seen in person, because you are of course an adult troll.

Its really hard to see something as a person when all they do is hiss and try to bite you. You know that some trolls even eat grubs, it’s one of those crass country things (similar to when humans eat squirrels). You don’t think you could ever eat a grub though..

They are far too terrifying…

A little cerulean grub yowls and throws itself at the side of it’s cage.

You will never admit that you squeaked and hid your face behind your clipboard.

You reach the surface of the planet, weary, nauseas and terrified of grubs.

The cargo bay doors open and you are in the process of considering self-culling when a handful of glitter is thrown in your face.

“WELCOME TO EARTH!!!” Two things scream at you and-

oh.

You weren’t expecting humans to look like that….

When you were briefed you were told that humans were mammals descended from monkey-lusus type creatures but…

The resemblance to trolls is remarkable. They are both shorter than you, grinning with odd blunt-teeth.

The shorter of the two takes one of your hands in tiny soft claw-less hands and wiggles your hand up and down.

Okay……

She laughs and you don’t think you’ve ever seen someone so happy to see you other than your lusus.

“I’m laura!! Welcome to Earth!” She has brown hair and very pale blue eyes, you suppose she’s one or two castes above you, but the color is far paler than any troll’s.

The other taller one hold up a banner with a stylized version of their planet and the words “Welcome Aliens”. He has red hair and dots all over him. Brown eyes, far below you but he looks you straight in the eye and grins.

“HELLO!!” he greets.

“laura” turns to you again. “Welcome to Earth! That's my husband Thomas!”

The red-haired brown-caste human waves again “Hello again!”

You have no idea what a husband is. Perhaps it is their word for slave or servant?

She grins again, well we’re here to help with the experiments! And to assist in finding these grubs loving homes! We already have quite the selection of candidates ready for interview.

 

First you have to see though if humans are even capable of bonding to grubs. The humans help you move the hissing crates into a transport vehicle and then to a human military facility. There's a little room with a table and chairs that can be observed from the outside in. “Laura” takes one of the crates into the room and you stay on the other side to observe.

“Be careful…” You warn her “Grubs are notoriously vicious with adult members of our own kind…”

Laura nods and you can hear her speak through microphones in the room. “I read the briefs! But for heaven’s sake they’re children, they’re just tiny under-developed people!”

They’re not people yet….more like...They have the potential to be people? Eventually…

Laura moves to open the crate and you brace yourself, this can only end with tears...and laura’s pale blue blood all over the room..

She opens the door and.

“Initial testing confirmed.” Laura says blankly.

Wait. You’re confused. You press the little intercom button and speak again “How do you know?...”

Laura presses her hands to her face and squishes her cheeks, she smiles the biggest and most terrifying smile you’ve ever seen, her pupils dilate.

Oh dear god.

Laura makes a high-pitched noise and you worry that you’ve broken her.

“ITS THE CUTIEST WITTLE THING I’VE EVER SEEN LOOK AT ITS WITTLE FACE!!”

Laura picks up the grub from the crate. Instead of hissing and spitting it just seems….confused as laura rubs her face across the grub. 

“WOOK AT YOUR WITTLE BUG LEGS AND YOUR CUTE WITTLE HORNS AND YOUR WITTLE-”

It seems that the grub’s presence has made laura forget how to speak properly.

Thomas nods beside you. “It’s called baby talk.”

You jump a little, you forgot he was there, usually brown-bloods don’t just speak to teals without being spoken too. “What's that?”

He points at laura through the glass “The noises she’s making, the simplified speech. It's instinctual for humans, it helps out young learn language quicker.”

Oh thats interesting.

Laura turns the grub over and nestles it in the crook of her arm. What an odd position.

Thomas points again “See that! That's also instinctual, positioning the child in that manner. Human infants have very weak necks and so their heads must be supported, the child is also positioned toward the mammary gland for easier nursing.”

Human infants sound like they can’t do anything right. Too weak necks? What a horrible way to evolve-

Wait.

Mammary glands?

You look at Thomas “....Mammary glands?...”

Thomas makes a motion with his hands in front of his chest, squeezing the air and-

No.

nonononononononononono.

YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE HEFTSACKS.

 

You and Thomas watch Laura coo over the grub and rock it gently back and forth.

You try not to stare at what you just learned were mammary glands as you clear your throat.

“So….how many humans on this planet do you think are suitable?”

Thomas shrugs “Not everyone is equipped to be a parent, some people are far too cruel or too inexperienced….But everyone has the instinct….”

Everyone has the instinct?

perhaps that should be tested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update! Some backstory for Jukilo before we get on to the cute baby shenanigans


	6. Jukilo pt2 Bulletproof Ben and little Lily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we meet Ben "Bulletproof" and little Lily
> 
> Sorry for all the backstory! I need it for where I want to go!

You ask for another test subject and the humans in the military base are quick to send in another volunteer.

Dear God he’s the most trollish human you’ve seen yet.

Most of the humans seen squishy and smaller, not really suited for combat but THIS one?

He’s brought into the little experimentation room and holy shit. You are quite average sized when it comes to trolls and all of the humans you have seen up until now have been shorter than you. He’s about a head taller than you and is built like a brick wall or an armored lizard lusus. His jaw is wide and muscular and his muscles strain the grey tank-top he’s wearing. The grey eyes startle you but you’re assured that he’s an adult, if he wasn’t he would be one hell of a juvenile.

He sits down at the little metal table, his girth dwarfing the chair underneath him, hitting his head on the hanging light as he goes.

The official that escorted him smiles at the beast of a human through the glass in your little observation room. Green caste (he’s done very well for a green!), wide shoulders, dark skin and grey curly hair, humans come in a lot of weird colors you notice.

“Ben “bulletproof” we call im’.” The military official has his hands on his hips and looks at the hulking mass of muscles as if he was personally responsible for his creation. You look in at the human and wonder if the humans DID make him in a lab somewhere specifically for the purpose of being terrifying…

“He can take whatever you throw at him.” And with one last proud glance at the human brick wall in the other room the official leaves leaves.

You choose a crate with a little yellow-blood inside. The little thing crouches in the far side of the cage away from you and hisses ominously. You hold the crate as far away from yourself as possible as you bring it into the room.

You gingerly sit the cage on the grey table in front of the brick human. He looks at you and the hissing crate curiously.

You run out of the room and duck back into the safety of your little observation booth.

“Yes hello, Mr.Bulletproof.” You greet through the intercom “The purpose of this experiment, As this experiment has a purpose, Is to see if you can bond with a grub, and if of course that grub can bond with you, thus making a lususing-type attachment. An attachment which is of course characterized by-”

The human’s eyes glaze over.

“-an evaluation of your lususing instincts, how strong they are and so on and so forth-”

The human squints at the speakers in the room your voice is coming out of “....Wait what?”

You sigh. “Please open the box and please don’t eat the grub inside.”

The human considers this and nods slowly “....aight….”

He opens the crate and you hold your breath.

You hope he doesn’t eat the grub. You have to fill out a loss of asset form for every grub lost.

The human stops and stares into the open crate.

“Oh my fucking god….” He murmurs.

He slams his fist on the metal table, making a sizable dent. “IT’S SO FUCKING CUTE!!!!!”

“I’M GOING TO NAME YOU LILY!!!”

No wait he can’t do that!

“Uhhh…” You try and get the human’s attention through the intercom but he’s too busy rubbing his face against the grub and laughing “I’m afraid that ‘Lily’ is not six letters...all appropriate troll names have six letters, thus making them appropriate and-”

He’s not listening to you.

“YOU LIKE THE NAME LILY???”

The grub peeps and starts to purr, wrapping itself around his wrist.

“YEAH I KNEW YOU WOULD LIKE IT”

He takes a little package out of his pocket and offers something to the grub.

“YOU LIKE BEEF JERKY ALIEN BABY?”

The tiny little yellowblood peeps and delicately takes the sliver of “jerky” and starts to nibble.

The human smiles and he is so smitten with the grub that it’s actually pretty terrifying.

“YEAH YOU LIKE JERKY! LOOK AT YOU UP AND EATING LIKE A SQUIRREL THAT’S FREAKING ADORABLE!”

What the hell is even up with humans…

The human curls the little grub in the crook of his arm like Laura did before (so he also has the mammary instinct. How much milk can he make??). The grub settles in and continues to nibble the jerky, her little pronged horns just barely visible above his massive arm muscles.

“YO ALIEN BABY. I GOTS SOME PEOPLE I GOTTA SHOW YOU TO.”

The grub peeps at him.

“FUCK YEAH. ‘PEEP’ IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT MY TINY ALIEN BABY COMPADRE.”

He starts to exit the room and wait no!-

“Mr.Bulletproof!” You run into the hallway “You cannot take that grub! That grub is still needed for testing purposes! And as such you are not allowed to take her!”

You try and stand in his way. You try and stay still as he continues to walk forward, heedless of your authority and-

He picks you up.

And sets you gently to the side.

Well then…

Laura comes back down the hall with a cup of coffee. “Oh hey Ben!” She greets.

Ben looms over her and grins “THIS IS MY DAUGHTER!!!”

Oh for the empire’s sake.

Laura looks over Ben’s arm and smiles down at the little yellowblood “Oh it’s absolutely precious! But how can you tell it’s a female? I haven’t been able to tell so far…”

That stops Ben in his tracks.

He holds out the little grub and squints at it. The little grub chitters and bites his thumb playfully. Ben squints some more. He turns the grub over, the grub chitters confused. He turns the grub over and over, examining it’s backside and everywhere else.

Ben stalks back to you, he looms over you and looks you hard in the eyes.

“IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL??”

What the shit are either of those. “....uh…..”

Ben gets down further into your space “BOY OR GIRL!! ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!”

You just pick one of the things he said “GIRL!” you answer shakily.

Ben seems satisfied with your answer and stalks down down the hallway from you and Laura.

You’re shaking and Laura gently touches a hand to your shoulder “hey...are you ok?...” she whispers gently.

You blush a little because WOW that is some blatant pale-flirting (You’ve only known her for a day??!!).

You clear your throat and answer “Umph...yes..well...I’m perfectly alright…”

Laura sighs and looks over to where Ben has trudged off to “...I’ll get him to give the grub back...he just...gets these ideas and can be really stubborn and…”

You shake your head you are NOT going to be the one to tell that beast “no”. “actually...It’s perfectly fine for him to have the grub…”

Laura raises an eyebrow at you “...Really?...”

You nod “He has already exhibited the most important traits for lusii to possess.”

Laura’s eyebrows furrow “that being?...”

You straighten your uniform a bit “The most important traits of course being an attachment to the grub and the ability to murder anything that threatens it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment if you enjoyed!


	7. Meerkats and murderers. The continued saga of past Jukilo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not condone the woman in the turtleneck or her husband Earl. BTW that joke is only funny if you know that "Bear" is a slang term for a muscly gay man.

The rest of the humans that Laura and Thomas have set up as possible candidates are not suitable at all…

A tan woman with long hair sits across from you at the grey table in the testing area. She wears a long white dress and beads around her neck, her wrists jangle with far too many bracelets as her hands move to illustrate her words.

“Me and my wife have taken in many groovy little miracles from all over the world. We have four children that that are the light of our lives. Each one of our little flowers blooming in the garden of our hearts…”

You look at her suspiciously over your clipboard “Yes...blooming...of course….But do you have any combat experience?”

 

The next woman has her hair tied into a sharp bun. Grey turtleneck a silver cross displayed proudly around her neck.

“Me and my husband Earl do our best to raise our children by the will of our lord Jesus Christ. We make sure each and every one of our children lead a life free from sin. You can only expect the finest christian education from us.”

You squint at her. “Let’s say a bear was after one of your children...What would you do?...”

She crosses her arms “We do not condone the homosexual lifestyle. We would pray for the ‘bear’ and make sure our child is free from sin and perverts.”

Wait what….

None of the other humans fare any better. Most of them just look confused when you ask them about their combat prowess. You get blank stares when you ask about their weapon of choice. You doubt that any of them have ever killed anything before! What a bunch of slug-lusus pansies! You are a coward with a desk job and you still have more combat experience!

You are so frustrated you want to take one of the sharpened pencils on the desk and stab someone. You hiss quietly to yourself and rub your eyes.

This fucking planet.

There's a hand on your shoulder.

Thomas looks down at you, his eyebrows furrowed “....You ok?....”

AND EVERYONE WON’T STOP PALE-FLIRTING WITH YOU

You shrug off his hand and wince. “YES I’M FINE! I AM COMPLETELY CALM! YOU CAN TELL THAT I AM CALM BECAUSE I SHOW THE CHARACTERISTICS OF CALMNESS. THEREFORE I AM CALM!! I AM 0% UN-CALM! I DO NOT DISPLAY UNCALM TRAITS OF ANY SORTS AT THE PRESENT MOMENT-”

“Shush.”

Oh.

my.

god.

Thomas doesn’t really seem to realize how BRAZENLY HE IS FLIRTING and continues. “So none of the candidates that me and laura have put forth have been what you wanted…”

“Because they are incompetent! They have not displayed the proper characteristics of lusii! Thus making them incompetent!”

Thomas picks up one of the candidate files “I don’t understand. They are all sane people, well most of them are sane...Anyways they have all adopted before, the children placed with them are well-adjusted and doing well in school-”

“Lusii are the only line of defense between the grub and a harsh world! There must be more than what has thus far been exhibited! They must be warriors as well as caretakers! Find me candidates who have proven themselves in battle!”

Thomas looks confused. “....So you….want someone who has….killed someone before?....”

 

IS THIS REALLY SO DIFFICULT???

“YES!!!”

Thomas shakes his head “....you...um...those people are usually specifically excluded from the adoption process…”

What.

Thomas shrugs “The state just doesn’t think that a child should be around someone like that…”

What a strange and backwards planet. 

Thomas gets the green caste official from before who you now learn is a general (wow he must be an EXCEPTIONAL green-blood…) and explain to him the situation.

The general looks thoughtful as he strokes some of that weird face-hair that humans sometimes get. 

“Well for obvious reasons we can’t give alien children to convicted killers.” 

Thomas shrugs “Perhaps someone who is skilled at death when is comes to animals?”

You shrug “They would need to be INTIMIDATING ANIMALS.”

Thomas nods “...So big game hunters? I’m not sure we could find any that aren’t insane…”

The general looks at you “How about someone trained to fight?”

You nod “That would also be acceptable.”

The general smiles “....I have someone in mind...Excuse me for a moment...I have to go make a call…”

The general turns away and operates his mobile communications device. You can hear only sections of conversation “....Yes well now is your chance...be sure to mention your training...I know it's sooner than you wanted….ok love you pumpkin….”

You turn to Thomas “...Why is it so difficult to find someone of acceptable quality? I had considered battle adequacy as a common necessity…”

Thomas shrugs “Well according to the brief on your species, trolls tend to be more aggressive and territorial as a species. Humans as a counterpoint are tribalistic, we congregate in large groups that rely on each other, of course there are times where humans can be aggressive but we are far more geared towards cooperation and helping each other.”

Your ears twitch “I have noticed that humans are….more….friendly….than what I’m used to…” 

Thomas nods “Trolls are like cougars…”

“Whats a cougar?”

“Its either an old lady that likes younger men or it’s a big carnivourous cat, but I’m talking about the cat kind right now…”

Wait what?

“Anyways. Cougars are usually alone and have a territory that they cover. They only really come together to mate or fight and only occasionally get along with each other. Meanwhile! Humans are like….meerkats…”

“What are meerkats”

“They are actually of the mongoose family despite the name meerkat they are native to the deserts of Angola and-”

“Whats a mongoose?....Also what is Angola?....”

Thomas stops and sighs, he hold up his hands outlining a little rectangle in the air “They’re um...this big approximately...mammals...they are live together in these little burrows...warning each other if there is danger...taking care of each other’s young and sharing what they hunt with the rest of the group.”

huh.

The general comes back with a grin on his dark wrinkled face “Well gents! We’re getting a very special visit!”

Thomas looks at him “Who is it General Bell?”

The General smiles “My daughter is coming! So everyone on your best behavior!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you enjoyed! I didn't want Jukilo's backstory to be this long but everything always takes longer than what I think it would when I type it up.


	8. Cloe of the Bell bloodline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Cloe the General's daughter and Jukilo freaks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cyanide oreo did some lovely fan art of Chloe and Jukilo!!  
> check out her work and her blog she is absolutely the best!!!!
> 
> http://cyanideoreo.tumblr.com/post/144973442834/for-theladyskyo-because-they-are-both-enormous
> 
> Also Jukilo with his braid :3  
> http://s90.photobucket.com/user/sydneyfrank/media/IMG_8196_zpsafhtndhb.jpg.html

There are low whispered voices coming from outside of the testing room. It took the General’s “Daughter” exactly one hour and forty-five minutes to arrive. In that time Thomas explained what a mongoose was and showed you how to fold a paper plane. You also visited the mess hall of the military base only to see Mr. Bulletproof showing off the yellowblood to about ten other brutish looking military humans who were also cooing over her and feeding her bits of jerky.

Your ears prick and it occurs to you that humans probably don’t have as good of hearing as trolls because despite their best efforts you can still hear the General and the daughter talking.

“...You said you wanted to be a part of this…”

“In five years or-....Is it too soon?”

“Just talk to him...Meet a few of the little ones...Then make up your mind…”

The door handle starts to turn and you put away the paper airplane you were working on and straighten up in your chair. You suppose that the General wants their daughter to be chosen, you don’t suppose they are high enough on the hemospectrum to force you to do anything but-

Oh.

My.

God.

You’re not even sure where to begin. Is it weird that she shares some identifying features with the General (perhaps he is her ancestor????)? She is wearing a dress the likes of which you have never seen before because anyone with the audacity to dress like that would have either been culled on the spot or have been an indigo displaying their killing prowess. The dress has all colors of the hemospectrum, blending together in an unholy slurry of colors, patterned in scrawling swirls. Her hair is in tight little fluffy curls that bounce as she walks. But it’s her eyes.

Her eyes.

HER EYES.

Brown with a starburst of green around the pupil and tiny little flecks of teal.

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Logically Jukilo knows that he should be ABSOLUTELY OFFENDED.

But she.

She’s so.

Beautiful.

The dark expanse of skin, the bouncy hair, the shy smile, the thick lips that are moving-

Oh she’s talking.

  


“Sorry it took so long to get here! I really wasn’t planning on coming in today. My name is Chloe Bell...General Bell is my father... It was really lucky that today was my day off because otherwise I would have been with my students...I teach art...Not that that matters right now but.... I had told my dad that maybe I would want to adopt a grub eventually, but I thought it would be AFTER other people had done it once or twice? You know to figure out all the kinks before I did it. I’m just rambling because holy shit you’re an alien and I was woken up from sleeping in front of the TV to make one of the most important decisions of my life and please say something.”

Quick! Say something clever!

“Your eyes are brown, green, AND teal….”

Shit.

She blinks and gives you a crooked smile. Your bloodpusher pangs and-

Damn.

She giggles “Yeah. And you have horns like an antelope. They’re candy-colored. And sharp teeth.”

“How am I supposed to know what caste you are if you have three colors in your eyes?”

Her eyebrows furrow. She squints at you and her eyes flicker from you to the skin of her arm. “......I take it you weren’t really told anything about humans….or their history….”

“The things that I was told were the important things. That is why they were told to me.”

She makes a little steeple with hands and rests her chin against it. “Those things being…..”

“Humans are mammals. Diurnal, with the ability to care for their own young and the young of other species.”

She squints at you. “That's really it?”

“Those are the important things! Those are the things in which the Empire is interested in! Therefore they are important!”

She rubs her forehead in her hands and groans. You notice that her fingernails are painted orange with tiny little pink flowers.

“So tell me how aliens do ‘castes’ and why the colors in my eyes are so important.”

She should know this...Shouldn’t she? “The hemospectrum is composed of eleven varying shades of color in a troll’s blood, that is why it is called a hemospectrum. At the bottom there is red, then brown, yellow, green and so on and so forth until we reach the Empress and whatever descendents she may have in the future as fuchsia bloods”

She tries to keep a straight face.

But fails.

She snickers behind her hand. Your ears flick down and you might pout a little.

“Explain to me why you are laughing!”

“That's a stupid system!”

“No it isn’t! It is a perfectly acceptable system! It is a system that has served the empire for millennium! It keeps order and-”

Her hand is on your arm.

She’s so warm.

oh.

She pokes the exposed grey skin at the edge of the sleeve of your uniform “Tell me. What colors do Troll skin come in?”

You’re confused “We’re all grey on the outside, it doesn’t really matter….”

She smiles and on her the blunt teeth are endearing instead of weird.

“Trolls are all different colors on the inside, but all the same color on the outside. Humans are all different colors on the outside but the same color on the inside!”

Wait.

What?

“That is impossible! How does your species retain any sort of order!”

She shrugs and looks sad for a moment “...We used to have a subjugation system based on the color of our skins...We got rid of it officially, and there are laws against using it...but it still sticks around in the hearts of a few awful people…”

“That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard!”

She nods “Yeah it is pretty stupid...Blood is stupider though! You would have to go and cut everyone to be sure!”

“BUT SKIN??? THAT IS LUDICROUS! IT IS COMPLETELY ILLOGICAL AND THEREFORE IT IS LUDICROUS!! ITS...ITS…. SKIN!!!”

She giggles into the desk “You want to know something worse?...”

You lean in and she whispers-

“when we go out into the sun….The colors of our skin can CHANGE!”

“OH MY GOD! THIS IS LITERALLY THE MOST ILL-CONCEIVED! NUT-BRAINED! ILLOGICAL!-”

She’s not listening to you anymore, laughing so hard that tears run down her face. “I agree! Worst idea in human history! Even the aliens agree! Hooray!”

She looks up from where she half-sprawled on the desk with laughter “Blood is pretty stupid though too…”

You’re very uncomfortable “...You can’t just get rid of a system like that…”

“Humans did….It's took a really long time...a lot of tears were shed...a lot of lives lost, and I guess we’re still fighting but...It can be done...we’re doing it…”

“Oh….”

She smiles up at you and you are so confused about humans and blood and skin and it would really help if she would stop confusing you and being gorgeous and having three colors in her eyes and wearing that dress.

“So…..” You cough. This is the worst transition of all transitions. This transition is of terrible quality. It is in fact the most terrible of all the transitions EVER which makes it the worst transition.

“You….came in here….to adopt….a grub….”

She smiles awkwardly and runs a hand through her curly fluffy hair “...Yeah….We got distracted there…”

“Humans are still weird...Humans are of an unusual and illogical quality. Therefore they are weird.”

“Trolls are weirder!”

“But disregarding the blatant fuckery in which is the human race and it’s idiosyncrasies….Why do you want to adopt a grub? Also you would need to meet some qualifications…”

She takes a deep breath, she pauses trying to find the right words, her hands moving restlessly.

“Have you….have you ever gone out and just….looked at the stars?”

Your heart stops.

“Because I did…..A lot…”

Is she a mind reader???

“I used to go outside every night into my backyard...My dad bought me this old telescope at a garage sale and I would spend hours out there...Sometimes he would come and keep me company...and….”

She sighs “I just….I wanted...to feel like I had a bigger purpose….like I was connected to something bigger than myself….”

It's like a stab to the bloodpusher.

“Humanity used to all stare at the stars...wishing...hoping….wondering if they were alone and-”

She motions to you vaguely with one hand. “and here you are! Here in the weird grey flesh and….”

“We’re not alone anymore….”

Oh.

“Humanity doesn’t have to be alone anymore….”

“You all came down here to talk with us because your species was in trouble. It feels big and….Important and….I want to be a part of it…”

Her tri-colored eyes dart away “I just turned thirty….”

Ok?...

“I’m kinda losing hope of finding that perfect guy and settling down.”

Everyone on this planet is officially an idiot. Hasn’t anyone even looked at her?

“So I decided to adopt...And if I can help an alien race save their species and get a kid at the same time?....It seems like a good thing to do….”

You have to swallow a couple of times before you move on to the next question.

“...do you...Have any combat experience?...”

She nods and takes something from around her neck. Two strange looking oblong pendants with four holes each hang from a chain. She unclips each and slides them onto her fingers.

“They’re called ‘Brass Knuckles’ Dad trained me since I was a kid to fight. I don’t fight unless I need to, but I definitely know how”

Finally! You bounce a little in your seat.

“And your ancestral line? Does it contain many warriors?”

She nods “Unless you haven’t noticed the general is my dad. Before him my family has had someone in just about every war America has ever had…”

You can barely stop yourself from purring.

“Chloe of the Bell bloodline…”

“How would you like to go and choose a grub?”

 

Although she seems nervous at first. Miss Chloe of the Bell bloodline chooses a particularly terrifying Cerulean grub (the same grub that yowled and threw itself at you on your ship) it curls up sweetly in her arms and only hisses at you when you walk by (you try not to flinch too much in front of Chloe). You obtain her mobile communications device number (For completely and entirely professional reasons!) and she obtains yours. You have a very detailed conversation about the needs of grubs.

And if when she leaves your eyes accidentally fall to her rather shapely ass…

You blame the completely inappropriately colored dress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor Cloe. She had no idea what she was starting when she wore [ THIS ](https://img0.etsystatic.com/015/0/6408570/il_570xN.466207276_h72m.jpg) to her first meeting with a troll.
> 
> This should be the last Jukilo backstory chapter! Next chapter we'll finally meet the baby everyone wants to meet ;3


	9. Kitty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The child is met :3 and a child is named.

It's the present again. Crocodile dad has absolutely no idea when it hasn’t been the present, but he has the distinct feeling that this van ride to the orphanage has been derailed somehow by some cosmic tangent. As if the author of the universe all of a sudden remembered that they forgot a bunch of important things and shoehorned them into a couple of chapters of backstory.

Its a silly thought, but crocodile dad is a silly crocodile.

As the thought is silly, and as he has silly thoughts, he is therefore a silly crocodile.

Oh hoo hoo! He copied his son’s quirk.

Quick think of another one!

 

In Thomas and Laura’s van, the last set of seats were collapsed so crocodile dad could lay in the back, his head resting on the next set of seats next to Jukilo, Thomas drove and Laura tried to navigate. Laura and Thomas were bickering, Jukilo was quietly seething and crocodile dad was amusing himself with copying Jukilo’s quirk, chittering to himself whenever he thought of a particularly clever one.

Jukilo had his arms crossed, his head down and his horns out, growling slightly to himself.

“As we were to have arrived at the human grub dispensary center an hour ago, an hour as passed and we have not arrived, therefore we are not going the correct direction.” Jukilo grumped.

“TURN LEFT” Laura’s phone advised.

Thomas obediently turned left.

“TURN LEFT”

Thomas again turned left.

“TURN LEFT”

Thomas turned to the left again and-

“FOR THE LOVE OF THE EMPIRE YOU HAVE JUST GONE IN A CIRCLE! YOUR COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE IS NOT DISPENSING TRUSTWORTHY INFORMATION AND THEREFORE YOU SHOULD STOP TRUSTING IT!”

Laura turned to Jukilo “Like you can talk. Mr. ‘I waited at a stop light for half an hour’.”

Jukilo sniffed “....I was waiting for the light to turn teal….”

Laura rolled her eyes “For the last time traffic lights aren’t caste specific! You stop at red, slow at yellow and go at green!”

“But I am not green! I am of a teal variety, therefore I should obey the signals directed towards myself.”

“THERE AREN’T ANY TEAL LIGHTS THERE NEVER WILL BE!”

Thomas made a hard right turn, sliding the occupants of the van over to the left. Crocodile dad ripped the carpet as he dug his talons in for purchase.

Thomas turned to Jukilo and Crocodile dad “You won’t believe this, this is remarkably silly of me but….I put the wrong address into the gps…”

Laura tugged the phone out of his hand “Oh for the love of…”

It took much longer than expected after getting lost in little havana for an hour but our heroes finally made it to the orphanage. Thomas went to the back of the van and unlocked it to let the large lusus out. He scratched his talons across the pleasantly warm pavement and stretched his armored plating. Laura also got out and stretched, smoothing down her skirt and adjusting her ponytail. Jukilo stayed firmly in the van.

Laura leaned in to talk to Jukilo “Look you’ll be fine, human children are a lot different than grubs…”

Jukilo’s ears flicked down and his slitted eyes darted to and fro “....Are you quite certain they won’t….bite? or hiss or-”

Laura smiled crookedly and shook her head “Not unless they’re particularly disturbed, no.”

Slitted eyes looked distrustfully out at the sunny stretch of lawn before the orphanage “....It is particularly sunny out today...I am of a nocturnal species….Therefore I will be in discomfort…”

Laura shrugged and pulled something out of her backpack “That's why I brought an umbrella, come on…”

Laura unfurled the umbrella and gave it to Jukilo as he exited the van.

 

Oh my.

Crocodile dad watched, he smiled and gave his son a questioning look, forming a little diamond with his talons.

Jukilo nodded.

Crocodile dad chittered with excitement. Oh a quadrant member! He is so happy for him, Laura seems so nice and-

Thomas put a hand on Jukilo’s shoulder “Human children are just tiny underdeveloped people! They’re nothing to worry about! They may ask you dumb questions about your horns but-”

Thomas continued to rattle on, hand casually in Jukilo’s space and-

Crocodile dad looked disbelieving at his son and once again formed a diamond with his claws.

Jukilo shrugged and nodded again.

Well then.

 

The orphanage was a little squat red building with cloudy little glass bricks, surrounded by palm trees. On the front of the building painted by hand it read “Children’s society of Florida”.

A little boy stopped to look at Crocodile dad, gaping up at him as he sat on his tricycle. He smiled his best toothy grin and waved at the little boy kindly. The little boy laughed, smiling a gap-toothed smile before he abandoned his trike and ran away excited.

“Momma! momma! Hay un cocodrilo! El rey de los cocodrilos!”

Laura snickered as the little boy ran away, his little sandals slapping against the concrete. “I see you’re already making friends!”

Thomas and Laura file into the building along with Jukilo under the umbrella. Crocodile dad goes last, stooping through the little doorway, his armored plating scraping against the doorframe.

The woman behind the desk in the waiting room stares, her red painted lips in a perfect “o” as her jaw goes slack.

“Oh. Mahw. Gawd.”

Her eyes widen and she darts for the communications line on the desk but a grey hand catches her wrist before she can call the authorities. He sharply snaps closed the umbrella and bares his teeth.

Jukilo nods at her “I was led to believe that on Earth it was considered rude to call the authorities on an invited guest. As this fine lusus is an invited guest it is therefore rude to call the authorities to apprehend him.”

She yanks her hand away from Jukilo’s grasp “What? THAT is the lusus? Are you trying to get our children KILLED???”

“I assure you, he is one of, if not the finest lusus on Alternia, any children under his care will be in good hands...paws...whatever….”

As Jukilo moves to head farther into the building the secretary moves to block his path, standing in the tiny corridor her arms outstretched as a barrier, all pink overly-fluffy sweater and seething rage.

“I WILL NOT LET ANY OF THESE CHILDREN BE RAISED BY ANIMALS!! IT'S NOT RIGHT!! IT'S NOT CIVILIZED”

Jukilo stalks up into her space and she trembles slightly under the hard gaze of his slitted eyes.

“He may be an animal, but he could teach you a thing or two about civility.”

And with that Jukilo uses the umbrella to gently nudge her to the side like a wild animal that needs coaxing and walks past her, Jukilo and Thomas next.

Crocodile dad doesn’t know what just happened, he can’t for the life of him think of a reason why the little secretary would look at him like that, hands bunched up and seething with rage as he passes by her.

Farther down the hallway Jukilo knocks on an office door labeled “R. Ramirez”

“Greetings Roberto of the Ramirez bloodline. It is I Jukilo Jurrok, from the Alternian embassy who is at the current moment speaking to you through this door. I have decided to speak through this door as a precaution in case you are busy, should this be the case I shall patiently wait until you become un-busy at which point I will return-”

“OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE COME IN ALREADY!”

Jukilo opens the door to show a short little brown and bald man sitting behind a desk with far too many papers on it. The tiny little man adjusts his glasses and blinks when he sets his sights on Crocodile dad.

“....You’re….bigger….than what I expected….but alright…”

He pulls out a stack of paper and slides it across his desk.

“We have some paperwork for you to fill out, but then….”

He shrugs his shoulders and smiles “Then you can go and meet some kids…”

 

Jukilo patently fills out paperwork as crocodile dad mopes in the corner. Adopting children is boring. He scritches at the carpeting and huffs.

“AH HA!” Jukilo smacks down his pen “COMPLETION!”

Crocodile jumps up and heads for the door of the office, he is going to say hello to ALL of the children! He will choose his next charge and-

“you still need to sign at the bottom.” Mr.Ramirez reminds them.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Crocodile dad quickly scritches out the word “Armored lizard lusus” in Alternian and waddles out of the room, Mr. Ramirez following behind him.

“Now try and introduce yourself gently, we have a lot of children who have been abandoned or taken from uncaring homes, after you choose a child there will be several home visits to ensure that the child is adjusting well, we are aware that this is a special case and has been prearranged by both the Alternian and Human governments but we still have an obligation to these children”

Crocodile dad looks at him.

“....”

Mr. Ramirez rubs his bald head “Just don’t eat any of them and I’ll check in after a couple of days to make sure the kid is settling in ok.”

Mr. Ramirez leads crocodile dad down a long hallway, past friendly and colorful posters to a little door. The familiar sounds of children playing just beyond it. Crocodile dad whimpered in excitement and jumped up and down a little on his hind haunches.

Mr. Ramirez opens the door and there are children everywhere! Tiny little sandal-ed feet pitter patter in the courtyard, rolling little toy trucks across the grass and making tiny palm leaf huts for dolls and stuffed animals to sleep under. Crocodile dad steps into the yard and-

The children stop and stare, pausing their playtime. Each child is silent, there games forgotten as they look up at the looming lusus. One tiny little boy bursts into tears and runs to the other side of the courtyard, the other children stay still.

Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Quick! be non-threatening!

Crocodile dad drops to all-fours, his paws hitting the concrete with a loud WHOMP. Some of the children gasp and step back. He shifts and rolls onto his back, his armored plating against the concrete and his furred belly exposed. He closes his eyes and wiggles a bit, pretending to fall asleep.

See? He is not here for fighting. He huffs and yawns.

Through half-lidded eyes he can see a tiny pair of pink sandals coming closer on the grass. A tiny little caramel-colored face pops into view, tiny little dots decorating the bridge of her nose, wavy honey-brown hair and bright brown eyes. The tiny little face smiles and he can feel her flop down onto his chest and tiny little hands combing through his fur.

“KITTY!” she squeals

And with that the floodgates are opened. Children flock to him giggling to pet his fur of climb onto him.

“Are you a dinosaur?”

“Your fur is so soft!”

“Cocodrilo! Un cocodrilo!”

“Look at his claws wow!”

Crocodile dad rolls gently back over to get a look at them properly. He sniffs some of them and they giggle and squeeze their little eyes shut. Some clamber onto the plating of his back. Other tiny little hands outline the edges of his teeth in awe.

“Can you roar?” One little boy asks him earnestly.

Crocodile smiles fondly down at the little boy and fluffs out his plating a bit before he stands tall and roars.

They other children jump up and down and imitate his roar, flexing their fingers like claws and stomping around the yard.

“RAWWW!!”

“MRAAAA!!!”

“GRRRR”

One little girl hops over and-

“MEOW!!!”

“That's not what we’re doing Maria!”

“We’re being him not being cats!”

Little Maria thinks for a moment before she tries again.

“MRAAAAW!!”

“that's it Maria!”

Crocodile dad was soon integrated into their games, catching balls, letting children climb up onto his back and slide down his scales, acting as the seeker during hide and go seek or letting children hide underneath him against his furred belly as if he were a giant armored hut.

They played until the sun started to set. Golden sun striping through the gaps in the palm leaves as children started to yawn and slow.

Mr. Ramirez looked fondly out across the yard “Come on Mijos. Brush your teeth, then it's off to bed with you.”

There was a weak round of protesting “No”s and “I’m not tired”s as the children started to file back into the building, some of them too tired to walk and being carried by various workers and Mr. Ramirez, their tiny little lashes flickering across their faces.

The first little girl stayed behind with crocodile dad, rubbing her little cheeks and yawning, she looked up at him through bleary little eyes as crocodile dad picked bits of leaves and grass from her hair. She lifted up her arms and oh…

It seems that little gesture by a child asking to be picked up is indeed universal. Crocodile dad picked her up and set her against his chest. She immediately snuggled into his fur and fell asleep.

She was so small, and so cute. He gently swiped some hair from her face with a single talon. She was so precious, her little lashes fluttering against her dotted cheeks.

Crocodile dad couldn’t have stopped himself from humming if he tried.

It wasn’t quite a purr. It was a low rattling thrumming that came from deep in his thorax. It was an instinctual sound. It was a sound that meant “you’re safe”, it meant “welcome home”.

It meant “My child”.

He held her and he thrummed and she looked up at him and-

With a tiny little sleepy smile she did her best to copy his hum. He knew logically that human children don’t have identifying noises, that they don’t purr with their guardians, and that her little human vocal cords couldn’t get the sound quite right but-

He knew.

This one.

He carried her back towards the little building and Mr.Ramirez smiled “I take it you want that one.”

Crocodile dad smiled and he was almost to tears over how sweet she was.

Mr. Ramirez leaned over Crocodile’s arms and gently tapped the girl on the shoulder. She stirred and huffed but looked at him tiredly.

“Mija...Do you want to go with him?”

She smiled and clutched his fur tighter, nodding.

“Kitty.” She whispered and went back to sleep.

As Jukilo signed some papers for him and Laura and Thomas set up the car seat in the van Mr. Ramirez had a talk with Crocodile dad.

“She was found abandoned at a bus stop about four months ago. By our doctor’s estimations she’s almost two years old but she’s small for her age, undernourishment hindered her growth, we’ve had her on a high-protein diet and she’s perked up a bit but she’s always going to be just a tad smaller than the others. It's amazing how much she’s warmed up to you already, she won’t let any of the workers or myself hold her, and here she is asleep in your arms…”

Mr. Ramirez looked thoughtfully for a moment. “Sometimes with abuse cases we see that children will bond better with animals than any other humans…”

Crocodile dad nuzzled her sadly. She smiled in her sleep and he wondered what monster could have just left her…

Jukilo came up to them, the stack of papers in his hands “I need a name. As these papers require a name to be filled out for the child I will need to know the name of the child in order to fill them out.”

Mr.Ramirez shrugged “She never told us her name, she never spoke to us, when she called you “kitty” that's the first time I’ve heard her speak. I’ve been calling her “Mija” but that only means ‘my child’ in Spanish…”

He turned to crocodile dad “You’ll need to name her.”

What? That is far too much responsibility! Alternian children name themselves when they come of age! What if she doesn’t like it!

Laura comes back from setting up the car seat “You don’t have to be too creative. Humans often name their children after emotions like “Joy” or “Hope” or pretty things like “Rose” or “Lilly”.

Thomas also returns “Some people even just describe the child like “Precious” or “Grace”.

Laura rolls his eyes “He’s not naming a little girl ‘Precious’.

“And why not? I think ‘Precious’ is actually a rather adorable name…”

Crocodile dad looks over the sleeping child. Um...Brown hair...Dots on face, Dotty? No….He looks at her caramel colored skin and her tiny little hands and-

Oh! That's perfect!

Without disrupting the child too much he reaches for his pencil and paper in his bag. He scritches out the perfect name and hands it to Laura.

She looks over the paper and grimaces “....Are you sure?...”

Thomas looks over her shoulder to read “Oh that's an adorable name!”

Laura rolls her eyes at him “Yeah you WOULD like that….”

Mr.Ramirez shrugs “Eh. I’ve heard worse…”

Jukilo cocks his head “May I suggest expanding it to six letters?”

 

And so the name that was scratched across the papers. The name that described her perfectly…

Mini.

lengthened to “Minnie” to be six letters.

Crocodile dad lowered his small, MINI little child into her car-seat, he buckled her up and watched her tiny sleeping face as Laura and Thomas drove them to their new home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you enjoyed! this was kind of a long chapter for me. Sorry this took so long updating! Ask me any questions you might have or point out any mistakes!


	10. Into the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little chapter. Sorry for not updating in forever school has been terrible.

Thomas drove them to a gated community. White house after identical white house gleaming side by side like pearls. As the last bit of sunset receded to make way for starry skies, sprinklers cheerily buzzed to life and covered green lawns with dew.

Crocodile dad laid in the back of the van, his head resting in the car seat where his new daughter slept, her tiny little curls moving with her breath and clutching at the scales of his snout in her seat. 

Laura pointed to one of the houses, a couple of plastic pink birds and resin figures of squat little men in pointy hats sat on her lawn. “Thats where me and Thomas live…” she whispered.

The house next to it has overgrown grass and an a doormat with Alternian writing. It occurs to Crocodile dad that the humans probably don’t know that the doormat says “Leave.”

Jukilo turns to him and points to the house “That is the dwelling in which I currently reside, as I reside within the dwelling and as it has been given to me by the office of the Alternian embassy it is thus my house.”

Laura winces at his lawn. “...You know that Sharon is going to get mad at you for that…”

“I still don’t see why humans cut their lawns, it is completely harmless plant material and thus there is no reason to cut it.”

“It looks nicer when you do though, and Sharon is picky about that kind of stuff.”

Laura drives past Jukilo’s house to the house next door and turns into the driveway. The house seems empty, a “For sale” sign laying on the grass having been recently uprooted. Someone has been mowing the lawn though.

“Here we are…” Laura whispers.

Thomas opens the back of the van for Crocodile dad and he slithers out as quietly as possible, the van dipping and popping back up with his weight. Minnie whimpers in her sleep and crocodile dad opens the side of the van and gently undoes her car seat. He lifts her up and sets her against his furred chest. She snuggles in and smiles in her sleep.

Thomas unlocks the door to the new house. Some simple furniture is already set up and the walls are painted in bland beige. Laura lead crocodile past the front room and the kitchen to a room in the back. The walls are painted green and a tiny padded mat covered in fabric pieces sits off the the side, as well as a tiny chest of drawers, a small table with an illumination device and a wooden chair.

Laura shrugs. “Sorry that it's green, we didn’t know if you were getting a boy or a girl, green seemed pretty gender-neutral…”

Crocodile dad has no idea what that has to do with anything, but green is a perfectly acceptable color.

He sets Minnie onto the padded square and covers her with a fabric sheet, it's not much of a pile, but it's a start.

Before Laura and Thomas leaves Thomas promises to drive them to a child supply dispensary to get some things for her. 

Laura, Thomas and Jukilo all leave for their respective houses.

Crocodile dad watches over his sleeping charge, her tiny peaceful little face and her cute little hands bunching up the fabric square.

He leaves the room and closes the door as gently as he can. He explores the house. In the room next to Minnie’s room he finds a larger padded square with blankets on it that he supposes is meant for him. It's much too small for his use but he appreciates the thought. In the kitchen there is a large thermal husk and packets of food in various shapes and sizes, very few of which he recognizes. Eggs are eggs on whatever planet you are on but these seem much too small to do anything with…

He supposes that he should prepare. 

He looks out into the earth night and wonders what is out there to hunt.

He goes out the back of the hive, the grass is dewey under his claws. He locks the door behind him and silently promises to be back as soon as he can.

Just beyond the back fence of the hive the grass gives way to marsh and reeds, water getting deeper and deeper the farther it goes into the trees. He accidentally crushes a portion of fence (whoops) and wades out into the water.


	11. Earl and Sharon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before you get mad at me, Earl is an exaggerated version of my dad.
> 
> My dad looks like the kind of guy that would be in the town-jail in a western movie. He's all beard and chewing tobacco and is honestly kinda scary looking if you don't know him. He grew up in the countryside of Montana and he swears he saw a flying saucer over their farmhouse when he was a kid. He's a full believer in aliens, and government conspiracies and he tells horrible puns 100% of the time and he is the best person you will ever meet ever. Like ever. He still isn't QUITE as bad as Earl tho.
> 
> Sharon is based off one of my friend's moms growing up. She is the super-scheduled regulation bad-bitch tiger mom who will kick ass, but also annoy you and demand to speak to the manager at every single goddamn restaurant you go to.
> 
> Also I don't live in Florida. This is all based on research and what I see on CSI miami. I live in Minnesota. Its practically the opposite of Florida in every single way.

Earl Jenkins sat in his pontoon boat, rifle in his hand, scanning the shore. He took a pinch of chewing tobacco from one of his hunting jacket pockets and tucked it between his cheek and gums. He chewed absentmindedly, tobacco staining his gums and teeth brown. Some of his teeth were missing but he didn’t pay it no mind, happened awhile ago while he was out hunting, teeth are meant for chewing, not lookin’ nice.

He hears rustling from the bushes on the shoreline. He adjusts his Nascar cap and grins gap-toothed. Trust the razor-backs to come out when it's cooler in the day, Gaters ain’t so quick to bite when there ain’t no sun out, cool-blooded ya know?

A big fat razor-back comes a snuffling out of the bushes and starts to drink from the river. Razor-backs are giant wild pigs, they ain’t cute and pink like tame piggies are, they’re covered in thick coarse hair and are mean as a rattlesnake.

Well OOOEEE it's a fat un’ too!

He aims his gun and-

There’s something in the water. Something scrapes up against the bottom of his boat. A long white shadow, pale as moonlight under the water.

The pig knows that something is up, it snorts and starts to squeal but before it can flee from the water something rises up from the swamp!

Silhouetted in moonlight, Earl sees a monstrous creature snatch up what must have been a 500 pound hog in one swoop. The boar squealed and roared and kicked its little cloven feet, but with one snap of the creature’s jaws the boar was silenced.

The beast shook it’s catch and blood splattered into the boat.

Earl was frozen in fear.

The creature was massive, white and covered in scales. Long black talons, thick heavy scales.

It must have been an experiment, a creature done escaped from one of them government facilities! It musta been a gater hatched near a toxic waste dump!

Or maybe an alien!

No that can’t be right...Earl firmly believes that Alternia is a conspiracy made up by the U.S government.

The Monster-gater turned to look at him, it’s yellow-slitted eyes glowing in the dark and-

Earl clutched at his shirt his heart pounding-

Then everything went black….

 

Oh my goodness gracious!

Crocodile dad looks at the little human in the boat. He hadn’t even noticed the little thing was there! He gently set down his prey for the night on the shore to check up on the little human.

He was still breathing- That's a good thing! Everything he’s read about humans so far suggests that breathing is a natural thing for them.

The silly little dear must have fallen asleep when he was fishing! Oh how cute!

But that really isn’t the safest thing, doesn’t he know that it's dangerous out at night! Doesn’t he know that there are wild oink-beasts out here? The poor little thing could’ve gotten hurt!

There was a large hunting chest on one side of the boat. He dug around for a moment before he found a thick blanket.

It also seems he got a little bit of his prey’s blood in the boat. He splashes some water around to get rid of the mess. He sets the little human in one of the lawn chairs on the boat and tucks the blanket in around him.

There we go!

He pushes the boat gently onto the shore so it won’t drift away, collects his oink-beast carcass and swims back home.

 

At 6:00 am that thursday morning Laura is at home, her face mushed into a pillow, drooling slightly and snoring, her brown hair tangled and snaking across the pillow. Thomas lay next to her, his freckled lanky limbs sprawled in every which direction.

Laura snuffled awake to the smell of…

The smell of…

burning?….

Laura bolted up in bed

“OH MY GOD THE KIDS ARE PLAYING IN THE KITCHEN!!!”

Thomas flailed off the bed and onto the hardwood floor with a loud thump. He popped up and from the floor, his red hair fluffed up and in his eyes and took a running start towards the kitchen.

“BOYS THE KITCHEN ISN’T FOR PLAYING IN!!” He yelled as he ran down the hallway.

Laura sniffed again.

Wait that isn’t coming from the kitchen….And their house isn’t full of black smoke like the time Elliot and Jacob tried to bake her muffins for mother’s day without any flour…

She groggily pulled back the curtain. The smoke was coming from Crocodile’s backyard.

Dammit, you leave aliens alone for 8 hours and look what happens.

Thomas comes back into the bedroom, their eight year old twin boys in tow. Their red hair in their eyes and yawning.

Elliot padded down the hallway in his batman footie pajamas, Jacob wearing his superman pajamas.

“We didn’t even do anything this time….” Elliot groused.

Jacob yawned “We wasn’t even gonna make water balloons until AFTER lunch…”

Elliot elbowed him in the ribs “Way to ruin the prank dummy.”

“No water balloons…” Laura responded absentmindedly, watching the smoke.

Thomas looks over her shoulder. “You leave aliens along for eight hours and look what happens…” he murmured.

Laura huffed “Well we have to go put out a fire now don’t we…”

“Cool!” Elliot grinned, one of his front teeth missing “I wanna go meet the new alien!”

“Me too!” Jacob bounced up and down “I want to meet them too!”

Thomas put on his bathrobe. “Yaaay….” he murmured sarcastically. “Family outing to go put out a fire at the giant crocodile alien’s house….”

“HE’S A CROCODILE?” Elliot yelled.

“SHH!!” Laura hushed him “You’ll wake up your sister-”

A thin pale hand pushed open the door, her brown hair almost completely hiding her face. One meek eye peered out at them.

“......mom?....” she whispered.

Laura got out of bed and took her her face in her hands “It's ok Joy...go back to bed…”

Joy nodded weakly “...ok…” she shuffled back down the hallway and to her bedroom.

Laura looked to her two boys “You two stay here and look after your older sister while me and daddy go and put out a fire ok?”

The boys nodded.

 

Laura put on her bathrobe and her and her husband went out the back door. Thomas helped her over the fence and into Jukilo’s backyard, Laura pulled him over and they cut across the yard. She pulls herself up over the next fence and tumbles into Crocodile dad’s yard.

“Alright I’ll get the hose and-” Laura announces but is soon stopped in her tracks.

Thomas flops over the fence behind laura and falls flat on his face.

Crocodile dad tends to a fire, a huge boar tied to a log over the flames and roasting. Minnie sits on a mattress that has been pulled into the yard, a blanket around her shoulders and a huge boar leg in her lap.

She leans down and bites off a mouthful of ham. “Kitty get piggie” She says proudly and chews.

Laura looks out at the roasting pig “You can’t just….I mean you can’t...fire...where did you even?...Oh my god Sharon isn’t going to be happy….”

Crocodile dad ripped off a large chunk of ham and gave it to Thomas. “Oh why thank you…”

Laura rubbed her eyes “You didn’t have to….We already bought you food!”

Crocodile dad gave her a disbelieving stare, he trudged into the house and brought back various containers from the thermal husk and dropped them at laura’s feet.

Crocodile dad picked up a stick of butter and motioned towards it confused.

Laura shrugged “Butter...It's a really common food and-”

“Fermented mammary secretions!” Thomas piped in while chewing his hunk of ham “Gathered from a large herbivore called a ‘Cow’.”

Crocodile dad gasped and flicked the butter into the bayou. He snorted and gave Laura an accusing look.

Laura put her hands to her hips “Don’t give me that! It’s a perfectly fine food!”

Thomas grinned “Talk about seeing a ‘butter-fly’! Eh!?”

Laura hissed “Thomas I love you but please shut up.”

Laura turned back to Crocodile dad. “Look, I’ll take you grocery shopping later so you don’t do….This….again...I’m sure there are other human foods you’ll approve of-”

“Hello!” A sharp woman’s voice yelled out “Hello new neighbor? I brought a pie!”

A thin woman with a sharp looking face stalked into the backyard. “I heard voices and.....Oh….”

Laura smoothed down her hair a little and clutched at her bathrobe “Ah! Ah ha! Sharon! We were...I mean...It was just-”

Sharon had a thin and cunning looking face, dark eyeliner on olive skin. She wore cheetah print pants, a dark top and a smart black belt. Her haircut was angular and accentuated her high cheekbones. She looked like a predator, eyes flicking over the scene and her lips pursed. In one hand she held a pie. Crocodile dad recognized an alpha when he saw one.

“This is SO against neighborhood regulation.”

Laura got between her and Crocodile dad, crocodile dad appreciated the gesture but he was pretty sure he could take her, even if this human did look particularly crafty…

“Don’t freak out! He’s our new neighbor! He’s a-”

Sharon waved one hand to silence her “I know what he is darling unlike some people I took the time to google what a ‘Armored d lusus’ was”

She extended her hand out and Crocodile dad gently took her hand in his talons and shook as per human greeting ritual. Sharon smiled at him, a quirk of her thin lips.

“I see you’ve been practicing human rituals. Let me introduce you to another.”

She presented him with the pie “Although this ritual is almost archaic, you’ve traveled such a long way I think you deserve the best of our rituals. Humans often give each other food when they are new to a neighborhood, it's a welcoming gesture. The ‘pie’ is the most common, but salads and roasts will also do.”

Crocodile dad gently took the pie out of her hands and bowed graciously. Sharon smiled and put one expertly manicured hands to her lips to stifle a chuckle.

Well fair is fair.

He ripped off a chunk of boar and offered it to her.

She looked over the offering. “Is this free-range?”

“About as free-range as you can get.” Thomas blurted out before Laura elbowed him in the ribs.

Sharon nodded “Good. I’m on a free-range, non-GMO, gluten-free, sugar-free diet.” She ripped off a piece and chewed delicately.

She went over to inspect the fire-pit.

“Fires are a safety hazard. Luckily we live in a pretty wet area, otherwise there would be danger of it spreading across the grass and to the neighboring houses. She kicked at the logs with an expensive boot. We’ll dig a hole and line it with stones or a metal ring. Either that or we get you an actual barbeque grill, a fancy little contraption that makes backyard roasting far easier.

She stalks over to the hole in the fence Crocodile dad had made when he went out hunting.

“Now usually we don’t allow access to the swamps, kids wander away and drown or get hurt, pets get eaten by alligators and it just isn’t suitable to humans to swim in. However-”

She looks over Crocodile dad.

“I take it you’re partially aquatic?”

Crocodile dad still doesn’t really know what that means but he nods anyways.

“We’ll make an exception for YOU… We’ll build a gate here, something higher up so curious little children can’t reach?”

Crocodile dad nods.

“Excellent.” She taps something on her mobile communications device “The craftsmen will be here tomorrow.”

She starts to stalk away “Enjoy your pie.”

“NO DON’T EAT THE PIE! IT IS POISONED! AS IT IS POISON! AND AS POISON IS HARMFUL YOU SHOULD THEREFORE DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT SHE SAYS AND NOT CONSUME THE PIE!” a voice yells over the fence.

Jukilo peers suspiciously over the fence at Sharon.

She grimaces “FOR THE LAST TIME IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ALTERNIANS WERE ALLERGIC TO CINNAMON!!”

“YOU WERE DELIBERATELY TRYING TO MURDER AN AGENT OF THE ALTERNIAN EMBASSY!”

“HUMANS EAT CINNAMON ALL THE TIME!!!”

Jukilo hisses at her from over the fence and Sharon points an accusing finger at him “ALSO YOU HAVEN’T CUT YOUR GRASS MR.ALTERNIAN-EMBASSY-AGENT! IT MAKES THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD LOOK BAD!!”

“THE LAST TIME I TRIED TO CUT MY GRASS YOU YELLED AT ME!!”

Sharon pulls at her hair “NORMAL PEOPLE DON’T CUT THEIR GRASS WITH A SCYTHE!! WHAT IF THERE WERE KIDS AROUND!!”

“I ASSUME THAT HUMAN CHILDREN ARE SMART ENOUGH NOT TO RUN INTO A SCYTHE! AS SUCH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN HIGHLY IMPROBABLE THAT ANY WOULD HAVE BEEN HURT!”

Sharon pulls him down by collar of his shirt “BUY A FUCKING LAWN MOWER YOU CHEAP FUCK!”

And with that Sharon stalks back to her house across the street and slams the door.

Laura covers her face “....Please stop egging her on….”

Jukilo grins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you enjoyed! I hope you like this installment! We will see Earl and Sharon again! I drew a couple of scenes and I might link my doodles to this fic sometime.


	12. Crocodile dad and Minnie's Holiday special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly in line with the rest of the chapters. this is a holiday special about the community that Crocodile dad has joined. We meet Alimah, Sharon's daughter who wants to share her heritage with the community, a racist tries to spoil people's fun and we see why Sharon is NOT one to be messed with.
> 
> Happy holidays!

Its is very early on a tuesday morning when Crocodile dad hears a sharp knocking on the door of the hive. Over the months he’s noticed that humans like to announce their presence that way, knocking their little paws on doorways to alert other humans to themselves before they invade another’s territory.

Let's see who's invading his territory today.

He opens the door and Sharon is there, her back ramrod straight and the facemarkings that humans seem so fond of have been applied impeccably. Her shirt is patterned with little prancing antlered hoofbeasts.

The change was slow at first, a couple of months ago he noticed more red and green things in the supermarket, then he started hearing more whimsical music that mentioned snow and joy a lot, then his neighbors were stringing up brightly colored lights and Thomas put up the effigy of a giant, plastic, red-colored fat man that waves its plastic arms and says “HO HO HO” in a horrible mechanical voice.

Crocodile dad is far too proud to admit that the plastic red man terrifies him, or that he watches it warily from his house from time to time.

He snuffles at Sharon and she giggles lightly and pats him on the snout.

Her dark painted lips quirk up into a fond smile. “I’m here to ask you a favor Croc, do you mind if I come in?”

Crocodile dad shakes his head and motions for her to come inside.

Minnie plays in the front room, little plushies arranged around a small pink table that had once belonged to Laura’s daughter Joy. Minnie poured imaginary tea into tiny little pink cups and served each plushie its fair share, dunking their muzzles into the cups and making sipping noises.

Sharon sat down on the couch and Minnie trotted over her to give Sharon one of the little pink cups.

“Why thank you.” Sharon nodded down at the little girl like a business associate “I take my tea with sugar.”

Minnie looked around the pink table for a moment before she took a tiny plastic bird toy and a Barbie doll arm and plunked them both into Sharon’s cup.

Still straight-faced as ever Sharon stirred the “tea” with the Barbie doll arm, the little plastic bird jangling in the cup and took a fake sip. “Excellent tea. You are a fine host Minnie.”

Minnie grinned and went back to attending to her stuffed animals.

Crocodile dad sat next to sharon on the couch. Sharon took a long drag of the fake tea before she spoke.

“Minnie is just under three years old now isn’t she?”

Crocodile dad nodded. That was indeed approximate.

Sharon nodded over to where Minnie was babbling away at her plushies “She’s small for her age though, and she happens to be the youngest in the neighborhood….”

Where was she going with this?

“Its the holiday season as the local community theatre puts on a holiday pageant this time of year, it is traditional for the youngest in the neighborhood to play the part of the baby jesus.”

Crocodile dad blinked, what the hell is a Jesus?

Sharon seemed to sense his question and waved her hand flippantly. “He's a...human...religious...thing...person I suppose...He later became a religious leader, this part of the play details his birth and humble beginnings...My parents were Hindu and I happen to be agnostic, but things like this are really for the community...doing something nice together in the spirit of the holidays, good will towards men, good tidings, joy, etcetera.”

Crocodile dad nodded even though he really didn’t understand.

Sharon leveled him with a serious look. “Are you ok with Minnie being in the play?”

Crocodile dad shrugged and nodded.

What's the worst that could happen?

 

Minnie it seems did not like being Jesus.

Sharon pinched the bridge of her nose from the front row of the theatre at the scene in front of her onstage. Crocodile dad sat in the aisle and rested his head next to Sharon, Thomas and Laura sat behind her.

“ALRIGHT.” She hissed “LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP! WISE-MEN GO TO YOUR POSITIONS STAGE LEFT!”

Elliot and Jacob stopped where they had been trying to poke the girls in the angel choir with their shepherd's staffs and obediently went to where the fake little manger sat onstage, Minnie fuming as she sat in the little feed-trough crib.

“OH JESUS!” Elliot waved his little staff. “We bring you great tidings! We bring you Gold! Frankincense! and MYRRH!”

Jacob bowed next to him and gently set three packages into the crib next to Minnie.

Minnie promptly picked up the first package and threw it with surprising accuracy, beaning Elliot right between his eyes and knocking him back.

“NO GOWD!” She shrieked

She picked up the neck package and threw it into the choir, little children dressed as angels scattering.

“NO FWANKINCESS!!!”

She threw the last package into the painted set piece, tearing a large hole through the painting.

“NO MYEHHH!!!!”

She scrambled furiously out of the manger.

“NO JEEEEESUUUUUUUS!!!” She squealed and lept into Crocodile dad’s scaly arms her little cheeks stained with tears.

Crocodile dad patted Minnie on the back and nuzzled her gently.

“UGH!” Sharon’s daughter Alimah pouted from where she had been dutifully filling the part of Mary “WHY CAN’T WE JUST USE A BABY DOLL??”

Sharon rubbed at her temples “Sweetheart I would really appreciate less sass right now.”

Alimah bonked her head against the side of the manger “WE AREN'T EVEN CHRISTIANS WHY AM I IN A CHRISTMAS PAGEANT?”

Sharon leaned back “First of all HOLIDAY pageant, not a christmas pageant, everyone is welcome. It's about community not religion!”

“Well awesome! We have one Christian story and one hanukkah story and one retelling of Frosty the snowman! How come we can’t tell some Hindu stories! How the baby vishnu was saved from the evil king Kamsa! The race between Ganesh and Karthik for the magical mago of wisdom! Kali slaying demons!”

Jacob and Elliot bounced up and down. “Cool! slaying demons!” Jacob tittered.

Sharon rubbed her eyes “Ignorant white people aren’t our problem honey, if they wanted to know they could just google it.”

“But mom!”

Sharon silenced her with a glare. “ENOUGH.” 

 

Slow clapping came from the back of the small community center theatre. Sharon, Thomas, Laura and crocodile dad turned to investigate the noise.

A small woman with a harsh looking face and a cross around her neck stood solemn, clapping half-heartedly. 

She looked over the still sobbing Minnie and Crocodile dad with contempt “I see that the child had rejected the Lord our God, it's certainly not surprising, what with the girl being raised by an animal and allowed to associate with demons…” she turned to Sharon “...and heathens..”

Minnie pressed her face into his fur and Crocodile dad glared up at the woman.

Sharon stood up and put herself in .between the woman and Crocodile dad, all slender graceful fury and patterned christmas sweater. She pointed at the woman with two perfectly manicured fingers, rage written across her face.

“Listen here you racist, judgemental TWAT.” She hissed “This Crocodile is more of a loving parent than you EVER will be!”

Sharon stood up straight and sneered “And if my “HEATHEN” heritage is such a bad influence then I know EXACTLY what this play needs!”

The woman sputtered, red-faced with rage. “You wouldn’t! It's a christmas play it’s sacred!”

Sharon smirked, the thin quirk of her lips like the glint of a dagger “Holidays Edith….this is a holiday play. It belongs to the whole community.”

Sharon’s eyes narrowed and her voice lowered “So you can shove your RACIST and JUDGEMENTAL opinions right up your TWAT you SALI KUTTI!”

Sharon turned away from the woman and-

She cocked her head and looked back and the red-faced and sputtering Edith, her perfectly manicured nails by her hips. “by the way in case you don’t speak Hindi, I just called you a stupid bitch. Consider it your first cultural lesson.”

Sharon casually strolled away, tapping on her cell phone.

Edith stormed up to Sharon, her hands in fists and her face red. “Listen here you WHORE! I will not let you poison any good christian children! If you think I’ll let you get away with this then think again! I’ll go to the community board! I’ll go to the community center director I’ll!”

Sharon’s phone beeped and Sharon’s smile turned downright predatory.

“Too late.” Sharon smirked down at the racist over her cell phone “I already got approval. Hold onto your fat racist ass….”

Sharon turned to the stage, a gleam in her eye.

“Because shits about to get CULTURAL.”

 

Sharon tapped away on her cell phone as Alimah danced around her. Crocodile dad stood next to her in the parking lot, Minnie in his arms.

“This is going to be so cool!” Alimah squealed! “Can we do the story of Kali?”

Sharon’s face scrunched up. “I know exactly which one you want to do and there will be no demon slaying in this play. I have no idea where we would find that much fake blood this year.”

Alimah looked thoughtful. “Um...The story of Sita and Rama?”

Sharon rolled her eyes. “I never liked how Sita was portrayed, you are going to be a strong and independent woman, mark my words.” she continued to tap away on her phone.

Alimah spun slowly in a circle, her eyes to the sky and deep in thought. “....The race between Ganesh and Karthik over the mango of wisdom?”

Sharon stopped her tapping to quirk an eyebrow. “Innocent, no death, a good moral to the story…” She shrugged and nodded “I approve.”

Kalimah clapped and jumped up and down. “This is going to be awesome!”

 

Chloe Bell was hunched over on the stage of the community theatre. Her face and dress was speckled with paint and her tongue was peeking out as she concentrated on the setpiece she was painting.

Sharon stood at the front of the stage and directed the eight year olds onstage.

“Now Narada…” Sharon motioned to an eight year old boy wearing an orange bedsheet and picking his nose. “...Will offer the mango of wisdom to Shiva and Parvathi…” she motioned to a boy who was wearing bedsheets and what had to have been their mother’s gold jewelry and Minnie who was wearing all the fake gold Laura and sharon could find in their closets. 

Crocodile dad smiled up at her from the seats in the theatre and waved. Minnie giggled and waved back. Jukilo helped Crocodile dad take a picture of minnie on his cell phone and the giant crocodile continued to chitter and coo over how darling his human daughter was.

Sharon nodded down at her script. “The gods Shiva and Parvathi will offer the mango to their sons Ganesh and Karthik…” She motioned to a little boy with a rubber hose made to look like an elephant trunk on his face and another boy with a blue bedsheet around his waist and a pink sheet across his shoulders. “But only one can have the mango which is why the race is held.”

Sharon nodded at a little girl who must have been wearing every peacock feather they could find at the craft store. “Karthik’s steed is the peacock.” Sharon looked over at a little boy in a mouse costume leftover from halloween. “Ganesh’s steed is the mouse.”

Kalimah clambered off stage and hugged her mother “Thank you for doing this.”

Sharon gently combed the hair from her daughter’s face. “I’ll admit that I was wrong when I said ignorant white people aren’t our problem.” She tilted her daughter’s face up to look her in the eye “You should have the same chance as everyone else to explore your heritage.”

She smirked “Also I can’t wait to get a look at that bitch’s face.”

Alimah giggled “Mom!”

Sharon smiled down at her daughter. “Now if we could only find a jesus in time for the play….”

Chloe paused where she had been painting. “Um...Mrs. Kakkar?...”

Sharon looked up at Chloe “...yes?...What is it miss um….”

“Bell.” Chloe supplied. “I was wondering what um...you were exactly looking for to be jesus…”

Sharon raised an eyebrow. “why?...Do you have a child in mind?”

Chloe shrugged “My son um...He’s a...he’s a grub…”

Sharon smiled. “Oh my…”

She put her perfectly manicured fingernails to her dark-painted lips.

“I do believe that Edith is going to have an aneurysm…”

 

Parents filed into the theatre, humming and bustling and bouncing toddlers too fussy or too young to participate on their laps. Crocodile dad sat in the aisle of the front row, his head on Jukilo’s lap sitting next to him, the troll idly scritching his snout. Chloe sat next to him and leaned against Jukilo’s shoulder. Thomas had his video camera out next to them, ready to record the event.

Laura sat next to him with a very pale girl with wide-set eyes who looked extremely uncomfortable in the busy-overcrowded theatre, rocking back and forth wide-eyed and clenching and unclenching her hands. Laura glared daggers into anyone who got too close to the girl and used her jacket as a shield for her to hide under and help muffle the noise.

“anytime you get too uncomfortable we can go ok?” Laura whispered to the girl.

“This is important to her mom.” The girl whispered and looked away, continuing to rock back and forth. “This is important to her I want to stay.”

Laura smiled down at her daughter. “You’re being very brave Joy.”

Joy smiled and bumped shoulders with her mother. “Thanks mom….”

 

The curtains drew back and the play began.

“And the little oil that was left miraculously burned for eight days! And that's how we got Hannukah!”

 

“Frosty the snowman! Was a happy Jolly soul!”

 

Minnie bounced up and down, the loaned jewelry from Sharon and Laura’s closets jangling. She held a little plastic mango in her hands. The boy next to her in gold jewelry and a bedsheet motioned to the boy wearing the elephant’s trunk and the boy wearing a pink bedsheet across his shoulders.

“I am the lord SHIVA!” he declared in a tiny imperious voice “Parvathi and I will decide who gets the mango of wisdom by who can race across the world the quickest!”

He held out his hand to Minnie “Parvathi!” He demanded “The MANGO OF WISDOM!”

Minnie threw the plastic mango at him, beaning him in between the eyes.

“OW! Parvathi!!! Ugh…”

The boy playing Karthik took the hand of the girl playing the peacock and then went out and raced around the theatre, running in between aisles and making the parents in the theatre giggle.

The boy with the fake elephant trunk took hands with the kid in the mouse costume and circled Parvathi and Shiva. “Why should I race across the world?” The little Ganesh asked “When you two are my whole world??”

“A VERY WISE ANSWER MY SON!” Minnie recited and then threw the mango at him.

Crocodile dad chittered in adoration and took many pictures on his mobile communications device.

“I have no idea what's going on…” Chloe whispered to Jukilo. Jukilo shrugged. “It makes just as much sense as anything else on your planet I suppose…”

 

The curtain drew back and a little boy in a gold tinsel halo and a white bedsheet addressed the audience. “And lo the angel took the wisemen to a small manger in the town of Bethlehem where the savior was born!”

The little boy walked back offstage and lights illuminated the scene.

Alimah sat in the little manger, proudly in the role as Mary, another boy by her side in a fake beard and a bathrobe playing the part of Joseph.

Elliot and Jacob and another boy came from stage left, playing the part of the wisemen.

And right in the cradle in the manger was Chloe’s fat cerulean grub. It’s little bug legs sticking up and looking confused at the scene around it.

“THATS ENOUGH!” a shrill voice rang through the theatre.

Edith stood in the aisle, all harsh bun and hateful rage “YOU CAN’T HAVE A DEMON PLAY THE ROLE OF JESUS!! BLASPHEMY! INDIGNITY!!”

She walks over to Sharon’s seat in the theatre “YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS HEATHEN! YOU-”

Sharon touched the mic set she had in her ear. “Security.” She demanded and went back to her clipboard, not even sparing Edith a glance as the woman was dragged away howling about eternal hellfire. As soon as Edith was out of the room she snapped her fingers and the show continued.

Alimah glanced down at her mother from onstage, still dutifully playing the part of Mary and gave her mother a secret smile.

Sharon smiled back and nodded.

 

After the show the parents drank coffee and laughed with each other about the play. The kids played hide and go seek in the back rooms, yelling and giggling through the halls. Crocodile dad sat with Sharon, Jukilo, Laura, Thomas and Chloe and enjoyed the feeling of community as he watched Minnie and Chloe’s grub run and skitter around as they played with the other children.

Cookies were eaten, jokes were told, children were praised for their expert performances.

Alimah stayed behind to help clean up, she swept fake snow from off the stage. Joy crept up, silent footsteps as she wrung her pale little hands.

“You were good.” She whispered.

Alimah looked up from her work and smiled “Joy! You came!”

Joy looked away and nodded, a little smile on her face. “You said it was important…”

Alimah smiled and took her hand “you didn’t have to go through that much trouble for me…”

Joy smiled and squeezed Alimah’s hand “I wanted to…”

Alimah grinned and gently bumped shoulders with the other girl. “I’m glad you came then.”

She looked out at the crowd just beyond the theatre doors. “I know you have trouble sometimes with crowds and lots of noise...Do you wanna go and watch cartoons on the computer in the backroom with me?”

Joy smiled and nodded. “Yeah...I would like that…”

 

Crocodile dad smiled and wrote something down on his notepad, he passed the note to Jukilo.

“Next year. Teach them about Twelfth Pedigree’s Eve?”

Jukilo smiled and looked around at the sea of smiling humans and their smiling and laughing children.

“...yeah….why not?....”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you enjoyed!
> 
> Alimah and Sharon are Hindu, Sharon was born in the U.S, her grandparents were from India. She isn't very connected to her spiritual roots but Alimah is very curious and researches it on her own.
> 
> Joy has pretty serious Autism and being in public spaces and social interactions can be very hard for her. Alimah is her best friend and she did a very brave thing to be there for her friend.


	13. Grocery store trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crocodile dad and Minnie go to the grocery store and Crocodile dad sees a familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated since Christmas! It's been a rough schoolyear! Have some fluff!

Laura showed Crocodile dad just how to buckle in a child’s safety seat. His talons held the little buckles tenderly and Minnie kicked her little feet, her tiny pink sequined tennis shoes sparkling in the light.

Laura had gone back into her house to take a quick shower and change into some “decent” clothes. Crocodile dad still wasn’t sure why humans and trolls insist on changing their coverings so much but he supposed that it really wasn’t his business. He laid his head in Minnie’s car seat and snuffled lovingly at her, she squealed and giggled and clutched at his snout with tiny little fingers.

Minnie laughed, her tiny little face in a smile and her brown curls glinting in the sun.

Crocodile dad thrummed and Minnie sighed and everything was perfect.

Laura appeared in the doorway of her house in fresher clothes and her brown hair in a pony tail, from where crocodile dad was he could just barely see a thin, pale little adolescent human peek out through the doorway.

“I’ll be back in two hours ok honey?” Laura smoothed back the girl’s hair and held her face gently.

The girl looked nervous. “Promise?”

Laura smiled and nodded. She kissed the girl on the forehead and the girl gave a small secret smile. “Promise.”

The girl bounced on her heels “Kaykaykaykay….” She pushed something green into Laura’s hands. “For the baby.”

Laura looked at the object in surprise. “Are you sure honey? You love this one.”

The girl nodded and bit her nails.

“Alright then sweetheart.”

The girl ducked back into the house and Laura walked down the little driveway to where Minnie and Crocodile dad sat in the car. Laura got into the car and put her seatbelt on. She reached into the backseat to offer something to Minnie.

“Here honey this is from my daughter Joy.”

Minnie glared at Laura and hid her face in Crocodile dad’s scaley hide.

Laura sighed. “I suppose that kind of reaction should be expected until she acclimates to people. That could still be a long while given the circumstances…”

Crocodile dad remembered what the social worker said about Minnie being found abandoned malnourished at a bus station and his claws tighten in the carpeting of the van in a brief fit of murderous protective rage. He licked Minnie’s face and she hummed and leaned farther into him.

Laura instead passed the object to Crocodile dad. It was a little cloth rendition of what looked like an armored lizard lusus except that it was green instead of white.

“It's a crocodile, or maybe an alligator?” Laura informed him.

He passed the little cloth thing to Minnie and his tiny human smiled.

“kitty…” she whispered.

“Crocodile.” Laura corrected her gently.

Minnie glared at Laura. “KITTY.” She insisted her tiny little voice practically in a growl.

Laura held up her hands in defeat. “Alright fine, it's a kitty.”

Laura drove to a large white building labeled “GROCERY” and parked in the parking lot. 

Crocodile dad gently exited the van and onto the pavement. A tiny wrinkly human with white hair and a blue button-up dress screamed and dropped a paper sack filled with vegetation and food containers.

Crocodile dad looked behind him, expecting to see something the old human would have been afraid of. 

He didn’t see anything but he picked Minnie up and held her closely.

Just in case whatever scared the small wrinkle human came back…

Laura stretched her arms and arched her back. Crocodile dad could hear the BONES CRACKING.

He thought Laura broke until she popped back up again and continued into the building as if nothing happened.

He sniffed worriedly at the human, but she didn’t seem like she was in pain…

He followed after Laura, in newfound awe of the tiny little mammals.

 

The building was cool on the inside and smelled like plastic and cold blood. Another human screamed and ran out of the building.

He clutched even tighter to Minnie and looked desperately out into the parking lot, ready to take his little human and run should he need to. There must be something out there for all these humans to be so scared….

Laura returned with a metal wire cart. “Come on, put Minnie into the seat on the front of the cart and we can go shopping.”

The cart had a built in child depository! How absolutely useful! He put Minnie in and gripped the cart’s handle. He stood on his hind legs and started to waddle after Laura through the human food dispensary.

He waddled down the first aisle after laura and Minnie started to lean out of her seat.

She reached out and wiggled in her seat. “Down! Down!”

She just got in! Crocodile dad huffed and gingerly picked her out of the cart, her little feet kicking until he set her gently on the floor. She tottered to a shelf and picked up a box labeled “Spaghetti noodles”.

“NOODS!” She announced and put it in the cart.

Well if she wanted it then why not?

Laura picked the box out of the cart and returned it to the shelf. “How about wholegrain noodles huh? They’re healthier! Would you like that?”

Minnie’s little face pinched up in rage, she flopped down onto the linoleum of the store and kicked around. “NOOOOO!!!! NOOOOODS!!!!!”

Laura looked nervously at where humans around had already been staring at them. “No look they’re still noodles! These are better noodles!”

Minnie tottered over to Crocodile dad and clutched at him, her little face stained with tears. “Noods….” She whispered pleadingly.

Crocodile dad looked up imploringly at Laura. Why is she sad??? HIS HUMAN SHOULD NEVER BE SAD!  
Minnie is SAD.

Everything in the Universe is wrong.

Laura put a hand to her face and sighed. She put the noodles back into the cart. “...FINE! Just stop making those faces you two!”

“NOODS!” Minnie chirped happily.

Minnie then decided to show Crocodile dad various things in the store. She picked up a tall box and presented it to crocodile dad. The box was labeled “Cheerios”

“Cherros!” The box was also added to the cart.

There was an area dedicated entirely to plants and Minnie retrieved a bag of orange spheres.

“OWGES” 

There was another aisles dedicated to….mammal secretions. Crocodile dad shuddered as he walked through, smiling cartoon moobeasts mocked him from where they sat in cartons of VILE liquid.

Minnie picked up a carton and Crocodile dad shivered and felt the need to immediately clean her paws.

“Miwk.”

He shook his head vehemently.

Laura looked over at him. “it’s important for her development.”

He looked at the carton that Minnie brandished to him, the tiny little expectant smile on her face. He delicately took it, held it as far away from himself as he could and placed it gently in the cart as if it might explode.

Laura showed him various containers of foods that she insisted were essential for Minnie’s development and Minnie brought him things in various brightly-colored boxes with cartoon things on them.

They continued on through the store like this, Minnie clutching her crocodile-plush thing and chattering happily to herself and glaring at Laura whenever the woman got too close for Minnie’s tastes until they heard arguing coming from the next aisle.

“I SWEAR TO YOU!” A skinny man in a baseball hat and camoflauge hunting jacket waved his arms around “IT WAS 10- NO 20 FEET TALL!”

Two other men looked on, one was fat with a scruffy beard and had a bad sunburn across his bald head, wearing a white sleeveless shirt and old jeans, the other one had criss-crossing scars all over his skinny body and one eye was milky from blindness.

“Come off et Earl” The red-faced human crossed his meaty arms “You tellin’ me theres a goddamn ‘Super-gator’ out there?”

The skinny scarred one laughed, little hissy breaths as he chewed on the spent butt of a cigarette. “Everyun’s got theh gator story, don’t be mad none if Earl’s up and getting his story on, ain’t the point ova gator story, story ain’t truth none.”

Crocodile dad curiously approached the trio, pushing his cart from the snackfood aisle. The bald man and the skinny man’s eyes widened as the man in front of them continued to gesture wildly.

“You don’t understand he had these CLAWS!”

The fat man eyed Crocodile’s paws, frozen in place with fear. “...ya...these talons….six inches about yah?....”

The man nodded wildly. “AND THESE TEETH!”

The skinny man looked at Crocodile dad, his one good eye wide in terror “Like daggers huh…”

“YA AND-”

The two men ran out of the store as fast as they could, leaving the other man confused. Again humans were fleeing something! Crocodile dad looked behind him but all he could see was Laura perusing different brands of chips.

They couldn’t be afraid of Laura could they?

The remaining man from the trio turned around and-

“AHHHHHHH!!!!” he tripped and fell flat of his face in shock.

Oh it’s the little human from the boat! Silly little thing, tripping over his own feet!

“You’re real! I have to call the NSA! The FBI the-”

Crocodile dad dug in his satchel for a moment before he retrieved his greetings card. He held the card in the human’s face.

[:D Hello!]

The human scrutinized the card and looked up at Crocodile dad.

He looked over Crocodile dad, stroking his little beard in thought.

“Human experimentation…..”

What?

“I read about this!” The human brandished a publication and showed the gator, the front cover read ‘Bigfoot impregnated my daughter’ along with the image of a hairy thing and a small human female.

He gently took the publication and flipped through it interested. He had no idea what a bigfoot was, he wondered how it and it’s mate were doing…

The human continued on, pacing in front of Crocodile dad excitedly.

“See the government has been conducting secret experiments! Injecting humans with animal DNA! Making super soldiers! Radiation! Gamma rays! mutations!”

Minnie tugged at Crocodile’s paw and he looked away from the news publication to look at her. She looked at the man in front of him nervously.

“Kitty?.....”

The man stooped down to Minnie’s level “And now they’re breeding!” He scrutinized the child “You can hardly tell that she’s a human crocodile hybrid!”

He addressed Minnie in a loud whisper “Don’t worry...I’m sure your talons will grow in soon…”

Minnie stopped looking at the man like he was a threat, now looking at him more the way someone would look at someone who had a dick unknowingly drawn on their forehead.

“wait who are you-” Laura returned from the snack aisle to investigate.

“And this must be your wife!” the man turned to Laura. He leaned in and whispered “Don’t worry, I know about the super-soldier experimentations….”

“Wait what?” Laura held a pack of Cheetos between her and the man as if it was a shield.

The man snapped a picture of Crocodile dad on his phone. “The world has to know!”

He took one of Crocodile’s paws and shook it up and down “Nice to meet you gator-man! The name is Earl!” He handed Crocodile a piece of paper with the picture of a lizard in a suit and a phone number “Conspiracy theorist! Would you be interested in being interviewed about how lizard people run our government?”

Crocodile dad looked over the card thoughtfully. He had no idea that lizard people ran the human government, he was more ill-informed about politics than he thought...

Laura put herself in between Crocodile dad and Earl “Look he’s not-”

Earl started to run out of the supermarket “I would love to talk with you Mrs.Gator-man but I need to go update my blog!”

“THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!” He yelled as he ran out into the parking lot.

Laura groaned and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

What a nice man.


	14. Toy stores and dark stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg is an asshole and crocodile dad's fears come to light during a trip to the toy store.

The next stop was the child equipment repository. Laura said that humans had an entire industry dedicated to the amusement and enrichment of children! While Alternia had toys they were geared towards crafting warriors or making then obey the empire and not for the personal enrichment of the child. He remembers some of the wriggler books “why the little wriggler must be culled” and “You belong to the empire so be useful or be dead” had always left a bad taste in his mouth.

He preferred to teach his charges how to read using different methods, scritching on the walls of their dwelling the symbols of the alternian alphabet. He remembers carving dolls out of bones from his various kills and teaching them how to count with his own pearlescent scales he had shed.

He once again gently lifted Minnie from her car seat and settled her in against his fur. She still clutched the little lizard lusus that Laura’s daughter had gifted her. She bounced the little cloth thing and whispered “meow meow kitty meow meow.”

They walked into a cheery little building decorated with smiling long-necked lusii. He could hear other children laughing and squealing. Oh what a joyous place!

A dead-eyed worker in a blue hat turned to greet them “Hello.” she greeted in a robotic voice “Welcome to Toy barn. How may I help YOUAAAAAHHHH!”

Her eyes widened in surprise and she clutched her chest.

Crocodile dad smiled and waved a bit and the worker went pale and started to shake.

Laura stepped up to the worker “Hi we’re looking for educational toys.”

The worker was still slack-jawed staring at crocodile dad “Ashda…. what now?”

Laura only smiled “Educational toys, enrichment toys, toys to help children learn.”

“.....aisle eight….”

Laura smiled at the worker “Thank you!”

Laura led him past shelves and shelves of brightly colored items, cloth renditions of animals, boxes of things that have happy children on the covers, paints, dolls and books.

Oh the plethora of educational items! There were books specifically designed to teach children how to read! Geography of their planet! Basic science! Math! Geometry!

It was enough to bring tears to his reptilian eyes! To think of the opportunity these children have! That HIS child will have!

He filled a cart with a plastic rendition of Earth marked with what he assumed were all the proper Earthican territories, books filled with colorful and kind stories that had nothing to do with obeying a regime or culling, science kits and packs of colored markers!

He was absolutely chittering with joy! Laura was apparently very well-versed about the development of human children and she talked at great length about which products would help her with her speech, her social skills, her reading comprehension!

The cart was nearly full and Laura put her hands on her hips proudly “Well that's a good start! At least! I’ll be sure to give you some of Joy’s old things as well!”

Crocodile dad chittered happily at her, he couldn’t wait to go home and begin teaching Minnie about-

“Well howdy there folks!” a sandy-haired male human dressed in the uniform attire of this child equipment depository greeted them. “WHOA JEEZ!” He noticed Crocodile dad and jumped a few feet back and hid behind Laura.

He looked nervously to Laura “....ma’m we don’t allow pets….”

Laura frowned at him “He’s not a pet he’s a lusus, you know the aliens that made contact with us? Its kind of a big deal on our planet right now?”

“Oh!” He straightened up “Sorry about that!” He took one of Crocodile dad’s paws and shook it up and down “My name is Greg and I’m the manager here! Welcome to our little store! Jeez you’re a long way from home!”

He turned back to Laura “So how can I help you two?”

Laura shrugged “We seem to be doing well, we’ve been collecting toys for little Minnie here” she gestured to Minnie who was currently half-asleep against crocodile dad’s chest.

Greg looked into the cart “books, science kits a globe...Well shucks ma’m I sure don’t see any dolls in there! We should head on over to the Barbie aisle and get her something pretty! Huh? Would you like that little Minerva?”

Minerva isn’t her name….

Minnie only glared at the man and hid her face in crocodile dad’s fur.

Laura was seething. “She hasn’t ASKED for a doll yet. If it is something she wants we’ll get it for her but dolls certainly are not the most important part of her enrichment!”

“Hold on there little lady” Greg held up his hands to placate Laura “I’ve been in the toy business for a long time and dolls are THE MOST important part of a little girl’s life. She needs pretty glittery and pink things to make her feel special and pretty!”

Laura bared her teeth “Well I’ve been in the CHILD PSYCHOLOGY business for a long time and dolls like Barbies perpetuate unrealistic standards of beauty that can be quite harmful to little girls!”

Greg pouted “She needs something to relate to! Come on just take her over to the doll aisle and give her the chance to choose something she likes!”

Laura growled to herself “Fine! We’ll see what she chooses!”

Greg looked ridiculously pleased with himself “You’ll thank me later! I know what I’m talking about!”

Laura looked like she was resisting the urge to strangle him.

Greg led them to an aisle of dolls, one side was entirely pink and had wide-eyed sparkly things in frilly dresses, the other side was completely blue and had figures decked in body armor with ridiculously sized weapons.

Greg was already going through items on the pink side “Look!” He brandished a pink wide-eyed doll with an extremely poofy dress and butterfly wings on the back. He pushed a button on it’s back.

“I’m princess sparkle rainbow teehee! Come fly with me to my castle of dreams in the sky!” it then shot glitter out through an opening in her chest.

The glitter made Crocodile dad sneeze.

Minnie woke up, jostled from crocodile dad’s sneeze and looked bleary eyed at the aisle. Crocodile dad gently set her down and she looked at the pink and blue sides.

She immediately tottered over to a figure on the blue side of the aisle the packaging read “Power rangers” and the figure was in white with armor and teeth styled onto his helmet. Her fingers accidentally grazed a button and the figure said-

“Help us save the galaxy from the forces of evil!”

Minnie was enraptured “.....kitty…..” she whipered.

Greg was pouting. He waved princess sparkle rainbow in front of Minnie “Wouldn’t you rather have a pretty toy like this?”

Minnie took the toy from him and Greg turned to gloat at Laura. Minnie considered both toys but in a flurry of pink ruffles and an explosion of glitter she threw princess sparkle rainbow and beaned Greg right between the eyes.

They gathered more stuffed animals and paid for their purchases. Minnie refused to let go of her white power ranger and and soon it was as inseparable to her as the crocodile plush, both toys nestled with her in the car seat.

Laura smiled back at her. “I’m glad she didn’t choose princess sparkle rainbow.” Laura giggled from the front seat of the car “Did you see Greg’s face?”

Crocodile dad chortled from where he laid in the back of the van, his face resting on the seat beside Minnie.

Laura laughed a little to herself, her hand covering her mouth as to not wake up Minnie “it was pretty satisfying! Oh wait-” She seemed to remember something “I know another toy store that is having a sale would you mind going?”

Crocodile dad shook his head.

Laura drove off and started to tell him about body image and the precise sociological and psychological reasons Greg was full of shit. He let his mind wander and let Laura drive him to the new store, transfixed by Minnie’s gentle breathing and how she clasped the toys in her arms. 

“Alright we’re here” Laura announced

Crocodile dad looked up and-

 

Oh my.

 

It was a squat grey building with the terrifying and garish imagery of what appeared to be a human subjugglator painted onto the side of the building the words “Clowny’s toy store” emblazoned on the side.

Laura started to pull into the parking lot.

No no no! This can’t be the place!

A giant mechanical garishly painted version of the clown on the side of the building waved it’s mechanical arms and in a horrible tinny voice spoke-

“Yuk yuk yuk! Welcome to Clowny’s toy store kids!”

Laura didn’t seem to notice Crocodile dad’s agitation, how his claws scraped long gashes into the carpeting of the van. She unlocked the back of the van with a mechanical beep.

“Ok I know they have a sale going on today and-” She looked at Crocodile dad, the plates of his armor fluffed up and ready for battle, his bared teeth.

She reached out to touch his plating in concern “-are you-”

Crocodile dad roared. The mechanical subjugglator blurred in his mind, replaced by a real one, the long wicked curves of their horns and the sound of screaming, the smell of blood.

He won’t let it happen again!

HE WON’T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN!

In a streak of white scales Crocodile dad bolted from the back of the van. Running towards the mechanical subjugglator he knocked over shopping carts and could vaguely hear humans screaming frightened.

He pounced on the metal monstrosity and with one fell swoop of his claws deftly tore it in two.

“YuK yUK YuuuuUUUUUKKKKkkkkkkkKKKKK” the metal monstrosity groaned out and it’s lights began to flicker.

He bit down on it’s plastic jugular the painted metal and thick plastic gave way under his teeth easily, he tore out the mechanical creature’s whirring innards and-

“STOP!” Laura was in front of him and she shouldn’t be here and-

He could hear screaming in the parking lot. There were children crying and crocodile dad looked down at what was only a hollow facsimile of a subjugglator, lifeless as the mechanical thing flickered and died in his arms.

“What were you-” Laura questioned him but saw the tears in his eyes, the panic. 

One of the mothers was calling the police on her cell phone.

Laura stood protectively between Crocodile dad and the growing crowd “Come on…” she gently touched his paw “Let's get you home…”

Luckily Minnie hadn’t awoken during the incident and Crocodile dad carried her gently into the domicile and built her a little pile out of stuffed animals. She smiled gently in her sleep and clutched her crocodile and her white power ranger.

Laura sat on Crocodile Dad’s back porch, looking over at the crushed fence in the back of his yard. She patted the spot next to her and Crocodile dad obligingly sat down.

Laura shook her head “Don’t look so guilty...Nobody got hurt….I take it the clown scared you?”

Crocodile dad nodded.

“Tell me what happened?”

Crocodile dad sighed, took out his pad of paper and a pencil and started to write a very long story.

 

He had raised 25 wrigglers to adulthood. The number is quite a feat among lusii, but as much as he cherishes every success, he will always feel the pain of his failures as a guardian.   
She had been his fifth charge, the other lusii had warned him. They told him that taking her in would only lead to heartbreak but Crocodile dad was always a stubborn crocodile, especially when it came to a child needing him.  
She was absolutely perfect. A little brownblood with tiny little hands, needle-sharp teeth and four beautiful eyes, one set just below and to the side of her normal pair, smaller but shining like little gems in her smiling face.

He hid her for as long as he could.

But in the end….

They found her…

He remembers their laughter…

 

Laura sobs next to him and it feels so nice to have someone other than himself mourn her, even if she didn’t know her she’s mourning her and not declaring her death “progress” for the Troll race.

Laura wipes her face “....I understand…my own daughter….I…”

Crocodile dad hands her a tissue and laura accepts it gratefully.

“I understand but you have to be better than this.” Laura looks at him seriously “There are a lot of people who want to see you fail, who wouldn’t think twice to take Minnie away ‘for her own good’” Laura framed the last words in sarcastic air-quotes.

“I think you’re a good dad” Crocodile dad smiled “you were doing what you thought you had to in order to protect your daughter, but there are other people who will say you’re nothing but a violent animal.”

“You have to prove them wrong.”

In the house Minnie whimpered and clutched her power ranger tighter.

“For Minnie’s sake”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do a little something about what it must have been like being a lusus under the cruel regime of the former empire, I bet a lot of lusii had to dead with the same things crocodile dad had to deal with.
> 
> Anywho! Sorry for not updating in forever! I'll try and get back to this story! I'm actually super late on all of my fics ,-_-
> 
> Comment if you enjoyed! Or yell at me if you think I should go to angst jail!


	15. Chloe and Alimah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe calls for Jukilo's help and Sharon has to kick some alien's grey ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with art by Cyanideoreo!
> 
> Check out Chloe's painting!  
> http://cyanideoreo.tumblr.com/post/144883924970/painting-without-lines-is-hard-painting-is-hard
> 
> Also Chloe and Alimah!!  
> http://s90.photobucket.com/user/sydneyfrank/media/where006_zpsaq0pu8j4.jpg.html

Jukilo coughed and straightened his human serious-business suit and smoothed down his fashionable human male hair.

When Laura and Thomas reccommended this neighborhood to him they never mentioned one thing.

That SHE lived here.

With her pretty-blasphemous tri-colored eyes and her bouncy hair and her kind smile and her inappropriately-colored clothing.

He lived to the right-side of Laura and Thomas, after their home was the house the embassy had bought to house his former lusus in his current human-lususing duties on Earth, the she-demon lived across the street and then SHE lived in the next house.

Her closeness was suffocating, like a constant pressure on the left side of his dwelling, knowing that SHE is just a couple doors down the street.

It was extremely rude to call upon a lusus that is currently raising a grub should you be an adult Troll, since he was an adult Troll it would therefore be extremely rude to call upon her. Also he couldn’t just show up on her porch.

That would be weird.

Laura told him that after the third time she caught him on her porch. Thomas insisted that he was always welcome but this existed with the “please for the love of god tell us beforehand so we don’t have a heart attack seeing a horned glowing-eyed figure standing in the rain through the kitchen window when I go to make a sandwich” caveat.

His moirallegiance with the couple ran by human rules and he tried his best to abide by them, even when they didn’t exactly make sense.

Anyways. This time he has a LEGITIMATE REASON for being on Chloe’s porch. She had specifically requested his presence and so he was here entirely in accordance with her wishes.

He knocked and waited.

She opened the door and there she stood in all her petite glory, dressed in a pink and red striped dress (The absolute audacity!). Her tri-colored eyes sparkling and her plump lips pinched in worry.

Oh dear she’s gorgeous.

He coughed “Greetings Chloe of the Bell bloodline. I have come as instructed, you asked me to come which is why I came here, which is why I am currently on your porchAAAAAAHH-”

She didn’t let him finish before she took his wrist and started to pull him into her house “OH THANK FUCK YOU’RE HERE!”

He was almost over the threshhold before he had mind enough with Chloe’s warm and very distracting hand around his wrist to resist. “FORGIVE ME BUT I MUST NOT ENTER IT IS RUDE TO ENTER THE HOUSE OF A LUSUS IN CURRENT POSSESSION OF A GRUB THEREFORE-”

“NO TIME!” She pulled him in Suddenly she was shoving a mass of white strands under his nose “WHAT IS THIS????”

He took in gingerly from her. The strands were long and soft, slightly sticky as he ran his hand across them.

“Oh its just grub silk.”

She looked at him wide-eyed.

“It is a perfectly natural thing-”

“AHHHHHhhhhhh” She groaned and instantly the tension just bled out of her. “Oh thank god…..” she flopped onto her couch and leaned into the cushions. “I had been so scared…”

Jukilo stood awkwardly in the middle of her living room until Chloe patted the seat next to her. He obligingly sat down.

“I had been so scared. He’s leaving this everywhere. And he’s been so sluggish...” she breathed. Her eyes closed contentedly and Jukilo had to suppress a purr. This was nice. Casually being in her space.

“Wait a minute.” Her eyes flew open and suddenly one of her hands was in his hair “You cut your hair!”

Teal rose to his cheeks “Yes well. I was told- Fashion-”

It was very distracting how her warm brown fingers combed through his hair.

“Thats too bad. It was so pretty long…”

Shit.

An art easel was propped up in the middle of the room, in his attempt to distract himself from her fingers he looked at the painting and-

“...Is that me?” He queried. The blush across his nose spreading to his ears.

Wide-eyed Chloe immediately took her hand from his hair and batted the painting off the easel. “What painting? Where? No.”

“Yes! You painted me!” He picked the canvas off the floor.

His eyes were hollow, the night sky shone through where his eyes would be, his braid across his shoulder, behind him his horns touched galaxies and nebulae, the planets were aligned in their orbits around his head like a halo from behind. She drew him far too magnificently for the desk-worker teal that he was.

“You’re very talented” he murmured.

He cheeks had a dusty red hue to them “..Thanks I-”

There was a growl from across the room and a pair of glowing beady eyes.

 

Sharon Kakkar was a woman of impeccable standards. She had spent years in the courtroom as one of Miami’s most feared lawyers, brokering million dollar deals before lunch, the gentle clack of her heels against the marble of the courtroom like a war-cry. She was ruthless, clever and fearsome.

And now she was in fucking suburbia.

She sat at her desk and listened to the half-hearted twanging of her daughter Alimah practicing the piano in the living room downstairs. She sighed and walked down the stairs.

“Alimah.” She warned.

Alimah had one of her elbows on the keyboard of the piano, jiggling it with her phone in her other hand. Her brown hair was in a messy braid over the cardigan of her school uniform.

“Bwang Bwang Bwaaaaaaag” The piano complained.

Sharon gently plucked the phone from her daughter’s hands with a dash of impeccably painted nails and a jangle of bracelets.

“HEY-” Alimah protested.

Sharon turned her daughter to face the piano properly, pushed gently on the small of her back to right her posture and took her wrists and placed her fingers delicately on the keys of the piano.

“Come on now. You’ll be grateful for this skill later.”

Alimah huffed and blew a strand of hair from her face. “God I hate piano.”

Sharon flicked Alimah on the nose. “Piano. One hour. Like you MEAN it.”

Alimah glared at her mother but obediently started in on Muzio Clementi in G major.

Sharon hummed and walked back upstairs to her study, the house filled with gentle piano music. She hummed along with the music, one expertly painted nail waving in the air like a conductor. Alimah was talented but she had no motivation, with some dedication and practice she could really make something out of this….

As a hobby of course.

Alimah was going to be a lawyer, or a doctor, but probably a lawyer.

God she misses being a lawyer.

She remembers going to court pregnant with Alimah, using her status for bargaining with the judge. She’s not above playing dirty, whatever it takes to be a winner after all. She breastfed on her office while reading court transcripts. Rocked Alimah to sleep while outlining proposals. Her tiny little daughter in a sling around her as she delivered her final arguments.

Alimah was a daughter of justice, a beloved granddaughter of the courtroom.

Her secretary carried crayons and paper in her desk for Alimah and everyone in her office had some sort of offering for the girl on late nights when Alimah watched movies in the conference room while her mother worked, candy left on desks, little stuffed bears.

It had worked for years like that. Spinning in orbits around each other, school and work, mother and child, sun and moon.

A merger happened at her firm and an offer was given to her. Her boss was a man of no ill intent but notions of motherhood and family that Sharon rarely met in his eyes.

He offered her a solution.

Early retirement. He didn’t want her to work at another firm, she was far too great of an asset to lose to a competitor. Five years of salary in exchange for not offering her services to another firm.

She was ready to politely decline.

Until Alimah came back from her after schools activities with scratches along her palms, tears in her eyes and a firm resolution to not tell her mother.

“Why do you even care?” She had asked and Sharon decided that they had fallen too far away from each other’s orbits.

And so she resigned herself to the suburbs. Alimah to private school.

She ran this neighborhood like a machine, her neighbors running to her own personal metronome. The tick-tock of community wound around her finger, school boards and community centers and neighborhood barbeques like puppet strings around her fingers.

She was restless.

Her community ticked away like a fine-tuned mechanism.

Until HE came into the neighborhood.

It was as if he was specifically sent to Earth to ruin Sharon’s finely-tuned community. The Alternian embassy bought the house directly across the street and he came to live there. She had meant it as a common courtesy, a pie was a tradition in this neighborhood.

He had had to go to the hospital and get his stomach pumped.

How was she supposed to know Aliens couldn’t eat cinnamon?

He BLAMED her and it set off a two year feud between them. Grass he hadn’t mowed, community events he didn’t go to, mailmen that refused to serve their neighborhood anymore because he greeted them with a scythe!

Sharon sat at her desk and fumed. His house sat right across from her own and it was an UGLY reminder of his annoying presence.

She absent-mindedly looked out her window, her desk was perfectly organized, a pearlescent vision of domestic success. His house had overgrown weeds and smashed lawn gnomes because Thomas kept putting them in his yard and he kept freaking out and breaking them with his scythe.

Bastard.

At least he’s gone for the day, the neighborhood might just get some peace and quiet around here-

Just then there was a loud crashing from Ms. Bell’s house and Jukilo flung himself out of one of her windows and started running down the street.

Sharon watched dumb-founded as the gangly alien sprinted towards his house, Chloe leaning out of her shattered window to yell “OH MY GOD ARE YOU OK?” Before Sharon saw her have to physically restrain her hissing and spitting grub from running after the adult troll.

She slammed her hands on her desk, breaking one of her pencils.

“THAT FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!”

 

Alimah giggled at her mother’s outburst. “Run Jukilo run!” she laughed as Sharon stormed down the stairs ,out the door started screaming at the Troll for disturbing the neighborhood.

Jukilo was the cool alien that moved across the street. He had claws expertly polished to a sharp tip, piercing glowing eyes and always took an umbrella if he went out into the sun. He was up at all hours of the night and he had a scythe!

The best part though was that her mother HATED him.

Alimah giggled into her piano book as her mother chased Jukilo down the street.

She had a crush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So comment if you enjoyed!  
> Also if you guys are interested I thought it would be fun to do something with you guys! comment me what you look like and a general description of your personality and I would insert you into the story when it comes to minor characters!
> 
> Might be fun :3


	16. Jukilo drinks a bottle of maple syrup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jukilo and his morails have a heart-to-heart and a bottle of maple syrup is drank
> 
> Welcome to everyone-has-a-crush-on-Jukilo 2k16 because kids having crushes is adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lovely Cyanideoreo has made fan art of this fic! Check these out and also check out her blog because it is literally the best.
> 
> Heres Crocodile dad!  
> http://cyanideoreo.tumblr.com/post/144923930529/fanart-for-the-wonderful-theladysyk0-and-her-fic
> 
> Jukilo and Chloe!  
> http://cyanideoreo.tumblr.com/post/144973442834/for-theladyskyo-because-they-are-both-enormous
> 
> CHLOE'S PAINTING OF JUKILO  
> http://cyanideoreo.tumblr.com/post/144883924970/painting-without-lines-is-hard-painting-is-hard
> 
> SHARON AND ALIMAH!!!  
> http://s90.photobucket.com/user/sydneyfrank/media/where006_zpsaq0pu8j4.jpg.html
> 
> LAURA AND THOMAS AND FAM!!!!  
> http://s90.photobucket.com/user/sydneyfrank/media/the%20fam_zpss0syf9p4.jpg.html
> 
> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Jukilo stood on Laura and Thomas’s back porch sheepishly and knocked on the glass of the sliding back door. He had acted like an absolute idiot. An idiot in front of HER. When her grub had woken up from it’s nap and found him in Miss chloe’s living room it had charged and he panicked….

He didn’t mean to break her window….

It just kinda...happened….

And then SHARON had come out to yell at him, that horrible she-beast and didn’t help the fact that he looked FOOLISH and IDIOTIC in front of one of the most perfect, beautiful, transcendent, graceful, lovely, l-

Unfortunately it was Elliot who opened the door.

When he became Laura and Thomas’s morail many things were explained to him. Humans are traditionally monagomous (though some choose not to be) and that it is very common for humans to form life-long pair bondings called a “marriage” and that it was very common for “married” humans to either raise their own spawn (eww) or to “adopt” the spawn of others (what even) to “raise” though sometimes humans spawn or adopt without being in a pair bonding.

It also greatly disturbed him that sometimes human spawn can spontaneously clone themselves.

He’s not exactly sure HOW Elliot did it but he DID because he is the elder of the two twins so he must have been the one to clone himself.

He is honestly afraid to ask Laura at this point just how the little demon did it.

Elliot scrunches up his little freckled (a trait given to him by Thomas) a serious look in his pale blue eyes(a trait given by Laura) as he holds a brightly-colored water pistol through the crack in the door.

Honestly water doesn’t even DO anything, why does Laura arm her spawn so poorly.

“What's the password alien?”

Jukilo rolled his eyes “I have no time for this! As my time is to be relegated to other things, things that do not include answering the questions of a child, I therefore do not have time for this. FURTHERMORE there was no password yesterday when I visited therefore-”

Elliot pulled the trigger and Jukilo grimaced as a spritz of water hit him on the forehead, his shoulders scrunched up and his ears went back. He chittered out a growl of frustration.

Elliot looked up at him from over the water pistol. “That wasn’t the password.”

Jukilo glared at the child. “....You are so lucky that you’re the spawn of my morails….”

Just then Thomas saved Jukilo by picking up the demon child and putting him over his shoulder. He poked a spot underneath Elliot’s armpit which Jukilo knows from observation to a be a place that once poked on a human will cause inexplicable bouts of laughter.

Humans are weird.

Elliot giggled in his progenitor's arms.

“Don’t harass our alien Elliot.” Thomas chastised. “Go play with your brother”

Jukilo only now noticed the other twin. Elliot’s clone “Jacob” was standing farther in, peeking out from a doorway. Elliot’s clone was much quieter than the original, and perhaps was not cloned correctly because he tended to turn red and fidget whenever Jukilo was around which was the only time he had to observe him of course, but Jukilo was certain that the spawn was showing signs of defect.

Why else to humans turn red, stammer and fidget?

As Jukilo entered the dwelling he leaned in to inspect the child further.

He leaned down in a graceful suited arc despite the fact that he still had some broken glass on his lapel. Almost nose-to-nose with the spawn he studied him carefully.

Jacob squeaked and covered his mouth with the too-long sleeves of his superman pajamas. His redness only only seemed to worsen.

“.....Thomas your spawn is malfunctioning again….”

Thomas only clapped Jukilo on the back and smiled at Jacob “He’s not malfunctioning. I was around his age when I first started to notice other people in THAT way.”

Jacob gaped at his father his redness only worsening “DAD.”

Jukilo stood up to look at Thomas “...Wait what way?”

Elliot laughed “Jacob and the alien sitting in a tree!”

Jacob was a shade of red Jukilo hadn’t yet observed before, it was quite interesting.

“ELLIOT!!! NOOO!!!!”

“Wait why am I in a tree in this scenario in which you have just currently described?”

Thomas only laughed and pushed on the small of Jukilo’s back to push him further into the house. “I’ll tell you when you’re older Jukes.”

Jukilo turned indignantly to Thomas “But I’m FAR older than you therefore-”

Thomas ignored Jukilo and turned to his spawn “Elliot be nice to your brother.” He cupped Jacob’s red face and kissed him gently on the forehead “Don’t worry you know I wouldn’t ever say anything…”

Jacob retreated red-faced and his brother followed laughing.

The troll sat down at the kitchen table while the boys escaped farther into the house.

Thomas looked at his alien friend, the tired look in his eyes, the glass dusting his suit, his disheveled hair.

Thomas took a couple of shot glasses out of the cupboard and set them on the table. He stooped down to a box in the kitchen cupboards and unlocked it with a key off his keyring. He took out a bottle of vodka and set it down on the table. He then took a bottle of maple syrup from the fridge and set it down next to the vodka.

Trolls had much different digestive systems than humans. Alternian plants didn’t flower and grow fruit the same way that Earth plants did, there were hardly any edible plants at all, most alternian plants had thorns and acidic leaves and poisonous spores. There were redfruit trees but the fruit was only as big as your thumb and gave you a massive case of the shits if you didn’t boil them first. Most troll food was edible fungus grown in the caves of Alternia, meat and grub secretions.

Given the lack of sugary resources on Alternia it is no wonder why trolls evolved digestive systems that just couldn’t quite handle a large influx of sugar.

Sugar for a human is quickly digested into a fast and cheap energy source.

Sugar for trolls becomes alcohol in their guts and a full-grown troll can easily become intoxicated on a six-pack of grape soda or a bottle of maple syrup.

Which is exactly what Jukilo plans to do.

Based on non-scientific observation Jukilo has concluded that a shot of maple syrup effects him roughly the same as a shot of vodka effects Thomas.

He had sniffed at the vodka once in curiosity but Thomas told him that a troll drinking alcohol would be as dangerous as guzzling bleach so Jukilo had refrained from sampling it.

“...So…..” Thomas filled one of the shotglasses with maple syrup and slid it over to Jukilo “What happened? You look like shit...”

Jukilo downed his glass of maple syrup, the sugar quickly putting a pleasant haze over his thought-process.

“What happened is that I am an IDIOT. I displayed all the characteristics of idiocy, therefore I am an idiot. What is worse -because it shows characteristics of being unfavorable rather than favorable- is that I performed such idiocy in front of someone I have red inclinations towards, as acting like an idiot will be a detriment to any chances of the object of my feelings returning said red feelings, your observation that I “look like shit” is not unfounded.”

Thomas took a shot of vodka and listened intently, the bitter odor wafted over to Jukilo and he wondered how humans could stand alcohol.

“I don’t think it's as bad as you think it is, but you should really pay for the window you broke.”

Jukilo pawed at the bottle of maple syrup and poured himself another shot. “I showed cowardice, surely someone as noble and beautiful as miss Chloe Bell of the Bell bloodline would not wish to associate with me further.”

The front door opened with a squeak and Laura trudged into the kitchen just as emotionally tired as Jukilo, her shoulders slumped and her hair was falling loose from her ponytail.

Thomas took one look at his wife and poured her a shot.

Laura sat in the chair next to Jukilo and rested her head against his shoulder.

“..hey Juke-box….you look like shit…”

Thomas nodded sagely over his glass “an asute observation my lovely wife, now let me make another observation- you also look like shit.”

Laura flipped off her husband and groaned into Jukilo’s shoulder

Jukilo chittered in sympathy and purred quietly, slowly rocking Laura back and forth where they sat at the kitchen table.

Thomas took one of Laura’s hands and kissed her knuckles. “But in all seriousness, what’s wrong?”

Laura smiled tiredly at her husband and took her shot of vodka. “What's wrong is that I and Crocodile Dad were almost arrested after he tore an animatronic in front of a toy store in two…”

Laura looked dazedly into her glass “he just...eviscerated it...He’s such a sweet a gentle creature, but I can see now how people who don’t know him could be frightened of him...Afterwards though he was so scared, he was shaking…”

Jukilo looked hesitantly at Laura “The feaux subjuggulator at that one toy dispensary?”

“Yeah…” Laura looked up at him “...I forgot that you don’t like toy store either…”

Thomas looked at the both of them. “Am I missing something?”

Jukilo seemed to be a million miles away when he answered “The old Alternia before the new empress was not a good place… it's no wonder he has bad memories as well…”

Laura took a sip of vodka thinking intently “...did he ever tell you about any of your siblings?”

Jukilo shrugged and Laura bounced a bit with the movement “Lusii on Alternia never raise two grubs at the same time. I was the last in a line of 25 that he had raised. I saw pictures but I had never met any of them...”

“26…” Laura murmured “...He raised at least 26..”

Jukilo sighed “You’re not supposed to count the failures..”

Laura shook her head “she wasn’t a failure...she was just different…”

Jukilo slowly spinned his shot glass in his claws. “Different on Alternia wasn’t a trivial matter, if a person was not up to military regulation then they were removed from the potential gene pool to avoid inheritance of the failure.”

“You mean they KILLED her!" A tear worked it’s way down Laura’s cheek she sniffed and poured another shot. “...she wasn’t a failure...she WASN’T...”

Jukilo papped her cheek gently where she was still smooshed up against his side.

“I also hadn’t realized how OLD Crocodile dad is...25 children one after the other… even if he didn’t take any breaks between children… given that the Alternian government took children for conscription when they were sometimes as young as 16 years old...he is at the very least four HUNDRED years old…”

Laura shook her head. “...And that’s not even...not even counting his children that didn’t… that didn’t make it…”

Laura sniffled against him and Thomas squeezed her hand reassuringly. She smiled and brought her husband’s hand up to her mouth to kiss his knuckles.

Thomas smiled fondly at his wife. “...you know Jukilo broke a window today?”

Jukilo’s ears flattened and he scowled at Thomas “tattle-tale….” he hissed.

Laura laughed and pinched Jukilo “When did this happen? Which one of my windows did you break? You’re helping to fix it you know!”

Jukilo shook his head “It was Chloe’s window and as such you needn’t be angry.”

Laura smiled up at him “You were in Chloe’s house??? Tell me what happened?! Did you ask her out yet?”

Jukilo blushed, a faint dusting of teal across his cheeks “She was worried about her grub producing grub silk it-”

Thomas butted in “wait whats grub silk?”

Jukilo shrugged “it happens when a grub is getting ready to pupate it’s a natural thing and-”

“Wait PUPATE?”

Laura put a hand to her husband’s face “Quiet you! I want to hear what happened at Chloe’s house!”

“Anyways..” Jukilo continued “I didn’t want to enter because she is a current lusus and it is quite RUDE and-”

Laura interrupted this time “We’re parents though and you’re always welcome over here!”

“Yes but your spawn do not hiss and attack! They only shoot water pistols at me and turn red!”

Laura smiled at her husband “...you didn’t tell him did you?...”

Thomas smiled back at his wife “No...I wouldn’t embarrass Jacob like that but it's the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!”

Jukilo scowled at the human couple. “What is? What aren’t you telling me?”

Laura laughed and patted his chest “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

“But I’m older than BOTH of you therefore-”

Laura smirked “Yeah but I’m still in charge so SHOOSH.”

Jukilo grumbled “...Your spawn need to be properly leashed... If Chloe had kept her grub properly tethered then I would have had more time to ask her about the painting.”

Laura smacked his chest lightly “I’m not going to leash my kids now what about a painting?”

The teal on Jukilo’s cheeks extended to the tips of his ears “When I was in her house...she had painted me...She’s so talented…”

Laura jumped excitedly in her seat and clutched at Jukilo’s suit “She PAINTED you??”

Jukilo looked glumly in his shot glass “That was BEFORE I broke her window. I’m sure she wants nothing to do with me now…”

Laura shook her head grinning “Juke I don’t think you understand the gravity of this. She chose to paint YOU.”

“..yeah?...”

Laura smiled “Out of all the things she could have chosen to paint...She spent hours painting YOU. Remembering exactly how you looked, thinking about you, remembering you so she could have YOUR FACE hanging up in her house.”

There was no stopping Jukilo’s blush now as it spread across his face and down his neck.

“Artists paint the things that they’re connected to. The things that they find beautiful.”

Thomas held his head in his hands “Careful there darling you’re getting sappy.”

Laura threw the cap off the vodka bottle at him “Shush you! This is romantic!”

Jukilo pawed absentmindedly at his hair. “She said she missed my long hair…”

Laura rolled her eyes “then grow it back. This isn’t the kind of thing that will go away with a haircut and a broken window. Jukilo this MEANS something…”

Jukilo purred and downed the last of his glass of syrup.

After a while Thomas stopped letting Jukilo drink maple syrup.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“I will have had enough Precisely when I have consumed enough. I will have consumed enough when exactly-”

“You have no idea when you’re talking about do you?”

“....no…”

“That's it. I’m putting the maple syrup away.”

“nooooooooooOOOOooooooo…….”

“Thats FINAL Jukilo.”

Jukilo pouted.

“Come on now…” Laura pushed on the small of Jukilo’s back and he leaned back against her, his gangly limbs spread out like a spider.

She kissed his cheek and lazily patted his face “Go on spaceman go home.”

Jukilo purred loudly before standing up and staggering towards the back door. Thomas held the door open for him but instead he flopped over onto Thomas and started to purr even louder.

Thomas staggered for a moment under the sudden troll weight and laughed. He patted a hand across Jukilo’s back and started to rub. With his other hand he scrunched Jukilo’s ear like you would with a cat.

“Alright Jukes go home. We’ll see you tomorrow ok?”

Thomas smiled and Lara smiled and he was so pale for both of them with Thomas’s dots on his face and his red hair and Laura’s pale blue eyes and her tough resilient kindness.

His purr was obnoxiously loud now.

Thomas laughed and pushed him out the door.

Jukilo staggered through their backyard.

“Be safe Jukilo! See you tomorrow!” Laura waved and Jukilo grinned at her before he flopped over her fence and into his yard with a graceless flop.

“Do you think he’s ok?” Laura asked her husband.

Thomas shrugged “probably.”

Jukilo looked up from where had fallen into his yard. The stars were bright tonight, the air chilly.

His dwelling was only a few steps away but…

 

Crocodile dad was still on his back porch. Mulling over his conversation with Laura and the events of that day when he saw a lanky figure flop over the fence into his yard.

The figure stood up shakily and yes he knows the shape of those horns!

“...Dad?..” Jukilo called out in slurred Alternian.

Crocodile dad slapped his tail against the porch in invitation. Come sit with me.

Jukilo staggered over but then paused.  
.

“....I….I’m an adult now...I can’t…”

Crocodile dad huffed and stood up. He gently hugged Jukilo and Jukilo tentatively gripped crocodile dad’s fur. The tension bled out of him.

Jukilo was suddenly overcome with nostalgia. The feeling of being held by his lusus after a long day. Tears rolled down his cheeks “....dad…”

Crocodile dad sat them both on the porch and Jukilo fell asleep the same way he did countless times before in his grubhood, against his lusus looking out at the stars.

Crocodile dad brought his sleeping son inside and set him down gently on the couch in the living room. He combed back his hair and chittered in adoration.

The same little grub...just a little bigger.

 

Jukilo woke up that next morning to a weight on his chest. Something made out of cloth was being flopped against his face. He opened his eyes only for his entire field of vision to be obscured by a green stuffed crocodile, only for the stuffed crocodile to be replaced by honey-brown eyes, brown hair and a little freckled face.

Minnie put her pudgy little hands on his face.

“KITTY!”

Jukilo screamed in terror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you enjoyed! Sorry I took so long to update this!
> 
> I'm thinking of starting a star-trek AU involving the main homestuck characters that might connect to this story. Anywho look out for the next chapter where Jukilo properly meets Minnie and Sharon comes back


	17. Jukilo and Minnie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jukilo wakes up ready to defend himself against the ruthless bloodthirsty toddler.
> 
> fluff ensues

Jukilo screamed behind the couch in the living room, holding a floor lamp to to toddler like a spear.

“STAY BACK I’M WARNING YOU!”

Minnie bounced up and down in her little pink pajamas and laughed “KITTY!!” she giggled and clapped her hands.

Jukilo eyed the toddler warily. He didn’t remember much of what happened last night, he got drunk with Thomas and Laura and then he was about to go home when he visited his former lusus and then he woke up on someone’s couch with a child trying to kill him.

Minnie bounded over to the left side of the couch, Jukilo immediately went to the right to maintain the barrier of the couch between them, still holding the lamp to the toddler.

Minnie giggled her curly hair wild around her face and a gleam in her eye.

She LIKED this game.

Jukilo weighed his options, he could run past the child and escape out the front door that he could see tantalizingly beyond the couch and down the short hallway. There was also a window in the living room that was closer but would still require to get past the child if-

Minnie started to run around the other side of the couch laughing, her little hands outstretched. Jukilo tried to counter and run the other way but he was betrayed by the cord of the lamp that wrapped around his ankle. He was tugged to the ground with a loud FWOMP. He thought maybe he could still crawl to the window but it was over-

The child had won.

Minnie clambered up his front and Jukilo squeezed his eyes shut.

This is it.

This is how he dies.

“Forgive me I did not mean to stray into your territory I promise I will leave therefore”

There was a gentle slap to his forehead. “TAG!”

He opened his eyes in confusion.

The child wasn’t screeching, wasn’t hissing, wasn’t biting. She only sat on his chest with her wild brown hair and her honey-brown eyes.

She clumsily papped his face. “KITTY”

Jukilo looked indignantly at the child “I am NOT a kitty! I display no traits of kittiness of any kind therefore-”

She tugged at one of his long ears. He chittered in mild pain and irritation “Ow no why are you-”

“Kitty kitty meow meow.” Minnie chattered happily.

“NOT A KITTY!”

He tried to scoot away from the child but she only gripped the lapels of his suit harder and giggled.

 

Crocodile dad blearily got up to investigate the noise. He had dumped the pillow square the humans had given him onto the floor and had made a nest with the bedframe and assorted fabric squares that had adorned the pillow square. He went into the living room to investigate.

Jukilo was in the center of the room on the floor one of his legs entangled by the cord of the illumination device that had been smashed Minnie sitting on his chest and chattering happily.

Honestly you leave children alone for five minutes.

Jukilo looked up his eyes wide and his ears down “Father! Thank goodness you have to- OW!”

Minnie had taken a large handful of hair and given it a firm yank. “Kitty kitty!”

Jukilo glared at her “I am not a kitty!”

Crocodile dad rolled his eyes.

Jukilo quickly sat up. Minnie rolled down to his lap still reaching for him she kicked her little legs and laughed obviously amused with the situation.

Jukilo stood up and took Minnie by one of her legs as if she were a wild animal. Minnie laughed at being upside-down her other little leg kicking and waving her arms. Her nightgown fell around her arms and her little yellow bloomers were exposed.

Jukilo held the child as far away from himself as possible. Minnie just giggled and reached out for him “Kitty!”

Jukilo looked panicked at Crocodile dad “What do I do with this???”

Crocodile dad gently took his daughter from his son’s arms and turned her right-side up Minnie giggled and screeched with joy. He looked at his daughter and combed back some of her hair. She patted him breathless on the nose still erupting with tiny little breathless giggles.

He set her against his chest and started off towards the bathroom he motioned for Jukilo to follow.

“Wait why do you-”

Crocodile dad gave his son a patient look. Listen to your father.

They got to the bathroom door and Crocodile dad motioned for Jukilo to hold out his arms. Jukilo obliged and Crocodile and gently set Minnie in them. He then started to run a bath for Minnie, checking the water to make sure it's the right temperature.

“No father why AGBLAH-” Jukilo was interrupted by Minnie sticking her hands into his mouth to explore his teeth.

“Sharp kitty. big teeth.” she whispered.

Jukilo tugged her hands from his mouth and set them down firmly on his chest to keep her from putting them any more places they didn’t belong.

He glared at the child “Would you STOP that? Also I am NOT a kitty!”

Minnie only wiggled and bounced in his arms screeching with delight.

The tub was ready and Crocodile dad took Minnie from Jukilo’s arms, he raised one arm above his head and Minnie obediently copied him raising her own arms so Crocodile dad could take her nightgown off.

He plunked her down into the sudsy water and picked up the bottle of soap Laura had told him was specifically for hair and squirted some out into his paw. He started to lather the soap into Minnie’s hair.

Jukilo was almost...nostalgic. He watched his former lusus and his new charge absentmindedly for a moment before he shook his head to clear his thoughts.

“Yes well-” he cleared his throat “Next time I hope you leash it, or keep it in a kennel because-”

Crocodile dad huffed and pointed to a comb on the countertop.

“Oh yes of course-” Jukilo retrieved the comb and brought it to his former lusus.

Crocodile dad started to comb Minnie’s hair and she splashed in the water happily and chattered to herself.

“-anyways” Jukilo continued “I could buy you a large kennel and the child can in that manner be contained until you need to walk it or whatever it is you do with children. Therefore instances such as the one this morning will-”

Minnie was leaning out of the tub straining for a little white doll beyond her reach.

She looked up at him and pointed at the doll “Kitty!” she demanded.

“Fine. Is this what you want?” He could see why she liked the little doll it was a little white warrior with teeth on it’s helmet in his hand it had a flaming sword.

He chortled a bit to himself. Fire warrior. Just like his namesake.

He gave the little thing to the child and she started to push the button on the dolls’s back in rapid-fire succession.

“HELP ME SAVE THE GALAXY FROM THE FORCES OF EVIL!!!- HELP ME SAVE THE- HELP ME- HEP -HEP -HEP- HEP- HEP-”

Crocodile dad just kept patiently combing her hair as the little doll sputtered in Minnie’s hands.

Jukilo started to edge out of the room. “Alright I will be off now so-”

Crocodile dad huffed and motioned towards the kitchen.

“Fine!” Jukilo started to walk towards the kitchen “I will make breakfast. BUT THEN!-” he poked his head back through the doorway “THEN I WILL LEAVE!”

 

Jukilo had his tie and suit jacket off, his sleeves rolled to his elbows. He had found an apron in one of the kitchen drawers and had donned it. He was whisking eggs in a bowl when a noise from the bathroom made him look up.

Minnie ran from the bathroom giggling and laughing and into the room across from the bathroom. Crocodile dad waddled after her with a towel. Minnie ran OUT of the room and back into bathroom Crocodile dad waddled after her again back into the bathroom. Minnie ran out of the bathroom again but this time Crocodile dad was fast enough and caught her in the towel, he scooped her up and snuffled at her while she laughed and kicked her little feet. He then trudged off to what Jukilo assumed must have been Minnie’s room.

When they reappeared Minnie was wearing a little spring green dress with a sunflower on it. Crocodile dad took her to the kitchen and set her down in the high chair at the kitchen table.

Jukilo had been introduced to the concept of an omelette on earth. Whisk some eggs into a bowl, put the eggs into the fry pan, fill with whatever you want then turn it over and cook it thoroughly. He tried to think of what the little human would want on hers. He doubted she would like his favorite peanut butter and soy sauce omelettes based on how laura and Thomas reacted to them. what do humans like? Lets see...Thomas likes ham and cheese...Laura likes spinach and feta…

He put some ham from yesterday’s boar and slices of cheese in the omelette and folded it. The cheese bubbled cheerfully. He then cut the omelette, one large piece for his lusus and one small piece for the human and set them both on plates. He put one out for his former lusus and one in front of the human. Crocodile dad would appreciate the meat and he doubted that there were any real dairy products in Velveeta “cheese”.

He then started to make his favorite omelette.

Crocodile dad was combing Minnie’s hair into two parts and tying the two parts with sparkly rubber bands. Minnie slapped her hands into her omelette and watched the cheese bubble out with fascination.

“No wait stop-” Jukilo quickly put his omelette onto a plate and retrieved a pair of forks from the drawer “You are absolutely terrible at this, as you are terrible you will therefore need to be instructed.”

He cut off a bit of omelette and speared it with the fork. “Like this.” he instructed as he plopped the bit of egg into Minnie’s mouth.

Minnie took the fork from him and chewed experimentally. She then tried to spear more of the omelette but the piece was too large for her to lift.

“Absolutely terrible at this” Jukilo murmured as he retrieved a butter knife from the drawer and started to cut the omelette into smaller pieces.

With the pieces properly bite-sized Minnie began to dutifully spear and eat the chunks of omelette.

Crocodile dad smiled as Jukilo sat down with them and began to eat.

 

Minnie held Jukilo’s hand and led him to her room. She showed him the all of the toys crocodile dad and Laura had bought for her yesterday, especially the plushies.

“What is this? A meowbeast?” Jukilo inspected the seventh plushie Minnie had retrieved and dropped into his lap. Jukilo was partially covered in plushies some of which squeaked when he tried to move.

Minnie then tottered to the pile of books they had bought but had forgotten to put on her little bookshelf and retrieved a book. She tottered over to Jukilo and gave him the book. She then sat down in his lap and cuddled her power ranger expectantly.

“What is this? You want me to read to you?” Minnie nodded.

Jukilo looked at the cover. “The very hungry caterpillar” it read. He flipped through a couple of pages.

“This publication seems bereft of any real plot or character development. I see no reason why you would be interested in it therefore-”

Minnie slapped a hand against the book and pouted up at him.

“FINE…” Jukilo rolled his eyes but acquiesced “I shall read you the wriggler book, but I think that you’ll find that it is severely lacking in storytelling finesse.”

Jukilo began to read to the human. Minnie listened intently and didn't even mind when he went off on tangents or overly explanatory explanations.

crocodile dad listened to his son reading to his daughter and smiled.

There was an ominous buzz from the backyard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter! Hope to continue soon!


	18. Crocodile dad and Sharon bffs 4 lyfe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jukilo very briefly is a badass and Sharon and Crocodile dad go to suburban mom things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a HUGE chapter. I was going to split it into two chapter but you know what? You deserve it. why is there a chapter so early? Well because I wrote the damn thing and fuck if I'm going to hide it from you.
> 
> When will I write another chapter? Hopefully soon because I have some things planned out that are going to be AWESOME. So hang onto your butts.

The buzz got louder and louder until it was a harsh shriek. Crocodile dad put his paws over his head to try and muffle the sound. Crocodile dad groaned low and in pain what was that sound????

One of Jukilo’s ears twitched up, tracking the sound. “I can hear something...faintly…”

Crocodile dad howled and Minnie looked up in concern. “Kitty?”

Jukilo removed Minnie from his lap and went to his father’s side “Father you need to tell me what is causing you such distress as I am unaware of the source as of current I am therefore unable to help, I need you to-”

Crocodile dad howled louder as the buzzing whine upped in pitch. Jukilo’s ears twitched and he could hear voices from the back yard.

Jukilo ripped back the curtain. Three men in sleeveless shirts were working in the yard.

He looked back at crocodile dad who was now curled on the hardwood floor his hands to his head, Minnie hugged his snout and stroked her hands across his scales tears working down her cheeks.

 

It was Lawrence’s third day working for his uncle doing construction. He was working over the summer to build up tuition for when he went back to school in the fall. He was working with his uncle’s friend Jerry today helping to build a gate.

Jerry was one of the biggest guys Lawrence had ever seen but against this gate he looked TINY.

Another weird thing was that this huge gate didn’t even go anywhere, just straight into the marsh.

“Hey Jerry…” Lawrence looked up at the frame of the gate “What the hell do you think this is even for?”

Jerry switched on the air compressor and the air filled with a whiney buzz. He hooked up his nail gun to the air compressor and loaded in a nail strip. “Fuck if I know...It really isn’t our place to ask...maybe they’re gonna put a dock out there who knows…”

As the air compressor geared up a loud groaning sound came from within the house. It reminded Lawrence of the sound a cat makes when it’s upset, only this cat sounded like it smoked twenty packs of cigarettes a day and was also 900 pounds.

Lawrence’s uncle put a hand to his ear “what the shit is that?”

Just then someone burst out of the back door to the house. If you gave Lawrence time he probably would have recognized the figure as a troll from all of those news reports and that one weird documentary about how human television shows are affecting troll society but right now-

Right now-

The figure was tall and lanky with curling horns. Retractable claws fully extended and snarling viciously showing a disproportionate amount of teeth. His eyes were narrowed to harsh slits and a low growl erupted from it’s throat.

He pointed at Jerry. “YOU!”

Jerry put up his hands “Who me?”

The figure leapt from the back porch and zipped to the larger man. Despite the fact that Jerry was taller than the horned figure the horned man twisted a hand in Jerry’s shirt and lifted him off the ground.

“WHO SENT YOU??” he demanded “MAKE IT STOP THIS INSTANT!”

Jerry was wide eyed with panic “WHAT??? MAKE WHAT STOP??”

The howling from inside the house grew louder and the horned figure tensed with the sound. “MAKE THE SOUND STOP OR-”

The sound? The sound! Lawrence dived for the air compressor and with shaking hands turned the off switch. The sound of the air compressor died down and puttered out into silence.

The howling died down and the change in the horned man was immediate. The tension bled out of him and he set Jerry back on the ground. Jerry was still wide-eyed and breathing heavily from the encounter. The horned man’s eyes became calmer and now lawrence could see they were a nice shade of teal.

The horned man sighed and put a hand to his chest in relief. Very suddenly the man had stopped looking like a crazed monster and more someone who had been very worried.

He looked over at Lawrence and is it weird that he thinks that the guy that almost just killed his friend is actually kinda ho-

“Thank you.” The man said earnestly.

Shit.

 

Sharon Kakkar walked into the backyard. “Hello? Have you made much progress? I was hoping that-”

“YOU.” Jukilo hissed out.

“Ugh.” Sharon looked at the alien from over her phone “what are YOU doing here?”

Jukilo pointed a claw at Sharon in an accusatory manner. “You have gone TOO FAR this time!”

Sharon shook her head “What are you even TALKING about?”

Jukilo looked down at her haughtily. “I know very well your intentions towards me but targeting my father in such a manner is unbecoming of you.”

Sharon gaped at the troll her mouth pinched in rage “INTENTIONS??”

Jukilo crossed his arms and haughtily quirked up his eyebrows “Do not try to deny it. Your feelings are very clear but your current attack was completely uncalled for!”

Sharon threw her smartphone at him. The phone bounced off his head and he growled at her. “ATTACK??? ATTACK??? THERE NEVER WERE ANY ATTACKS! YOU JUST BLAME ME FOR THINGS YOU PARANOID DOUCHEBAG!”

Jukilo put a claw to her lips “I know you’re trying your best but it’s OVER between us. Your sonic attack went too far.”

“THERE WASN’T ANY SONIC ATTACK!” Sharon screamed “THEY’RE BUILDING A GATE!”

Crocodile dad waddled out of the house carrying Minnie.

Jerry screamed and ran out to the street.

Crocodile dad hugged Minnie closer and looked around. Again with the running and the screaming what is out there???

Sharon had her arms crossed and was explaining something to Jukilo “Look.” she said condescendingly “They need this gate built so that your father can go out swimming and Minnie can play in the backyard without drowning in the swamp.”

Jukilo motioned towards the air compressor “The machinery here caused great pain and distress to my father therefore it cannot be on this property!”

Lawrence piped in “We um need...the compressor to um...run the power tools in order to make the gate…” he looked over at Crocodile dad and nodded “we’re um...we’re sorry for um...any distress…”

Crocodile dad’s auditory ducts were still ringing but he nodded at the youth. What a sweet young man.

Jukilo turned to the younger man “Tell me approximately how long would it take to build the gate.”

Lawrence shrugged “Um… half a day with just me and my uncle…” he motioned to the older man who was standing off to the side and gaping at Crocodile dad “It would be less if we had Jerry here but…” he looked over to where Jerry had absconded “...I really don’t think he’s coming back.”

Jukilo rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Sharon shrugged and turned to Crocodile Dad. “look. Let me take you out for the day. We can have a nice relaxing day and I’ll buy you lunch, how does that sound?”

Crocodile dad shrugged and nodded. Anything to get him away from that awful sound.

Sharon smiled at him “then it's settled.”

Jukilo looked indignantly at the two of them “What about Minnie? Father you have lususing responsibilities!”

Minnie tottered over to Jukilo and held out her arms “UP.” she demanded. He obligingly picked up the toddler and Minnie settled against him.

Sharon smirked at the pair of them. “You’re a grown troll you’ll be fine babysitting for ONE day.”

Crocodile dad shrugged. Usually he would be wary but Jukilo performed exceptionally well this morning.

Sharon lowered the back seats in her car and Crocodile dad boarded the expensive looking car warily. Sharon put on her sunglasses and applied another coat of lipstick using the rear-view mirror.

Sharon turned to Crocodile dad. “I want to apologize to you.” she looked over her sunglasses at him “I honestly was trying to help. I had no idea that it would cause you distress.”

Crocodile dad shrugged and scratched out a note in his notebook and showed it to Sharon.

“That’s alright. Sometimes things happen.”

Sharon laughed humorlessly. “Things don’t just ‘happen’ there are always causes and effects. If I had been more careful in my research of your species maybe this wouldn’t have happened…”

Crocodile dad patted her arm. She really seemed to put a lot of pressure on herself.

Sharon started the car. “Tell me.” she slid her sunglasses back up “would you like to learn yoga?”

Crocodile dad considered this and jotted down another note carefully in his notebook.

“Is this ‘yoga’ a form or battle training?”

Sharon smiled “in a way..”

Crocodile dad nodded.

“Then..” Sharon grinned, crocodile Dad’s reflection in her sunglasses. “it’s settled.”

 

Sharon pulled up to a building that had a mug on the front with the words “Jana’s Java” stylized on the front. “Caffeine.” she explained. “Is a very important step in the day.”

They went in and the world exploded into new colors and smells and people rushing around and sitting at booths and chatting.

Another person ran out screaming but Crocodile dad didn't blame them.

Sharon was QUITE scary.

The girl behind the counter looked extremely disappointed to see Sharon there but quickly plastered on a false smile.

“AND. WHAT. CAN. I. GET. FOR. YOU. MA'AM?”

She was about 5 foot 4 with wild brown hair tied back with a bandana. When she noticed Crocodile Dad she smiled and gave him a little wave.

Sharon recited her order over the screen of her smartphone “venti almond milk chai non-fat hold the whip.” she looked over at Crocodile Dad. “...and something simple for my friend here, non-dairy…”

The girl shrugged. “Simple black with milk foam?”

Sharon glared at the girl “NON-DAIRY”

The girl held up her hands “OK FINE!”

Sharon huffed at her over her smartphone and mutted something about “never being able to find good help at these places.” The girl begrudgingly began to make the drink.

Sharon got her coffee, took a sip and was immediately displeased “I said ALMOND MILK not SOY!”

The girl grit her teeth and took back the coffee. Crocodile dad tried to drink his but he didn’t exactly have lips like the humans did and mostly just dribbled on himself.

The girl came back with the new coffee and Sharon snatched it from her hand. She looked thoughtfully at Crocodile dad and made another demand of the worker.

“Could we have a bowl?”

The girl came back with the bowl and Sharon poured his drink into it and went to go find them a table.

Crocodile dad stayed with the girl for a moment and scritched out a note for her.

“Don’t be discouraged. You’re doing a lovely job.” He then drew a smiley face.

The girl looked up from the note and gave him a small smile. “Thanks um...That actually means a lot…”

Crocodile Dad put a twenty in the tip jar, the girl’s eyes widened. “Wait that's too much!”

Oh pish posh. Crocodile dad actually didn’t know how much it was, only that out of all the human ladies he saw on the currency he liked this one the best.

He then went to join Sharon at the booth she had picked out. She sipped her coffee delicately and Crocodile dad sniffed his.

Hmm...bitter…

Sharon considered him for a moment. “Small taste at first. Just in case.”

Crocodile dad nodded and gave it a small lick. Hmmm...it tasted...zingy...he liked it!

Crocodile Dad lapped at his beverage and another human woman came up to the table.

She was wearing a bright pink dress that showed quite a bit of cleavage. She had ample blonde hair that was curled wildly and expensive sunglasses on her head. She was painted like Sharon was but even to Crocodile Dad’s untrained eye had done so quite heavily. She had matched her eyeshadow and her lipstick to the dress. She held a plastic coffee cup that had a smiley face on it and the words “It's five o’ clock somewhere!!!” on it.

Crocodile dad is usually a very amicable guy but this woman hadn’t even spoken yet and he was annoyed. Maybe it’s not as bad as he thinks it is, maybe-

“HIIIII SHARON!!!” the woman screeched nasally.

So it's worse than what he initially thought…

Sharon plastered on a fake smile “Helen. Darling. What an absolute PLEASURE to see you.”

Helen smiled “Same darling! Same!” Helen looked at Crocodile dad “So who’s this new fella? HUH? Why haven't you introduced him to me yet?”

Sharon looked over her cup at her. “Because I respect him Helen.” Sharon sipped her chai.

Helen only smiled wider, more predatory at Sharon. “It must be hard…” the woman sang out in false sympathy “to have so many aliens in your neighborhood…”

Sharon quirked up her eyebrows and set down her cup. “Not as hard as fucking your kid’s piano teacher behind your husband’s back.” she looked hard at Helen “hypothetically of course. Who on Earth would be doing something like that?”

 

Helen pinched her lips, flipped her blonde hair, gathered up her bag and stomped away.

Sharon rolled her eyes at the woman as she walked away. “What a cunt.”

Crocodile dad huffed in agreement.

“Alright on to the gym.” Sharon finished her coffee and started to glide out the door.

The next building was low and had the word “FITNESS” emblazoned boldly on the side.

“I’m allowed to bring guests once in awhile so that they can test out the yoga class before paying to to attend.” Sharon explained.

Sharon went into the locker room and returned wearing stretchy black pants and a tight pink top she put a fabric loop around her head and one on each wrist. She handed some to Crocodile dad and he stretched them experimentally.

“That one goes around your head and these two go around your wrists.”

Crocodile dad ended up having to put the head-band around some scale to make it stay but got it work.

He tried his best to copy the human at the front of the room but these humans were all so bendy.

“Reeeeeach to the sky…” the instructor said in a dreamy voice. “Loosen your spine….you are a graceful willow...a proud oak…”

Crocodile dad strained. Yes. Proud oak!

The human folded in on herself. “Reach for your toes...transition to a downward dog….”

Crocodile dad fell over with a large crashing THWOMP.

Apparently that was the warm up.

Sharon ran on the treadmill and Crocodile dad skittered on all four legs on the one next to her, dwarfing the little exercise machine.

Sharon had been singing along to the music in the gym. “And every day I’m in the gym working on my fitness, he’s my witness!” she then playfully pointed at Crocodile dad.

Yes! He shall witness this! Behold! He smiled and skittered faster.

Next they got smoothies at the gym’s cafe and Sharon intimidated a worker into making a “fruit smoothie” with grilled chicken breasts for crocodile dad by threatening to sue for speciesism.

Crocodile dad happily lapped at his blended chicken and Sharon sipped at her banana lemon mango smoothie.

Sharon smiled at him. “We worked hard today. I think we deserve a treat.” she mopped up some sweat from her forehead with the head-band. “Do you want to go get manicures?”

Crocodile dad had no idea what that was but he wanted one.

 

At the “lucky nails” nail salon Crocodile dad laid on the floor while a manicurist gently held his paw in her lap and filed his claws.

Sharon sat back in one of the spa chairs while another worker filed her considerably smaller nails. The workers wrapped Sharon’s hair in a towel and put some kind of green paste on her face followed by cucumber sliced over her eyes.

Another worker approached Crocodile dad with a bowl of the same green paste and cucumber slices. “Sir would you also like a soothing face mask?”

Well why not. Crocodile dad is an adventurous Crocodile.

He motioned to the towel around Sharon’s hair.

The worker seemed confused. “But you don’t have hair sir…”

Crocodile dad pouted, his eyes going wide. The woman filing his names tittered out a laugh and patted his snout.

“Alright fine…”

Crocodile dad laid on the floor his face greened by the “soothing mask”, cucumbers over his eyes and a towel folded on top of his head. The manicurist was still working on his claws, buffing them to a shine.

Another worker was at Sharon’s toes. “Mmmm….are you enjoying yourself Crocodile?”

Crocodile dad yawned and grunted an affirmative.

“Good…”

After their soothing face masks Sharon and crocodile dad get their nails and claws painted respectively. Sharon gets hers painted a bright candy red and Crocodile dad picks out an opalescent polish.

He is so proud of his claws, filed to a sharp point, shining opalescent in the sunlight.

He makes sure to tip the workers graciously (or what he assumes is graciously he still has no idea which bill means what) but he gave them some of his favorite human lady bills and Sharon did the same.

The workers wave them goodbye and he gets back into sharon’s car.

Sharon smiled “that was a good day.”

Crocodile dad huffed in agreement.

“Would you like to do it again some time?”

Crocodile dad smiled and nodded.

They drove home and sharon walked him to his house “Well that was a lovely day and don’t worry about the yoga, it takes a lot of work and-”

“YOU!!” a woman pointed at the two of them. Her dirty brown hair was falling loose from it’s bun and she had a wild look in her eyes. She had a pink flowered button-up dress and a large gold cross on a chain around her neck.

“JEZEBEL! TRAITOR!”

Sharon looked at her smartphone “Edith I don’t have time for you. Could you please take your bible thumping elsewhere?”

Edith only shook and grit her teeth “Inviting demons and MONSTERS!!” she pointed at Crocodile dad.

Crocodile dad put a paw to his chest. What him?

Sharon glared at her. “LEAVE EDITH. OR I’LL CALL THE COPS FOR TRESPASSING!”

Edith spit on the ground “I ain’t the only one who thinks they don’t belong here. This isn’t the end of it!” she then ran off down the street.

Sharon patted Crocodile Dad on the arm. “She’s crazy but she’s mostly harmless.”

Mostly?

Sharon opened the door to Crocodile dad’s hive. Minnie was asleep on the couch a half-eaten peanutbutter and Jelly sandwich next to her.

Jukilo seemed to be in mid-lecture about another children’s book “Goodnight moon? You can’t say ‘goodnight’ to the moon it isn’t a living entity it has no idea about the concept of ‘good’ or ‘night’ therefore-”

Crocodile dad snuffled at his son. Well how did it go?

Jukilo put his hands on his hips proudly. “As you can see father there are no fires, no irreparable damage! I educated the child thoroughly using the books here! I made her lunch and she fell asleep!”

Crocodile dad looked down at his daughter fondly where she slept with her face mushed into a pillow and combed his claws through her hair.

Jukilo nodded. “No surprises, no twists, nothing awful happening, this was truely an uneventful day that went exactly according to pla-”

His phone rang in his pocket “Oh it’s Chloe do you mind if I take this?”

He pushed the answer button “Yes Chloe what is-”

Only high-pitched screaming came in from the other end of the line punctuated with an occasional sob.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

“Chloe??? Whats wrong??”

Just then a very meaty leg kicked down the door. “Bulletproof” Ben trudged over the wreckage of the door to Jukilo, his grub in his arms.

The little grub was breathing shallowly covered in a fine yellow film and surrounded partially with grub silk. She could barely keep her eyes open with how sluggish she was. Curled up as she was she only gave a tiny “peep” to the commotion going on around her.

Ben picked Jukilo up by his shirt and shook him roughly “FIX THIS!!!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also if you give me your physical descriptions I'll write you in as minor parts! Barista who's life was made miserable by Sharon was gsunny6 here on AO3!


	19. Laquda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crocodile dad has to save Chloe and Ben's grubs after the inexperienced lusii mistakenly tried to pull their grubs out of their cocoons. Crocodile dad thinks back to a similar mistake he made when he was a new lusus and someone is coming to Earth.

Crocodile dad’s eyes went wide as he saw the grub in the large human’s arms.

The grub was just over a sweep old, covered in pre-pupation mucus and-

Oh no.

Oh no oh no oh no.

He’s been pulling at the grub silk.

It’s a very common mistake for new lusii to make. When a grub starts to go into pupation they cover themselves in pre-pupatory mucus and a thick coat of grub silk to protect their tiny little bodies when they metamorphosize. An inexperienced lusus will come into the hive one day only to find their grub trapped in webbing and will panic and rip the webbing.

Accidentally killing the grub.

Crocodile dad was so lucky to have had older lusii around when he first took a charge or else-

Ben’s hands were shaking, one holding his grub the other keeping Jukilo aloft.

“GET IT OFF.” he demanded. His eyes were wide with fear and panic “GET IT OFF!”

His hand tightened where he was holding his daughter, some of the strands of grub silk snapping with loud wet pops that to Crocodile dad’s auditory channels spelled out a grub’s doom.

Crocodile dad let out a warning growl.

Ben turned and noticed the giant alien crocodile in the room. He threw Jukilo to the ground and Jukilo gasped in a sputtering breath.

Ben pulled a large hunting knife out of his boot and pointed towards the crocodile. “STAY AWAY FROM HER.”

And there he stood, Crocodile dad thought, a once again a lusus who would fight to the death to protect his charge.

Crocodile dad advanced. Ben gripped his weapon harder, his eyes hardened with resolve.

Crocodile dad lowered to all four legs and shook his armored plating, slimming them across his back in an attempt to look as small as possible, he reached forward with his talons curled in.

I’m small I’m small I’m small and I want to help please let me help.

Jukilo sat up from where he had been thrown to the floor, raising his arms in a placating manner. “Mr.Bulletproof?....your grub is going through pupation she needs her cocoon.”

Ben pointed the knife at Jukilo his face white with panic and his eyes wide. “FIX THIS.”

Jukilo advanced, crouched in on himself. “Then let him help you. He’s a lusus let him help you.”

Ben looked towards Crocodile dad the vein in his neck visibly pulsing with strain. The man shook with rage and terror. He looked like he could lunge forward with the knife and-

Lily in his arms made a tiny little hopeless peep. She sounded so tired, so in pain.

Ben looked down at her and dropped the knife.

He looked at Crocodile dad overwhelming grief in his eyes. “...please.” he sobbed and held her closer "FIX THIS"

 

Back when Crocodile dad was but a young crocodile.

He was young and he was reckless. He was barely a hundred years old and with that youth came a sort of cockiness. He swam through the swamps of Alternia like it was his kingdom, and in a way it was. He was the Largest male and he fought viciously for every inch of his territory.

The two moons were high over the purple water, the trees were colossal and ancient trailing branches lazily across the water, six-armed monkey lusii howled as he swam by warning each other of his presence, dragging the younger ones from the water’s edge.

They had learned well from experience.

Crocodile rose onto a rocky outcropping and shook his scales, looking out onto his territory. He huffed and scratched grooves into the already well-scratched surface of the rock to remind any foolish trespassers of just how big his claws were. As he surveyed his territory he saw a white shadow in the distance streaming under the water, a white scaly loop of serpentine body rose and dipped back down into the water. He growled at the intrusion and a serpentine head rose and towered over the water, looking around at the area. A twenty foot long dragon-worm was roaming through his territory.

And that just wouldn’t do.

Crocodile fluffed out his armored plating and roared. The dragon-worm turned to look at him. The dragon-worm fluffed out it’s own scales, its gills flared and hissed down at Crocodile.

YIELD TERRITORY.

Crocodile rose to his hind legs before slamming his front paws onto the rock he stood on, leaving a large crack. He braced himself and raised his armored plates higher, thick and wickedly jagged. He roared and bared his teeth.

NO.

There was something desperate about the dragon-worm. Most creatures knew to be wary of taking on armored lizard, even if they did outsize them.

But whatever had taken this dragon-worm from its established territory-

They couldn’t go back.

And they had something to fight for.

The dragon-worm swam to the side of the small clearing and craned their neck to set something on a branch, but what it was crocodile couldn’t see from this distance.

Not that he cared.

He followed the dragon-worm with his eyes. The dragon worm looked hard at the little bundle it has set in the tree and turned to face Crocodile.The dragon-worm flared out the fins lining its face and bared it’s long needle-like teeth. It lunged streaming through the water at Crocodile.

Crocodile stood his ground for as long as he could until the last moment between him and the dragon-worm’s teeth. He leapt out of the way and the Dragon worm skidded onto the rocky shoreline its teeth scraping noisily across the grey stone.

He blocked the way back to the water as the dragon-worm rose, curling its serpentine body and hissing ominously. A bloodied tooth fell from the Dragon-worm’s mouth, trickling blood down its jaw. The other creature hissed and screeched.

YIELD TERRITORY.

Crocodile shook his plating angrily, harsh clacks filling the air.

NO. LEAVE.

The dragon-worm reared up and screeched again. Blood splattering across the rocks.

NEED.

Crocodile also reared up and roared, flexing out his claws.

NO.

The dragon-worm steeled itself in its resolve, looking at Crocodile harshly it’s eyes in dangerous dagger-like slits.

FINE.

The dragon worm lunged again, their tail whipping out behind them. Crocodile caught the creature, holding the upper jaw in one paw and the lower jaw in another paw. The creature screeched and whipped it’s body around to strike at Crocodile but he did not relent even as it's teeth sunk into Crocodile's paws, the creature’s breath icy cold on his face, it’s tongue lashing wildly across his snout where he held the dragon-worm’s jaws open.

Crocodile bared his teeth and in one snap ripped the dragon-worm’s tongue from it’s maw. The screeching became more high pitched and the creature’s silvery blood spurted across his face, but with one fatal snap Crocodile split the creature’s jaws apart.

And mercifully.

The dragon-worm was dead.

Crocodile spit out the dragon-worm’s long tongue.

He dragged the corpse back to the water and sunk it under one of the exposed roots of the colossal trees in the bog, he liked his meat best when it was aged a couple of days in the swamp water and-

The swamp had become deathly silent during Crocodile and the dragon-worm’s battle but now a tiny sound cut through the silence. He tracked the sound back to the branch that the dragon-worm had been so intent on.

In a fit of curiosity Crocodile swam up to the tree. He used his talons to maneuver onto a long curving root. He braced himself and jumped to a higher root and then a higher root, almost losing his balance as his aquatic body was ill-suited to the task.

A redfruit was thrown at crocodile, splattering him in the snout. He growled at the perpetrators.

The six-armed monkey-lusii screeched at him, armed with fruit, jumping up and down in display. They waved their three sets of arms angrily and shook the branches as they thrashed.

STAY IN THE WATER THAT WAS THE DEAL TREES ARE FOR US.

Crocodile roared and dug deep into the bark of the tree, using his talons to support his girth as he made his way laboriously into the tree, monkey lusii screeching at him the entire way.

He finally reached the branch.

It was a white satchel with a little pearl button. Crocodile sniffed at it and something inside it MOVED.

He jumped back.

There was a tiny little distressed sound coming from the bag.

The monkey lusii were all silent, crowding around each other in the branches above crocodile in curiosity.

Crocodile opened the bag and-

A tiny little grub was curled in on itself, its horns curved backwards in graceful arcs, it's fins pressed to the sides of its face in terror, it looked up at him with big beady grey eyes filled with purple tears. When the little grub didn’t see its lusus the peeping became louder and more distressed, curling in tighter.

Crocodile closed the bag.

Shit.

He held the bag out towards the monkey lusii and huffed.

GRUB. TAKE IT.

The monkey lusii chittered back.

NO.

Crocodile growled to himself. He didn’t have time for this.

YOU TAKE GRUBS. TAKE THIS ONE.

The monkey lusii only chittered and hopped from branch to branch.

BROWNS AND GREENS BROWNS AND GREENS. They chittered in an off-kilter chorus.

FISH DON’T KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN IN THE TREES.

Crocodile rubbed his snout. He could just drop the bag and forget he ever saw it. He was about to leave the bag when the peeping inside grew even louder. He opened the bag with intentions of scaring the little bug into silence but when he undid the pearl button and looked inside-

It was so afraid. The little grub was wracked with tears, sobs shuddering down its body it fits.

Crocodile had no idea why he did it but in a fit of empathy he didn't know he was capable of, he started to pet the little thing in an attempt to calm it down. It peeped and shuddered, it's little tears slowing but not stopping.

He took the satchel and grub back to his cave.

He doted on that grub like she was an armored lizard lusus pup. He took her out on hunts, her bracing against his head as he swam through the bog. He played with her, moving his tail back and forth and her hunting it with tiny little growls. She would ‘catch’ him and he would roll over and howl pretending to fall to her hunting prowess and she would worriedly peep and lick his nose until he arose.

She slept in a pile of bones from his kills, happily gnawing in her sleep. He carved her toys from those bones, tiny little white fish that she pretended to hunt chewing and peeping with pleasure.

One day his little grub started to slow and become sluggish and he went out to gather herbs that had helped him when he had gotten sick.

He had returned only to find her strung up in silky strands, her little body encased.

He had panicked and pulled on the webbing, trying to free his little grub. He had gotten to her but she was in such pain, breathing hard.

He didn’t know what to do.

There was a very ancient lusus that lived on the edge of his territory. He swam through his bog, his grub phasing in and out of consciousness in the satchel he had found her in. He swam and he swam until he saw the moving island.

Ducking under the water he swam down until he saw her head.

She was a massive lusus, a giant rat-like creature with large plating on her back that over the centuries proud trees had grown from. Lusii of her kind started out as small as a mouse, burrowing holes into the thick hides of trees, but they did not stop growing, slightly larger year after year until they became as large as Crocodile or even like the moving island. She was a proud and weary creature, nearly blind from age but her eyes still shone with an old and wise sort of kindness.

She rose from the water and he also surfaced.

He demeanor was questioning but not unkind.

WHY IN TERRITORY?

Crocodile presented his grub. The little thing trailing grub silk.

With her massive and unimaginably careful talons she showed him how to save his grub from his own mistake.

The grub was dipped in the water like a baptism, slowly swirled so that the silk once again wrapped around. With her massive tongue she soothed the silk back into place. Under her instructions Crocodile tore the lining of the satchel out and used the thin silk around the grub.

The younger lusus looked nervously to the elder one.

WILL SHE LIVE?

The elder lusus looked at him softly.

ONLY TIME WILL TELL YOUNG ONE.

 

Crocodile dad grabbed one of the curtains from the living room and led Ben and his grub towards the bathroom. He filled the tub as Ben tried to sooth his grub, tears working down his face.

“Laura I need you to get Chloe.” Jukilo huffed worriedly into the phone, Humans are lusii, shouldn’t they just know this? Like how Thomas just KNOWS when one of his children has had a bad day or when Laura just KNOWS when one of her spawn is doing something they shouldn’t.

Laura spoke worriedly back. “Are you ok? Ben was here! Apparently he kicked down several doors in the neighborhood to try and find you. Me and Thomas and the kids were watching a movie when he broke the door but he ran out before we could ask him what’s wrong”

“His grub is apparently in danger. Chloe’s too. Shouldn’t lusii just KNOW this? Like an instinct?”

Laura was silent for a moment “.....Parenting is a learning process Jukilo...I’ll get Chloe.”

Laura led Chloe to Crocodile dad’s house, she entered just as the tub became full.

Laura wiped away some of Chloe’s tears as she blubbered, holding the ripped cocoon of her own grub in her arms.

“I WAS JUST SO WORRIED!!!” Chloe sobbed and tears ran down her cheeks in fat drops “WHAT IF HE DIES??”

Jukilo watched as Laura shooshed Chloe, not really sure how to feel about his moirail shooshing his flush-crush.

Laura wiped Chloe’s tears and Chloe leaned into her “It’s ok Chloe...shush it's ok...Crocodile knows what he’s doing ok? He’ll fix it ok?”

Chloe was still wracked with wheezing sobs, shakily holding her grub.

Jukilo supposed he should at least try to say something comforting.

He laid a hand on Chloe’s shoulder, she looked up at him with big brown eyes filled with tears he leaned in and-

“If it dies I’ll just get you another one.”

Chloe’s sobbing was even WORSE now.

Laura glared at him and led Chloe to where Crocodile dad and Ben were standing in the bathroom. “Goddamn it Jukilo.”

He wasn’t really sure what he did. A tiny hand wormed its way into his. He looked down and Minnie looked up at him worriedly.

“Kitty?” she whispered and tugged nervously at her dress.

He picked her up obligingly and she tucked her head down and tried to bury herself in the lapels of his suit. He rocked slightly back and forth.

“It is alright Minnie. Actually that's a lie things are not alright now but the point is that they will be ok?”

He wasn’t sure if she really understood him but her sniffled into his suit and seemed just a bit less worried.

He pointed towards the bathroom. “Kitty is fixing it ok? That's how you know things will get better.”

Minnie settled in. “how better?”

Jukilo shrugged and smiled sadly. “Because he always makes it better.”

Minnie was silent then and they waited nervously together in the living room, waiting for any news.

 

Crocodile dad gently took the yellow blooded grub from Ben’s hands. Ben seemed reluctant to part. He watched her nervously as Crocodile dad lowered her into the tub.

“NO WAIT!” he seemed ready to snatch his daughter back “DON’T PUT HER IN THE WATER! SHE’LL DROWN!”

Crocodile dad shook his head, he put a paw comfortingly on Ben’s arm and Sharon held him back with one perfectly manicured hand on his chest.

Sharon turned to look at Ben “He knows what he’s doing. Let him save your daughter.”

Ben nodded slowly, tears still in his eyes.

Crocodile dad lowered the grub into the water and swirled her in the water just like the elder lusus had shown him all those years ago. The silk wrapped around the grub gently, hiding her little body from view. He took the thinly-wrapped cocoon from the water and licked the strands into place. He then tore a large section of curtain and wrapped it around the cocoon and smoothed into place.

He repeated the process with Chloe’s grub, her sobbing as the little bundle was lowered into the water.

Chloe and Ben each held their children’s cocoon’s somberly, patterned in the garish curtains Thomas has picked out for Crocodile’s home on a whim, the large yellow flowers contrasting with the serious mood.

Chloe still has dried tear tracks across her cheeks.

“Will…” Chloe murmured “...will he survive?”

Crocodile dad looked softly at the both of them, he took Chloe’s hands and held them gently against the bundle that held her son’s cocoon.

Only time will tell.

 

Laquda Lareek stomped across the bridge of her battleship. She was a massive troll, nine feet tall and heavily muscled, her horns long and deadly arches that curved behind her, her fins flared out, her hair long and wild. Her teeth were wide and dagger-like escaping past her lips in serated points like shark teeth, a long scar over her left eye. Now that the endless conquest of the troll empire had ended warships like her’s were all but useless. She was halfway through a contract using her warship as a cargo ship for trade between Earth and alternia when she got the news.

She scratched her claws noisily across the handrest oh her seat. Her crew could sense her moods after sweeps on the ship and were practically tiptoeing around her trying not to upset her as she towered moodily above them.

Among the crew in whispers only in places they ABSOLUTELY knew she couldn’t hear or they knew they might as well be dead she was known as “The swamp-dweller”

Whereas most seadwellers emerge from the ocean for conscription, prim and proper and already bejeweled with gold and gems, she had come from deep within the swamps, feral, dressed in animal hides and bones. There were rumors that her lusus had been an armoured lizard lusus, terrifying, ruthless beasts that roamed the Alternian swamps.

She had trained under commander Ozainu and she proved to be a talented and ruthless fighter, having come out of the bog more animal than troll. And although she was a great fighter she was impatient and reckless, and while some unfortunate seadwellers had tried to force her into decorum she stayed as wild as the day she swam out of the swamp.

Laquda growled to herself and her staff grew tense. Why the hell had he gone to EARTH of all places. She reached into her pocket and thumbed a little carved bone fish. She still chewed it from time to time in private when she was particularly nervous.

He didn’t know how DANGEROUS Earth was. He could get hurt.

OR SOMEONE COULD HURT HIS FEELINGS.

She tore off the armrest of her chair and threw it at the wall slamming into some piece of equipment. Wired sparked and technicians quickly scurried to fix whatever it was she broke. They were used to this kind of shit and usually just followed her until she punched, threw or smacked something.

Laquda growled at the thought of someone HURTING HIS FEELINGS.

She was already feeling immeasurable rage towards the hypothetical human that dared be mean to him.

She’ll kill that imaginary son of a bitch.

She stood up suddenly and the crew that had been milling around on the bridge, some of her crew members put their clipboards over their heads in case she threw something.

“TAKE US TO EARTH.”

A little cerulean blood pushed up her glasses and raised a finger “Um...Captain Laquda? We were in the middle of taking a shipment of anime DVDs from Earth to Alternia so-”

Laquda picked up the cerulean by the scruff of her uniform.

“EARTH. NOW.”

Her underlings scurried to obey her and she sat back in her chair.

She has a Crocodile Dad to rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D sorry for not updating in a million years! Comment your reactions! did you like it? What will Laquda do? Will Jukilo recover from that comment? Will Ben and Chloe's grubs survive???
> 
> DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!!!
> 
> Also the lovely Oreo has drawn Laquda! check it out! http://s90.photobucket.com/user/sydneyfrank/media/IMG_8217_zpspszb8pxw.jpg.html


	20. Minnie vs. Meathead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the fuck laquda.
> 
> Laquda crashed back into Crocodile dad's life after years being physically apart and demands that he leave Earth. Oh no!!

After the day’s hysterics all Crocodile dad could really tell Ben and Chloe was to watch the make-shift grub cocoons, leave them somewhere quiet and cushioned and monitor them for signs of distress. After the pupation disruption the little grubs would need all the stability they could get to survive the metamorphosis.

Chloe held her bundle tightly, dried tears tracks along her cheeks, horror but also determination in her eyes. Crocodile dad snuffled her sadly and licked her forehead. Chloe gave him a lopsided smile and patted his snout. He made sure she knew that she was welcome anytime if she needed any more help or advice.

She stood and walked coldly past Jukilo, not even sparing him a glance. He followed her outside.

“Miss Bell?” Chloe stiffened where she stood. Jukilo shut the door behind him and reached out for her awkwardly but retracted his hand.

Jukilo fidgeted. “I don’t understand...I don’t understand why you’re so angry with me as of current...what did I-”

Chloe raised her hand to silence him, a harsh look in her eyes “That DOESN’T make it better.”

And with that Jukilo was left on his former lusus’ front stoop with a sinking feeling in his heart as Chloe walked away.

 

Ben sat on the giant alien crocodile’s couch, numbed by the experience. Crocodile dad leaned down to snuffle and lick Ben, but Ben supposed that weirder things have happened to him.

He looked down to the bundle in his arms and traced a yellow flower on the fabric tenderly with a fingertip.

Yellow. He thought dazedly.

His daughter liked yellow.

Laura put a hand gently on Ben’s shoulder. “Hey?”

With Ben sitting he was almost eye-level with the standing Laura as she patted his arm. “I know you drove a really long way to get here. I don’t have a spare bedroom, so could I get you a hotel room? Somewhere nearby until we-”

Sharon who had been regarding the scene around her in a hard determined sort of way spoke up- “I happen to have a spare bedroom.”

Ben looked at her, his shoulders sagging. “I ‘preciate that ma’m but-”

She waved him off. “Since Crocodile dad seems to be the ONLY person on this planet who knows what to do with grubs-” she pointedly looked at Jukilo and he hunched in on himself and seethed. “You shouldn’t have to be too far from him during this trying time.”

“Come on-” she stood up and motioned for him to follow. “I live across the street.”

Ben stood up and had the weirdest urge to salute her after that order but refrained and fidgeted awkwardly. “...I’m scheduled for work tomorrow…” He looked down at his bundle “...how…”

Sharon rolled her eyes ‘I’m sure General Bell is an understanding man, you’re going through a family emergency and-”

Ben looked at her like she was a wizard “Wait shit how did you know that General Bell was my boss?”

Sharon looked at him blandly. “You’re wearing a military uniform dumbass.”

Ben looked down at himself “Oh shit you’re right.” he looked around like he didn’t really remember how he got there, the dried tear tracks evident in the light as he turned his head. “I was just so...I…”

Sharon nodded and patted his arm. He jumped with the motion and stared at where her dark fingers rested on his skin. “Come on..” she urged more gently this time. “Out the door meat head.”

Laura left after a somewhat terse goodbye with Jukilo and with that Minnie, Crocodile dad and Jukilo were all left alone.

Jukilo couldn’t meet his father’s gaze. Crocodile dad looked down on his son, studying him thoroughly.

It was no secret on Alternia that adult trolls had little to nothing to do with grubs. Lusii also knew that some adult trolls would even go so far as to EAT grubs which is the very reason that adult trolls were generally not allowed to visit their former lusii when they were currently raising grubs.

Even knowing that it was hard for Crocodile dad to reconcile that someone he cared about thought so differently than him. That HIS little boy who he had raised from grubhood, who tied blankets around his shoulders and pretended to be a warrior, who used to have braces, who would cry and come to him if any of his online friends or neighbors said something mean….

...could think that way…

The way he said “If it dies I’ll get you another one” as if it was a toy Chloe had broken and not a CHILD…

Jukilo hung his head.

A drop of teal hit the floor.

“...I messed up…” he whispered. “...Didn’t I?”

Minnie took his hand and looked up at him solemnly before leaning against his leg. “...no cry kitty…”

Jukilo smiled tiredly down at the little girl.

Crocodile dad picked up Minnie and Jukilo’s eyes went wide, surely his father can’t also-

Crocodile dad put Minnie in Jukilo’s arms and looked at him intensely. Jukilo tightened his grip around the girl subconsciously.

There it is… Crocodile dad thought relieved.

He hugged his son, Minnie nestled between them.

Jukilo left that night feeling repentant.

He had to make it up to her. To both of them.

That night after Minnie’s hair was brushed and her teeth cleaned Crocodile dad arranged the stuffed animals on the pillow rectangle he had been given and set Minnie down in the pile. Minnie squeezed her little stuffed green crocodile and Crocodile dad watched her fall asleep, weary from the emotionally trying day they had both had.

He settled in on the floor of Minnie’s bedroom and was soon also asleep, lulled by his daughter’s gentle breathing.

 

The next morning Crocodile dad woke his daughter, bathed her, brushed her hair and cleaned her teeth.

He looked through the children’s clothes he and Laura had chosen. Humans were much more liberal with the colors they were allowed to wear and were not restricted by a caste system. It still felt a little weird to have every color in the hemospectrum represented in Minnie’s wardrobe and then some.

He eyed a pink blouse and a pair of bright orange shorts and set them down together on Minnie’s bed.

He instinctively looked up as if a drone were to break down the hive door for such heresy.

He shook his head. This was Earth.

Things like that didn’t happen on Earth…

He dressed Minnie in the brazen pink shirt and orange shorts, little pink sandals on her feet and little pink barrettes in her hair. He admired his handiwork.

It was official. He had that CUTEST human.

He took Minnie to the kitchen and examined the “Cherros” that they had obtained from the food depository. He opened the box only to find grain circles.

Well it was what she wanted…

He poured out a bowl and was surprised when Minnie took a handful and started to munch loudly.

He then took a yellow oblong fruit. Being a carnivore he really didn’t understand the appeal of plants but Laura assured him that it was a healthy thing for humans to eat.

He peeled the banana and used his sharp claws to deftly cut the plant material into small human child-size bites. He put a plate of the vegetative material in front of the child and she also began to eat the fruit slices.

Huh.

He took a dish towel to wipe off his claws when he heard the screech of a car outside followed by a loud crashing and the sound of gushing water.

He sniffed the air.

Something smelled….familiar?

Just then a meaty leg kicked down his much beleaguered door for the second time in less than twelve hours.

The figure was more than nine feet tall, stooping into the building, their horns in long arches behind him.

The figure stalked into the room. She was large and heavily muscled, scars crisscrossing her arms and a long scar across her left eye.

“Come on dad.” The figure grumped “We’re leaving. You hear me? LEAVING?”

Laquda?

He chirred at her and his daughter crossed the room to hug him tightly. Only barely shorter than him she smiled up at him.

“It's good to see you daddy.” She purred at him and he chirred and hugged her back. His little grub was- holy shit she was HUGE! The last time he had seen her when she left for conscription she was shorter than Jukilo then! They had shared voice calls over the years during the holidays but he had no idea how much his little girl had grown!

He was very impressed.

Laquda patted his back. “We’re getting you off this dirt pile. OFF THIS DIRT PILE!” She let go and stalked into the kitchen “So come on let's pack your shit!”

Minnie sat in the kitchen eating cheerios and banana slices. She watched curiously as Laquda stomped into the kitchen and ripped open a drawer and dumped the contents into a large sack. A spatula, a can opener, an egg beater, a pizza cutter and several wire whisks twanged and clattered as they fell into the bag. Next was a leftover hock of ham and a box of dry spaghetti noodles. Crocodile dad followed her, mildly concerned as Laquda tore through his kitchen.

“Alright.” Laquda weighed the half-full bag of random food and kitchen utensils. “Go get your things from the other room and we’ll start taking this to my ship.”

Crocodile dad huffed and shook his head. Laquda’s brow furrowed “What do you mean no? NO?”

Crocodile dad walked over to sit behind Minnie’s chair. He nuzzled Minnie’s hair and looked up at Laquda.

Laquda made a dismissive gesture towards Minnie. “Psht. Leave it outside. LEAVE IT OUTSIDE.”

Crocodile dad looked up angrily at Laquda and she shrank back just a little. “Don’t look at me like that! Humans will find it and know what to do with it! Just put it back where you found it! WHERE YOU FOUND IT.”

Crocodile dad snorted at her angrily and shook his head again. NO.

“Come on dad!” Laquda took his paw and tried to lead him out of the house. Crocodile dad refused.

“DAD.” Laquda tugged harder and Crocodile dad sat down with a huff.

Laquda growled to herself. She WILL save her father from this stupid planet.

 

Laura heard a crash that morning, followed by the sound of spurting water.

Thomas groaned and mumbled into his pillow. “Let me guess...it's coming from one of the alien’s houses?”

Laura stretched, her shoulders popping. “Yeah well…” she rubbed her eyes. “Remember how dull it was before they moved here?”

Thomas snickered into his pillow and rolled over to look at his wife. “There’s lively and then there’s pushing it.”

Laura giggled and leaned down to give him a chaste kiss. “Go back to sleep I’ll see what's going on”

She put her hair up into a her usual ponytail and walked out to inspect the morning’s shenanigans.

In front of Crocodile Dad’s house a very large 4-door sedan had crashed into a fire hydrant. The hazard lights on the car were blinking and the windshield wipers were sliding across what was left of the shattered windshield. The fire hydrant was completely torn of it’s setting and water was spewing out in a massive obnoxious geyser.

The door to Crocodile dad’s house flung open and OH MY GOD

The troll was MASSIVE! She had to bend down to clear the frame of the door. Her large muscles strained as she pulled two scaly legs out of the building.

“DAD WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DIFFICULT? DIFFICULT???” the giant troll screamed.

Crocodile dad dug his claws into the hardwood, leaving long scratches as he was pulled out of the house. His back haunches were out of the door before he slapped his tail down and Laquda lost her footing and fell back onto her muscled butt.

“OH COME ON!” she screamed as Crocodile dad scuttled back into the house with an irritated huff.

Laura had no idea what to do. She stood there gaping as Jacob and Elliot had apparently come out to investigate as well and were currently splashing in the spray from the broken fire hydrant. They giggled and splashed as their mother stood there dumbfounded and horrified.

On blind instinct Laura ran to the scariest person she knew.

 

Laquda trailed after Crocodile dad with a moody huff. “YOU ARE MAKING THIS HARDER THAN IT HAS TO BE! HARDER!!!”

Crocodile dad angrily started to unpack the sack and Minnie chewed on her Cheerios. Laquda leaned down and inspected the child.

“LISTEN.” She hissed at the little girl. “I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE BUT IF YOU’RE THE ONLY THING KEEPING MY FATHER HERE YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.”

Minnie regarded her neutrally for a moment.

Minnie took a wet slice of banana and slapped the fruit onto the hulking troll’s forehead.

Laquda seethed as the banana slice slowly peeled off her forehead and dropped to the floor. “You have made a very powerful enemy today. POWERFUL ENEMY.”

Minnie leaned down to lick a cheerio off the counter top and chewed it noisily.

There was a knock on the door and Crocodile dad gave Laquda a warning growl before going to investigate. Laquda crossed her arms like a petulant child that had been scolded.

As soon as Crocodile dad left the room Laquda picked Minnie from her highchair and put her down on the floor.

She opened the sliding glass door that led to the porch and motioned outside. “Go on.”

Minnie wandered to the other side of the kitchen.

Laquda huffed and her shoulders slumped in frustration. She took a piece of ham and threw it out the door. “Go on little human go get it.”

Minnie reached for an orange on the counter top.

Laquda grit her teeth “WHAT. NOW.”

Minnie pointed to the orange. “Owg.” she answered.

Laquda rolled her eyes and gave Minnie the orange. “Alright here's your plant sphere now LEAVE.”

Minnie struggled with the orange for a moment before holding it up to the troll. “Pel.”

Laquda growled and snatched back the orange. “FINE I’LL PEEL IT BUT THEN-” she pointed angrily at the little girl and Minnie picked her nose. “THEN YOU’LL LEAVE!!”

Crocodile dad went to answer the door but before he could it was again kicked open.

AGAIN.

WILL PEOPLE STOP DOING THAT?

Sharon stood where she had roundhouse kicked the door in, a can of pepper spray in her hands and Laura and Ben behind her.

“RELEASE THE CROCODILE KIDNAPPER OR I’LL-” She stopped when she saw Crocodile dad. “Crocodile! Where's the kidnapper are you ok?”

Crocodile dad ran a paw down his face and huffed. He motioned towards the kitchen.

Sharon stormed into the house, raising two fingers and motioning for Ben to follow her. Ben awkwardly stepped over the battered and beaten door that still held a massive boot print from where he had kicked the door down the day before.

Laquda sat awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen, peeling an orange with her long talons for an expectant Minnie.

Sharon stalked over to the massive troll woman and pointed accusingly at her. “AND JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE???”

Is that a trick question? Laquda’s fins snapped back and she looked awkwardly to the side before looking back to the petite enraged human woman.

“Uh….” The petite human looked up at her with fiery eyes. “I’m...me? I’m me right?”

Laura looked over at the look in Sharon eyes, oh dear god this is worse than the time Jukilo got drunk off of cotton candy at the neighborhood block party and tried to fight a mime.

The fire of hell was in Sharon’s eyes as she glowered at the troll. “You come into MY neighborhood. DAMAGE public property. BREAK down the door and try to KIDNAP ONE OF MY FRIENDS-”

Crocodile dad gasped and put his paws to his mouth. He clutched his paws together. Aww...Sharon called them friends.

Laquda stood up then. She towered over Sharon, massive with rippling muscle, her scars glinting dully in the light. “I WAS RESCUING MY FATHER FROM THIS SHIT HOLE OF A PLANET. RESCUING!!!”

Sharon scowled up at her condescendingly. “Did he WANT to go with you?”

Laquda’s fins twitched like they wanted to fold back but she forced them to flare out with false bravado. “WELL NO BUT-”

Sharon smirked cruelly, the thin twist of her lips dangerous like the sharp glint of a dagger. “Then its KIDNAPPING isn’t it?”

Laquda raised a finger to protest but couldn’t think of anything to say and her fins flicked down in defeat. “Uh….”

Sharon rubbed the bridge of her nose tiredly. “I’m having the van towed. It will be fixed and then you will LEAVE.”

“WAIT A MINUTE!” Laquda loomed back over Sharon. “I AM A CAPTAIN OF THE ALTERNIAN FLEET AND YOU’RE A HUMAN I DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO Y-”

Sharon whirled back around to the troll. Death and doom in her steely brown eyes. “SIT. DOWN.”

Laquda’s fins twitched down but she remained standing.

“I SAID SIT!!!” Sharon roared and Laquda’s knees buckled under her and she slid to the floor.

Sharon smiled, all decorum and thinly veiled poison. “Now then.” she looked down at the troll sitting on the floor. “Behave yourself.”

Now with Laquda sitting she and Sharon were eye-level. Sharon leaned in-

“Or else I will use every contact I have to rain HELL-FIRE down on your ass.”

She leaned back and gave her a sugar-sweet and poisoned smile. “Do you understand?”

Laquda nodded numbly.

Sharon stalked out of the house, her leopard-print high heels clicking down the scratched wood floor like a panther stalking it’s prey. Ben and Laura stood dumbfounded in the living room.

Minnie sat next to Laquda and was slapping banana slices on her arms as Laquda watched Sharon leave.

Is it weird that shes really turned on right now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so I didn't get as far as I wanted with this chapter but this one is already hella long for my standards. Next up Jukilo will meet his big sister and then shenanigans at the petting zoo. :D Next chapter will be the one where I have the extra bits that will be played by some of our lovely AO3 commentators on this fic so a big thank you to all the people who submitted their descriptions!! WOOO!!! Thanks you guys!! <3


	21. Petting Zoo catasptrophe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The part of the petting zoo attendant is played by Kittypasta11 here on Ao3 and the Manager is theMissesMaster!
> 
> Shenanigans happen, Jukilo learns some things about human parenting instincts and Chickens are thieves.

Jukilo Jurrok was slumped over face-first on the sofa in his hive, case files from potential human lusii littered around him. He had a half-written list on the cushion of the sofa his face was pressed into and a pen on the floor that had fallen from his outstretched hand when he had fallen asleep.

The list read as follows:

How to apologize to both Laura and Chloe for something I did wrong but have absolutely no idea what it is.

#1- Determine the source of the human’s ire. The thing that is making the humans so angry. Thus known as the source of their ire. If Laura refuses go to Thomas because he is terrible at keeping secrets and will turn red and blurt them out if you stare at him long enough.

#2-With the source of the ire properly discovered go forth and apologize. Acknowledge your wrong doings and promise never to do them again. This last step is very important after Elliot apologized for throwing water balloons at my house but then proceeded to do it again the next day. Whatever it was I did I must not ever do again. Whatever it is.

#3-?????????????????????????????

#4 humans sometimes apologize with gifts?? Thomas uses roses and biology books when Laura is angry with him.

Apology list subdivision 1: What does Laura like?  
Puppies.  
Weird plants and animals.  
Grilled cheese sandwiches.  
Old hardcover books.  
Thunderstorms.

Apology list subdivision 2: What does Chloe like?  
Painting.  
Stars.  
Dressing in inappropriate colors.  
Those tiny little coconut cookies Sharon had at the last neighborhood barbeque  
Being a transcendent goddess blessing this planet with her beauty.

The rest of the page devolved into little heart doodles and a slightly teal spit-stain from where he had fallen asleep on the list.

A half-finished bottle of maple syrup rested on the ottoman.

He jerked awake to the sound of of a car crashing into something, he almost thought it was a dream and started to doze off….

Until he heard the screaming.

Jukilo jumped awake, his list sticking to his face for a moment before fluttering off. He bolted upright and fell off the couch with a loud bang.

He went outside to see Jacob and Elliot playing outside in the spray of a decimated fire hydrant seemingly pulverized by the van nearby which lay by the side of the road, partially onto the sidewalk and in similar mutilation.

When he approached the boys Jacob immediately stopped frolicing in the spray in order to stare at him and turn red. Elliot noticed his brother’s lack of involvement and turned annoyed to Jukilo-

The little ginger boy nodded “Sup spaceman.”

Jukilo rolled his eyes “Space is by its definition nothing, something can’t come from nothing so therefore I did NOT come from space!”

“Now.” he leaned down and looked Elliot in the eye. “Tell me what has happened here. Is anyone in danger? Who did this?”

Elliot grinned and quirked up his eyebrows “Sure I’ll tell you!-”

That was...odd usually the child wasn’t this forthcoming. “Good.” Jukilo nodded “Then who-”

Elliot put out a hand expectantly “-For ten dollars!”

Jukilo’s mouth twisted indignantly “I refuse to bribe you for information! You had to have seen what happened here! Therefore-”

Elliot shrugged, his little freckled face only grinning wider “then I guess you won’t learn what's happened here then!”

Jukilo growled to himself, disheveled and still slightly hung over he didn’t fucking have time for this. Elliot laughed at his frustration.

He turned his attention to Jacob “Jacob?...” he asked gently.

The boy squeaked and got redder under the scrutiny.

He put a finger underneath the boy’s chin and forced him to look up rather than down at his shoes. Jacob stared back transfixed.

“Tell me what happened Jacob.”

Elliot waved his arms behind Jukilo’s back. “No! Jacob don’t do it!”

With one patient look and a nod from jukilo the dam broke.

“We heard crashing and the sound of the fire hydrant being broken and spraying water everywhere Mom Jacob an’ me went outside to see what was happening and this HUGE troll tried to drag a giant crocodile out of the new house mom ran away screaming and got Sharon and Ben from across the street Sharon broke down the door and there was more screaming but then it stopped”

Jukilo nodded at the boy “Thank you”. He stood up straight, smoothed his rumpled suit and headed to his father’s house.

Elliot smacked Jacob upside the head as the other boy continued to stare at Jukilo as he left.

“What’s wrong with you dummy?” Elliot reprimanded his brother “We could have had ten dollars!”

Jacob giggled and hid his face in his hands, not seeming to register his brother’s ire. “He knows my name!!”

Elliot sighed.

 

Jukilo squared his shoulders and walked up the short pathway to his father’s thoroughly abused door that it seems had been kicked down once again. Voices murmured from beyond the living room in the kitchen.

“Well we can’t just leave her alone she’ll just cause more trouble!...I know she’s your daughter but-”

Sharon sat in the living room filing her nails, she looked up as Jukilo came in. “It's about time you came.” she looked over his rumpled clothing “I take it you had a rough night with...what was it this time? A box of girl scout cookies?”

Jukilo rolled his eyes but smoothed down his suit absentmindedly. “As I did happen to have a rough night I would appreciate it if you would simply tell me what is going on rather than criticizing my appearance and sugar consuming habits as it would expedite the task of me gaining information by talking to you therefore ending the process sooner.”

Sharon smirked at him and Jukilo felt a shiver go down his spine as if Sharon had ran a cold dagger down his back.

Something shifted on the floor in the next room, something massive, something that WASN’T his father. After living for sweeps as a grub with the lusus he could easily recognize every click of his claws against a floor, the way floorboards creaked as he waddled on two legs or the way he pattered about on four.

This was NOTHING like that and it made his skin prickle with cold hot DANGER and his ears flatten to his head.

A deep rumbly-growly voice thundered from the next room “WILL YOU STOP PUTTING BANANA ON ME YOU LITTLE JERK?!”

Sharon blew on her nails and admired them, she turned back to Jukilo “Are you ready to meet your older sister?”

Jukilo’s eyes widened “Trolls don’t have siblings, Minnie is-”

A low growl cut him off. Sharon smiled and went back to her nails.

Jukilo approached the door to the kitchen cautiously “...Father are you-”

Just then a very large meaty arm covered in banana slices grabbed his suit jacket and lifted him roughly off the ground towards a growling face.

Her violet fins were flared out, her large shark-like teeth bared, her scars glinting in the morning light of the kitchen.

“AND JUST WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU??WHO ARE YOU????” The face roared at him.

Jukilo four knew things at this moment:  
1: This was a troll  
2: This was a very large troll  
3: This was a violet-blood  
4: He was going to die

Most teals know from an early age that their deaths will most likely come as a direct result of a higher up’s rage so this almost seemed like a fitting end.

Laura was screaming somewhere in the distance but Jukilo was too busy preparing himself mentally for death.

“OH MY GOD JUKILO!” Laura screamed “LET GO OF HIM!”

Crocodile dad roared and shook out his plating in warning and pointed down in an order for Laquda to put the smaller troll down.

Laquda looked from her father, to the small female human who wasn’t the scary hot human, to this random troll guy that just wandered into her dad’s house. What the hell was going on???

Minnie ate her cheerios.

Laquda put the other troll down and Jukilo fell back to the floor with a loud WHOMP. Jukilo flopped back against the wall of the kitchen flabbergasted and confused to be still alive.

Laura rushed to his side and put a hand on his forehead. “Oh my god Jukilo I’m still kind of mad at you but are you ok??”

Crocodile dad turned to his eldest daughter and took her arm, turning her from the other two as he wrote a note to her.

He is one of mine!

Jukilo gasped for air, a hand to his chest as if assuring himself he was still alive. Laquda gestured angrily to him “You adopted THAT after me??? THAT???”

Jukilo looked astonished at his father and angrily gestured towards Laquda “THAT! Is one of your charges? You raised and performed lususing duties and therefore were THEIR LUSUS?”

Laquda scowled down at Jukilo “oh my god you talk like a nerd. LIKE A NERD!”

Jukilo gaped back offended “ I display no nerd qualities of any sort! Therefore I am NOT A-”

Laquda crossed over the kitchen to Jukilo and for a moment Jukilo thought that in the heat of the moment he had overstepped his caste boundaries by refusing to be called a nerd by the highblood. He froze in place.

She measured where he came up to her on her lower chest. “Tiny fucking nerd! TINY NERD!” she took his upper arms in her massive hands and used her grip to move his arms so that his own hands slapped himself in the face.

“Quit papping yourself. Quit papping yourself.”

Jukilo struggled against her, hissing and leaning his head back against his own hand’s assault “I am not papping myself you are moving my arms against my will and therefore-”

Crocodile dad snorted and put a clawed paw between his children and pulled them apart.

Laquda looked sheepishly at Crocodile dad “...sorry daddy…”

Jukilo gaped up at her astonished and quite frankly offended.

Crocodile dad patted Laquda on the top of her head and she gave him a rattly purr in return.

Crocodile dad went to confer with Sharon and Laura in the living room, picking Minnie up from her seat and giving the two trolls a warning glare before leaving the room.

Minnie crunched on a mouthful of cheerios as she was escorted out by Crocodile dad. “Bye bye kitty!” She waved at Jukilo and bits of cheerio flew from her mouth. “Bye bye Fishy!”

Laquda squinted at the child. “Not a fishy. NOT FISHY.”

Jukilo rolled his eyes.

Laquda turned back to Jukilo. “...You know I’m dad’s favorite right? DAD’S FAVORITE.”

Jukilo groaned.

 

Laura stood shell-shocked in Crocodile dad’s living room, looking out a window at the broken fire hydrant and the smashed van, Jacob and Elliot were still twirling and frolicing in the spray from the broken device only now it seems Thomas had joined his two sons. The three gingers ran through the water and splashed in the puddles made on the sidewalk laughing as they went.

Sharon was tapping away at her phone, she nodded up at Crocodile dad in a greeting when he entered the room. “Hello Croc, I’m contacting the carpenters again, your front door is beyond repair.”

Ben was sitting on the couch next to Sharon, the look on his face could only be described as a man who didn’t understand his life anymore, staring out into space baffled, traumatized and a little bit in awe.

Crocodile dad snorted and rubbed his snout. The day had only just started and it was already a long day.

Sharon patted him soothingly on the arm.

Laura paced in front of the window. “She can’t stay here. Just look at how much she destroyed within fifteen minutes of being here!”

Laura looked beseechingly at both Sharon and Crocodile dad “You two are the only ones who have been able to control her so far.”

Sharon looked up from her phone. “So you need us to be with her in a place that isn’t here?” She shrugged and gestured vaguely “Can’t say that's much of a plan dear.”

Crocodile dad snorted at Laura.

Laura threw up her hands “Its the best I’ve got ok? The city is probably going to be here when they fix the fire hydrant and they’re going to want to know what happened ok? So unless you want THAT to get arrested and cause a bigger scene then she can’t be here!”

Now that made both Crocodile dad and Sharon freeze, Crocodile dad in the dread of losing his daughter to the authorities when she inevitably fought and Sharon for the destruction of her perfect neighborhood.

“Fuck it.” Sharon cursed and threw her handbag over her shoulder “We’re going to the zoo.”

Laura looked baffled “Wait why the zoo??”

Sharon shrugged but the way she walked with her lips pressed together in a thin line gave her the air of a woman who was going to make sure a birthday party ran smoothly come hell or high waters, and if that meant killing everyone and propping up their corpses around the birthday cake then so fucking be it.

She stalked into the kitchen. Laquda paused where she had been maneuvering Jukilo’s arms in a forced jig. Jukilo paused where he had been thoroughly resisting said forced jig.

She pointed at Laquda. “You. put the nerd down we’re going to the zoo.”

Jukilo looked at Sharon “What? Why?”

Sharon didn’t even dignify that with a response. “You.” She pointed at Jukilo “Wear something that doesn’t smell like you rolled through a maple farm”

Jukilo threw up his hands offended and baffled and Laquda sniffed him curiously. “Dude you do smell like you rolled in human tree sap sugar. SMELLS LIKE TREE SAP SUGAR.”

Jukilo glared at her but sniffed at his own jacket the moment she looked away.

Laura threw up the window and yelled at Thomas “THOMAS!”

Thomas paused where he had been playing with the boys “Oh! Yes what is it dear?”

Laura leaned out of the window “We’re all going to the zoo with the insane murder alien.”

Laquda’s nose wrinkled in indignation. “HEY.”

Thomas looked concerned for a moment. “Why?”

Laura shrugged vaguely and looked exasperated “Because Sharon said so!”

Thomas shrugged, fifty percent of anything that ever happened happened because Sharon said so. “Alright love! Stay safe! I’ll take care of the kids!”

Laura gave him a thumbs up.

Crocodile dad packed a day bag for Minnie. He had no idea what a “zoo” was but Sharon usually had good ideas.

Laquda crossed into the living room. “The FUCK is a zoo and WHY do I have to go? WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO THE ZOO?”

Sharon whirled towards the giant alien, steel in her eyes “You are going to go to the zoo and you are going to ENJOY YOURSELF DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?”

Laquda’s fins went back and she shrank back as far as she could which given her size still meant that she towered over everyone else. “Understood.”

Ben curled a little on the sofa. “I have to stay here...for lilly.”

Laura looked ashamed for a moment, she put her hand on Ben’s shoulder. “It's ok Ben. Stay here and be there for your grub when they pupate, we’ll be right back.”

Laquda looked down at him “You a lusus?”

Ben nodded vaguely.

Laquda looked to Crocodile dad and then back to Ben. “They’ll survive. Grubs survive when their lusii are strong for them. SO BE STRONG.”

Ben straightened up at her words and nodded sharply once again he was every ounce the military man he was trained to be.

Minnie demanded to have waffles after this morning’s cheerios so Crocodile dad packed her a plastic sandwich bag of toaster waffles and Sharon retrieved a whining Alimah from across the street.

Laura drove Thomas’s van, Alimah in the front seat next to her playing Pokemon Go out the window. Laquda and Jukilo were squished in the next row down with Minnie’s car seat between them and the next rows in the van were halfway put up so Sharon could sit there with Crocodile dad laying on the floor of the back cargo space, curling around next to Sharon. Both Sharon and crocodile dad were watching Jukilo and Laquda like hawks.

Minnie chattered and chewed on a waffle that was much too big for her and Laquda leaned in towards Jukilo.

“Pssst.”

Jukilo ignored her.

“PSSSST”

Jukilo growled to himself and rubbed his eyes but Laquda was still ignored.

“PSSSSSSSSSSSSST”

Jukilo gave in “FINE! As you have refused to cease your “psst” I will cave! “Cave” meaning that I shall cease my attempts at ignoring you and ask you what it is that you have been psst-ing me for!”

“You’re a nerd and dad likes me best.”

Jukilo’s face pinched in indignation “He does not!”

Laquda grinned smugly “Does too!”

“Does NOT!”

“DOES TOO”

Crocodile dad snorted at the two of them and scratched out a note.

~I do not hold any of my charges above others~

Jukilo grinned cheekily at Laquda and Laquda scowled down at him.

“OH COME ON!” Laquda beseeched Crocodile dad and motioned towards Jukilo “Look at me! I’m a ship commander and I can bench press a forty foot swamp rat lusus! I’ve punched a four-story tall antlered hopbeast lusus in the face IN THE FACE!”

Crocodile dad hoped that the four-story tall antlered hopbeast lusus wasn’t their neighbor, he was such a nice guy…

Jukilo slumped down in his seat and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “...i can punch random things too you know…”

They arrived at the zoo and filed out of the van. Large painted giraffes curled over the entrance and smiled down at them. A mother with a baby stroller that was exiting the zoo took one look at Laquda and Crocodile dad and ran back into the park screaming at the top of her lungs. A little boy dropped his ice cream cone as he gaped at them and a little girl let go of her balloon.

Laquda almost punched the ticket seller when they tried to put a wristband around her wrist. The wristband was too small of course so it had to be fitted over three of her meaty fingers.

Alimah ignored the exhibits in favor of catching pokemon on her phone, sharon held Alimah’s wrist and led the group over to the petting zoo.

“Alright.” she addressed the group “We’re all going to have a RELAXING day with these petting zoo animals whether you like it or not!”

Minnie tottered over to a wooden fence where a bunch of lambs crowded to get a better look at her. She leaned in and the lambs squeaked out a chorus of tiny little “Behs” as they sniffed her and nibbled on her hair. Minnie giggled and patted them clumsily on their tiny fluffy snouts.

“HELLO!” A skinny little human with short wavy blonde hair address the group. She wore a uniform polo that read “Petting zoo attendant” and a pair of khaki shorts. A long scar traveled up her right leg and disappeared under her khakis. “ARE YOU ALL READY TO HAVE FUN WITH BABY ANIMALS??”

Crocodile dad eyed the lambs, was she the waiter? He supposed he should pick whatever one he wanted to eat…

Laquda spoke first “SO WHICH ONES CAN WE EAT?”

The little human’s face pinched with rage “EXCUSE ME THESE ANIMALS ARE FOR PETTING!”

Laquda grimaced and threw up her hands “Then what's the point? WHAT'S THE POINT?”

She pointed up at Laquda her outstretched finger only reaching about midway up the behemoth’s chest. “THEY ARE TO BE LOVED AND CARED FOR!”

Laquda growled to herself and muttered something along the lines of “this is fucking stupid.”

The tiny human pointed two fingers at her own eyes and then out at Laquda in the unmistakable gesture of “I’m watching you so behave”.

Alimah wandered away from the group to catch a clefairy by the rabbit pen. Sharon began to feverously pet a tiny shetland pony as if the unity of the group depended on how much fun they were all having, the pony in turn was slightly concerned at the ferocity of the love it was receiving but wasn’t going to complain.

Laquda sat grumpily in the llama enclosure. One black and white speckled llama leaned over to bleat loudly in her ear.

Crocodile dad found a pond that wasn’t technically part of the petting zoo but the petting zoo attendant was too busy keeping an eye on the rest of the group to notice that he had climbed the fence to wade through the pond. Flamingoes tiptoed through the water and some landed on his snout as he floated in the water.

He kept an eye on Minnie who was in the pen next to him who was playing with a baby goat, Minnie would chase the little fluffy goat giggling her brown curly hair fluttering behind her, she would then stop and the little goat would take a turn chasing her.

Laura and Jukilo sat in the Lamb enclosure, Jukilo was playing with the wool of a little lamb that had clambered onto his lap to chew at his tie.

Jukilo looked earnestly to Laura who was petting a pair of fluffy little lamb ears as the little thing bleated smugly.

“Tell me what I did Laura, and I will do my utmost to repair the damage I have done.” he looked somberly at the little lamb chewing at his tie. “To both you and Chloe…”

Laura sighed and looked down at her own little lamb. “She doesn’t want a replacement Jukes…”

Jukilo’s brows furrowed “But I had taken it that she enjoyed being a lusus! Why wouldn’t she want to consider continuing should her grub die?”

Laura sighed and continued to pet her lamb. “Do you even know her grub’s name?”

Jukilo shook his head. “It is...it is improper for a child to have a name before their sixth sweep, at that point a child names themselves…”

Laura shrugged. “Humans name their offspring...their charges much younger as you know...Chloe chose the name ‘Dexter’...”

Jukilo smiled a bit to himself. “It has the proper amount of letters…”

Laura smiled tiredly at him. “What I’m trying to say is that Dexter is already a person to her. He can’t be replaced.”

Jukilo looked down and tugged his tie from the mouth of the lamb on his lap. “If she got attached to this grub then couldn’t she get attached to another grub? Wouldn’t she prefer a new one over one that was sick or defective?”

Laura shook her head and frowned to herself. “Have I ever told you what autism is?”

Jukilo nodded. “Yes. It’s the thing your eldest has.”

Laura nodded “I had just gotten my Ph.D in child psychology and me and Thomas were considering adopting. It’s difficult for autistic children in the system to find homes that can care for them and we knew we could help her…”

Jukilo’s brow furrowed ‘You chose her..on purpose?”

Laura nodded and threw up her hands “YES!”

“But why-”

Laura’s eyes were filled with tears now. “I wasn’t prepared for- I had read about parental instincts and I knew that in cases of adoption they don’t always show up right away but-”

She cradled a lamb in her arms “I named her Joy because the first time I held her it was like the world exploded. Having this tiny little person who NEEDS you it's like-”

She shook her head and wiped a tear from her eye “You know that humans most often form monogamous pair bondings that can last their entire lives right?”

Jukilo nodded and leaned in. If there was one thing that he knew about Laura and Thomas was that they were hopelessly in love.

Laura smiled as her eyes shone with tears “He is my SOULMATE I had never loved anyone more than I had loved him but-”

She shrugged and threw up her hands “When we held Joy for the first time we looked at each other and-”

She breathed deeply and put a hand to her forehead “We looked at each other and knew that what we felt for each other was NOTHING compared to what we felt for our daughter.”

Jukilo gaped at her and Laura continued “It’s this weird agreement that if we ever had to choose between each other and our children we would always choose our children.”

Little tear drops fell onto the lamb Laura was holding “and at first we were ashamed of that feeling, the knowledge that we would strangle each other before letting anything bad happen to her, but we talked to our parents and they told us they had felt the same thing when we were born. It’s just how deep the instinct goes.”

Jukilo sat back against the fence astonished “so what Chloe feels for her grub…”

Laura looked at him through watery eyes “She feels the exact same thing.”

Jukilo and Laura looked at eachother with a newfound understanding until their tender moment was ruined by screaming in the background.

Laquda chased after a llama. The llama screamed terrified as it ran “BWEEEEEEEH!”

Laquda chased after the fuzzy beast “COME BACK HERE SO I CAN PET YOU!”

The little human petting zoo attendant chased after Laquda her wavy blonde hair fluttering “IF YOU HURT MY LLAMA I SWEAR I WILL-”

Alimah wandered into the larger zoo, wandering closer to the tiger exhibit with her phone out she caught a pikachu as she leaned against the bars surrounding the enclosure. A troll girl came to stand next to her. The other girl wore a purple and black striped dress with a frilly edge and a pale lavender bow in her long hair. She had a lacy parasol above her head and her horns ended in two bulbous points like the ends of a femur.

“You are a native to this planet correct?” she asked as she looked down at the tigers

Alimah hummed noncommittally.

The troll girl continued “Let's say ,hypothetically of course, you had to hide a body...Which one of the creatures at this creature dispensary could eat the body of a middle-aged male human the quickest?”

Alimah wasn’t even phased as she tapped on her phone to retrieve a pokeball “Why go to the zoo when you could just dump it in the swamp to be eaten by gators?”

The little troll girl perked up “oh! That's absolutely wonderful!” she took Alimah’s hand not holding her cell phone in her own before giving her a big hug. “I’m Lolida! I can tell we’re going to be the BEST of friends!”

Alimah caught a bulbasaur behind her back as she was hugged.

Laquda joined Minnie in the chicken pen after being chased out of the llama pen by the tiny little human.

Laquda watched as minnie tottered through the pen, eating her waffles from this morning as the chickens swarmed the little girl.

“Chichens.” The little girl giggled and tried to pet the birds.

One bird fluttered up and yanked the waffle out of Minnie’s hands. Minnie gaped indignantly and tried to chase after her waffle but the breakfast pastry was soon pecked apart by the hungry chickens.

Minnie turned to Laquda her tiny little face contorted with rage “THOSE CHICHENS STOLE MY WAFFO!”

The toddler screamed enraged in the chicken pen and stomped her little feet “MY WAFFO!!!!”

Laquda nodded sagely and put a massive hand on the little girl’s shoulder “I can see now your WARRIOR’S SPIRIT and BURNING RAGE! FEEL YOUR RAGE! USE IT TO BECOME A BETTER WARRIOR!”

Minnie screamed and flopped onto the ground kicking and punching at the dirt “WAFFOOOOO” she screamed muffled by hay and chicken feathers.

Laquda balled her hands up into fists and roared to the sky “YES! USE YOUR RAGE! GET REVENGE ON YOUR ENEMIES! EAT THEIR FLESH!”

The petting zoo attendant “No eating these chickens! I MEAN IT!”

Laquda snorted coming down from her murder-rage “But this child requires revenge! REVENGE!”

The petting zoo attendant shook her head “These aren’t your chickens! You can’t just kill someone else’s chickens!”

Laquda crossed her arms “Then tell me where I can purchase the flesh of these beasts?”

The attendant shrugged “ I dunno...McDonalds?”

Laquda picked Minnie up in one massive arm and trudged out of the chicken pen, knocking down the fence as she went “TO MCDONALDS!”

Before the rest of the gang could react laquda broke through the wall of the Zoo and into the parking lot, little Minnie in her arms.

The petting Zoo attendant was desperately trying to corral the chickens as they clucked and fluttered out to freedom. Jukilo and Crocodile jumped out of their respective enclosures and tried to follow suit but were hindered by the massive flood of chickens.

Sharon batted away chickens with her handbag as she ran after Laquda screaming threats but it was no use. Laquda pulled a human out of a pickup truck and sped away.

Laura got her keys “AFTER THEM!”

 

The manager of a local McDonalds adjusted their cap. They were short and adorably chubby with a flat chest and cute little glasses. They had just gotten a promotion and the pay raise that followed and were feeling pretty good. Fast food wasn’t going to be forever but it was nice to be recognized for your hard work.

Laquda rolled through the drive-through in the stolen truck Minnie sat on the seat next to her. She eyed the Ronald McDonald Statue outside by the drive through intercom.

“So this is a den of Subjuggulators.” She turned and nodded towards Minnie “Here is where you will become a warrior.”

Minnie squinted angrily and balled up a tiny fist “WAFFO.” she promised as direly as toddler could promise.

Laquda nodded and shook her horns “WAFFO.” she agreed.

The intercom buzzed to life “PSSSHCHT-May I take your order?”

Laquda leaned out of the truck “WE DESIRE THE FLESH OF THE CHICKEN! FLESH OF THE CHICKEN!”

The worker stood confused on the inside “so...um...some chicken nuggets? How many orders would you like?”

Laquda squinted at the intercom “ALL OF THE ORDERS!”

The manager looked at their stock “Um...That's about forty…”

Laquda shrugged “That will have to do. THAT WILL HAVE TO DO!”

“That will be two hundred and three dollars and two cents please drive up to the next window to pay.”

All of a sudden a brick with about four hundred dollar bills tied to it smashed through the window. The manager screamed as the brick slammed through the ice cream machine spewing frothy cold ice cream through the kitchen. An alarm was going off several people were screaming and something was on fire.

Laquda drove to the window after that and took her bags of Chicken McNuggets from the shocked worker there.

“KEEP THE CHANGE! “She bellowed and drove away, knocking over a fire hydrant as she went.

 

After a dramatic search over town Laura, Sharon, Crocodile dad and Jukilo came back to the house only to find Laquda and Minnie on the floor in Crocodile dad’s living room surrounded by boxes upon boxes of McNuggets. The pickup truck was crashed exactly where the van had been that morning smashing the fire hydrant the city had just gotten done with installing.

Crocodile dad picked Minnie up and hugged her, his eyes full of tears. Minnie hugged him sluggishly back and burped “kitty.” she greeted him.

Sharon glowered down at Laquda “YOU HAD US ALL WORRIED SICK WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?”

Laquda burped and rolled to her side “The child wished for revenge. REVENGE.”

Laura was glaring down at Laquda as well until her phone went off “Thomas I can’t talk right now we- What do you mean turn on the news??!!”

Sharon switched on the television and clicked to the five o’ clock news.

A mob of humans were picketing outside of the Alternian embassy with signs that read “aliens go home” and “Build a space wall”

The reporter pointed the microphone towards a woman in a flowery button-up dress with dirty brown hair, a cross on a chain around her neck.

Edith.

The woman glowered into the camera “The destruction today only proves our point! Trolls can’t be trusted to be here on Earth! These ANIMALS don’t have it in them! We can’t let them poison the minds of our children!” The crowd around her screamed in agreement.

The segment went back to the reporter “The destruction she is referring to is of course today’s attack on the zoo-”

Grainy security footage showed Laquda Kick down the zoo fence with minnie under her arm.

“The unknown troll woman pictured here allegedly destroyed part of the zoo, stole a car and then caused hundreds of dollars worth of damage at a local McDonalds, it is unknown if the child pictured under her arm was kidnapped but so far there has been no missing persons or amber alerts matching her description-”

The group stared at the television.

“Shit.” Laura whispered and Minnie ate another McNugget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! oofta this was a long chapter but I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Again the Petting Zoo attendant is kittypasta11 and the manager is TheMissesMaster
> 
> Tell me what you think! What parts did you like! what about the reappearance of Edith? What will happen next??
> 
> also point out any spelling errors you see that's always super helpful!


	22. I DON'T KNOW BUT I'VE BEEN TOLD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laquda learns what happens when you misbehave on Earth and Ben's bundle starts to make some noise!

“SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT” Laura tugged at her already distressed ponytail, long wisps of brown hair escaping the binder at every which angle, dislodged during the chase and her current hysterics. She paced back and forth in Crocodile Dad’s living room.

Sharon had a hard look in her eyes, back ramrod straight as she sat in the recliner. Her elbows on her knees and her hands flat together as if in prayer against her maroon-painted lips.

Crocodile Dad held Minnie to his chest and snuffled her brown curls. Minnie had quickly fallen asleep against him with her little freckled face in his fur.

Jukilo had his face in his claws, watching the television with pale-faced dread over grey fingers.

Laquda propped herself up with one massive elbow and picked her teeth. “I don’t get why all of you are so worried. WORRIED.”

“So what is people think I’m bad? BAD? People have always thought that, and it's true! TRUE!”

A commercial for some kind of frosted sugar abomination breakfast cereal played as she spoke, sending garishly colorful light across her face. “And if anyone has anything to to say about it…” She smiled and the lights of the television flashed across her teeth. “I’ll just kill em! KILL EM’”

Sharon unhooked her legs where they had been crossed lady-like and stared Laquda down. “You really don’t know how humans work do you?” she hissed.

She flipped up her hand “Humans often judge a collective based on its members and like it OR NOT you are part of this collective through your association with your father…”

Laquda squinted up and Sharon “What kind of fucking bullshit is tha-”

The commercial cut out and once again the news came back on. A pretty blonde reporter woman sat behind a desk in a blue pantsuit, the grainy image of Laquda running over the Ronald McDoland statue in the pickup truck behind her.

“Good evening and welcome back to more coverage on what is now known as the ‘Mad Troll attack’ I’m here with Congressman Whiteman, Hello Congressman.”

The camera panned over to a white man with a severe comb-over in a suit with an American flag pin on his lapel, he grinned and waved to the camera.”

“Now Congressman, you are the leader of what group is it?”

The congressman smiled showing a row of unnaturally white teeth “I am the leader of The Association of Scandalized Suburbia-

“HA!” Laquda popped another chicken nugget in her mouth as she chuckled. “The initials spell ass! ASS!”

The congressman continued “As well as the Alliance of Earth Purity.”

He turned to the camera “You see Trolls are not like you and me, they come from a pitifully backward and violent planet and I can’t really blame them because you see-”

A picture of Crocodile dad came on screen “How can we expect any of them to behave decently when they were all raised by animals?”

A picture of Crocodile dad showed behind the Congressman, Crocodile dad was tearing into the mechanical clown that had been in front of the toy store. The photo probably taken by a mother out with her children.

The congressman raised an eyebrow “Did you know that they are now allowing Alternian care animals or “lusii” to raise children here on Earth?”

The Congressman turned red with rage “that this BEAST-” he gestured angrily towards the picture is now raising a HUMAN CHILD???”

The reporter woman blinked “No I didn’t know tha-”

The congressman hushed her with a hand “Not now Kathy- THAT THIS BEAST THAT IS RAISING A HUMAN CHILD JUST SO HAPPENS TO HAVE BEEN THE SAME BEAST THAT RAISED THE TROLL WOMAN WHO WENT ON A RAMPAGE TODAY??”

The congressman calmed himself and smoothed down his tie “Now I implore the concerned parents out there, Is THIS-” The picture changed back to Laquda smashing down the zoo wall “Is THIS what you want your children to turn out like?”

“He pointed at the screen I assure you that the Alliance of Earth Purity will not stand for this!”

The camera panned back out and the reporter woman was now leaning as far away from the congressman as she could, clutching the papers that had been on the desk to her chest. Her eyes flickered from the congressman back to the camera and then back again.

“We’ll….” The reporter looked at the camera nervously “We’ll be back after these messages…”

 

Laquda sat straight up on the carpet of the living room. Eyes wide before she sprang up to roar at the TV as if she could intimidate the Congressman through the screen. Her eyes flashed orange and her claws were pointed at the television, her maw open and her shark-teeth exposed.

 

Somewhere Congressman Whiteman was sitting in a makeup room for the news station eating a taco salad with extra, extra, sour cream when he felt a shiver run up his spine.

 

Laquda roared at the TV “WHAT?? I DID IT!!! ME??? AND YOU BLAME HIM????”

Sharon shrugged “parents often get blamed if their children misbehave, it's the way human minds work…”

Laquda tugged at her fluffy mass of tangled hair “BUT HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG???”

Sharon looked at Laquda meaningfully. “What you did was stupid and childish but there were people against Crocodile from the beginning, you only gave them a convenient excuse.”

Laquda looked up at Crocodile dad, her rage nearly spent, violet tears in her eyes. Crocodile dad smiled sadly back at her and clutched Minnie tighter where she was asleep against his chest.

Laquda looked down at the little sleeping Minnie and clenched her fists. She turned to Sharon a battle-ready look in her eyes. Here she was a warrior waiting for a General, her scars highlighted by the light of the TV.

“Tell me what to do.” Laquda demanded “Whatever I need to do, tell me and I’ll do it.”

Sharon smiled, a quick and dangerous twist of her lips, a look matching Laquda’s in her eyes.

“I’ll tell you what we’re going to do.” Sharon leaned forward and clicked her long talon-like nails together.

“We’re going to Lawyer the FUCK out of this.”

 

In the guest room of Sharon’s house Ben sat in the wicker chair to the side of a neatly-made cream-colored bed, unused since the day Sharon had given him the room except for a little bundle sitting in it’s center patterned with yellow flowers. Ben wiggled his knee nervously as he stared at the bundle. He hadn’t been sleeping lately except for in fits and starts, afraid that the moment he closed his eyes he would miss some sort of sign, some sort of wiggling or sound from the little makeshift cocoon that meant his daughter was in trouble.

His square shoulders were slumped and he had dark smudges under his grey eyes.

The little flowered bundle blurred as his eyes watered and drooped and before he knew it he was asleep.

Yellow light drifted through a small apartment in a perfectly normal little neighborhood except for the large canvas-topped military vehicle that thundered outside on the street, lined with soldiers off for a training exercise, a dark green Jeep puttered past being driven by someone with far too many tassels and pins on their uniform.

Ben woke up the way he had woken up every morning since he was eighteen and joined the military which was to say at 6:00 on the dot, his shoes already at his bedside, but his routine had been modified in the last couple of years.

Ben patted Lily where she had been curled up next to his head on the pillow, her little face tucked into his neck. Lily chirred and stretched her back her little fore-limbs out in front of her like a cat. She yawned and opened her big beady black eyes.

Ben picked her up and set her on his shoulder like he was a burly pirate and she was an odd insectoid parrot. Lilly peeped and clung onto his shirt tightly.

They reached the kitchen and Ben laid his hand onto a counter for Lily to scurry off his shoulder and use his arm and a bridge to scuttle onto the counter.

“Yo sunshine.” Ben wiggled a box of cheerios and the little grub’s eyes went wide with want. “Is my alien baby ready for some breakfast?”

Lily squeaked excitedly and scurried off the counter, up the leg of the kitchen table where she sat and peeped at him demandingly until he poured her a bowl of cheerios, plunging her head entirely in and munching loudly.

 

Ben did one-handed push-ups in his living room, Lily sleeping soundly where she was curled up in the small of his back.

 

Ben was on his daily run, Lily in a baby pouch strapped to his front, tiny little sunglasses (Ben has to steal off a cabbage patch kid in order to find her size )over her eyes. Several other burly humans in his platoon jogging with him.

“I DON’T KNOW BUT I’VE BEEN TOLD” Ben bellowed out the start of the chant.

“I DON’T KNOW BUT I’VE BEEN TOLD!” echoed back his running partners.

“SERGEANT BEN HAS THE CUTEST GRUB!” Ben shouted out for the entire barracks to hear.

The other men laughed and chanted back “SERGEANT BEN HAS THE CUTEST GRUB!”

Lily chittered and peeped along with the chant. “Peep peep peep peep squeeeaaak!”

 

Ben was mixing his and Lily’s post-workout protein shakes while Lily was coloring on the kitchen table, a crayon held dutifully in her mouth.

Ben set down her little saucer of protein shake and inspected the drawing. “What's this baby girl?”

Lily peeped and took the paper in her mouth to show off her drawing.

The drawing was a vague outline of a squiggly human-oid like creature in grey and green with a smiley face, next to the figure was a yellow oblong squiggle with a smiley face that Ben supposed was Lily.

Ben banged his fist against the table making yet another sizable dent in the beleaguered aluminum. “CHILD YOU ARE A GENIUS!!! LOOK AT THIS!!”

Ben hung the drawing up on the fridge with a banana magnet and ‘world’s greatest dad’ magnet.

Over and over he saw her little smiling face, her big loving beady eyes, purring, peeping, scuttling, chittering, eating cheerios and-

Ben’s head shot up when he heard it.

When he couldn’t see any obvious source of the sound at first he was almost sure he was dreaming when he heard it again.

Very quietly he heard “mrrrrr…..”

The little bundle stretched and the noise grew louder “MRRRRRRR…..”

The muted shape of a tiny fist stretched against the flowered fabric.

Ben sprung to his feet before lowering himself to his knees on the side of the bed over the bundle. He ran over what the Crocodile thingy had written when it came to this part.

Um ok be careful, wait until they start vocalizing, unwrap the bundle carefully…

“MRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”

The sound was accompanied by a furious thrashing that startled Ben out of his cautious revelry and set him into motion. He untied the slick layers of drapery and started to unwrap his daughter until like a water balloon the thin membrane that had gathered inside of the fabric popped and yellow slime oozed out of the bundle and over his arms onto the expensive looking guest room linens.

He heard coughing and as he took away the rest of the fabric-

She definitely wasn’t a grub anymore, the child was definitely more human-shaped now with two little legs and two little arms, she was heather grey her little hooked horns barely bigger from when she was a grub. She coughed and sputtered and Ben wiped her mouth, pulled her soggy slime damp hair from her face.

The little girl clung to Ben’s arm, her little kitten-claws pricking into his forearm, she pulled herself up her tiny little face in an expression inbetween startled, offended and having a life-altering epiphany.

She opened her mouth as if to speak, exposing little rows of perfect fangs before coughing up a startling amount of yellow ooze.

Ben helped her through it, tapping her back with patient concern.

She looked up at him and-

“Daddy.”

Ben stared down at her. “...what?”

She smiled tiredly, a trickle of ooze running down from her mouth. “daddy. “ she said firmly.

Ben hugged her tightly and sobbed. He hissed out breathy little laughs in between wet resounding sobs.Lily waited patiently in his arms.

“I’m so sorry baby…” Ben whispered. Fat tears rolling down his nose. “I’m so sorry my little baby girl…”

She smiled and patted his face clumsily “Daddy no cry.”

Ben laughed and kissed her forehead, tears still welling up in his eyes.

“I don’t know but I’ve been told…” he whispered.

Lily laughed and copied him her little voice impossibly tiny and sweet. “I don’t know but I’ve been told.”

Ben tapped a finger against her nose “Sergeant Ben has the cutest kid.”


	23. Chloe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Chloe waits for her grub to come from his makeshift cocoon we get some backstory.

Chloe Bell’s experience with motherhood so far was...interesting to say the least. There had been many 2am phone calls to Jukilo because of a new sound Dexter made, or that one time the little grub ate an entire piggy bank of nickels and Chloe had called Jukilo and her dad sobbing and sure that she had just killed her grub.

She looked at the little cloth covered bundle.

Maybe she had this time...

She had put Dexter in the basket she always kept when she took him to her classrooms. The little grub would curl up in the wicker basket on Chloe’s desk as her students ran around the room in bright painting frocks, their little hands and faces stained with paint. Sometimes he would perch on the back of a student’s chair and the kindergarteners would excitedly tell him about their paintings, him chittering and purring while the children chattered away. Chloe would give him a paintbrush, some paper and some pots of paint and he would paint dutifully, the bush held in his mouth and his little face scrunched in concentration.

Chloe doesn’t remember much about her own mother. She was young enough that she doesn’t even remember her face, only long dreadlocks spread across the couch, the smell of coconut butter, of strong hands braiding her hair, and crying in the kitchen when nobody was supposed to be awake.

Her most firm memory of her mother was the night she disappeared. She had had a nightmare, she knows that, but can’t remember what of, only a lingering sense of unease and the sense to find a parent to make it go away. She had trailed down the stairs in her yellow footie pajamas, her little yellow feet stark against the dark grey carpeting. Her mother had been in the dark living room, staring out the bay windows where a single streetlamp illuminated a small swatch of the cul de sac the military had put them in this time.

“Momma?”

Her mother had jumped, not expecting to find her daughter there and quickly wiped her face, tear tracks evident in the light filtering in from the streetlamp. “Baby why aren’t you in bed?”

Chloe tottered sleepily across the room to take her mother’s hand. “Monsters…” she whispered.

Her mother laughed tiredly “...I know all about those baby,…” Her mother took her hand and led her to the kitchen “Come on baby let’s get you a glass of water.”

Her mother took her to the kitchen and sat her down at the table, quickly filling a glass with tap water and giving it to her daughter. 

Chloe obediently drank her water as her mother stood by, her face dark as she chewed her nails.

“Baby…” her mother whispered. “You know I love you right?”

Chloe nodded, her pigtails bobbing.

Her mother cupped Chloe’s face and kissed her on the forehead. “I love you so much….”

Chloe reached up and tears started to trickle down her mother’s cheeks. “I love you so much but I just can’t do it anymore….I’m so sorry…”

“Momma?” Chloe asked but her mother gently hushed her.

“You’re going to hear a lot of stuff tomorrow baby...and I’m so sorry….I just wanted you to know that…”

Her mother straightened herself, a tired but steely look in her eyes.

And with that her mother went to the front door and walked out. She stepped out onto the sidewalk outside, illuminated in the bright circle of the streetlamp. Her white nightgown seemed to glow against her dark skin before she stepped out and faded like a ghost in the night.

And so she left Chloe with nothing but the smell of coconut butter and a glass of water to remember her by.

In the morning her dad will be crying on the couch, his head in his hands as a pair of officers stand over him sadly, after they tried their best to soften the blow of what had transpired during the night.

Chloe’s grandma came to stay with them after that. Her hair wrapped in fabric over her head, long hoop earrings tugging down stretched out earlobes and glasses perched near the tip of her nose. An unmistakeable kindness hung around her like a halo and her laugh was loud and unabashed. 

“NANNA!” Chloe cried out one night from under her covers, her little body quaking with fear.

“I’m coming baby!” Her grandmother hobbled into the room and gently lifted the covers. Chloe immediately wrapped her tiny arms around the woman and sobbed. Her grandmother combed back her curly hair and wiped away her tears.

“Whats this about baby?”

Chloe sniffed “The monsters were back!”

The old woman’s eyebrows furrowed. “What monsters baby?”

Chloe cried and burrowed closer to her grandmother. “The ones that took momma!”

The old woman sighed and kissed Chloe on the temple. “Listen to me baby...what took your momma…THOSE kinds of monsters…” She held one wrinkled finger to her own forehead and tapped “Those kind of monsters live UP HERE.”

Chloe’s brows furrowed confused and her grandmother quickly continued. “But you don’t have to worry about them because I am a WITCH!”

Chloe giggled, sniffling through her tears. “No you’re not nana!”

The old woman put a hand to her heart in mock offense, smiling down at her granddaughter. “I AM TOO!” She grinned down at her. She wiggled her fingers in a ‘mystical’ way and Chloe giggled again. “I can make any old monster run for the hills! I can perform blessings and I can SEE THE FUTURE!”

Chloe giggled and wiggled against her grandmother. “NO you’re not! You’re being silly!”

“Oh yeah?” The old woman puffed out her chest. “You just SHOW me where those monsters are!”

Chloe laughed and pointed excitedly towards the closet. “In there nana! In there!”

The old woman hobbled towards the closet and wiggled her fingers dramatically in front of the door “BEGONE!!!” She stamped her foot “Begone monsters! Shoo! Scat! You are never to come here again! Do you hear me you rascals?!!”

Chloe laughed and clapped.

Her grandmother came back and cupped her hands around her granddaughter’s chubby cheeks “And for my next trick I will perform a blessing!” she put a finger against Chloe’s forehead and traced the shape of a wide spiral. “No monster will touch this girl! Not ever! Not for a thousand years! Or a thousand years after that! Or a thousand years after that!”

Chloe was entranced. “My future! Tell me my future too!”

The old woman smiled and took Chloe’s hands in her’s, closing her eyes and humming to herself. Chloe looked at her expectedly.

“I see…” her grandmother whispered.

“Yeah?” Chloe tugged at her hands impatiently.

“I see that you will be…” The elder woman grinned and tapped Chloe on the nose “Just fine.”

Chloe grinned, her fear completely forgotten.

 

The years went on, being a military man Chloe’s father moved his family from base to base, across states and sometimes even to other countries, following his assignments.

Too often Chloe was left having been uprooted once more, having left what little friends she had accrued in another state, transferring into a new school in the middle of the year, facing a classroom of new kids with nothing but her braces and her hair trying to come loose from her cornrows.

On television rail thin women threw their sleek straight hair over their shoulders flirtatiously.

Meanwhile her hips grew round and soft where the other women were thin and muscular, her hair curled wildly where their hair was flat and smooth.

She cried that night and her grandma knocked gently on her bedroom door before coming in. “What's wrong baby?” she asked as she took Chloe’s head in her lap and stroked her hair.

“...I’m not...I’m not pretty….” She blubbered and the old woman scowled.

“Now where on Earth did you get such an idea?” She combed back Chloe’s hair. “You are as pretty as a field of wildflowers baby, don’t let anyone tell you nothing different.”

Chloe smiled through her tears. “Nana...Tell me my future?...”

Her grandma smiled and took her hands. “ I see….” She closed her eyes and hummed “I see great beauty and...I see…you will be....”

She opened her eyes and tapped Chloe on the nose. “...Just fine.”

 

When her grandma became ill Chloe’s father started to stay at home more, he led her grandmother through the garden, her hand on his forearm as the old woman prodded at flowers with her cane. Her grandmother trailing tubing that led back to the tank of oxygen her father wheeled behind them.

Chloe drove her grandmother to her doctor’s appointments on days her father worked, she prepared her pills every morning and made them breakfast.

One day she found her grandmother at the kitchen table regarding her set of china. The pearly white dishes with gold trim sat where they always sat, surviving move after move by the will of her grandmother to sit in a display case in the dining room.

“sixty years.” her grandmother twirled her oxygen tube as she stared at the dishes “I had these dishes sixty some years… they were a wedding present from when I married your grandfather…”

She sighed and gripped her cane. “I wish I would have used them more.”

That day at lunch Chloe made them both grilled cheese sandwiches served on gold-lined dishes and her grandmother laughed joyfully.

 

Chloe walked into the hospital with a grocery bag full of vases and plastic flowers she bought at the dollar store. The section of the hospital her grandmother was staying at didn’t allow real flowers, too unhygienic, too risky in case someone had an allergy, so she had to make do.

Her grandmother was sleeping when she came in, her curly grey hair like a halo around her on the pillow. Her father came every day on his lunch break to help the old woman eat her lunch, Chloe came every day after her summer job to help her eat her dinner. She had been eating less and less recently and it was worrying both her and her father.

She set up the flowers and their vases by the windowsill and her grandmother started to stir.

The old woman opened her blurry eyes and smiled. “Oh…” She sighed and looked at the flowers. “Baby are those real?”

Chloe smiled as warmly as she could down at her grandmother despite the sadness that had been curling around her gut for months now while her grandma was in the hospital.

“Yes nana they’re real.” she lied, unable to tell her what they really were when faced with so much awe in the old woman’s eyes.

The old woman grinned. “You didn’t have to go through the trouble…” She gazed dreamily at them.

Chloe sat at her bedside and took her grandmother’s hand. She took a teacup lined with gold from her bag. “I have something from your set grandma…”

The woman squinted at the teacup before grinning. “Oh well look at that!”

Chloe smiled weakly “Do you think you can try drinking something from it today? You weren’t able to yesterday...”

The old woman smiled back shakily “Let’s try a bit of milk…”

Chloe helped the old woman drink as much milk as she could stomach before the teacup was pushed away only half drained.

“Tell me where you got the flowers baby…” her grandmother whispered as she settled back down into the bed.

Chloe smiled at petted her grandma’s hair, the fluorescent lights making her face paler. “I picked them from a field of wildflowers...They were swaying so pretty in the breeze...the sun dappling across them like a kiss…”

Her grandmother sighed and closed her eyes. “Just like you...my wildflower girl…”

“Tell me my future nana…” Chloe whispered and held her grandma’s hand.

The old woman opened her eyes and smiled. “I see…you’re going to be...”

She squeezed Chloe’s hand “A beautiful woman...a beautiful woman who will live as bright as a galaxy and free as a field of wildflowers...I see you loving...and being loved for as long as you live…”

She raised a shaky hand to Chloe’s cheek “And most importantly….you will be….”

The old woman smiled and Chloe took her own hand in hers. “You will be just fine.”

The next day she was gone, not fading away like her mother had under the streetlamp but her body lying as if in mid-nap, being wheeled out by a nurse to be taken to a funeral home.

 

Chloe did her best to live up to her grandmother’s prediction every day. She wore what she wanted, did what she wanted, painted what she wanted, she loved and she laughed.

But now staring at the little flower-printed bundle she felt the same as she did that day she told her grandmother the plastic flowers were real. She was his mother, she was supposed to protect him, but she had accidentally hurt him when she had panicked and ripped the strands from his cocoon. 

And here she was watching the little bundle as it sat in his basket, neither dead or alive but somewhere. Schrodinger's grub. Like the moment her mother had stepped into the circle of light under the streetlamp, when she could have either come back into the house or fade away into nothing.

She bit her nails, a habit she hadn’t had since she was a kid.

He should have told her. Jukilo should have told her why didn’t he-

She sighed and rubbed at her eyes.

She could be angry at him but in the end she was the one who tore the cocoon...her son was here because of what she did.

Looking back she realized that a lot of the time Jukilo would assume she already knew, as if the magical status of “lusus” gave her the knowledge of the fact that her son’s horns were sensitive to magnets or that he can’t eat cinnamon or that piggy banks full of nickels shouldn’t be trusted with him or that-

Or that you shouldn’t rip the webbing.

She knew logically that adult trolls had nothing to do with their spawn, that’s why she was needed in the first place.

But the coldness...the flippancy when he had told her he could simply get her another that-

That-

It had made her blood boil.

She couldn’t understand how anyone could feel that way...especially someone that she lik-

Anyways.

It made sense in a weird way. His skittishness when it came to even setting foot in her house, the way Dexter growled whenever Jukilo passed by a window. That day Dexter attacked Jukilo when he had been in her house.

He had called later tipsy and full of long-winded apologies and offers to pay for the window replacement. She had giggled at the entire situation and how sweet Jukilo was.

She was still miffed at him but her hot anger was replaced with a sort of knowing. She was piecing together the why of the thing and while she might not exactly LIKE it per say it smoothed down some edges with understanding.

The bundle stirred and Chloe was struck from her revelry.

“Dexter!” She jumped to her feet, her hands hovering over the fabric. Ok um...Crocodile dad had said to wait until he started to make noise and-

“MHHHHHHHHH!!!” The little bundle screeched and thrashed like an oversized jellybean rocking back and forth in the wicker basket. 

“It's ok baby I got you!” She hesitated for a moment, it was too much like when she had first found him in the cocoon-

“MHHHHMMHHHHH!” the bundle sobbed terrified and Chloe ripped the knot off the bundle and started to unwrap the bundle.

The bundle thrashed harder, cerulean goo oozing out from the fabric and the crying growing louder. 

“I got you baby! I got you calm down!” something inside the bundle popped and a little grey foot kicked her hard in the stomach accidentally, she could already tell he was stronger than a human baby. Goo flooded out and she heard coughing.

The bundle shrieked and Chloe unwrapped the last bit of fabric to reveal a crying face. Two little grey fists were balled up under his chin as cerulean tears striped down his face.

She wiped the goo from his face and he sputtered and coughed, one tiny ear like Jukilo’s swiveling up as little yellow eyes opened.

His little eyes were wide with panic as tears striped down his cheeks “MOMMA?!!” he cried and Chloe hugged him and patted his back as he sputtered.

“MOMMA!!” he blubbered and cried and Chloe combed back his hair.

“Its ok baby, It's ok I’ve got you momma’s got you…”

Her son coughed and his cries quieted, only small shudders as he wept his breathing slowed.

“You’re going to be…” Chloe whispered

He looked up at her with big grey eyes expectantly.

Chloe touched a finger to his nose “Just fine.”

He giggled and she kissed him on the forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> Sorry for not updating in forever! I haven't forgotten about this series I just went back to school and everything is hectic and exploding and college so yeah.
> 
> Anyways! I hope you enjoyed! I love hearing from you guys! I hope you're ok with it being a bittersweet chapter! Tell me what you think I'm really curious!


	24. Sharon the shark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sharon works her Lawyer magic and Laquda has to nut-up or shut-up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not gonna lie folks some not-pleasant things happen to Jukilo in this chapter but I swear things are better than ok in the end.

Sharon stalked down the stark marble hallway her dark heels clacking down the desolate space. She came dressed for battle her cat’s-eye eyeliner as sharp as a knife, blood red lipstick matched her blood red satin blouse, her high black skirt to her knees.

Sharon threw open a mahogany door into a conference room in the courthouse, the walls lined with rows upon rows of legal reference books that were all but useless in the age of the internet, but never failed to decorate legal spaces, as if the presence of books made their owners intelligent regardless if they were read or not.

A good-looking man leaned against the desk, his dark hair slicked back, he had spent the last five minutes perfectly posing in a way that looked casual but had the right amount of light to make him look as good as possible, a reference book that he hadn’t even touched before today was open in his hands.

“Ah! Sharon.” he greeted and closed the book. “It is so lovely to see you, and here I thought you were still stuck in suburbia.”

Sharon smiled, her thin lips dangerous like a crack of a whip. “Not quite.”

The man smiled the kind of too-wide too-white kind of smile that could charm an elderly person out of their medicare check or convince the police you were innocent while you had a corpse in the trunk of your car.

“Well Sharon, being the intelligent woman that you are, are probably here to settle-” The man went to a chair where an earnest and nervous-looking man sat uncomfortably “MY client’s case of personal damages as pertaining to the car that was stolen from him out of the zoo parking lot as well as the EMOTIONAL damage that he sustained.”

“Emotional damage?” the other man asked quietly.

Without his smile faltering the man patted him on the shoulder. “Shut up.” He turned back to Sharon “I hear a violet blood is some sort of royalty on Alternio-”

“Alternia.” Sharon corrected him.

“Whatever” He waved it away “The point is how much money is that beast willing to pony up?”

“Oh Eric. Eric. Eric…” Sharon crossed over to the man and adjusted his tie, she looked up at him. “All these years and you still don’t do your homework… I thought I taught you better back when you were my paralegal…”

Eric swallowed and struggled to look her in the eyes at first but he summoned his gumption and squared his shoulders. “Yeah well the game has changed since you took you little 'sabbatical'...” he formed sarcastic air quotes around the last word.

Sharon smiled and took a very thick file out of her briefcase and slammed it down on the mahogany table.

“You see Eric…” Sharon sat down at the table and leaned back in her chair. “When Alternia first made diplomatic agreements with Earth they outlined a few things.”

Sharon flipped through the document to where a red sticky note marked the page. “You see Alternia is a much different place and they’ve only agreed to obey the law that they understand-”

She tapped the passage with one dangerous-looking red manicured nail. “You are posing a civil suit and whoopsies Alternia NEVER developed a civil court and NEVER agreed to be bound by it. The closest they have is a kind of personal dispute court where two individuals who disagree would PHYSICALLY fight in a battle arena of the law, and unless you want to get in the ring with that “BEAST” you described earlier…”

Eric swallowed nervously at the thought and tugged at his collar. He squared his shoulders “So? I’ll press for criminal charges she-”

Sharon waved a hand at the other lawyer flippantly. “Yes yes the car.” Sharon smiled delightedly and made a little steeple with her hands. “I am so GLAD you brought that up Eric.” She turned to a new section of the document.

“You see during the early days of the Alternian-human first contact there were only the ship’s crews and their individual captains to represent Alternia. There were also some very extreme security concerns regarding extremist groups who believed trolls to be demons. To protect the visiting trolls and allow them to make decisions to better protect their crews all Alternian ship captains were given the titles of DIPLOMAT.”

Sharon smiled and wiggled her eyebrows at Eric who was now partially slumped in his seat. “And just GUESS what Laquda just so happens to be?”

Eric rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. “...She's a ship captain…”

Sharon grinned wider obviously enjoying herself "Which MEANS, my dear little Eric, that she has diplomatic immunity."

Sharon looked over to Eric’s client who was looking very worried at this point. “Don’t worry Laquda has agreed to pay for your truck’s repairs.” Sharon slid a piece of paper over to him “It comes with a statement that she regrets what she did but admits no legal wrongdoing, your truck will be good as new-You might even be able to afford an upgrade”

Sharon looked over at Eric who was slumped against the table and then back to Eric’s client. “How much is he charging you per hour?”

The client shrugged and looked embarrassed. “Um...a hundred per hour plus a percentage of the damages won…”

Sharon patted Eric’s face. “Oh honey you have a while to go until you’re in THOSE kinds of leagues.” She looked to her watch and then back to the client.

Sharon rose from the table and smoothed down her blouse, she addressed the client. “Luckily for you this took ten minutes so you only owe this clown about eight dollars and thirty three cents.”

And with that Sharon stalked out of the room and down the hall.

Eric sighed and raised a demanding open palm to his client.

The client rolled his eyes and slapped a ten dollar bill into his waiting hand. “Keep the fucking change looser.”

And with that the client was gone.

Eric tucked the ten dollar bill into his suit pocket and seethed.

Now what was the best way to get back at her?

 

Sharon tip-toed through the wreckage of the McDonald's her prada heels clinking through the glass.

The manager paused where they had been mopping up old melted ice-cream that had spewed over everything when Laquda threw the brick with money tied to it through the machine.

The manager sighed and continued to mop. “If you’re here to bargain with me about suing you don’t have to...The store owner found out about the diplomatic immunity thing...They’re taking the broken ice cream machine out of my paycheck instead…”

Sharon set her bag down at the counter. “I happen to know that Laquda tied much more money to that brick than what 40 McNugget meals cost...And yet the owner didn’t use THAT money for the ice cream machine?...”

The manager sighed and their shoulder’s slumped. “Yeah...I know…”

“Are you going to college?” Sharon asked.

The manager looked at Sharon quizzically and pushed up their glasses.

Sharon waved a hand at them “Actually don’t answer that, I already know that you are, and I already know you have EXCELLENT grades.”

“But wh-”

Sharon slid a piece of paper across the counter. “You see there's this new kind of scholarship, apparently some sort of Alternian pseudo-royalty type set it up I don’t really know…”

“The point is…” Sharon waved the paper back and forth “That it is a FULL RIDE and it's YOURS”

The manager took the paper reverently. “...Wow...wait..” They looked at Sharon questioningly “What do you want in return?”

Sharon shrugged. “You’ll go to a ceremony and a big buff alien will present you with the scholarship and a plaque. It will be a great little fluff piece about how much aliens care about Earth and it’s inhabitants.”

“So.” Sharon raised an eyebrow and extended a hand “Do we have a deal?”

The manager laughed and put their hand in Sharon’s “Yeah we do.”

Sharon smiled and shook their hands. “Also.” she presented a business card “What your manager is doing is ILLEGAL call me and I’ll make sure you get your FULL paycheck.”

The manager grinned down at the business card and Sharon sauntered out of the McDonald’s.

 

Laquda wiggled her foot impatiently as she sat in a chair much too small for her, as a team of hair and makeup girls flitted around her like bees. The girls had a heck of a time with Laquda’s hair and by the end of it there was a stack of bones, lost trinkets and broken combs they had fished out of the mass.

“Remember.” Sharon sat on the makeup counter across from Laquda “You regret everything. You simply misunderstood, you only wanted to get Minnie out of the zoo, you are new to Earth and did NOT understand. capiche?”

Laquda nodded and bit her lip. “Are you sure about this? SURE? Saying this kinda stuff to trolls would only be begging for them to cull you for incompetency…”

Sharon smiled at her. “Trust me humans eat this stuff up. It happens every couple of months when some football player or B-celebrity gets thrashed at a strip club or throws half-eaten chicken nuggets at their fans. You have to get them to SYMPATHIZE with you, humans are naturally sympathetic there is a part of them that wants to forgive you, you just have to find the right way to bring it out.”

Laquda regarded Sharon for a moment. “Alright. I’m ready.”

 

Laquda was led out to a waiting podium, reporters stood at the ready with microphones and cameras at the ready, flashing incessantly as Laquda made her way across the stage.

Laquda swallowed and leaned down so that she was in range of the microphone at the podium. “Hello and thank you for being here.” She stated gruffly.

“During my first day ever on planet Earth I made a multitude of mistakes. I misunderstood the concept of a petting zoo and in my haste to rescue my little sister from the area I broke a chicken enclosure as well as the wall of the zoo. In my rush to escape the zoo I took a transport vehicle that was not my own and then proceeded to cause damage at a local McDonalds restaurant.”

Laquda cleared her throat “I regert all of this.”

The reported looked confused among themselves. Sharon rubbed the bridge of her nose where she was backstage

“Uh excuse me.” Laquda looked at a smudged bit of writing on her hand. “I REGRET all of that. Forgive me English is not my first language”

The reporters smiled and some even chuckled lightly at that.

Sharon quirked up her eyebrows, she couldn’t believe it but Laquda was almost...charming…

Crocodile dad waddled to the stage little Minnie in his arms. Some of the reporters gasped and jumped back.

Laquda took Minnie from Crocodile Dad’s arms. “Please don’t worry. This is my father, his is the kindest person I know and THIS-”

Laquda raised Minnie up who giggled and kicked her little feet, a round “daws” came from the reporters.

“-Is my little sister Minnie.” Laquda continued “Who has been adopted by my father recently and who has been taking very good care of her.”

Minnie yawned and settled against Laquda for a nap. The reporters once again let out a chorus of “Daws”.

“To demonstrate my commitment to the citizens of this city as well as my commitment to Earth-” Laquda pulled a sheet of covered table exposing a model of a modern-looking building “I have pledge to build the first Alternian-Earth library here as a token to YOU.”

The reporters clapped and several more pictured were taken.

“Now.” Laquda looked over the audience “Is there any questions?”

The reporters all stumbled over each other with their questions, clamoring to get closer to the stage.

 

Congressman Whiteman scowled as he watched the news. This just wouldn’t do. He frowned and adjusted the American flag pin on his suit. The Alternian animals were looking too good at the moment. He looked at the little human girl in the Aliens arms…

The congressman pressed an intercom button on his desk. “Sheryl.” he demanded.

“Yes sir?” his assistant answered on the other end.

“I want to know where that kid came from.”

“Right away sir.”

 

“WOO!” Laquda punched the air backstage after the question session. “FUCKIN’ YEAH!”

Sharon smiled and laughed at Laquda’s enthusiasm “I’ll admit you did well out there.”

Laquda stooped over Sharon and grinned. “IT’S LIKE PUNCHING PEOPLE!! EXCEPT WITH FEELINGS!!”

Sharon laughed and Laquda scooped her up in a hug. They laughed together for a moment before Laquda stopped and realized what she did. She gently put Sharon back down. Both women were suddenly too shy, Sharon picked at her nails and Laquda ran a hand through her hair.

“Uh…” Sharon was speechless for the first time in a decade, she shook her head and started again. “You ah...you did a good job.”

“Uh…” Laquda’s cheeks and fins were entirely purple “Thanks and you..ah...I couldn’t have done it without you...and stuff..”

“So I’ll uh...be going…” Sharon waved awkwardly at Laquda her hands playing nervously with the buttons on her blouse.

“Yeah…” Laquda tugged at a piece of her hair. “...bye….”

Sharon gave Laquda one last shy smile and with that she left.

Laquda sighed dreamily, her fins fluttering slightly.

 

A couple of men in a bar watched the broadcast, the little human girl in the big alien’s arms.

“I still don’t trust them.” One man answered and downed his glass of beer, the light from the television setting stark shadows across his face.

“Fucking aliens.” Another one answered “Comin’ down and doing whatever the hell they want. Someone ought to set em’ straight.”

“I don’t care if people seem to like em now.” a third one cracked their knuckles “Someone should remind them just who’s planet this is.”

And with that three humans rose from their seats, downed their last beers and headed out into the night looking for trouble.

 

Jukilo stood outside of his house, fumbling with his keys briefcase in hand when he heard it. A car stopped at the curb and a human got out. His ear flicked but otherwise he didn’t pay it much attention, were this Alternia he would have had his scythe out by now but after living for years on Earth he now tended to leave his trusty collapsible scythe at home. Humans didn’t much care for carrying weapons around anyways and he was trying to be considerate to his human neighbors. Humans stopped all the time for directions in this neighborhood-

The human approached. Without looking up Jukilo began to speak “Yes can I help y-”

But before he could finish a thick 2-by-4 piece of wood made contact with his head just under his horns. His vision spun and he fell to his porch.

He heard laughter and through bleary eyes he saw three humans armed with bats and pieces of wood. One giggled and swung their wood back and forth “Welcome to Earth motherfucker.”

Jukilo was at his feet, he raised his fists as another human swung their piece of wood. He dodged the makeshift weapon.

They were untrained, that much he could tell. Every Alternian goes through basic battle combat when they are first conscripted but he had been placed in the civil-servant-terrorist track rather than the combat track, not only that but two years on the sleepy and harmless before today planet Earth had dulled him. Even given that he dodged their attacks consistently as they swung.

He went back as one swung their bat at him but as he was distracted another one got a lucky hit to his stomach. The blow knocked the air out of him and he wheezed and coughed out a mouthful of teal blood.

The assailants giggled and Jukilo wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his suit.

He flexed his claws but seriously hurting them would only give credence to Congressman Whiteman’s anti-Alternian propaganda.

The human swung again and Jukilo jumped onto the railing on his porch to dodge.

What was he supposed to do then? Just let them beat him up?

An attacker swung at the railing he was perched on, Jukilo jumped and the assailant smashed through the wooden banister Jukilo had been perched on.

Now that's just rude.

Jukilo dodged a punch and kicked his attacker in the side. He thought about giving in and slicing them to ribbons, Congressman Whiteman using the human’s injuries as proof that Alternians are evil.

An attacker punched wildly and got a lucky hit to Jukilo’s jaw before Jukilo took their wrist and threw them back at the other two humans. He thought about Minnie crying as human officials took her from crocodile Dad.

Teal blood trickled down Jukilo’s bottom lip.

So be it then.

Jukilo steeled himself against using his claws ready to take whatever these humans-

Someone shrieked and in a multi-colored blur to fast to process the attacker closest to Jukilo was smacked to the ground, bright red human blood trickling down from an obviously broken nose. Jukilo fell back to the pavement astonished.

He looked up and Chloe stood over him, between him and the three other humans. She wore a bright blue dress patterned with pink and orange fish that was now splattered with red human blood, gold gladiator sandals on her feet. Her fists were raised, the brass knuckles gleaming dully in the moonlight.

Chloe growled and Jukilo felt a shiver run up his spine.

“And just what the fuck.” Chloe spit out at the three other humans “Do you think you’re doing to my alien?”

The human that Chloe punched out scrambled to his feet. “Get lost little girl. This is between us and him.”

Chloe’s hair fluttered in the breeze her eyes steely. “Yeah that's not happening.” She motioned for them to come forward. “So fucking come at me, unless you’re too afraid to get beaten by a girl.”

One of the attackers charged Chloe, she kicked his leg out from under him and as he fell she punched him on the temple, he hit the pavement hard with a sickening sound of his arm breaking.

Another one lunged forward and Chloe jumped and kicked him in the throat her golden gladiator sandal gleaming. He staggered back and Chloe punched him hard in the gut.

The third attacker tried to attack Chloe from behind, grabbing around her middle. Chloe went low and used the man’s weight against him to flip him over her head and onto the pavement. He wheezed where he laid on his back on the pavement.

The two other humans scooped up their fallen comrade and made a hasty retreat to their car.

“YEAH THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT!” Chloe screamed at them as they drove away “RUN AWAY YOU FUCKING COWARDS!”

Chloe turned to Jukilo and immediately dropped down to where he sat dumbfounded on the pavement. “JUKILO!!” She took his face in her hands and Jukilo could feel the cold metal of her brass knuckles.

Here, silhouetted in the moonlight above him and slightly bloodstained Chloe was the most beautiful thing Jukilo had ever seen.

“Are you ok?” Chloe’s thumbs gently rubbed across Jukilo’s cheekbones and he leaned into her warm hands with a sigh.

“I’m alright…” Jukilo murmured. “You saved me…”

Chloe sniffed, tears shining in her eyes. “I’m still kinda mad at you but I’m really glad you’re ok…”

Jukilo lifted his hands to rest atop Chloe’s bloodstained hands. “I’m so sorry...I didn’t...With your son...I didn’t know but…”

With one hand Chloe combed her fingers through his hair. “I know…”

Jukilo squeezed her hand. “I don’t have the lususing instinct...there may be ways that you feel that I won’t be able to… I’m starting to - or at least I’m trying to understand and-”

Chloe put a finger to his lips. “If you’re willing to try…” she whispered. “I’m willing to try.”

Jukilo took the hand that was pressed to his lips in his own, he laced their fingers together and turned his head to place a gently kiss on her palm. “I am VERY much willing to try.”

Chloe swung a leg over Jukilo to straddle him, sinking down to his lap she took his face in both hands and pulled him into a deep kiss.

Jukilo kissed her back reverently, putting a clawed hand gently on the back of her curly head and another one around her waist.

Chloe’s hands moved to the back of his head and she sucked gently on his bottom lip, careful of where it was split. She rubbed at his long ears and he chittered at that, she leaned against his chest and-

“Ah!” Jukilo winced. “Careful they got a good hit in there.”

Chloe took her hand back from where it had been behind Jukilo’s head only to find it sticky with teal blood.

“Oh Jukilo…” She whispered and gently checked where he was still bleeding. She looked up from where they still were in the middle of the road.

“Come on.” she stood up and offered him a hand “Come with me I’ll patch you up.”

He took her hand and she pulled him to his feet.

“And then after that we can make out some more how does that sound?”

Given Jukilo’s wordy and long-winded nature he, could have given her a response three miles long. He could have told her how absolutely amazing she was, how gorgeous she was, how skilled in battle she was. He could have dropped to his knees and recited a sonnet regarding her gloriousness and how he was completely undeserving of her.

He could have told her that he was just a desk-working teal but she made him feel like a supernova every time her warm skin brushed up against his.

He wanted to, and he promised himself in that moment that he would, tell her in extreme detail every single thing about her that was amazing and beautiful and fantastic, each and every day until the day he fucking died.

Instead he gave the shortest and perhaps most sensible response to having Chloe of all people ask him that question.

He said yes.

And with that Chloe led him away, her little warm brown hand fitting perfectly in his large grey one as if being molded for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow! This was definitely a ride! Sorry it took so long to update but yanno school an' stuff is happening.
> 
> ANYWHO PLEASE COMMENT IF YOU ENJOYED I FUCKIN' LOVE COMMENTS


	25. Jukilo and Joy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jukilo reports his attack to the police and we see a day in the life of Joy

Jukilo was sound asleep on the couch in Chloe’s living room. His arm was folded back to cushion his head, his lanky legs were flung over the other arm of the couch. His suit jacket was draped against a chair in the living room and his shoes were left politely at the front entrance. His shirt was unbuttoned just enough to see the layers of gauze his nurse and perhaps new matesprit had applied the previous night.

The beautiful and amazing woman who had rescued him the previous night from a gang of wood-equipped humans, taken him back home to patch him up, and then proceeded to make out with him as if they were both horny teenagers was, as of now, sound asleep on his chest.

Chloe laid across the slightly purring alien, tiny round and petite in comparison to Jukilo’s long and lanky frame. She had her face tucked under Jukilo’s jaw where she had fallen asleep kissing the bruises left there the previous day.

Jukilo sighed and opened his eyes blearily, he wrapped an arm around Chloe’s sleeping frame and she hummed low in her sleep and cuddled to his chest.

Jukilo purred shamelessly. Light came in through the long bay window of the living room, illuminating Chloe’s curly hair, playing across her eyelashes and painting a golden swathe of light against her cheek. She looked so little now, so deceptively fragile when he very well knew how utterly ferocious she could be, how fiercely strong, how unimaginably-

A growl came from above Jukilo.

Jukilo looked up and came face-to-face with Chloe’s troll child.

Dexter was using his claws to brace against the fabric of the couch. He stared at Jukilo, his pupils in harsh slits and the sclera of his eyes flashed orange. He opened his mouth showing off a plethora of needle-sharp teeth, a low growl erupting from the youth.

Jukilo froze.

He supposed this is how the universe works- you get beat up by a random bunch of humans, the most glorious of people comes to save you and kiss you-

And then you die.

Dexter raised one hand to strike, his sharp little claws fully extended he-

“Boop.” Chloe’s petite little brown hand had darted out from where it laid on Jukilo’s chest, her finger booping her son’s nose.

“You’ve been booped! Oh no!” Chloe giggled where she laid across Jukilo’s chest and that lovely sound, the way she wiggled a little bit in time with her laughs, and the sparkle in her eyes made Jukilo forget that he was about to die.

“Mom.” the little troll’s eyebrows furrowed. “Stop it dis is im-por-dant.” the child enunciated each syllable testily.

Chloe rolled her eyes and braced herself on her elbow. “You learned words yesterday and already you use them to sass me.”

“Come on.” Chloe slid off of Jukilo’s chest and he already missed her warmth. She picked Dexter up off the couch, his claws popping out of the fabric like a kitten that had been climbing the drapes. “Let’s get some breakfast into you little guy.”

Chloe carried her son to the kitchen, him glaring distrustfully over her shoulder at Jukilo.

Chloe put her son down in the kitchen, ruffled his hair and set about finding the ingredients to make blueberry pancakes. Jukilo rose from where he sat in the living room and followed Chloe to the kitchen.

Dexter stood in the doorway of the kitchen and glared at Jukilo. He growled and blocked off the older troll’s path.

Chloe sighed and gently picked up her son and moved him to the side. “What is with you this morning?” She took Jukilo’s hand and pulled him into the kitchen herself.

Jukilo grinned cheekily at the youth and Dexter scowled and chittered irritatedly, his ears flat against his head.

Chloe sat Jukilo at the breakfast nook and Dexter crossed over to continue glaring up at Jukilo. Without looking away from the older troll invading his territory Dexter crossed over to his mother and tugged at her skirt.

“Mom.” Dexter demanded and glared at Jukilo, his little eyebrows furrowing.

“What is it baby?” Chloe hummed and measured flour into a bowl.

“WHY.” Dexter pointed at Jukilo angrily.

Chloe leaned down and kissed her fuming troll son on the forehead. “Because. I like him. You’ll hopefully be seeing more of him around.”

Jukilo grinned giddily and could hardly suppress a purr. He and Chloe had already spent the prior night cleaning his wounds and making out but he felt a certain sort of childish glee similar to when a fourth grader hands out a “Do you like me? YES NO” note too their crush and it is returned with a circled “YES”

Chloe turned back to her blueberry pancakes and Dexter turned back to Jukilo seething. Jukilo smirked smugly at the child.

Despite being millions of miles away from the planet his species evolved on, Dexter did something deep and instinctual that millions upon millions of trolls had done when their space was invaded and their authority challenged.

Dexter went to the wall moodily. He glared and Jukilo and rubbed his face against the wall, pouting and glaring daggers into the larger troll all the while. He raised his tiny little hand and with his claws extended he raked them down the wall. Little curls of paint slivered off the wall and neat little slices being left in their wake. He grinned triumphantly at Jukilo, his territory sufficiently claimed.

Jukilo frowned at the little troll and rose from his seat, he went over to the wall adjacent to Dexter’s wall and glared at the child as he rubbed his cheek against the wall as well. He extended his much longer claws and also raked them in a wide slash against the wall.“Oh yeah?” the gesture seemed to say “Well tough because I’m bigger than you and this is MY territory.”

Dexter gasped and went back to raking his claws against the wall, making larger slashes than before. Jukilo also set to work clawing the wall.

Chloe turned back to the pair of them, plates of blueberry pancakes in her hands.

She gaped and for a moment she regretted ever dating and/or raising aliens.

“AND WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TWO THINK YOU’RE DOING TO MY WALL?!”

Both Jukilo’s and Dexter’s ears folded back at the reprimand.

The two trolls pointed at each other “He started it!” they said in unison.

 

Crocodile dad chittered at Jukilo, crooing lowly and running his claws through his son’s hair.

Jukilo smiled at crocodile dad, a rueful twist of his lips.

“I promise that I am alright. As it is that I have yet to be deceased and I have minimal injuries I am therefore alright.”

Crocodile dad whined lowly and snuffled at him. He licked the bruise blooming across Jukilo’s jaw.

Sharon once again had been summoned to Crocodile dad’s house to survey the damage, a coffee cup in her talons and a softer look in her eyes at the bruise blooming on Jukilo’s cheek and trailing down under the collar of his shirt. Despite the bruises and the obvious way Jukilo protected his left side, he seemed uncharacteristically strong with Chloe sitting next to him on the couch and holding his hand.

Laura sat next to Jukilo on the other side and tucked a bit of hair behind his ear. “I’m just glad that you’re ok…”

Thomas paced in the living room and Crocodile dad laid on the carpet with his head on Jukilo’s knees. Thomas paced and rubbed his face. “You just don’t think this kind of thing can happen until…”

Laura and thomas shared a meaningful, somber look. Laura rubbed Jukilo’s shoulder.

“Well…” Sharon tapped her fingernails across her coffee cup and took a sip “Are you going to make a police report?”

Jukilo’s ears flicked up and he looked at Sharon.

“...I would never FORCE anyone to report their experiences…. though I would very much so recommend that you do so.”

Jukilo looked bewildered for a moment and rubbed his side in thought. “I had honestly forgotten that such actions were illegal on this planet...and as they are illegal I could therefore report them…”

Chloe leaned against his side gently. “I was going to ask when I felt you were ready. I remembered their license plate number.”

Jukilo looked thoughtful for a moment.

Sharon sighed and took a sip of coffee. “Though I would like to remind you that with them out there they could very well come back as soon as they’re healed, or without your side of the story they could say that Chloe’s attack was unprovoked…”

Chloe stiffened next to Jukilo and he squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Very well then.” He acquiesced.

 

It was a somber morning then, Sharon called the police and two detectives came to Crocodile dad’s house to take statements. The first was a short bowling ball of a man with a thick bristly mustache and two equally as thick eyebrows like belligerent caterpillars on his face. His partner was a lanky latina woman with kind eyes and a streak of pink in her hair, with the sleeves of her uniform rolled up one could just barely see the edges of what looked like a sprawling rose tattoo.

The man interviewed Jukilo while the woman interviewed Chloe, then the man interviewed Chloe and the woman interviewed Jukilo. They took notes on tiny pads of paper, flipping through pages of chicken scratch as Jukilo and Chloe talked. They also talked to Laura, Thomas, Sharon and crocodile dad briefly and interviews with crocodile dad ended with the detective leaving with a cookie or a sandwich courtesy of Crocodile dad.

“So why didn’t you use your claws?” The officer grumped, his voice low and his face caterpillars particularly belligerent.

Jukilo sighed. “There’s been talk of Alternians being nothing but violent animals lately. As I am an Alternian and as I am not a violent animal I did not want anyone to think that their rash assumptions of me were accurate.”

The face caterpillars seemed less belligerent at that and Jukilo took that as a sign that the officer was impressed.

The woman took pictures of Jukilo’s smashed porch and the debris still in his lawn and driveway.

Jukilo itched, this all felt invasive in a way he didn’t appreciate. “Is all of this sufficient?” He asked, an irritated chitter in his voice.

The woman looked down at the man and the man looked up at her under his face caterpillars.

“Well..” The woman began and rubbed the back of her neck.

“We need documentation of the injuries.” The man grunted out and the woman elbowed him.

Jukilo unconsciously held his suit jacket more closed. “What? Why?”

The woman came up to Jukilo. “We need to document harm sustained... Here.” she handed him a business card. “The nearest Alternian specialist is in Miami.”

Jukilo twisted the card in his hand. “I’m not that damaged...there is simply no need for a doctorturer I am still of use..…”

Chloe took his hand and squeezed. He looked down at her nervously and she smiled up at him. “Not that kind of doctor babe. The human-style kind.”

The officer looked at Jukilo sympathetically. “Just a quick visit to make sure you’re alright and a couple of pictures…” The officer assured him. “We’ll go with you there and allow you your privacy when you’re there…”

Jukilo thumbed the business card nervously. “...alright…” He whispered.

Chloe smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder.

Sharon looked at her watch “Chloe...school is going to start soon…”

“Shit!” Chloe jumped next to Jukilo and pulled out her phone to check the time.

“It's alright.” Jukilo patted her shoulder. “Go teach your students.”

Chloe frowned a bit. “Are you sure?”

Jukilo nodded. “I am sure.” He looked up at the group “However as I have no car available to me I will require transport.”

The police officer with the streak in her hair shrugged. We’ll accompany you, would you rather have us drive you or someone else?

Jukilo looked down at the other round police officer, his disapproving eyebrows giving off a strong disapproving eyebrow aura.

“...I would rather have someone I am more familiar with, familiar meaning someone that I have met before today and don’t have terrifying eyebrows.”

“What?” eyebrow cop answered? His face caterpillars quirked up questioningly.

“What.” Jukilo answered, still too distracted by the little furry bricks.

Laura bit her lip. “I have to take Joy to special ed and Thomas will have to get to work soon.

Thomas shrugged. “My supervisor at the lab will be understanding!” His face fell and he grimaced a bit “Joy doesn’t always do the best when her schedule is put off track, she gets nervous and disoriented when things don’t happen on schedule.”

Sharon raised an eyebrow and leaned to Jukilo. “I would advise everyone anywhere to have a lawyer with them at all times however, in this instance it may be inadvisable as it may look suspicious to have an attorney with you this early.”

Sharon smiled and raised her phone. “I know Ben has a Land Rover though…”

Jukilo turned sharply on his heels. “I changed my mind I’ll take my chances with the eyebrows.”

The cops were already stepping into their cruiser. “Bye!” The lady officer waved. “See you at the specialist!”

Jukilo sighed and slumped his shoulders.

 

Jukilo sulked in the front seat of Ben’s Land Rover, Ben was being briefed by Sharon outside and Lily was sitting in her car seat in the back of the car.

Lily had a little yellow sundress on with a white ribbon around the middle. She had a little straw sunhat on with holes choppily punched out for her little horns to go through. She chattered happily to herself and waved a barbie in the air.

Jukilo turned back to her, perplexed as to why she was so calm with an adult troll in her space.

“As you have yet to attack me, as in you have not attempted to physically harm me, I am wondering why you are so calm…” Jukilo wondered at the little troll in the backseat.

Lily smiled at him, her little maw filled with sharp teeth. “Daddy bigger than you.” she answered simply.

She raised her Barbie. “You do a bad and Daddy do this.” she ripped off the Barbie’s arm. “Oh nooooo!!” she made the little Barbie speak in a whiny falsetto apparently meant to represent Jukilo “I sorry!!!”

“TOO BAD.” Lily spoke again as deep as he little voice could go, a little imitation of her father.  
She then ripped off the Barbie’s head and threw it into the front of the car, the little plastic head bounced off the inside of the window and into Jukilo’s lap.

“BLEEEEEEGHHHHH” Lily made a dramatic death nose and slumped over in her seat.

Jukilo looked down to the little severed head in his lap and back up at the child. “....that may be accurate…”

Ben, having been sufficiently briefed by Sharon opened up the driver’s seat and climbed into the vehicle, he turned in his seat to look at his daughter.

“SOLDIER.”

Lily sat up in her seat at attention.

“WE HAVE RECEIVED A MISSION TO ESCORT THIS CIVILIAN TO THE DOCTOR ASAP.”

Lily nodded the brim of her sunhat bobbing and her eyes glowering with a tiny fierce determination. “SIR YES SIR GENERAL SIR!” Lily squeaked and saluted her father with a tiny grey hand.

Ben smiled and reached back to boop his daughter on the nose.

Lily giggled and kicked her little feet.

 

During the car ride Jukilo watched miles upon miles of swampland roll by as Ben and Lily sang patriotic songs back and forth to each other like a drill sergeant and a soldier.

“YANKEE DOODLE WENT TO TOWN” Ben shouted in the enclosed space of the jeep “RIDING ON A PONY!”

Lily yelled back at Ben, her little squeaky voice shrill where Ben’s had been deep and booming “PUT A FEATHER IN HIS HAT AND CALLED IT MACARONI!!!”

Jukilo should have taken his chances with the eyebrows policeman.

Suddenly the Land Rover screeched to a sudden halt, Jukilo was taken off guard as he jerked violently in his seat.

“As we have stopped and we have yet to arrive…” Jukilo rubbed his head below the horns where he was still reeling from the forceful rendition of Yankee doodle as well as the sudden stop “I must inquire as to WHY as it is disadvantageous when the entire purpose of a car is to-”

“Turtle.” Ben answered simply.

“WHAT?” Jukilo growled.

Ben only pointed ahead where there was, indeed, a turtle crossing the road ever so slowly. Ben looked back and thankfully they were alone on this road. He exited the truck and opened up the back, retrieving Lily from her car seat. “Come on cadet..”

Lily and Ben approached the turtle and Jukilo unbuckled his seatbelt curious and flabbergasted.

Ben picked up the turtle. The creature flailed it’s little clawed legs uselessly. “MEHHHP” it complained.

“WHAT DO WE DO WITH TURTLES ON THE ROAD CADET?”

Lily put her little hands on her hips and shouted back “PUT DA TURDO ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD!” she gestured forcefully like an airplane attendant showing a safety demonstration. “GO IN DA DIRECTION DA TURDO WANTED TO GO!”

“CORRECT!” Ben shouted back, his fist raised in triumph and the cords of his neck bulging.

Ben put the turtle in the marsh on the other side of the road. The turtle quickly swam away.

“PEACE OUT MY TURTLE G!” Ben shouted at the retreating turtle and banged a fist to his chest.

“PEACE OWT MA TURDO G!” Lily also shouted at the turtle.

Jukilo really. Really. Should have taken his chances with the eyebrows cop.

 

Joy sat in her bedroom. The stuffed animals were lined across one side of her bed, organized by color and size, she looked at them and she could practically hear the scratchy sound of their fur. The light in her room buzzes and throbbed. Her mother was exactly two minutes late.

She knew that she was two minutes late because she would usually knock on her door at this time to tell her to wake up. Then she would wash her face and brush her teeth and get dressed, but she can’t do that until the first part happens.

Her mother finally knocked against her door, opening it slightly, the blue of her eyes flared brighter and the light in the hallway was too bright.

Joy grit her teeth and groaned. It was too bright. She blinked hard at the light.

“Time to get ready for school Joy.” her mom smiled. Joy’s brain mentally ran through the thousands upon thousands of times her mom had smiled at her. She could hear how her mom ran her fingers through her hair. It sounded scratchy.

Joy heard herself humming. When did she start humming?

Joy kept humming as she made her way to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and washed her face. She combed her hair and she shivered as she felt each tooth of the comb touch her scalp. The water rushed through the pipes. Joy hummed louder to drown all of these out and snapped her fingers close to her head.

She walked back through her door and she mentally flipped through all the times she had gone through this door. The door closed a thousand times over in her mind -thip-thip-thip-thip-thip-thip. Three years ago today she had been wearing a green t-shirt and when she closed the door she could see the blue nail polish Alimah had put on her nails.

The lights hummed with electricity and Joy hummed with it, running her hand across the wall as she went.

She put on her school uniform and went to the kitchen to eat her breakfast. She hummed and snapped her fingers by her ears as her mom put a plate of whole grain waffles in front of her.

“Thank you.” Joy answered in her thin voice and began to eat.

The ride to school was loud. It was always loud and the seats shook. Her brothers were bickering in the back seat and their hair was so red she could taste it.

That kind of red was a good red though. Her dad’s hair and her brother’s hair was that red, it was loud but it was a happy loud. She hummed and ran her finger lightly across the glass feeling the shaking of the car.

“Joy.” Jacob asked in his tiny brother voice and Joy tore her eyes away from the window to look back at him.

“Yes? Yes. yes. Yes. yes?” She had to bite the inside of her lip to stop, but her brothers or the rest of her family didn’t mind if she got in loops sometimes. Other people at school sometimes did the disappointed sigh when she did it.

“I made this for my science project! Do you want to see?”

Joy nodded enthusiastically.

Jacob showed her a drawing of a bunch of white animals picking up things that looked like caterpillars with baby faces on them.

“See?” Jacob pointed at the picture. “Since we had a lusus in the neighborhood I asked if I could research how they work and what they do!”

Joy hummed and traced her finger over a drawing of a large white crocodile.

Crocodiles were cool.

Joy hummed and smiled and nodded at her brother. “I think it is cool too.”

Jacob grinned.

 

Jacob and Elliot waved goodbye to their sister and scurried off to their class. Joy hummed and smiled. There they go those happy bits of red.

Her mom walked with her to the special education center in the school. She goes here instead of public school because her mom helped develop the “special needs” program at the private school. Her mom is a scientist and her helper is a chimpanzee named momo that has kind eyes.

Her mom would have momo play games like coloring things or pointing things out and afterwards momo would get grapes if she did the games well.

When she was little she would also go to the lab to play games. Her mom said it helped her know how best to help her, which Joy considered very considerate. She and momo would eat grapes afterwards.

Her mom’s high heels clicked against the marble tiles sounding through the room. The lights buzzes above them and Her mom leaned down to peck her on the forehead. “I’ll be right here after school ok honey?”

Joy nodded and rocked back and forth. “Ok.”

Her mom went away back outside and Joy went to her classroom. One of the other kids was screaming and Joy tried to hum louder to tune him out. The teacher was trying to comfort the screaming boy and didn’t recognize Joy.

It was too loud so Joy went back into the hallway. The lights buzzed loudly and were too bright. Joy hummed louder and snapped her fingers by her ears.

Three girls passed by her in the hallway.

“Ugh...What is that weird girl doing?”

“Just leave her alone she’s SPECIAL you know?”

“Yeah Kaitlyn.” the other girl answered. “She can’t help it if shes crazy.”

Joy hummed louder and pulled at her hair. Everything was too bright and buzzing and she could hear the screaming from the inside of the room and he was TOO LOUD and the girls were all so LOUD with their disappointed sighs and the rustle of their pigtails.

Joy was screaming. When did she start screaming?

The girls were running away and Joy leaned against the wall, her hands to her ears. She slid down the walls and.

“Hey.”

Alimah was kneeling next to Joy which was weird because usually Joy could hear her footsteps, when did she get here?

Alimah offered her school cardigan to Joy. “Would hiding help? I know it helps sometimes?”

Joy squeezed her eyes closed and nodded.

Alimah draped her dark cardigan over the other girl and Joy took deep breaths.

Things were still loud, but manageable.

Joy peeked out from under the cardigan. Alimah had painted her nails blue and was combing back her hair waiting for Joy to recover.

“Anything I can do to help?” Alimah asked quietly.

Joy hummed.

“You’re already helping.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT!!  
> Autism is a whole spectrum of disorders with symptoms in the areas of verbal and non-verbal communication, sensory processing and repetitive and/or restrictive patterns. Most of how I described Joy's life came from the blogger Lori Sealy on the Mighty as she described her symptoms as well as video simulations like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oe7yNPyf2c
> 
> Comment if you enjoyed! We dealed with some serious stuff but I also tried to give you some laughs and cuteness! Comment if you enjoyed! I fucking loved comments! Or if you want to discuss autism and how it is portrayed I am totally up for that too! Have a great friday you guys!


	26. Election

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired

Chloe was wrapped in a blanket pattered with butterflies, tears streaming down her face as she watched the horrific scene unfold on television. The cacophony of boos and jeers rose through the television crowds, they grinned in their "Make Earth Great Again" hats. 

Some humans had brought a straw effigy of a troll, the brows furrowed and the teeth bared cartoonishly on the straw doll. A hooping human male stuck his tongue out at the camera and lit the doll on fire. Other humans in the televised arena laughed and clapped, or put their fingers in their mouths for celebratory wolf-whistles.

Chloe jumped as a rock hit the window behind her head. Three men ran through her front lawn with bandanna over the bottom part of their faces. The men laughed at her reaction. One man took out a baseball bat and leveled it by the yard-sign in her front lawn, the one she had put out for the side that had lost against Congressman Whiteman's campaign. The man laughed and slammed his baseball bat through the flimsy cardboard sign. The men pumped their fists and started running back to a white van parked by the sidewalk. "Take that you alien-loving bitch!" One screamed and then they got into their van and sped away.

Numb, Chloe rose from the couch and padded over to her son's room. She opened the door slightly and peeked in. 

Dexter's little grey face was smooshed against the cookie monster print of his pillow. His tiny clawed hands bunched in the sheets.

He had picked up on her nervousness the previous night, chittering in her lap nervously before she put him to bed early to keep him from seeing just how little some people valued his life.

She pulled the butterfly-printed blanket tighter around her shoulders. How would she explain this to him? How will she keep him safe in a world that seems determined to despise him? Ho woul-

Chloe jumped as someone knocked on her door. She remembered the men in the van and quickly unclipped the brass knuckles from around her neck and slipped them on her fingers.

She peered through the peep-hole in her door.

Jukilo stood there in his suit, his teal slitted eyes looking nervously into the peephole from the other side.

Chloe undid the lock and the chain on her door before opening it and grabbing a fist-full of his suit to yank her alien inside.

"Jukilo!" She pulled Jukilo in and closed the door quickly behind him "You shouldn't be outside right now! People are going insane!"

Chloe sniffed and rubbed her cheeks, scrubbing at the tear tracks that glinted dully in the low light of the TV. Jukilo put his hands on her shoulders, he put a finger under her chin and gently coaxed her to look up at him he put his other hand on her cheek and used a clawed grey thumb to ever so gently wipe her tears away.

"As it is that you have been crying..." He whispered gently, his ears back and his eyebrows furrowed "And as I have it under common authority that humans do not usually cry unless they are under some duress..." He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to her forehead "And although I may have my suspicions as to what is bothering you, may I inquire to the cause of your distress anyways and therefore begin to seek remedy for it?"

Chloe grimaced, choking back a sob as new tears made their way down her face. "You're honestly asking me?? We failed you! We failed all Alternians!"

Chloe leaned into his chest and Jukilo put a hand on her back to stabilize her. "We failed you and everyone who is different! We let fear win over hate! We made this country a place less safe for you or anyone like you!"

Chloe scrunched her hands in the fabric of his suit. "I love you so much." She sobbed into his shirt "Its so hard to reconcile with the fact that so many people have decided that your life is worthless, especially when I know that they don't know you, they just believe the hateful things said about you and all other Alternians."

Chloe's shoulders shook with angry sobs. "I have lived my life under the assumption that the majority of people were essentially good and kind people. I have lived under the assumption that people have a conscious, that people can see beyond the exterior of an individual and recognize that we're all people worthy of respect."

She hissed out a rasping sob and leaned farther into Jukilo who held her and petted her hair gently. "But I was WRONG! People have let their hatefulness win and now real people will suffer the consequences."

Jukilo nuzzled the top of her head and listened to her sobs for a moment, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of her head before speaking "I know that this is frightening. There is no denying that people will suffer."

He picked her gently up, butterfly blanket and all and moved her to the couch where he set her gently down. Chloe leaned against his chest and listened to the low timber of his voice resonate through him. "But as a survivor of one of the galaxy's most horrible and bloody dictators I know exactly what we're going to do."

Chloe looked up at him and Jukilo looked down at her somberly. "We're going to endure. We'll endure and resist as best we can"

Chloe sniffed and wiped a hand across her face as he continued. "We're going to protect each other." he looked down at her with teal tears in his eyes. "I've come to love this planet and I'm not going to abandon it. I trust you and Laura and Thomas, Minnie and my father. I even trust Sharon, Ben and Laquda when push comes to shove."

He leaned down to kiss her and Chloe cupped his face with a hand. Jukilo looked her in the eyes and tapped a clawed hand to her sternum. "I'll help protect you, you'll help protect me, we'll both protect Dexter and Lily and Minnie. Laura and Thomas and Sharon and Laquda will help us."

He leaned in and nuzzled her. "I love you and I will never stop fighting to be HERE with YOU."

He looked at her earnestly and teal tears began to overflow, Chloe wiped them away with the edge of her butterfly blanket. "We'll protect each other, we'll endure and we won't stop because I had lived my entire life under the Alternian regime as a coward but now that I have a home I never expected and the love of my life in my arms..."

Chloe sniffed and gave him a water smile under the tears.

"Now that I have this I won't give it up. I won't give this planet up I won't give YOU up." Jukilo smiled through his tears and brushed her hair from her face."

His eyes were bright, hardened in the light of the rising sun, shining through Chloe's window, the cracks in the glass from the rocks thrown by the hateful set prisms of rainbow light across Jukilo's face.

"Today is the first day of the rebellion."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we'll weather the storm as best we can.


	27. The return of Lolida

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The return of Lolida. Alimah does a bad and Joy makes anew friend. Plus Jukilo goes to the doctor and has a bit of a moment. Good thing tough a tough old lady is here to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright here is the real update. "the election" chapter was just a result of 3am rage so I feel like I owe you all an actual chapter. plus maybe I'll do a tiny thanksgiving special I don't know.

After helping Joy in hallway, the two friends parted ways. Alimah went to her own class. Students filtered in and Alimah drew tiny little Jukilos in the margins on her paper, his little curved horns arching around a header in her notes. God he was so cool.

 

“Alright class!” Alimah’s teacher addressed the class and Alimah didn’t bother looking up, choosing instead to focus on shading doodle-Jukilo’s horns. “We have a new student here today!”

 

Alimah rolled her eyes, well at least there won’t be a quiz today, the class will be too focused on where they came from and what their favorite color is and all kinds of questions nobody really cares about. Plus, the teacher wouldn’t embarrass a new student with a test on stuff they have no idea about, which means Alimah studied for a whole HALF HOUR last night for no reason at all, her doodling grew bitter, great that's time that could have been spent playing Pokemon or texting Joy or-

 

“So please welcome Miss Lolida Landou, shes come all the way from Alternia to live here!”

 

Alimah’s eyes went wide and she almost broke her pencil.

 

NO.

 

“Hello pink monkey children.” Lolida was poised at the front of the classroom, her chin up and looking down her nose at the classroom. She was dressed in a school uniform, wearing the black cardigan version instead of a maroon one like Alimah’s, her purple and black striped tights on under her black skirt, two lilac bows tied around her bulbous femur-like horns. “ I am very much so looking forward to the conquering and destruction of your planet.”

 

Lolida smiled toothily and the class looked at her bored.

 

The teacher smiled down at Lolida. “That's nice dear. Choose any empty seat you’d like”

 

Lolida stalked down the classroom aisles, evaluating the empty desks with the air of a connoisseur, chipping at a bit of graffiti that read “the teacher banged ur mom last night” with a sharp claw.

 

Alimah tried to hide her face in a book but it was too late. Lolida spotted her.

 

Lolida’s eyes widened and the harsh slits of her pupils narrowed like a predator’s “YOU.” She smiled her mouth full of needle-sharp teeth.

 

Lolida was across the room faster than the human eye could process, the bows around her horns still fluttering as she pounced on Alimah’s desk like a cat. She took Alimah’s face in her hands. “I. FOUND. YOU.”

 

Alimah froze.

 

Fuck.

 

Lolida stood on Alimah’s desk and addressed the teacher. “I want to sit next to her.”

 

The teacher looked like she didn’t quite know how to address the alien child currently standing on the desk. “Well um...sweatheart...there are no empty desks next to Alimah, you’ll have to choose another spot. Also please get off of the desk.”

 

Lolida turned and glared at Alimah’s desk neighbor. Greg was a scrawny 12 year old who just wanted normal things. He wanted his first beard-hair to prove his manliness, he wanted to get his braces taken off, he wanted his voice to stop cracking and he wanted to touch a boob before he died.

 

And now there was a really scary (but really pretty) but really scary alien girl glaring at him from on top of a desk like she was going to eat him.

 

“MOVE.” Lolida demanded.

 

Greg screamed and ran to the other side of the classroom, he threw open a window and jumped out.

 

Luckily they were all on the first floor and All that happened to Greg was that he got stuck in the bushes, his skinny little ankles were stock straight out of the leafy foliage.

 

The teacher rubbed her eyes and sighed. “God Dammit Greg…” she whispered.

 

She clapped yo get the class’s attention and sighed “Alright class I am going to go get Greg.... Again. Please behave yourselves.”

 

The teacher tapped out of the classroom on her high-heels, the class listened as the click-clack of her shoes went down the hallway. Immediately students stood on their chairs “NO TEACHER!” several kids screamed, several paper planes came out of nowhere and were flying in every which direction, one kid had their markers out and was furiously scribbling on a desk, two children dumped another child in the trash-can.

 

“HEY.” The teacher glared through the window over Greg’s sneakers sticking out of the bush “What did I JUST tell you?”

 

Children sighed and put away their markers and their paper planes. The kid in the trashcan cowered under the pencil shavings and paper towels guiltily, only their glasses still visible.

 

Lolida brushed off Greg’s papers like dust and sat down in the desk, she turned to grin at Alimah.

 

“You didn’t really feed anyone to the alligators did you?” Alimah looked suspiciously at the troll girl.

 

Lolida smirked at Alimah before settling back into her seat. “Not yet.” She scratched a claw along the desk where apparently Greg had drawn a heart with “AlimahXGreg” in the middle “I’ve decided that he is necessary for now.”

 

Alimah arched an eyebrow at the other girl, a move she learned from her mother. “What exactly is it that you want?”

 

Lolida bounced a bit in her seat and chittered “We’re going to be BEST FRIENDS.”

 

Alimah rested a cheek on her hand and looked blandly at Lolida “You just decided that huh?”

 

Lolida shrugged “You’re smart! And if I’m going to take over your planet I will need capable generals.”

 

Alimah fought the urge to laugh in her face. “The entire world huh?”

 

Lolida picked her claws. “I am an indigo blood, we naturally have chucklevoodoos.”

 

Alimah’s face scrunched up “Chuckle whats?”

 

“Chucklevoodoos.” Lolida grinned disconcertingly. “Mind control powers and as soon as I figure out how to use them….” she raked her claws across the desk, little slivers of wood coming up in tiny spirals.

 

“HIYEEEE!” Three blonde-haired girls approached Alimah and Lolida.

 

“Ugh.” Alimah rolled her eyes and glared at the trio.

 

“Hmm?” Lolida looked at Alimah curiously, her ears twitching slightly. “What is it? What’s wrong with them?”

 

Alimah glanced at the trio and then back to Lolida. “They’re HELEN’S kids.”

 

Lolida gave Alimah a curious look. “Who is Helen?”

 

The first blonde girl spoke first, she was a cherub-faced little thing with bright blue eyes and curly pigtails tied up with strawberry hair ties. “Helen is our mom! She knows Alimah’s mom through the neighborhood association! She’s so pretty I want to be just like her someday!”

 

She giggled and curtsied at Lolida “I’m Kaitlyn!” She motioned towards the second little girl who had identical pigtails tied up with little star hair ties. “And this my sister Kay-Linn!”

 

“Hi!” the girl waved excitedly “I’m Kay-linn!” she motioned towards the third sister. “And this is my sister Keighleigh!”

 

The third sister had her pigtails tied up with little robin’s egg blue ribbons “Hi!” she squeaked nervously “I like your hair bows!”

 

Lolida got up from her newly conquered desk to inspect the trio like a general before their troops. “I had heard about cloning technology but I had not seen it implemented yet, tell me, are you at all capable of rational thought?”

 

The three girls were stunned for a moment.

 

“I like your hair bows…” Keighleigh whispered.

 

“Good!” Lolida clapped her hands together and looked over them “I declare you all my official lackeys.”

 

“Yaaaaaay!!!!!” Kaitlyn and Kay-linn clasped hands together and bounced, their pigtails bouncing gleefully up and down. Keighleigh’s lips were pressed in a hard line, she raised a finger to say something but stopped herself and put her hand back down.

 

Eventually after 30 minutes, a ladder, and the school security guard with a hacksaw Greg was eventually freed from the bush. He came back to class sheepishly with a couple of bandaids across his face and started to gather his things. Lolida stared at him the entire time with a small disconcerting smile. This had the effect of making Greg even more clumsy, dropping papers and having a hard time keeping a hold of his books.

 

With the lesson severely shortened due to the morning’s bush-related activities, recess seemed to come earlier than expected. Lolida strolled outside like she owned the place, she had a notebook in hand and was taking down notes on both Alternian and English. Alimah stood off to the side aloof, Kaitlyn and Kay-linn followed closely behind Lolida like ducks and Keighleigh followed behind them chewing her lip but resolutely not saying anything.

 

“We’ll need to research.” Lolida scribbled on her notepad. “I want to know your people’s weaknesses in government, Kaitlyn.” Lolida pointed at the blonde girl who was visibly shaking with excitement. “How do you infiltrate this place’s government?”

 

Kaitlyn jumped up and down and raised her hand “OH OH!! I KNOW THIS ONE!” Kaitlyn giggled “ANYONE CAN BECOME A PART OF THE GOVERNMENT ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS BE ELECTED!”

 

Lolida turned to Kaitlyn “Elected. Explain.”

 

Kay-Linn jumped up and down and raised her own hand “I KNOW THIS ONE!! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET A BUNCH OF PEOPLE TO VOTE FOR YOU! YOU PROMISE TO DO THINGS FOR THEM AND THEY GIVE YOU A JOB IN GOVERNMENT!”

 

Lolida seemed a bit surprised at that “Really? That’s all it takes?”

 

Keighleigh raised a finger. “But um...you have to be um...older….than we are now…”

 

Loldia growled and broke her pencil in half “DRAT.”

 

Kaitlyn raised her hand “We are going to have elections for student council soon though.”

 

Kay-linn bounced “That's right! You can’t be president of the U.S yet but you can be president of the school council.”

 

Lolida giggled, a wide sharp smile across her face and a shadow fell across the playground. She climbed onto the top of the jungle gym and stood at the top.

 

“Behold human children.” She spread her arms “It is I, Lolida, indigo enforcer of the caste system, here to conquer you in the name of the empire. You WILL vote me in as class president and we will usher in a new age!”

 

“Hey enforcer of the castes!” A kid yelled from the bottom of the structure. “You’re hogging the jungle gym!”

 

Lolida put her hands to her hips and scowled down at him “Shut up Keith!” Lolida yelled down at him “No talking back to your future leader!” she pointed down at him dramatically “And don’t forget I saw your stupid science project this morning Keith! Nobody cares how many pennies you can put on a wet paper towel before it breaks!” She hissed down at him ominously “That’s right I know who you are!”

 

 

Keith rolled his eyes.

 

“ESPECIALLY YOU GREG!” Lolida pointed and screamed at Greg who stopped what he was doing like a deer in the headlights to scream and run away. The other kids on the playground watched blandly as Greg hit his head on the tether-ball pole in his panic and went down.

 

Lolida laughed maniacally on top of the jungle gym.

 

She looked down and Alimah was noticeably missing. “Wait where is my general?”

 

Joy was sitting on the swing-set, watching the overcast sky and listening to the hum and bustle of kids on the playground. Gravel crunched under someone’s feet as they approached.

 

“Hey Joy!” Alimah talked quietly in case Joy was having one of those spells where everything was too loud “Do you mind if I join you?”

 

Joy hummed and smiled at her friend. “Not at all.” She whispered and hummed to herself, she looked back at the clouds and Alimah sat next to her.

 

“Hey I just got an idea.” Alimah grinned at Joy.

 

“Oh?” Joy looked at her curiously and snapped her fingers by her ears. “What is that?”

 

“Wanna twist the chains like we do on the swings in your backyard?”

 

Joy giggled and nodded.

 

Alimah took the chains on Joy’s swing and twisted her around and around. Joy looked down at her feet and the way they swirled above the gravel and giggled. “If you look at it a certain way it’s like the world is spinning without us.” she whispered to Alimah

 

Alimah laughed “You’re right I never saw it like that before!”

 

When the chain was twisted Alimah hopped onto Joy’s seat, her feet on either side of Joy and leaned back to widen the arc that they swung on. Joy’s hair swung as they spun, she laughed and leaned back too, a wide smile on her face and kicking her feet.

 

The chain jolted and both friends fell from the swing, they landed in the gravel, still dizzy the world spun around them in swirling colors, they laughed and curled closer to each other.

 

Lolida had her hands on her hips over them “What is my general doing?”

 

Alimah huffed and waved her off. “Not now I’m busy.” She sat up and shook gravel out of her hair. Joy also sat up, still giggling helplessly and Alimah also brushed gravel out of her hair.

 

Lolida’s eyes narrowed “Too busy to help me take over your planet? Impossible.”

 

Joy hummed and snapped her fingers next to her ear. She put a finger along a crease in her dress and followed it down. “I can hear how angry you are.” Joy told Lolida “It sounds like popcorn.”

 

Lolida looked down at her and then to Alimah. “What is she?”

 

Alimah glared at Lolida and crossed her arms “Relax. She’s autistic, sometimes she can hear things others can’t.”

 

Lolida squinted down at Joy and Joy rolled a couple of pebbled in her palm and hummed. “A mutant huh? I can’t have that.” She waved dismissively. “She’ll have to go.”

 

Alimah Stood up and confronted Lolida “What do you mean she has to go?”

 

Lolida looked nonplussed “As in leave, gone, bye. A general shouldn’t be hanging out with a mutant anyways.”

 

Alimah punched Lolida in the face and Lolida went back astonished, both girls struggled in the gravel, growling and wrestling.

 

“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” the kids on the playground chanted as the girls fought. Joy put her fingers in her ears and screamed.

 

Alimah and Lolida sat in the principal's office, bandaids on their face and knees. Joy sat between them and hummed happily, kicking her feet and looking up at the fluorescent light.

 

Lolida sighed and looked at Alimah with a small pout on her face. “Humans aren’t supposed to be that tough”

 

Alimah blew a strand of hair out of her face and glared back at Lolida. “Well trolls aren’t supposed to be that stupid.”

 

Lolida looked back at Joy and then to Alimah. “Why are you even friends with her? She’s WEIRD.”

 

Joy shrugged. “I may act weird but you act weird too.”

 

Lolida hunched in on herself a little and looked away, her ears back.

 

“Plus you look weird too.” Joy said simply like she was describing something as fundamental as the sky was blue or water was wet. Lolida looked back at Joy, her previous confidence on the jungle gym deflated.

 

“But that’s ok” Joy continued. “I think I would like to be your friend.”

 

Lolida’s ears perked up and Joy smiled sweetly at her.

 

Lolida grinned and stood in front of Joy, her hands on her hips triumphantly. “I declare you to be my second general in the conquering of Earth!”

 

Jukilo sighed in the doctor’s office, his claws catching in his tie nervously. Ben and Lily were in the waiting room, Ben with a cosmo magazine and Lily playing with the stuffed animals.

 

“Hello.” The doctor was a very small old human woman with thick round glasses and grey hair tied into a bun. “I am doctor Fitzgibbons.”

 

Jukilo looked away and played with the lapels on his suit. “...they said you needed documentation?...”

 

The woman nodded sagely. “Yes. We need pictures of the injuries in case they catch the perpetrator, in order to prove harm.”

 

Jukilo chittered, a low grating sound in the back of his throat. “Can’t I just say so?”

 

“I’m afraid not.” The woman replied her face carefully neutral. “Feel free to disrobe when you’re ready.”

 

“What if I don’t?” Jukilo asked a little manically “What if I just run away and get on a bus and nobody will ever hear from me again! That sounds good right now. That sounds like a plan. I am sure this has absolutely no downsides whatsoever!”

 

The woman looked back at him and adjusted her glasses. “Nobody will make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

 

Jukilo growled to himself and ran a hand through his hair. “But I can’t do that because Chloe punched them in the face and if they complain without me complaining it will look like she just goes around punching people in the face!”

 

The doctor looked at him. “Sound logic, if you pardon me saying so, you should do it for you too.”

 

Jukilo huffed and grimaced, his shoulders slumping dramatically. “That has absolutely nothing to do with this if this was just about me then I would be home right now with a bottle of maple syrup not HERE. Maple syrup is far more preferable then here therefore I would be off doing that! ”

 

The doctor sat down and gave him a measured look. “And may I ask why?”

 

Jukilo turned towards her, his eyes wide and his teeth worrying his bottom lip. “I was trained by the Alternian government! I may not have been a soldier but I lived on Alternia when stabbing your neighbor was more common than saying hello!”

 

Jukilo pulled at his hair “I’m a troll! I’m not supposed to-I’m not supposed to-supposed to”

 

“Be beaten by humans?” The doctor finished for him.

 

Jukilo threw up his arms “THANK YOU” he screamed.

 

The doctor sighed and took out a magazine. “The reason you were sent here is that I have had a lot of experience with Troll patients.” She flipped through the magazine. “Your culture is a very masculine one, and time after time I see trolls who think that their injuries are penance for being weak, that showing weakness is asking for trouble, that REAL trolls don’t get hurt, that REAL trolls are the ones that hurt others.”

 

“They’ll try to think up ways to be REAL trolls again, bigger, tougher, better fighters to cover up how much they hurt, to ensure they never get hurt again.”

 

Jukilo looked away from her, his claws gripping his suit jacket too tight and leaving little tears. “I let my guard down I-”

 

“Did nothing wrong.” The doctor finished for him. “I know that it will take more than just me saying it, but allow me to be the first person to tell you that you did absolutely nothing wrong.”

 

She put down her magazine “I know you won’t stop feeling like it is your fault or that you deserved it for a while...you’ll probably be a bit nervous when you encounter situations like what led up to last night, you’ll have moments when you blame yourself.”

 

She looked at him seriously. “But you are not broken, you are not lessened, and if I and others tell it to you enough, it will start getting through that thick skull of yours.”

 

Jukilo stood dumbfounded in the middle of the exam room. “...that actually...helps” he whispered “You’re right though that I still kinda feel like it’s my fault...”

 

“Fah.” she exclaimed and waved a hand at him “The brain learns these sort of things first, but the heart is stupid, it will need time.”

 

“The heart is actually the organ responsible for pushing blood around the body not-”

 

“Shut up you know what I mean.”

 

The doctor helped Jukilo out of his suit jacket when rotating his shoulder proved to be a bit painful. Jukilo took off his shirt and the doctor unwound his bandages, complementing Chloe’s technique as she went and saying how he was lucky to have someone apparently well-versed in field medicine.

 

Jukilo held his hands behind his head, his back mottled with black and teal bruises. The doctor took pictures and Jukilo tried his best to ignore the flash, feeling exposed and uncomfortable.

 

She took pictures of the bruises across his belly button-less stomach. It seemed a punch got him right in the grubscars and she gently touched a tiny human finger to them to check the swelling, Jukilo grunted with pain.

 

She took her hand back. “I know it is difficult to get troll-safe medicine, partially because the empire was not one for palliative medicine and partially because of shipping costs…”

 

She took out a little pad of paper. “I can give you a prescription for a very mild sopor pill, I know that you are colder than most humans but an icepack should still help with the swelling.”

 

Jukilo shrugged. “I’ll just get some sugar, I have a pack of oreos I can finish at home”

 

The doctor put her hands on her hips “young man how much sugar are you having per week?”

 

Jukilo hunched his shoulders and smiled sheepishly.

 

“Oh my goodness it’s every day isn’t it?”

 

Jukilo waved an arm dramatically “It’s not my fault humans put sugar in everything!”

 

The doctor gently swatted him upside the head “Sugar to trolls is like alcohol to humans! You have to be moderate with this!”

 

She pointed at him. “No sugar! Icepacks!” the tiny old woman glowered at him. “I also want the number of whoever took care of you before to make sure you go through with this.”

 

Jukilo protested but eventually the doctor got his phone and explained this to Chloe.

 

Jukilo moodily left the exam room to where Ben and Lily were waiting for him outside.

 

The doctor pointed at Jukilo in front of Ben “No sugar! Icepacks! Prescription!” she glowered at him “Or I will find you.”

 

Jukilo huffed.

 

Ben nodded at her. “Yes ma’m.”

 

The doctor patted Ben. “You three make a beautiful family.”

 

Ben didn’t seem to know what to say to that “...um….”

 

Jukilo grabbed the candy dish out of the waiting room and bolted out the door.

 

“COME BACK HERE YOU BASTARD!” The tiny little old lady doctor started to hobble after him “I TOLD YOU NO SUGAR!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always tell me what you think! Comment if you enjoyed or really I'm just always curious about what people think. Do you like Lolida? What the shit Greg? How do you think Jukilo will handle a sugar-free diet? Are old ladies the best or are they the best? I kinda imagine her like a tiny older lady Gibbs.
> 
> Also if you though Joy's comment about Lolida's anger sounder like popcorn was weird consider that she can hear super quiet stuff, remember how trolls chitter when they're mad? Ah??? :D


	28. MONSTER HUNTERS EXTREME!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok this was mostly a stupid idea that I had after watching ghost hunters international and it was too funny not to write. 
> 
> This will coincide with the next chapter that I actually planned but I gave you all a little bit of plot at the end but to tide you over so this whole thing isn't just some random funny indulgent thing. Oh who am I kidding, this ENTIRE FIC is weird and indulgent and I'm the writer so if I want to make a pit-stop to show you guys something weird and funny I thought up then by gum we're stopping so I can show you something weird and funny I thought up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a weird funny thing I thought of watching ghost hunters.

A young man wearing camo and sunglasses smiled and shot the camera a peace sign, his spikey hair dyed blonde only at the tips, he whooped and his companion tied a bandana over his long hair before grinning into the camera and doing the same.

“I’m Nick “the wildman” Weissman!” The first man hollered excitedly into the camera and did an obnoxious air-guitar impression.

“And I’m Rex “the t-rex, danger, the danger, explosion, EXTREME” Johnson!” The bandana-ed man stuck his tongue out at the camera and pumped his fist like a metal head at a concert.

“AND WE’RE THE MONSTER HUNTERS EXTREEEEMEEE!!!!” The both said in unison screaming at the camera.

The shot faded out to make way for their pair’s logo, the words “Monster hunters” showed on screen, a pair of yellow slitted eyes appearing in the words and a recorded growl before “EXTREEEEEME!!!” showed in obnoxious red letters underneath with an explosion sound effect.

“We travel the world over.” Came Nick’s voice over with a montage of the two men riding on pontoon boats or paddling in canoes or kayaks.

“To research local monsters and totally like expose them!” Came Rex’s voice. With this came a montage of the two men in green night vision footage, sneaking around in the woods, setting up cameras and traps with bait.

“Oh my gosh! What is thaaaaat!” said rex in the montage, the camera swiveled sharply and caught grainy footage of what looked suspiciously like a corgi with a pair of christmas antlers on running through the bushes. “Was that a CHUPACABRA???” Rex screamed.

A shot of Nick casually walking the streets of miami. “We’re here in florida researching what folks are calling “The monster gator”

Earl was on camera, smiling widely, noticeably missing a few teeth and wearing a “the truth is out there t-shirt. Nick and Rex sat across from him trying their best to look thoughtful. The caption “local weirdo” appeared under Earl on the footage.

“So I was out in my pontoon boat huntin’ boar right?” Earl waved his hands animatedly.

“Righteous.” Rex chimed in and Nick nodded in agreement.

“And before I could shoot da sucker the super gator shot up and caught the boar before I could! Da thing was seven-no TEN feet tall! White as bone!”

“Wait we have to call him the “Monster gator ™ “ Nick added suddenly serious. “The “super gator” is already trademarked for a boat tour company.”

“And you survived?” Nick gaped at Earl.

“Yeah.” Earl rubbed his neck sheepishly “I woke up with a blanket over me and my boat onshore!”

“Wicked weird dude.” Rex chimed in and Nick nodded.

“But that’s not the end of it! Earl looked at the pair earnestly. I later saw him again at the supermarket!”

A large version of Earl’s photo at the supermarket showed on screen. Crocodile dad smiling good naturedly the camera, Laura holding a bag of cheetos with a confused look on her face and Minnie was picking her nose.

“GNARLY!” Nick gestured wildly to the picture. “That is so like- convincing evidence.”

“I can’t believe she’s getting regular cheetos.” Rex pouted at the bag in Laura’s hands “The cheeto puffs are so much better.”

“DUDE.” Nick took Rex’s face in his hands. “Focus! There is a GIANT crocodile in this picture!”

Rex flipped up his shades and looked at the picture again “OH MY GOOOOOOD!”

“What do you think about the Monster gator ™?” Rex and Nick looked at the Earl.

Earl smiled and put up his hands animatedly “So I read about the russians creating super-soldiers and-” before the shot suddenly cut off.

Rex and Nick were suddenly on a boat in the swamp. “So we decided to look for ourselves!” Nick’s voiceover came in over footage of the pair putting motion cameras on trees and setting out traps with bait.

“Dude we’re totally going to catch that gator!” Rex and Nick high-fived and there was a freeze-frame before going to commercial break.

When the show came back on Rex and Nick were lounging in the boat, flipping through night-vision camera feeds on a laptop, watching for any signs of movement before a red alarm came through the monitor. “MOVEMENT CAMERA 3-C”

Nick hopped up at quickly revved up the boat’s motor, speeding off to the motion-sensor by the bait. Rex went to the front of the boat and hooped “YEAAAAAHHHH!!!! HUNTING MONSTERS!!!!” he screamed at the boat sped away.

The pair slowed the boat down as they came to their destination. Rex scanned the shoreline for the trap.

A racoon hissed at them from where it was trapped by the slipknot around it’s paw it growled at the pair.

“Bummer.” Rex pouted at leaned over the side of the boat disappointedly. “It’s just a raccoon….” he pouted and scratched at his scruffy-almost beard.

Nick frowned down at him “Well maybe if you didn’t scream ‘hunting monsters’ every time we go check on a trap we would have found the monster by now!”

Rex popped up and got in Nick’s face “Harsh dude! Don’t tell me how to live my life!”

Both men were oblivious as behind them a white shadow slunk through the water.

“Well we’re supposed to be finding monsters and announcing our presence doesn’t help!”

Crocodile dad gently rose from the water behind them and eyed the furious racoon.

“But we’re Extreme monster hunters!” Rex protested “We have to be extreme!”

Crocodile dad took out a claw and neatly snapped the slip wire before gently upending the yowling racoon to gently pry the wire off its leg. Crocodile dad seemed nonplussed by the how the little creature tried determinedly to bite and scratch at Crocodile dad but apparently couldn’t get through the scales. Finally with the wire free Crocodile dad set the racoon down and waved as the raccoon went indignantly back into the woods.

“You’re so fucking-” Nick started before he spotted Crocodile dad and stopped.

“Yeah well you’re-” Rex continued before Nick took his face in his hands and angled him to look at Crocodile dad.

Both men were gaping and silent and Crocodile dad stood awkwardly in the swamp. He smiled and waved awkwardly.

“OH MY GOD!” Rex screamed into the camera and pumped his fists. Crocodile dad was taken aback by how loud the human was suddenly. Rex’s long hair whipped back and forth as he jumped and pumped his fists on the boat “WE FOUND THE MONSTER GATOR!!!! WHOOO!!!!”

Nick put a hand on his forehead. “But I- But I thought- It was fake- I mean-”

Rex took Nick’s shoulders in his hands and shook his friend and co-host roughly “YEAAAH THE MONSTER GATOR WHOOOO!!!!”

Crocodile dad blinked at the pair and cocked his head. Well these two were certainly….interesting…

He waived them a goodbye that it seemed neither man seemed to notice, Rex too excited to have finally found a monster after years and years of searching and Nick questioning the world he thought he had been exploiting with fake monster stories.

He started to swim away.

“No wait!” Rex let go of Nick’s shoulders suddenly and Nick fall backwards into the boat “The monster gator is getting away!” Rex jumped into the boat’s driving seat and hit the pedal. Nick fumbled on the boat, falling back onto his butt as Rex floored it to chase after Crocodile dad.

Rex pumped his fist and hollered “YEEEEEEEeeeEEEEEEHAAAAaaAAAAWWW!!!!”

Nick scrabbled up the boat to clutch the back of the driver’s seat. “REX!!” Nick screamed and dug his fingernails into the fake leather to keep purchase “OH MY GOD REX THAT WAS AN ACTUAL-”

“I KNOW!!” Rex grinned back at him, chasing the white shadow under the water “WE FINALLY HAVE PROOF!”

Crocodile dad started to surface and Rex turned off the motor and maneuvered behind a thick clump of trees.

Crocodile dad surfaced, looked suspiciously out at the water before pulling himself up onto the dock before waddling to a large gate, undoing the latch and waddling inside.

“Whoa dude!” Rex adjusted his bandana and whistled. “The Monster gator just walked into somebody’s backyard!”

“Ah...Well…” Nick coughed and tugged at his camo t-shirt “I guess it’s over then. We should just use the footage we have and-”

“THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!” Rex hooped and hollered. He pumped his fists and jumped out of the boat and started to wade over to the dock.

“REX GET BACK HERE!” Nick hissed and jumped out after Rex.

Rex pulled himself up onto the dock and pulled himself up. He jogged down the dock and to the put his hands against the giant gate door.

“Shit” Rex glared under his bandana as Nick reached him “The gate is too high to reach the latch.”

Rex pulled Nick over and clapped him on the shoulder. “Help me get over the fence!”

“What? No Rex we-” Nick tried to pull away but Rex pulled him to the fence. “Come on give me a lift!”

Nick scowled but bent his knee and clasped his hands together to allow Rex a to put his boot in his hands and reach up over the fence.

Rex hopped up and strained to get over the fence. “Just a little- come one-” Rex murmured as he stretched.

Nick growled as he held Rex up, Rex’s jeaned butt incidentally in Nick’s face.

Nick glared at the cameraman “Make sure to edit this part out.” Nick hissed and the camera bobbed up and down in a nod.

Rex toppled over the fence in a flurry of long hair, camo and poor life decisions. He pushed a lawn chair over the fence and helped Nick and the cameraman over.

Rex grinned and looked over to the camera and Nick. “Now spread out and look for clues about the Monster Gator!”

Nick sighed and the camera bobbed earnestly.

The sliding glass door leading to the backyard opened and a little girl stood on the deck above them. She leaned over the railing and looked down at them. She wore a little green and white polka-dotted dress with little pink flip flops and her curly hair tied into two buns on top of her head with pink ribbon. She carried a little green alligator plush.

“Hiya!” Rex grinned and waved at the little girl, all puppy-like enthusiasm and no forethought. “We’re the monster hunters EXTREME! Have you seen a MONSTER GATOR sweetpea?”

The little girl’s brows furrowed at the three of them and she tottered back into the house calling “KITTY!”

“GREAT.” Nick hissed at Rex. “Now the home owners know we’re trespassing idiot!”

A tall and lanky troll with curly question-mark shaped horns came out of the backyard. He wore a button-down shirt whose cuffs were rolled up and an apron with a cartoon alligator on the front. He came down the steps, broom in hand.

“What do you think you’re doing in my father’s backyard?”

Rex put up his hands like an adventurer about to talk about an epic quest. “WE’RE THE MONSTER HUNTERS EXTREME AND-”

“That question was not actually a true question it was in fact a RHETORICAL question meaning that I, in actuality, don’t care what you are doing the question was merely posed in a way that was meant to display that I, in fact, think you should not be doing what you’re doing.”

Rex squinted at him, trying to piece together what he just said.

He turned to the camera. “D’yall catch that?”

The camera moved in such a way as to suggest the cameraman shrugged.

Jukilo raised his broom at Rex. Rex sputtered at the thick bristles swiped across his face and knocked his bandana askew. “Leave. Shoo. Go on. Other synonyms for leave and etc.” The troll told Rex.

Rex tried to protest but he and Nick were swiped at with the broom, Jukilo prodded the pair until they were out the backyard from the other side to the front of the house.

“FINE! FINE! WE’LL LEAVE!” Nick sputtered annoyed. Rex looked broken-hearted.

Jukilo pointed at the camera with the broom and glared. He arched an eyebrow.

The cameraman quickly jogged out of the backyard.

 

Rex and Nick were hiding in a false bush right outside the Crocodile’s house, a camera lense sticking out of the false foliage.

“Alright!” Rex Grinned at the camera excitedly “We’re outside the lair of the Monster gator!”

Nick was off to the side, his spikey hair was drooping without his usual hair gel and he seemed ragged around the edges from tromping through the swamp. “ I still don’t get it…” Nick whispered defeatedly. “Its real?...” He ran a hand through his less than stylish hair at the moment and sighed. “Why can’t we just tie something to a corgi again it worked the last time?”

Rex looked over at his co-host dismayed and heartbroken “You told me that was a real chupacabra!”

Before Nick could respond though a large white muzzle went through the fake foliage and snuffled at them. Rex and Nick screamed and clutched at each other as a long spiney tongue came out of the muzzle and licked them, large fangs showing in the creature’s maw.

The fake bush began to break apart, being pulled on either side by the creature’s large paws, talons poking through on either side.

“OH MY GOD REX!” Nick screamed and held onto Rex.

“THIS IS THE COOLEST WAY TO DIE!” Rex hollered and raised his hands.

“FUCK WE’RE GOING TO DIE AND I NEVER EVEN GOT TO TELL YOU THAT I LOVE Y-” Nick screamed before they all were suddenly sitting on the grass outside of Crocodile dad’s house. Crocodile dad looked down at the ragged humans he rescued from the bush, one in a red bandana grinning brightly at him, one with spiky hair apparently sure that he was going to die in the next 30 seconds and another human holding a camera.

Crocodile dad reached down into his satchel and pulled out a card and showed the humans.

[:D HELLO!]

Rex pumped his fist and jumped up and down. “HE CAN COMMUNICATE!! NICK!!! THIS IS AMAZING HE CAN COMMUNICATE!!” Rex then leaned back and did another obnoxious air guitar before trying to do a cartwheel and only managing to fall face-first into Crocodile dad’s lawn.

Nick gaped.

Crocodile dad took out his notepad and scribbled another note.

[would you all like to come in for some tea?]

Which is how Rex and Nick found themselves at the giant crocodile’s table. Crocodile dad had set down a plat of cookies and Rex was currently stuffing cookies into his mouth obnoxiously. Nick had asked politely to use the bathroom and he was now in his element, hair perfectly gelled with a fresh coat of eyeliner (shut up it makes him look cool).

“So ‘Crocodile dad’ was it?” Nick was back in character as the hip co-star of monster hunters extreme. “What’s the biz yo?”

“YEAH!” Rex parroted, cookie crumbs spewing obnoxiously as he talked “WHAT’S THE BIZ?”

Crocodile dad took out his pen and paper and wrote out his entire story, being an Alternian lusus, coming to Earth to adopt an alien child, meeting Minnie and taking care of her.

Minnie took that moment to flop her stuffed alligator onto the table and make it run across, babbling happily as she did so. Crocodile dad gently picked her up and laughed and kicked her little sandaled feet.

Rex put his hands to his face. “AWW!! THAT’S CUTE TO THE EXTREME BRO!”

They recorded Crocodile dad in the kitchen, him and Minnie icing cookies. They recorded Rex sitting down at Minnie’s teatime playset and pretending to drink imaginary tea from a plastic tea cup. Rex showed Minnie a trick where he pulled a quarter out from behind her ear and the toddler was thoroughly astonished and demanded more tricks that Rex happily obliged. The recorded Minnie yawning and lounging against Crocodile dad’s furred belly, her turning inwards to snuggle further into his fur.

Crocodile dad packed a plate of cookies and gave it to the pair as they headed out, cameraman still behind them.

“So that was the mystery of the monster gator!” Rex beamed into the camera “Turns out he ain’t so monstrous at all!” He grinned and bit into a cookie “Plus he makes a mean cookie!”

Nick rubbed his forehead. “Dude I don’t know if we can show this footage.”

Rex pouted at his friend. “Bro what? Why?”

Nick rubbed the back of his neck. “People don’t want to see NOT monstrous! We’re the Monster hunters EXTREME remember?”

Rex waved his concern away, rolling his eyes with a mouth full of cookie. “PHHT come on! Far as I see it we looked into a monster myth and we found the monster! Done deal!”

“Come on.” Rex grinned down at Nick, all puppyish enthusiasm and big pleading eyes.

Nick relented with a sigh. “Alright but one thing.” He pointed at the cameraman. “Edit THE FUCK out of this!”

The cameraman nodded.

“Hey.” Rex bit into another cookie thoughtfully “what were you going to say to me when you thought we were going to die?”

Nick’s lips were pressed into a hard line and a faint red glow came to his cheeks. “FREAKIN’- I-”  
He pushed Rex into a nearby bush and Rex yelped and went down, barely managing to save the plate of cookies. “IT WAS NOTHING. SO SHUT UP.”

Nick helped pull Rex out of the bush. “Besides we have another case to look into. Something about a giant ghost spirit deer in the forests of Canada.”

Rex grinned at him. “No corgis with stuff tied to them this time?”

Nick grinned and nodded. “No corgis with stuff tied on them this time.”

 

True to his word, the camera man did in fact, edit the fuck out of their footage. It was the highest watched episode of “MONSTER HUNTERS EXTREME” the team ever did. Youtube clip montages appeared overnight with Minnie and Crocodile dad, shared over and over and over again. Minnie’s little laugh, her smile, the way she kicked her feet. Crocodile dad’s kindness in saving the raccoon, the cookies, his tongue laving across Rex and Nick’s faces.

 

Congressman Whiteman’s secretary watched a viral video of Minnie and Crocodile dad. Giggling at her desk.

The congressman fumed.

This was obviously the Crocodile making its first move, trying to sway public opinion to their side but no matter.

“CAROL.” The congressman demanded over the intercom. Carol jumped guiltily and put her phone away.

Carol peeked into her employer’s office. “Yes sir?” Carol squeaked.

“Did you get the papers I asked for?” Congressman Whiteman leaned back into his chair, his hands little steeples.

“Yes sir.” Carol handed him a thick manila file.

The congressman opened the file, the photo of a very young Hispanic woman looked up shyly from the file, her dark hair falling in curly locks around her shoulders. The name on the file was “Lila Santiago.” the last address listed in the file was two years ago and under children it said one.

“Well miss Santiago.” the congressman lit a cigar and took a deep breath in before puffing out a ring of smoke that perfectly framed the photograph.

“I do believe we have a little girl to rescue together...don’t we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please comment if you enjoyed! I'll come out with a Christmas special around Christmas Eve if I time this right so be on the lookout for that!
> 
> I meant for Nick and Rex just to be two random douches but whenever I write characters I tend to start LIKING them so of course now at the end they have like, actual personalities and a weird dynamic and yeah I think Nick is crushing pretty hard and Rex is an adorable doof.


	29. Laquda gets a visitor, Minnie sees the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet some new people! Chloe tries to help Jukilo the best way she knows how. Ben is THE DAD(tm). Crocodile dad tries his best, Laquda gets a visitor. Minnie has to face her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh sorry it took me forever to update! Class was kicking my ass. I hope you enjoy! There are a lot of connections between fics in the series and if you re-read the vignette's chapter in starship skaia there are some fun connections to this chapter here! There are also connections to ten little fingers!

Crocodile dad had been worried initially about introducing his Minnie to another juvenile. Troll youth tend to either play together sweetly, ignore each other, or decide the other one has to die. Laura insisted that human children needed playmates in order to develop healthily though, and that humans require much more socialization than troll children.

Lily arrived holding her father’s hand and looking warily at her surroundings. Ben patted his daughter in between her tiny pronged horns and the little troll clung to his pants leg like a lifesaver.

As soon as Minnie saw Lily from the back porch her eyes went wide, giggling and bouncing on the balls of her feet, her little curly pigtails bouncing. She ran to the other girl, skipping down the steps, her brown curly hair fluttering behind her, giggling and waving her little arms.

Lily had at first squeaked and hid behind her father, but Minnie had charged in heedless to welcome the other girl, laughing and chasing Lily behind Ben’s legs.

“PLAY!” Minnie demanded smiling and laughing.

Lily looked at the other girl warily at first...But she smiled back at the little human and followed her back into the yard.

Ben sat at the little pink barbie table that was a hand-me-down gift from Joy in Crocodile dad’s backyard, his muscled weight bending the plastic on the minuscule barbie lawn chair he was perched on. Minnie and Lily giggled together as they also sat at the barbie-themed lawn furniture. When Lily pupated Ben had bought his daughter every pretty dress he could get his hands on, all with a sunhat to match. Lily and Minnie were currently trying on each of the little hats to figure out which ones would be best for the imaginary tea-party they were planning.

Ben so far had been extremely pliant with all of this, pretending to sip tea from a plastic teacup, a tiny pink sun hat perched on top of his shaved head from where Lily had clambered up onto the table to place it there.

It’s his daughter’s favorite hat that she had scrambled to put on his head, and Ben was currently treating the honor as if it was the medal of freedom.

Chloe began the walk to Crocodile dad’s house. She entered the side-yard and smiled at the distinct sound of little girls playing and giggling. She held Dexter in one arm and the tiny troll boy’s ears flicked up at the sounds of giggling before he tucked his head back under Chloe’s jaw moodily, his claws pricking through her blouse.

“Come on baby you’ll be ok.” Chloe rubber hand across his back. “It will only be for a couple of hours. I promise you’ll have fun if you give it a try.”

Dexter growled moodily and tucked himself closer to his mother.

Chloe giggled and unwrapped her son from her middle. The little troll whined and grumped irritably as Chloe unhooked his claws from her blouse and set him down on the grass.

Chloe took her son’s face in her hands and kissed her son’s forehead. She looked down at him and gave him a warm smile. “Two hours baby, tops. You’re gonna have lots of fun with the other kids.”

Dexter’s tiny little brows furrowed, his face drawn into a tiny little pout but he still let his mom lead him into the backyard.

Lily and Minnie were chattering together at the hand-me-down barbie lawn furniture. Ben was sipping imaginary tea from a tiny pink teacup, his daughter’s minuscule pink hat perched on top of his head.

Minnie stopped when she say the little boy and waved cheerily. “HIIIIIII!”

Lily froze in her tracks, still as stone and her eyes narrowed down to slits. At the sight of the other troll Lily arched over the table like a feral cat and hissed loudly, her claws digging into the cheap pink plastic lawn furniture. She yowled and bared her teeth in a little but fearsome display.

Dexter burst into tears and hid behind his mom. Chloe kneeled down to hug her son, Dexter immediately crashing into his mother’s arms in a terrified sob.

Ben stood up and put his hands on his hips authoritatively, the effect was somewhat ruined by the tiny pink sunhat still on his head but Lily stopped anyways to look sheepishly up at her father. “Lily. Susan. Black.” Ben glared down at his daughter. “Be nice.”

Lily stood on the table and put her own hands to her hips, her little nose wrinkled as she looked defiantly up at the giant muscled brick wall that was her father. “NO.”

Ben arched an eyebrow, and gave Lily a look that had caused many a grown men in this platoon serving under him to curl up into balls and weep. Lily stood her ground.

“Be nice or we’re going home little missy.” Ben grumbled, his deep baritone like thunder.

Lily gasped at the ultimatum. Her tiny slitted eyes widened. “THAT’S NOT FAIR!” she squeaked indignantly.

“Thems the breaks kiddo.” Ben grumped back at her.

Lily growled at him but wrapped her skinny arms around herself and sat back down with a tiny moody huff.

“See that honey?” Chloe tapped her son’s back to get his attention and he looked with tiny bleary eyes filled with Cerulean tears. “It’s ok now she promised to be nice.”

Chloe lifted Dexter and carried him to the pink Barbie table. She put him in the chair opposite from Lily and next to Minnie. Dexter wiped his face on his sleeve, still hiccupping slightly with tears.

Minnie Leaned over and Dexter shied away from her. Minnie only smiled and produced her white power ranger. She put the little action figure in Dexter’s face and pushed the button. “HELP ME SAVE THE GALAXY FROM THE FORCES OF EVIL!!!” The little doll announced and Dexter giggled.

“Here!” Minnie smiled at the little boy and shook the doll enticingly.

Dexter took the doll gingerly and smiled down at the little thing. He sniffled a bit, wiped his tear-stained face and smiled at Minnie.

“Thanks…” He smiled shyly and Minnie grinned back at him.

A low growl came from the other side of the table. Minnie and Dexter both turned to look at Lily. Lily was crouched low on the other side of the table, only her slitted eyes and her pronged horns visible. Dexter shrunk away from the other troll.

Chloe sighed and looked up at Ben. “Are you sure that you can handle this?”

Ben nodded sternly. “If I can handle a platoon of soldiers I can handle three toddlers.”

Lily hissed ominously and Dexter burst into a new round of tears.

Chloe smiled and punched his arm playfully. “Famous last words.”

Chloe leaned down to Dexter and ruffled his hair. “Don’t worry baby. Uncle Ben will take care of you.” and with that Chloe jumped the fence into Jukilo’s backyard. Chloe’s face popped over the fence and looked seriously at Ben. “Make sure Jukilo doesn’t leave Crocodile dad’s house for at least an hour.”

Ben saluted her. “God speed miss Bell.”

And with that Chloe disappeared behind the face.

Ben leaned down and offered his hand to the little boy. “Hi Kid. I served under your grandpa, General Bell. I’ve known your mom for a long time.”

Dexter reached over and took two of Ben’s meaty fingers and did his best to shake his hand. “You know g’pa?” Dexter looked at him in awe.

“I sure do. He’s a good general.” Ben nodded down at him.

“I like g’pa too.” Dexter looked up at Ben and smiled.

“NOOOO!” Lily shrieked and threw a tiny pink teacup at her father. “Don’t do it daddy he’s a POO-FACE!”

“NO YOU’RE A POO-FACE!” Dexter screamed back.

Ben glowered down at the children. “Nobody is a poo-face!” He put his hands to his hips “Now cadets our mission is to have a FUN and SAFE afternoon!” The cords in Ben’s necks bulged dangerously as he shouted. “Any suggestions?”

Minnie raised her hand “house!”

Ben put his hands to his chin and shrugged. “House it is.” he looked around the backyard and when he didn’t see what he was looking for his eyes narrowed. “We’ll need supplies.”

 

Jukilo was inside Crocodile dad’s kitchen, he was wearing a novelty apron Laura had bought Crocodile dad with a cartoon alligator on the front and was whisking something in a large bowl.

Through the window behind him Chloe jumped over the fence and into his backyard. Jukilo didn’t notice this of course, and he also didn’t notice Chloe opening his back door and slipping quietly inside.

Crocodile dad did though. He thought it was odd. Maybe Chloe was trying to visit Jukilo? Then again he was sure he had told her that Jukilo would be spending the morning with him… She had even asked if it was ok for Dexter to come play with Minnie…

Odd…

“And then you just pour it into the pan in such a manner as this…” Jukilo carefully poured a small circle of batter onto the hot skillet.

Crocodile dad snapped out of his revelry and turned back to the cooking lesson. Oh well it cannot be that important.

The batter bubbled cheerfully on the skillet. “This is a pancake.” Jukilo motioned towards the little batter disk. “Or it will be. When it is finished cooking, which is the express reason I put it on this pan. It is batter now but it WILL at some point in the very foreseeable future be a pancake. “Pan” regarding the instrument it was cooked in and “cake” regarding its nature as a simple breakfast pastry.”

Crocodile dad nodded and snuffled at the pancake.

“This would be a very easy human food to cook for Minnie in the morning.” Jukilo slipped a spatula under the little dough disk and flipped it.

“Why bother with all that cooking bullshit? BULLSHIT?” Laquda yelled from the living room as she laid haphazardly on the couch. She flipped through channels lazily.

“Check it! CHECK IT!!” Laquda held up an extra large vale-sized bag of cheetos. “I gave a human only one of these little green pieces of paper and they literally gave me thousands of these! They hardly all fit into my van! THOUSANDS OF THESE!!”

Jukilo leaned through the doorway to glare at her before his eyes widened. “Laquda that is a hundred dollar bill!”

Laquda blew her nose with the hundred dollar bill. “A what now? WHAT NOW?”

“Just. Just. You can’t just.” Jukilo stood flabbergasted for a moment before he threw up his hands in exasperation “You know what? FINE. SURE.”

Jukilo looked startled for a moment. “Wait...where did you get another van? Don’t tell me you-”

Laquda thrust a meaty fist into one of the open bags of cheetos and retrieved a massive handfuls of crunchy cheese sticks. She brought them to her mouth and ate them messily. Jukilo grimaces at the cheese bits flying in every direction and getting into the carpet. Laquda waved away his concerns with a meaty paw.

“Lay off I actually BOUGHT one this time! BOUGHT IT!”

[Yesterday]

Carl was a salesman at a used car dealership. He put his hands in the pockets of his striped suit. He was walking down one of the aisles of his used car dealership he was examining a chip in his coffee mug that said “#1 car salesman” and given his lack of awareness it was a miracle he avoided the giant sack that was hurled in his direction.

Carl fell back astonished, accidentally throwing his coffee cup as the sack fell to his feet and immediately burst open spilling raw-cut gems and gold coins.

“What the shi-”

One of his vans, a purple one he traded from a prominent rapper in the area, screeched to a halt in front of him. A massive troll woman was leaning back against the zebra-print seats. She adjusted the mirror where two massive purple fuzzy dice hung. The troll woman put on a pair of sunglasses, the tags still noticeable on the end.

“Keep the change nerd. NERD.”

And with that the troll drove off. Carl ran his hands through the gold. What the fuck.

[end flashback]

 

In the Miami airport a tiny cerulean-blood fidgeted by a pay-phone. She looked out of place in her Alternian armada uniform, her giraffe-like knobby horns barely reaching over the high-counter at the help desk.

As she paced back and forth in front of the services desk, the cord on the pay-phone stretching back-and-forth, the desk worker at the help desk watching her little giraffe horns bobbing to and fro.

A bored-looking group of trolls in Alternian armada uniforms milled around in the baggage claim section of the airport. A brownblood and a greenblood were riding the baggage claim, lounging across suitcases as they slowly cycled through the lobby. A rustblood was in deep conversation with an old human lady that was knitting. A teal was shopping at the gift shop and trying to find a Miami souvenir baseball cap that fit around their horns. Others were lying across the carpet. An adventurous yellowblood tried to climb through the covered conveyor belt that brought suitcases in from the tarmac and was currently being chased by security guards.

“Excuse me?” A human leaned down towards the cerulean. “Do you need help little girl?”

“STAY BACK!” The cerulean jumped back and pointed a canister at the human that read ‘Human-be-gone’ “I’M WARNING YOU!”

The human backed off.

A chubby greenblood picked their teeth as they sat upside-down at a chair. “Um miss second in command lady? Uh.. Elipah was it? I don’t think Captain Laquda is coming back.”

The short cerulean, or Elipah it seemed her name is, whipped her head around to glare accusingly at the underling. “Hold your tongue!” She frowned and pointed a kitten-sharp claw. “Don’t you DARE question the captain!”

Elipah held a fist to her chest. “Captain Laquda is a bold and noble soul!” Elipah looked wistfully out into the distance “-and whatever she’s doing I’m sure it is INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT!”

 

Back at Crocodile dad’s house Laquda was sitting on the floor. Three empty family-sized cheetos bags around her. Laquda’s wide and toothy maw was completely filled with cheetos.

Elliot and Jacob were sitting on the floor next to Laquda chanting “One more cheeto! One more cheeto!”

The boys cheered and pumped their fists as Laquda managed to fit another cheeto between her sharp teeth. Laquda tried to cheer as well but it was muffled by the mountain of cheetos. Laquda accidentally inhaled a cheeto, she coughed and they sprayed across the living room in a hail-storm of powdery orange snack sticks.

A gooey cheeto landed on Jukilo’s shoe. Jukilo grimaced at the cheeto atrocity. “I had JUST vacuumed today…”

 

After dropping off Dexter with Ben, Chloe jumped the fence into Jukilo’s backyard. She looked nervously over the fence and when she saw no sign of Jukilo she ducked back down. Chloe padded secretly over to Jukilo’s back door and leaned down to inspect the lock.

If she was being honest with herself she felt a little bad about this. This was for his own good.

As Chloe looked down at the lock, maybe she could pick the lock or-

A very suspicious rock sat in the middle of the “go away” mat by his door. Chloe leaned down further to inspect it. She plucked a teal sticky-note from the top of the rock.

“Hello would-be intruders” The sticky note greeted “This rock is a completely true and unassuming rock that just so happens to be on this doorstep. This rock, is in fact a rock and is not a false rock containing a key. A false rock containing a key is exactly what this isn’t, the thing in which it is is in fact, a rock.”

Chloe turned over the false rock and retrieved the key. Oh Jukilo.

Chloe unlocked the door and slipped inside. She unfurled a garbage bag and shook it to fluff it out. She’ll help Jukilo quit cold-turkey.

Chloe stepped onto the kitchen. Jukilo’s house had thick curtains to help the light-sensitive troll. The counters were neatly-cleaned. A cookie-jar labeled in Alternian script sat on the kitchen table.

“Huh…” Chloe looked at the clean grey counters and well-organized kitchen. “Maybe it’s not as bad as I tho-”

Chloe’s foot connected with something smooth and round. She wobbled for a moment, he hands flying out from her sides to try and gain purchase before she slipped and fell.

Chloe groaned on the floor. Something smooth was wedged awkwardly under her heel, she scrabbled for the offending object and brought it to her face.

Chloe squinted at what she now saw was a plastic woman. “Is this?...Is this Mrs. Buttersworth?” Chloe gaped at the empty syrup bottle.

From Chloe’s vantage point on the floor something caught her eye under the kitchen table. Chloe scooted over to the table and ducked under to get a look. Underneath the table a pack of oreos was duct-taped to the wood.

Chloe opened a box of cheerios and poured it out onto the counter, hundreds of M&ms tumbled onto the counter. “What the fu-”

Opening a book exposed a hollowed out section filled with jolly ranchers. Several Laffy Taffy’s were hidden taped to the inside of a lampshade. Underneath the cushions of the couch were several Mrs. Buttersworth brand maple syrup. Hidden in every crack and corner Chloe found more and more candy, everywhere she turned it seemed there was a piece of licorice or another goddamn bottle of Mrs. Buttersworth.

“Oh Jukilo…” Chloe sighed as she sat in a pile of various hidden treats. “It’s worse than I thought isn’t it?”

 

Laquda was lounging across Crocodile dad’s couch her legs far extending the furniture, idly munching on cheetos. Crocodile dad was laying across the floor and leaning against the couch, his head resting on his eldest daughter’s stomach.

Ben was currently hacking away at an old refrigerator box, cutting out doors and windows to make a little home-made playhouse. Dexter was immediately intimidated by the large sea-dweller and tried to hide behind Ben only for Lily to rush up and hiss at him. This of course made Dexter cry.

Ben sighed.

Minnie wandered over to the couch and clambered up Crocodile dad’s scaly back and onto Laquda. Laquda paused her snacking to look at the little girl who was crawling up the massive troll to sit on her chest and grin gap-toothed at her.

“The heck you want?” Laquda grumbled, her eyebrows cocked.

Minnie slapped two tiny little brown hands onto Laquda’s cheeks. “FISHY!” The little girl announced.

Laquda flapped the frills on the side of her face at the little girl and Minnie giggled so hard she fell over. Minnie was about to tumble right off the couch but Laquda moved an arm slightly to catch the little human. Minnie climbed back up, her little green jumper bright in the mid-day light.

Minnie put her hands clumsily to the troll’s face again, outlining the large serrated shark-like teeth that escaped her mouth. “Big fishy.” Minnie mused. “Sharp fishy rawr rawr.” she sang off key to herself.

Laquda shook her horns slightly in mock display and gave the girl a little rumbling growl.

Minnie bounced up and down and shook her pigtails mimicking the growl. “RAA!”

Laquda grinned and growled LOUDER.

Minnie squeezed her little eyes shut, shook her pigtails harder and growled out louder too “RAAAA!!!!”

Laquda took a deep breath, her gills fluttering for a moment and her chest expanding where Minnie was sitting on it. Laquda sat up, the little girl tumbling down to her lap and let out a fearsome roar that shook the glass in the window panes, made Ben pause what he was doing to stare and made Dexter hide behind Ben with a small yelp.

Minnie laughed and kicked her little pudgy legs where she was in Laquda’s lap. “Again!! Fishy again!”

Laquda laughed fondly down at her. Laquda picked up the tiny little human girl, Minnie was dwarfed in the troll woman’s massive clawed hands and with a gentleness that surprised everyone Laquda set Minnie down on the floor where the tiny little girl tottered over to the other children.

Lily regarded Laquda thoughtfully. The tiny little yellowblood marched over to the enormous troll. Laquda cocked an eyebrow and the tiny troll child balled up her fists and gave her very best roar back at the adult troll, it was as threatening as you would expect a roar coming from a two-year-old in a sundress would be. It sounded more like a cat that had their paw stepped on, but it was the thought that counted really.

Laquda laughed heartily and slapped her knee. She put one large finger to the child’s forehead and Lily irritatedly batted it away.

“This one think’s it’s twenty times bigger than it is. TWENTY TIMES BIGGER.” Laquda chuckled and grinned at Ben who smiled at his daughter fondly.

Something buzzed in Laquda’s pocket and the troll shifted in her seat to retrieve a communication device. “Ah shit.” Laquda rose from the couch in a shower of cheeto crumbs. “I gotta take this. GOTTA TAKE THIS.” and with that Laquda lumbered out of the living room, through the kitchen and to the back porch to take her call.

Laquda went onto the back porch and slid the glass door behind her. “WHO GAVE YOU THIS NUMBER?” Laquda hissed into the line “THIS IS THE PRIVATE LINE SET UP BY COMMANDER OZAINU HIMSELF AND-”

“I think the real question is-” Elipah hissed on the other side of the line “WHERE IN HEAVEN’S SAKE HAVE YOU BEEN CAPTAIN!”

“Excuse me little girl…” an old human looked through their glasses kindly down at Elipah in the airport. “Are you lost?”

“GET AWAY FROM ME SPACE MONKEY!” Elipah brandished her can of ‘human-be-gone’ “DON’T THINK I WON’T USE THIS!!”

The human hobbled away with a yelp and Elipah turned back to her call.

“Oh shit…” Laquda grimaced at the communicator. “I fucking left you all at the airport.”

“YEAH.” Elipah put her hand to her little chubby hip “YOU LEFT US AT THE AIRPORT!” Elipah put her hand to her face and pinched the bridge of her nose frustrated. “Not that I would EVER question you or your leadership, but just WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?”

“Is that the captain?” One of the crewmembers looked up from where they had been riding the baggage claim.

Elipah turned back to them a smile plastered onto her face. “Our brave and glorious leader is busy doing glorious work for the empire on this wretched planet! Rejoice!” She turned back to the phone angrily. “I SAW YOU RAMPAGE THROUGH AN ANIMAL DEPOSITORY ON THE NEWS YOU’RE LUCKY I WAS ABLE TO DISTRACT THE CREW. JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?”

Laquda hissed at the phone. “Ok it isn’t as bad as it looks. NOT AS BAD AS IT LOOKS.”

Elipah sighed. “Just come back here so we can leave this hellhole?”

Laquda looked back into the house. Minnie ran through the kitchen and started to tug on Jukilo’s pant leg, obviously excited about something. Through the kitchen she could see Crocodile dad lounging on the carpet, a serene look on his face as he basked in the mid-day sun.

“Actually…” Laquda mused. “I think I’ll stick around for a while…”

“Excuse me little girl…” Another human interrupted Elipah in the airport. “Are you lost?”

Elipah screamed and brandished her can again. “FOR THE LAST TIME YOU OVERLY FRIENDLY PACK OF DIRT MONKEYS I HAVE HUMAN SPRAY AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!”

The human backed off and Elipah went back to her phone conversation a grave look on her face. “Please for the love of the empire…” She whispered direly. “Please don’t leave me on this planet. Where even are you?”

Laquda grumbled and went to the front of the house. “Umm I’m at Greenwater street…” Laquda squinted at the numbers on the house and they swam through her vision. “House 63...5”

Laquda sighed and ran a hand down her face. “Look, just...Why don’t you…” Laquda shrugged and ran a hand through her hair. “How about you are interim captain? Just do the supply runs, I’ll even let you keep the money you make. Just make sure you give the ship back before you die? It was a present from Commander Ozainu when I was first promoted to Captain… KEEP THE SHIP GIVE IT BACK BEFORE YOU DIE.”

Elipah put her hands to her chubby face. “REALLY?”

Laquda sighed. “Really. It ain't no thing Ceruleans don't live THAT long...”

“Wow.” Elipah put her hands to her hips in a proud way. “Interim captain… Now I almost feel bad about making that deal with your kismesis to get your private number…”

Laquda stiffened. “Wait? Zappik KNOWS I’M HERE???”

Elipah picked at her claws. “Well you left your regular communicator on the ship and I needed your private line. It was either call him or commander Ozainu and I really don’t feel like having my eyes plucked out of my skull.”

“ZAPPIK KNOWS I’M HERE?” Laquda yelled and tugged on her hair.

“Well.” Elipah shrugged and twirled a piece of hair between her claws. “he knew you were on Earth in Florida since we landed and now YOU were the one who told him what address you were at.”

Laquda’s eyes widened.

“You did catch all of that didn’t you Zappik?” Elipah asked boredly.

A third voice came in tinnily through the line as if hastily patched in. “A HOO HOO! LOUD N’CLEAR!”

“FUCK.” Laquda gritted her teeth.

“I look forward to seeing you again dear captain!” Elipah smiled and papped the phone like a human would blow a kiss and promptly hung up.

The smell of ozone and electricity filled the air and Laquda growled instinctively. A blurr of something bright and crackling with electricity streaked across the sky and hovered above the neighborhood. The figure studied the houses.

Laquda was ready for him to land in Crocodile dad’s front yard, she was flattened against the house, obscured by the shadows in the side-yard. She extended her claws and steeled herself.

Surprisingly the figure landed across the street in Sharon’s front yard instead.

Sharon stopped where where she had been reviewing a case, her reading glasses perched at the end of her hooked nose as a loud thump sounded in her front yard.

Alimah stopped where she had been practicing piano. “What the hell was that?”

Zappik landed in Sharon’s front yard with a crackle of electricity, his eyes pulsating red and blue. He was wearing a black studded leather jacket over a yellow t-shirt, he took off his Alternian-issue helmet, his horns grew in an odd jagged sort of way, as if someone had tried to split them in half the long-way. He was skinny like a feral animal and his wide manic smile hinted at a jittery wild nature.

He ripped open his jacket and dropped to his knees on the ground dramatically. “LAQUDAAAAA!!!” he screamed and threw his head back.

Sharon ripped open the curtains to give the troll a sharp glare but Zappik was too engrossed in his dramatics.

“I HATE YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING!!!!” Zappik screamed and raised a boombox over his head. He fiddled with the controls of the boombox but quickly became frustrated with the antiquated Earth technology. He threw the boombox off to the side where it shattered into a million bolts and knobs and switches. Zappik screamed dramatically and spread out his arms, electricity crackling through the grass and burning a giant black spade into Sharon’s front lawn.

Sharon slammed open the door, seething, her hands at her side.

Zappik looked up confused at her. “Wait who the shit are you?”

Sharon stalked over to the yellow-blood, grabbed him by his leather jacket and pulled him up to her face, rage written all over her features. “AND JUST WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO MY LAWN??”

Zappik was about to answer when Laquda tackled him to the ground.

 "....sup Laquda..." He wheezed.

 

Later Laquda held Zappik upside down by his ankle at the end of Crocodile dad’s dock. The skinny little troll flailed wildly, crackling with energy and swearing before Laquda dipped him under the water.

She brought him back up and the troll hissed and sputtered and continued to swear furiously. Laquda dipped him back under and thousands of angry bubbles came to the surface.

Sharon walked down to the dock, something under her arm and her sunglasses over her eyes. She wore a black satin top, a chunky black belt and red skirt.

“Ugh…” Laquda looked at Sharon as Zappik flailed angrily. “You probably want me to stop don’t you?”

Sharon took the package out from under her arm, she took out a slim black package which she unfolded into a lawn chair. She sat down and produced a bottle of wine from her bag and a glass. She took out the cork with her teeth and poured herself a drink. With one prada heel crossed authoritatively over the other she looked at Laquda over her shades.

“That motherfucker burned a spot in my lawn.” She settled into the lawn chair and took a sip of wine. She motioned flippantly with the hand not holding her wineglass. “What are you waiting for? Continue.”

Laquda grinned and brought Zappik up out of the water, zappik sputtering and hissing, reaching up to try and claw her, before dipping him back down into the water.

 

Ben finished cutting out a window on the box, completing the little home-made playhouse. “You kids ready to play house?”

Dexter smiled and jumped up and down. “I want to be the mom!”

Lily put her little hands to her hips and growled at Dexter. “You can’t be deh moooom! You’re a boy!”

Ben put his own hands to his hips and cocked an eyebrow at his daughter. “Young missy we will be having none of this heteronormativity in this household.”

Lily sighed. “Sorry daddy.”

Ben nodded down at his daughter. “And what do we say about family soldier?”

Lily sighed and played with the hem of her dress. “Everybody does family different, just cuz it’s not like how you’re used ta it doesn’t mean it’s not family.”

“Good job baby girl.” Ben ruffled his daughter’s hair and Lily purred at him.

“I wanna be da dad!” Minnie announced. Minnie twirled excitedly before she bounded over to the kitchen to interrupt Jukilo cooking to tug at his pants leg.

“Kitty!” Minnie looked up at Jukilo.

“Hmm?” Jukilo looked down at the child. “What is it that you require?”

“KITTY!!!” Minnie bounced on the heels of her feet and reached up for his tie “KITTYYYYYY!!!!”

Jukilo looked down at his tie. “This?”

Minnie giggled and jumped up and down.

Jukilo gently undid his tie and kneeled down to gently tie it around Minnie’s neck. The tie was much too long for the little girl and dragged on the floor behind her. Minnie grinned and Jukilo fondly patted her curly head.

Minnie totted back into the living room happily, the tie fluttering behind her. “I DAD!!”

Dexter was given an apron, a mixing spoon and a wooden bowl. He giggled and waved his spoon around “Like mommy!”

Eventually with a lot of bickering between Lily and Dexter it was decided that Lily would be the baby. Ben tucked in half of her sunhat to make a baby bonnet. Lily wiggled her little pointy ears and giggled, spinning so that the trailing ribbon of the bonnet swirled around her.

Lily sat inside of the box house, sitting next to a couch cushion that was supposed to represent a table. Dexter swirled the wooden spoon inside of the empty bowl and brought it to Lily’s face. He papped the spoon against her cheek and Lily growled at him.

“Eat the food baby! You must grow big and strooong!” Dexter sing-songed at Lily as he touched the spoon to her face.

“NO!” Lily slapped the spoon away.

Minnie threw open the door of the little box-house. She glared at the other two children and put her hands on her hips. “HARUMPH!” Minnie said in as deep of a voice as she could go “I’M THE DAD.”

“Hello! Husband!” Dexter waved the spoon at Minnie “Are you back from the big business?”

Minnie trudged into the little house, her hands on her hips and an angry look on her face. “I AM BACK FROM THE BUSINESS!” She yelled. “WHERE IS MY DINNER?!”

Dexter put the bowl on the couch cushion. “Here is dinner! We are having NOOOODLES AND BUTTER!”

Minnie looked down her nose at the bowl and Dexter fidgeted in his seat. Minnie stood up from her spot and angrily threw the bowl out of the house’s window where it shattered on the carpeting. “THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” Minnie shrieked.

Ben and Crocodile dad tensed. Crocodile dad rose from where he had been laying on the carpet.

“Minnie, sweetpea…” Ben looked through the window at the child, his gruff voice trying it's best to sound kind. “Shouldn’t the daddy be a nice daddy?”

Minnie had her head hung where she stood in the box-house. She turned to glare at Ben, her tiny little hands in fists. Tear stains ran across her cheeks.

Minnie picked up the cushion representing a table in the box house and yelled. She threw the cushion at Dexter and Lily who yelped and scrambled out of the box. “BAD BAD!!” Minnie screamed “GET OUT!! YOU AREN’T ALLOWED IN HERE!”

Lily flew into Ben’s arms and Ben tried his best to console her as they both watched in horror.

Minnie sobbed and pushed the box onto it’s side. “YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!” Minnie screamed and tore through the cardboard of the box. “BAD!!! BAD!!!”

Minnie demolished the cardboard box, tears streaming down her face. Ben leaned over wanting to console the child who everyone could here was sobbing loudly inside the ruins of the cardboard box.

Crocodile dad started to dig through the cardboard, crooing consolingly as he went. Jukilo ran in from the kitchen. “Whats going on father are-”

Crocodile dad picked Minnie up from the wreckage of the little broken home, Minnie sobbing as he gently cradled the child in his furred arms.

Jukilo immediately went to his knees to lean over his father’s arms to look at Minnie who was weeping. His hands hovered over the child, wanting to help but not knowing how. “Father I- Minnie-”

Crocodile dad rocked his daughter back and forth as she sobbed.

Jukilo turned to Ben. “What...What happened….”

Ben hung his head sadly and held his daughter closer, tears across lily’s little face. “I think...I think something bad happened to that little girl…”

Dexter hovered nearby, looking at Minnie like he was afraid he had broken her. “Is she...is she…”

Ben put an arm on Dexter’s shoulder and the little boy jumped. Ben looked from Dexter to Minnie sadly. “It’s alright...you didn’t do anything wrong...give her some time she’ll be ok…”

Crocodile dad combed his claws through Minnie’s hair and licked across her face soothingly. Minnie hiccuped and grasped her hands tighter into Crocodile dad’s fluff. She hid her little tear-stained face in his fur.

Ben and Jukilo hovered nearby, unsure of what to do or what to say. The implications of Minnie’s tantrum weighing heavily on their minds.

The doorbell rang.

Jukilo hissed to himself and glared at the door. “Really? Who could be coming unannounced at a time like this?”

The doorbell rang again.

Ben patted his daughter’s back and rocked her back and forth. “Maybe it’s a salesman? Or a Jehovah's witness?”

The doorbell rang again.

Jukilo stomped over to the door and flung it open. “THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME! IT IS THE OPPOSITE OF A GOOD TIME AND-”

Jukilo was interrupted by the lens of a camera on the other side of the door. Congressman Whiteman stood behind the camera, flashing his smug toothpaste smile at Jukilo. The congressman’s hands were on the shoulders on a very young woman who was looking down at her shoes under thick lashes. She looked as young as a new leaf, caramel skin, thick wavy honey-brown hair and freckles across her nose. She was biting her lip as if trying her best not to cry.

Crocodile dad lumbered over to the door, Minnie in his arms to get a look at what was going on.

When the woman saw Minnie her head shot up, her brown eyes wide and shiney with unshed tears. She put her hands to her mouth. Minnie stared back, a solemn and unreadable expression in her face.

“Who even are you?” Jukilo demanded.

The congressman smiled and the woman stepped forward, her hands shaking by her sides and her shoulders squared. Her voice wavered for a moment but she took a deep breath and continued.

“My name is Lila Santiago.” she swallowed and forced herself to look them straight in the eye “And I’m here for my daughter Mina.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment if you enjoyed! I friggin love me some comments fam.


	30. Minnie and Crocodile dad Valentine's day special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minnie and Crocodile dad Valentine's day special! Three days early because Valentines day is on a stupid TUESDAY this year and also because I absolutely hate waiting for things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know there are some sad and scary bits near the end

It was Valentine’s day which meant Alimah’s classroom was alive with glittery pink paper decorations, giggles and pre-teen desperation. Each desk had a decorated paper bag taped to its front designated for the obligatory valentine’s day cards and candies, students were either going desk to desk handing out cards, making shy eye contact with the recipients before giggling and skipping away, or shoving spongebob valentine’s day cards their mom bought at walgreens the night before into paper bags simply because of social obligation.

Alimah was one of the later.

Alimah shoved the last of her home-made valentines into the last paper bag in the class. Each “homemade valentine” was a piece of white paper with the words “adequate” or “you’re not the worst person I’ve met” written on them in pencil with a small snickers bar taped to it.

Alimah stretched and went back to her seat to surveil her haul, dumping out her own paper bag onto her desk, she quickly shucked the valentine’s day cards from their candies, putting the cards back into the bag without reading them and unwrapping a lollipop.

Alimah sucked on her lollipop absentmindedly before noticing Lolida acting odd where she sat next to her.

Where Lolida was usually a ball of manic and demanding energy, moving at speeds that should be physically impossible, to scream at children and vow vengeance on Earth. However today Lolida stood stock straight in her seat, still and resolutely not looking at Alimah.

“What’s up dork.” Alimah greeted the troll and Lolida jumped in her seat “Trying to put mind-control pellets in people’s candy again?”

Lolida relaxed minutely at the banter and gave Alimah a side-long glance. “...After my previous experiments with the mind-control pellets I have decided for now, to abandon that venture. Their performance was...dissatisfactory to say the LEAST.”

Alimah chuckled and Lolida turned to look at her. “Well that’s what you get for buying shit off the internet.”

Lolida tossed her hair back haughtily, the troll had taken to shopping at hot-topic recently and the hoodie she wore over the school uniform to fight back the february chill was emblazoned with a breaking red heart and striped black and white sleeves.

“When I take over this planet I will force online retailers into honorary business practices. MARK MY WORDS. THIS PLANET WILL BE RESPECTABLE UNDER MY REIGN”

“Whatever.” Alimah unwrapped a mars bar and ate it whole. “Good luck with that.”

Lolida squared her shoulders and gave Alimah a calculating look, she seemed to come to some sort of decision and a look of fierce determination took over her features . Suddenly the troll was on top of Alimah’s desk.

“ALIMAH KAKKAR!” Lolida announced and did a wide sweeping motion with her hands like a wizard about to speak a spell or an over-dramatic shakespearean actor.

“What is with you and getting on top of my desk?” Alimah asked, not even looking up at Lolida’s theatrics as she unwrapped another candy.

“YOU HAVE BEEN A WORTHY OPPONENT AGAINST MY ATTEMPTS AT TAKING OVER YOUR PITIFUL PLANET!”

Alimah rolled her eyes. “Actually you’re just shit at it so…”

Lolida ignored her “SO I HAVE CHOSEN YOU, YES YOU HUMAN, TO RECEIVE A GREAT HONOR!”

With a dramatic flick of her hand and a flip of her hair a black piece of paper flitted down onto Alimah’s desk.

Alimah picked up the paper thing that was trimmed with oddly sharp black lace. It was a...a black paper fish?

“Oh wow...a paper fish…” Alimah rolled her eyes “A great honor indeed…” Alimah said with sarcasm dripping from her voice. “Hey genius.” Alimah picked up a heart-shape from her bag of valentines. “We’re handing out THESE today you can’t just pass out random fish and call it good.”

Alimah laughed to herself but stopped when she looked up at Lolida. Lolida’s hands were balled up into fists, her form tense and angry. Any onlooker would think that Lolida was angry but Alimah knew Lolida well enough by now to know that the angry theatrics were a mask for the purple tears welling up in her eyes.

“FINE!” Lolida screamed and stamped her foot against Alimah’s desk sending shockwaves through the wood. “YOU OBVIOUSLY AREN’T WORTHY!” her voice cracked at the end, a sob threatening to break free.

Alimah knew she went too far by the look on Lolida’s face but she couldn’t place what it was that she had done. “Lolida I-”

“Um excuse me….Alimah...Lolida…” Greg interrupted them, the scrawny boy pushing his glasses up his severely freckled face, two obnoxiously large and laced valentines hearts in his hands with their names on them. “I-I- Uh…”

“SHUT UP GREG!” Both Alimah and Lolida yelled at the boy.

Greg screamed and went running. He opened the classroom window and jumped out and into the bushes.

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE GREG!” The teacher angrily threw down a stack of papers she had been grading and stomped off to once again retrieve Greg from the bushes. Honestly that kid was like a lemming.

Lolida hopped off of Alimah’s desk. The troll girl’s back turned to Alimah.

“Look Lolida I-” Alimah started but Lolida didn’t answer or look at her, she only kicked her desk away from Alimah’s with a loud metallic scrape against the tiles and replaced it with Greg’s desk.

Greg eventually was freed from the bushes and was now once again thrilled to be sitting next to Alimah, staring at her dreamily the rest of the day. Alimah firmly ignored him and looked worriedly at Lolida who was uncharacteristically attentive during the day’s lessons.

When the day was over Alimah tried to catch Lolida as they headed home. “Hey! Lolida wait!” but Lolida only buckled her helmet around her horns and took off on her bike towards the neighborhood she and Alimah shared.

Alimah growled to herself. Well if she wants to play it THAT way…

Lolida was peddling home on her bike through a well-shaded path, past long sweeping willow trees growing out of ravines of murky water and trying her best not to think of the human girl she had bared her heart to when said human girl jumped out of the bushes and knocked her off her bike, jumping out in a flurry of skinny pre-teen and maroon school uniform.

The two wrestled on the side of the ravine before Alimah knocked Lolida back, straddling her to point accusingly down at her. “What is WRONG with you? You’ve been acting weird all day!”

Lolida growled. “Like you don’t know dirt-child!”

“KNOW WHAT??” Alimah screamed down at her.

Tears overflowed in Lolida’s eyes and Lolida looked away, angry and defensive. “I asked you, in a very thought out and romantic way mind you, to be my kismesis…” Lolida crossed her arms. “And all you did was make fun of me…”

Alimah arched an eyebrow. “Making fun of you is kinda my job. Also what is a kismesis?”

“EXACTLY!” Alimah sat up and gestured forcefully with her hands. “THAT’S EXACTLY WHY! I MEAN I THOUGHT WE HAD A GOOD THING GOING AND-” She looked at Alimah wide-eyed, her ears back. “....you don’t know what a kismesis is?....”

Alimah looked at her blandly, her eyebrow arched severely. “...would I ask if I knew?...”

Lolida’s cheeks went purple. “Well it’s uh...it’s uh…” she fiddled nervously with her hair.

“WHAT?” Alimah demanded, pushing against Lolida’s shoulder’s roughly.

“IT’S KISSING AND STUFF!” Lolida blurted out, her face entirely purple as she his her face in her claws.

“Wait what?” Alimah asked. She stood up and pulled on Lolida’s hoodie to get her to do the same.

“Well mostly…” Lolida answered slowly as she stood up. “A kismesis is someone who you compete with to become stronger...someone who knows you and what buttons to push…”

Alimah thought for a moment. “So like...Sherlock Holmes and Moriarty?”

Lolida brightened. “Yes exactly! You’re Sherlock Holmes and I’m Moriarty!”

Alimah snorted. “You’re not nearly cool enough to be Moriarty.”

Lolida put her hands to her hips and tried out a phrase she had learned from Alimah. “Well screw you!”

Alimah laughed. “So that’s what you wanted? Kissing and rivalry?”

Lolida shrugged and rubbed an arm with a clawed hand “...Well...yeah…”

Alimah laughed. “Lol ok.” She grabbed Lolida by the hood of her stupid hot topic hoodie and pulled her down for a kiss. Lolida’s eyes widened and she made an odd chitter in the back of her throat.

Alimah then pushed Lolida down the ravine.

Lolida tumbled down, yelping with surprise before landing in the dirty water below. Her hair bedraggled and her new hot topic hoodie covered with mud.

“Also I’m stealing your bike.” Alimah announces as she righted Lolida’s purple bike and got on it. “If you want it you’ll have to come to my house and get it.”

Alimah rode off as Lolida scrambled up the ravine, leaves in her hair. Lolida grinned mailiciously “Oh it is SO on.”

 

Alimah rode up to her house on her newly aquired purple bike just as Laquda was walking up to the doorway, wearing a nice Alternian armada uniform and a purple bowtie, a bouquet of roses in her hands.

“Hey twerp.” Laquda greeted. “Where did you get the bike?”

Alimah shrugged “The bike store.”

Laquda gave her a flat look.

“Ok. Ok.” Alimah gave Laquda a crooked grin. “I stole it off my new Kismesis.”

Laquda grinned and gave a hearty gravelly laugh. “Good job. Hide it in the garage and set a trap for when they come.”

“Hell yeah!” Alimah laughed and gave Laquda a high-five. “Thanks for the advice! Are you taking my mom out tonight?”

Laquda nodded. “Yeah. That new sushi place.”

“Good. She’s been working too hard lately and deserves it.” She turned back to Laquda. “Don’t tell her I said that.”

Laquda chuckled and mimicked zipping her mouth closed.

Alimah opened the door, hopped onto Lolida’s bike and rode it through the living room to the backdoor, past her mom who was checking her hair in a hallway mirror.

“Hey Mom!” Alimah called out as she rode the bike past. “Your giant alien murder girlfriend is here.” Alimah opened the back door and rode out to set a trap for Lolida.

“No riding bikes in the house.” Sharon called out absentmindedly before realization crashed over her and she whipped around to go after Alimah. “WHERE DID YOU GET THAT BIKE?”

“The bike store.” Laquda answered and stepped inside.

Sharon arched an eyebrow, not believing the flimsy excuse but sighed and let it go. “I suppose it is best to have plausible deniability.”

Sharon fixed a red silk shawl over a fetching black cocktail dress, applying one last coat of devil-red lipstick. She turned to see Laquda staring at her dreamily.

“What?” Sharon huffed out a laugh.

Laquda crossed over to her human and gently tugged on the red shawl to pull it tighter around Sharon. “Nothing...you’re just really pretty is all. Really. Pretty…”

Sharon smiled up at her and reached up to put her hands over Laquda’s. “You’re getting more and more charming every day.” She fiddled with Laquda’s bowtie and let her hands linger.

Laquda purred deep and rumbly in the back of her throat.

Sharon arched an eyebrow. “Will Zappik be bothering us or do I have you to myself?”

“We had our date earlier” Laquda smiled and leaned down. “So I’m all yours. All. Yours.”

[Earlier that day]  
Laquda and Zappik were sitting in their underwear playing mario kart furiously. Laquda extended a meaty leg and pushed Zappik over to distract him from his game. He swore furiously “FUCKING SHIT LAQUDA YOU DIRTY-ASS CHEATER!” He retaliated with a blue shell in the game.

 

Back at Sharon’s place Laquda extended her arm like the dapper leading man in a film “Ya ready?”

Sharon smiled, took her arm and they stepped out into the night.

 

Jukilo grumbled and fiddled with his keys on his front porch. This time of year was always tough. Candy was always plentiful on Earth, seemingly unendingly present at every gas station, grocery store and vending machine but now even more so. The stores were filled with sweet-smelling candies of variety all glittery and heart-shaped for the season.

Everywhere he went, buying non-sugary groceries, buying shampoo, even watching TV he was assaulted with more and more candy.

Honestly he felt like he was at the end of his rope. It was tough being a recovering sugar-holic on Earth, the place where there was a holiday around every corner and every holiday meant mountains of sugary foods.

To make matters worse his matesprit Chloe had been called off to some mysterious important business that “Absolutely 100% was real and needed to be taken care of immediately”. However, he was an adult troll and completely understood when his matesprit had business to attend to and did not feel neglected at all.

Nope, not feeling neglected at all.

Jukilo sighed and opened his front door. He’ll probably reheat one of the sugar-free meals Laura had prepared for him and-

“SURPRISE!” Chloe popped up from behind his couch and uncorked a bottle of of sparkling grape juice. “Happy Valentine’s day!”

Jukilo’s eyes widened and he took in the scene, the multitude of mood candles creating a beautiful fire hazard in his living room. A romantic dinner for two set out on his table, a boquet of the traditional Earth romance flower in the middle.

Chloe was gorgeous with a large hibiscus in her curly hair and a flowing multi-colored dress. She looked far too-pleased with herself, grinning at Jukilo.

“Well?” She asked when all Jukilo did was stand awe-struck in his own doorway. “Do you like it?”

Jukilo laughed and smiled fondly at his matesprit. “Was this the important business you had to take care of?”

She laughed warmly and Jukilo felt a shiver go up his spine. “Yeah. Now come on don’t just NOT answer my question! Do you like it?”

Jukilo crossed over to Chloe and leaned down. He kissed her and Chloe could feel the vibrations of a purr.

“It’s perfect.”

 

Laura bounced awkwardly in the hallway, tightening a strap on her heel. She wore a pale blue dress that matched her eyes, her hair up in a ponytail and a string of pearls around her neck. Thomas did the cufflinks on his suit.

“Alright everyone emergency phone numbers are on the fridge we’ll be less than fifteen minutes away so if anything goes wrong-” Laura started.

“Call us immediately as well as the appropriate authorities.” Thomas finished for his wife.

“Relax.” Elliot said from the couch as he played pokemon on his hand-held game “We aren’t babies you know.” He gave them a harsh look “Also what kind of nerds go to the science museum for a date?”

“These kind of nerds.” Thomas answered simply and dipped Laura who giggled. The couple laughed together and shared a kiss.

“Eww gross.” Elliot made a face at his parents.

Joy looked up from where she had been doing her math homework on the floor “I hope you guys have fun.”

Laura leaned down and kissed her daughter on the forehead. “Thank you Joy! We won’t be gone for long! If anything happens we’re only minutes away!”

Laura also kissed Elliot on the forehead who whined and tried to squirm away. She then kissed Jacob who hugged her back.

“Bye kids!” Thomas waved as they left. “Be good!”

 

As soon as their parent’s car was gone Jacob got up from the couch and turned to his siblings. “I um...I have to take care of something.” Jacob quickly got something from his backpack, hiding it from his siblings before he bolted out the door.

Jacob sighed and held the valentine to his chest. He was doing this. He was actually doing this.

“HI I MADE YOU A VALENTINE!” Jacob practiced on Jukilo’s front porch. “No that’s no good um…”

“So I made you this valentine and-” Jacob stopped himself and banged his head against the porch banister. “Ugh that’s no good either.”

Jacob sighed and thumbed the frilly edges of the valentine. The valentine was red with teal fringes, he had spent days meticulously penning the “Jacob and Jukilo” cursive script that sat in the center of the heart.

Jacob squeezed his eyes shut and was about to shove the valentine in the mailbox when a faint giggling stopped him. He crossed over the peeling wooden porch to look in the front window.

Jukilo and Chloe sat on Jukilo’s couch. Jacob recognized Miss Bell as his neighbor and art teacher, gorgeous in a flowing multi-colored dress that dripped across the couch like water. She giggled, her hands through Jukilo’s hair as he purred and kissed her neck, pushing them both forward onto the couch and-

Jacob threw open the door to his house the door smacking loudly against the frame. Joy jumped where she had been doodling on the edges of her homework on the floor, Elliot looked up from his pokemon game.

Jacob stood silently in the doorway for a moment, his face blank and the valentine in his hands.

“Jacob?” Elliot looked worriedly at his brother, his game forgotten now at the sight of Jacob’s trembling shoulders. “What happened?”

“What happened-” Jacob’s shoulders hunched and trembled harder, fat tears rolled down his cheeks and he gripped the valentine harder. “Is that I WAS STUPID.”

A ragged sob tore it’s way from Jacob’s throat and he covered his freckled face with the oversized valentine, tears soaking through the teal lace. “I’M JUST A STUPID KID!” Jacob’s voice was muffled by the paper. “STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!”

Jacob tore the valentine in half and ran to his room, the halves fluttering down to the floor. Joy and Elliot jumped again as the bedroom door slammed shut, muffled sobs sounding through the house from the other side of the door.

Joy stared back at where Jacob had run off to. “....I think he’s upset…”

 

Joy and Elliot creeped to the bedroom door, careful of the floorboards in the hallway that squeaked. They both kneeled in front of the plain white bedroom door underneath the homemade door sign decorated with Superman and Batman stickers that read “Elliot and Jacob’s room!”, muffled sobbing coming out loudly from beneath the door.

“Jacob?...” Joy rapped quietly on the door. “Are you ok?”

Jacob sniffled on the other side of the door. “Go away….”

Elliot sighed and pressed his ear to the door. “We’re not going away dummy. Please let us in?”

Jacob hit the door and Elliot fell back astonished, rubbing his ear. “I said no!” Jacob’s voice cracked hoarsely.

 

Jacob wiped his tear-tracked face with the edge of his long-sleeved t-shirt. He snuffled and hugged his knees, his blue eyes bright and red-rimmed from crying. He was stupid. So stupid. So very very stupid. He was just a stupid little kid. Of course he had a girlfriend! Of COURSE he-

A piece of red construction paper slipped through the gap between the door and frame. He scrubbed his face with a sleeve and picked it up.

The little card was written in Joy’s overly-neat handwriting. “This card is red like your hair. I love you. From Joy.”

Another card slipped under the door.

“Roses are red violets are blue.” The card read in Elliot’s messy handwriting. “I suck at making valentines please stop crying.”

Jacob laughed despite himself as another card slipped under the door.

“Dear little brother.” Joy’s handwriting marched across the card. “I love you and whatever made you cry is stupid. It’s stupid because it made you cry. From Joy.”

Another card slipped under. “Are you ok?” The next card read in scrawled graphite “I don’t want to be too mushy but I want you to be happy. From- Your older brother.”

Jacob smiled lopsidedly and took a pencil out of his hoodie pocket to write on the note.

Elliot picked up the note that slid back out from Jacob’s side “Only by five minutes.” it read under his own note. Elliot smiled and wrote on the note again.

Jacob giggled as the note slid back through “Still counts.” Elliot’s handwriting read.

The the ripped valentine Jacob had thrown onto the living room floor slid under the door. The red heart was taped back together and where it had said “Jacob and Jukilo” before now Jukilo’s name was scratched out and it read “Jacob and Elliot and Joy”. Joy had drawn the center of them in the heart, little flowers and rabbits around her and her red-headed little brothers. Elliot gave all of them in the picture, including the rabbits, scribbly sunglasses and drew little lightning bolts and flame decals around the heart in pencil.

Jacob smiled, he snuffled and traced the drawing of the three of them with a finger.

The door opened and a little freckled hand came through the crack as Jacob peered out shyly from behind the door. “Hi…”

Joy and Elliot smiled. “Hi…” they smiled back and Joy gave a little wave.

“Um…” Jacob gave a little smile, his blue eyes shining wetly. “You guys are just...really cool and…” He looked at his siblings. “Is it ok if um… Joy are you ok with a hug?”

Joy and Elliot opened up their arms invitingly.

“Little hug for the little brother!” Joy hummed.

“Don’t tell anyone because I have a rep to maintain, but I’ll always hug you when you need it little bro.” Elliot smiled teasingly.

Jacob dropped into his sibling’s arms. Joy patted his back and hummed happily. Elliot wrapped his arms around Jacob’s middle and set his chin on top of his head.

“You’re only older by five minutes.” Jacob murmured into Elliot’s shirt. “Also what ‘reputation’ we’re ten years old.”

Elliot hit his brother gently on the back for that, and Jacob giggled. Elliot rocked them back and forth and Joy hummed and traced patterns along Jacob’s back.

“Next alien that breaks your heart.” Elliot grinned, showing off the tooth he had knocked out during baseball practice “I’ll punch him in the face!”

Jacob giggled and snuggled closer. “I don’t know how many aliens you think I’ll be dating but thank you.”

Elliot hugged him closer. “It’s what I do little brother. It’s what I do…”

 

Crocodile dad whisked the brownie batter together in the mixing bowl. Minnie and Dexter ran through the living room, Lily close behind them as they jumped across the couch and giggled at some game the children had made up that involved jumping from pillow to pillow before running to the back door and doubling back.

Crocodile dad didn’t mind taking the children for a night while the other lusii had fun with their mates, apparently today was a day for celebrating one’s relationship with their mate on Earth. He snorted and poured the brownie batter into the pan. Earth’s holidays were all so lovely, he loved seeing decorations change from holiday to holiday on this planet, it seemed that Earth and it’s inhabitants were always celebrating or preparing to celebrate something or other.

He put the brownie pan in the oven to bake and set the time. He wiped his claws on his apron and lumbered over to the living room. Minnie was perched precariously on the edge of the couch and Crocodile dad gently set her down on the carpet and she giggled and ran back to Lily and Dexter.

Crocodile dad smiled and looked after them as they played.

Minnie, Lily and Dexter helped him cut out little heart shapes from the brownie pan. After dinner they ate brownies together, their little fingers sticky with chocolate, low-sugar recipe of course. When they started to yawn he brushed their little heads and made sure they brushed their teeth, changed them into their pajamas and made up little cots for Dexter and Lily who were just getting to the age where they needed sopor to help them sleep. The troll specialist in Miami had prescribed a box of sopor patches for each troll child, and Crocodile dad applied a patch to each before settling them down into their cots. Minnie felt left out on her bed, so she crawled down to Dexter and Lily with her alligator plushie and settled between them. She yawned and her little brown curls fluttered. Crocodile dad got a blanket from her bed to cover her with.

When he was sure the children were asleep, their breaths even and their lashes fluttering across their cheeks, crocodile dad carefully closed the bedroom door and lumbered back into the living room.

Across his mantle was a line of photographs. He didn’t have a camera back when Laquda left for conscription all that time ago so there was only a simple drawing of her in a frame, skinny and short, smiling widely with a necklace of teeth and bone around her neck. His next charge was Karina the brown blood given to him by the monkey lusii in his swamp when they found out she was afraid of heights, they had told him she was “no fun” but he had plenty of fun with her swimming in his swamp. Eladak the serene indigo who loved to tiptoe across the giant lilypads and wear the lotus flowers in his hair. His fourth hadn’t named herself yet when she had died but he knew she liked the name “Yarida” so that’s what he called her in his mind.

All in a line his charges smiled back at him as the drawings changed to photographs and the photographs got progressively better and better over the years as the technology got better. Marpuk the rust who carved a flute from a branch and would play late into the day, gap-toothed and carefree. Ariday the cerulean who painted on the walls of his room in elegant swirls, humming as she went.

Haruka,Sharid, Niofip.

Janapi was killed later during the conquering of Carthon. Shorpa must have died from old age by now. Gelgih was culled for sleeping on the job during his first cycle off-planet. Last he heard from Yorkas he was trying to escape to the resistance, he never did find out if he made it. Calaji was killed by his kismesis accidentally, they had sent him flowers as an apology but Crocodile dad will never forgive them.

Horwan, Fineck, Molpaj still sent him letters occasionally where she worked as a legislacerator.

Zallow was working on board new empress Feferi’s ship as a voluntary helmsman, Crocodile dad still wondered how that worked, but she assured him that it was fine and that she had plenty of breaks away from the machine.

Pelpah was with her moirail on the new colony of Kefrika where there was a mining operation, she sent him pictures occasionally, carrying a pickaxe on one broad shoulder and her moirail on the other. Darguo was off studying crystals in an abandoned moon-base near the Shardu province, he sent pretty specimens in the mail when he could. Wernip was probably off doing something stupid with her kismesis as always. Bardap was still working as a secretary to some stuffy highblood. Then Jukilo, awkward and skinny, as he left for conscription, and finally, Minnie.

The picture with Minnie was recently at the Christmas party. She wore a little red dress with an elf hat in accordance to the Earth custom. Jukilo and Chloe off to one side with Dexter, Laura and Thomas off to the other their children playing in the background. Sharon and Alimah, Ben and Lily, Laquda and Zappik.

He smiled and chittered at the photo. Usually the role of lusus was smaller than it was now, just you and them against the world but here on Earth Crocodile dad found a much larger family that he didn’t expect. This planet, and these people, were his home and he was very grateful.

The last photo was an old grainy picture of himself with another crocodile, slightly smaller than him her beady eyes shone brightly with a certain kind of humor as she licked his snout to groom him.

He remembers her.

Eladak jumped from lilypad to lilypad collecting flowers to weave into his braid as a white shadow followed him through the water. Suddenly the water heaved upwards and Eladak was knocked from his lilypad as a crocodile surfaced abruptly in the water.

“Ah ha!” she seemed to say as she caught the skinny little troll in her arms. “I have caught you!”

She ran her tongue across his face and through his hair and Eladak squealed and wriggled in her arms.

“Mom!!!” He laughed and giggled, pushing her muzzle away. “Stop!!!”

When he had first talked about raising a grub with his mate some of the other lusii raised their eyebrows at the notion.

“Grubs are only supposed to have ONE parent.” And elderly monkey lusus stroked one of their six hands down his greying beard, their four blind and cloudy eyes blinking out of sync. “It’s not right for their development you know. Spoils them, makes them confused.” He motioned to Eladak who twirled on the balls of his feet on a lilypad, their braided hair covered with flowers behind them, humming as they collected more flowers “See? Weird.”

Crocodile dad stopped talking to that guy.

She trilled to get his attention “Maaaaate!” she called and he turned to look at her posing with a large lilypad draped over her head like a wig, a lotus blossom fetchingly to the side. “Do you like my new hair?” she asked grinning cheekily at him. He splashed her with his tail and she pulled him under the water in revenge.

Eladak left for conscription, his shoulders back and a brave look across his face. Crocodile dad knew he was scared though, and he didn’t look right without the lotus flowers in his hair.

Crocodile mother cried all the next day. She worried that they hadn’t made him tough enough, that he wouldn’t make it. Crocodile dad cuddled her and cooed comfortingly.

The next cycle was upon them and she was excited for a new grub. “Make sure they have kind eyes!” she called to him, clacking her claws together nervously as he left for the brooding caverns to choose a new grub. “That is the important thing! Kind eyes mean a good soul!”

Crocodile dad chuckled and groomed her snout. “Kind eyes, good soul, got it.” and with that he lumbered out of the cave to adopt a new charge.

It had been a dry perigee and so his usual waterways he would take to the brooding cavern were dry. He lumbered along the roads as a herd of Elk lusii passed him by going the other way, most were too afraid to go near him as they brayed and leapt away, but an elder of the herd came by to speak with him, their intricate antlers looming above them and six pairs of ears unfurled in a fan on either sides of their head, a new cobalt grub braced themselves on the elk’s back and peeped at Crocodile dad.

“Heading to the caverns?” the elder arched their head gracefully.

Crocodile dad snuffled them to convey his intentions of not eating them today and gave a broad lick across their nose as greeting, the Elk elder did the same.

“Yes, mine just left for conscription and I have come for another.”

Elk elder shook their antlers. “Brood was low this year, drought harms all of us, including the mother grub” they stomped their hooves. “Also many in my herd have taken in grubs this season, forgive is for the inconvenience.”

“Oh my.” Crocodile dad clacked his claws together nervously “Does that mean there aren’t any left?”

The elk tossed his horns “No GOOD ones…”

Crocodile dad’s brow furrowed. “All children are good children.”

The elk looked at him pityingly. “So young.” he murmured, and with a great leap the elk was gone through the woods.

“Jerk.” Crocodile dad thought, and continued on his way, lumbering through the woods and towards the brooding cavern. A great commotion sounded through the bushes as Crocodile dad came closer and he moved to investigate.

An otter lusus was shrieking at something brown skittering on the ground. The thing skittered away towards a horse lusus, peeping distressed who stomped their hooves at it and honked noisily. The little thing skittered away and the horse lusus honked and brayed and tried to stomp on it with it’s hooves.

It was a grub.

They were trying to kill a-

Crocodile dad leapt through the scrub, he reared up, his armored plating fluffing out into jagged points. The horse lusus reared up as well, their gills flaring out angrily but before they could move to stomp again Crocodile dad took the creature by it’s front legs and threw it across the clearing. The horse whinnied and fluffed out their fins angrily as they tumbled across the clearing, landing painfully with a sickening crunch.

The grub, distressed thought it was being attacked again, hissing at Crocodile dad terrified but Crocodile dad moved to shelter the grub, forming an armored hut around the little grub with razor sharp teeth and claws.

His tail moved back and forth restlessly, his claws fully extended. He roared at the other lusii in the clearing and some of the more sheepish ones fled through the underbrush.

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL???” Crocodile dad roared and dropped down roughly, cracking the stone where he stood. “ARE YOU NOT LUSII??”

The otter lusus hissed from their purchase in the tree, their grasshopper-like wings fluttering and buzzing irritably. “Look! But look! It is a mutant!”

“They bring bad luck!” A cat lusus spoke from the other side of the clearing, their mouths speaking out of sync. “They bring the painted men! They bring destruction!”

Crocodile dad looked down at the grub. Four little beady eyes looked up at him, shining with brown unshed tears.

Kind eyes.

Crocodile Dad picked the grub up gently in his maw, holding her like a pup. The little grub squeaked as he carried her out of the clearing.

“Foolish! Foolish!” Several monkey lusii howled as they hopped from branch to branch. “Foolish!”

“Don’t do it!” several spiders skitter over the trunks of trees and Crocodile dad lumbered past them “Woe! They bring woe!”

The other lusii all cried out to him, begging him to leave the child, to eat it, to drown it in the swamp, some of the braver ones even tried to grab it from his mouth but a swipe of his claws quickly put a stop to that.

He lumbered into the swamp and swam home.

Crocodile mother was at the entrance of the cave she perked up as she saw Crocodile dad approach. Crocodile dad swam up to the mouth of the cave and Crocodile mother snuffled curiously.

“Is this the one?” she murmured.

Crocodile dad smiled at her “Yes this is the one.”

“Oh!” She smiled “I’m so happy th-”

The little grub looked up and peeped, her four eyes blinking curiously at crocodile mother and her surroundings.

Crocodile mother reared back, bent into a frightened and tense arch. She looked at Crocodile dad. “What. did. you. do.?”

He chirred at her and cocked his head questioningly. “I chose a child! Our child!”

She watched the little grub cautiously, her back to the cave wall as if would jump up and bite her. “We can’t keep it.” she shook her head and looked at him imploringly. “Please. We can’t keep it.”

Crocodile dad snorted at her, picking up the grub and cradling her in his claws. The little grub purred and rubbed her little face against his hand. “She needs us. We can protect her.”

Crocodile mother looked away, clacking her claws together nervously. “...I will have another clutch soon…”

“Good!” Crocodile dad brightened up and tried to nuzzle her but she pulled away. “They will be siblings.”

She looked at him warily. “You know what happens...the painted men will come for her.”

He stood up at his full height and scraped his plating against the cave walls. “We are armored lizard lusii! We can protect her.”

Crocodile mother huffed and laid on the floor, her eyes were sad as she traced patterns into the stone floor with a claw. “It won’t work…” She sighed and touched a wilted lotus that Elapak had left. “It’s no use loving something you can’t keep…”

She took his muzzle in his paws and gave him a long look. “Please. Leave it. For me.”

Crocodile dad was torn. His mate looked at him sadly, the grub yawned and fell asleep in his paws, purring contentedly.

“I can’t…” He looked down at the little grub, her four little eyes closed and peaceful. “I can’t leave her.”

Crocodile mother closed her eyes resolutely and took her paws from his muzzle. “That’s it then…” she whispered, her plating tucked close to her body.

“Yes…” Crocodile dad bowed his head and closed his eyes as well, his shoulders sagged. “I suppose it is.”

It was the last Crocodile dad had seen of Crocodile mother, her looking back at him one last time before she lowered into the swamp, swimming away with a flick of her pearly scaled tail.

Crocodile dad doted on his new charge, never leaving her side. The monkey lusii watched her warily as she played from their purchase in the trees, waiting patiently for the other shoe to drop. He taught her how to swim, how to hunt, how to hide when older trolls from the cities wandered through the swamp. Crocodile dad chased a few of them away, most of them left unharmed with most of their limbs intact as they ran screaming from the swamp. They created hiding spaces for her, plans for what to do if someone came, plans for if those plans failed, plans for if those plans failed.

One day Crocodile dad was out hunting when the elder monkey lusus dropped down to speak with them. Their white fur was patchy and grey, dark wrinkles under their four eyes and a long beard down their face. “You are putting the whole swamp in jeopardy. The painted men will destroy everything when they come” They pointed a shaking finger at Crocodile dad. “And you will be the one who suffers the most.”

She told him she liked the name Yarida, or maybe Nerudi, but mostly Yarida and that she would probably choose the name Yarida when she came of age. She tottered around their cave, playing with a pair of white fish carved from bone. She liked to sing, kicking her little feet through the water as she sang little made-up songs to herself.

Crocodile dad woke up one night, his charge still fast asleep against on their pile where he had been curled around her. He was on edge and he didn’t know why until the barbed hook flew through the air.

Crocodile dad roared as the hook caught him between his plating painfully. He yanked on the rope and a painted troll was pulled out of the darkness. They raised another barbed hook to stab him but crocodile dad took the subjugglator between his teeth. Purple blood oozed out as he shook the troll viciously. Two more hooks flew out of the darkness to lodge into his plating. He roared and dropped the now very dead troll. He heard laughing as they pulled on the rope. Yarida screamed at them to leave him alone, she clutched at his furred belly terrified.

Crocodile dad swiped at another one, taking the painted troll in his claws and pulling them apart screaming until they were just a mess of purple intestines on his floor.

Four more hooks came out of the darkness, the tips catching and tearing at his armor. They pulled. Crocodile dad roared and tried to strike again with his claws but they were keeping their distance, pulling on the ropes. “We only want the mutant!”

Crocodile dad shook his plating angrily and two of them were thrown, slamming against the walls of his cave in a disgusting crunch of broken bones.

Four more hooks dug into his back and Crocodile dad wailed in pain. They pulled and he was brought to the ground. Yarida was pulled away from him.

“No!” He roared and tried to free himself to get to her, his claws dug into the stone, trying to claw his way over to her.

One of them raised their axe above his daughter and-

Afterwards he was numb, cradling her little body, his cave stained with blood and offal. He nuzzled her little limp form and cooed lowly, mourning her.

A subjuggulator sat next to him at the mouth of the cave.

“It’s not worth it you know.” They said and Crocodile dad raised his head to look at them.

“To love something you can’t keep.” they murmured and walked out across the lilypads, humming as they went.

Crocodile dad let them go.

Crocodile dad woke up with a start where he had fallen asleep on his living room, tears streaming down his long snout. He stumbled into Minnie’s room and was comforted by the slow inhale and exhale of her sleeping breaths. Minnie stirred and rolled over to hug his snout, her little cheek pressed against the scales there. He gently curled around her and Dexter and Lily, keeping watch for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I was hit with some cold hard truth the other day. It was brought to my attention that this fic Minnie and Crocodile dad, has been severely lacking some Minnie and Crocodile dad. Honestly my original outline for this fic was only supposed to take about 12 chapters and this is the 30th so holy shit they are right when they say I REALLY GOT OFF TRACK THERE. Because as much as I like all off my millions upon millions of side characters it doesn't help THE STORY (tm). I like Rex and Nick and Lolida and Zappik Helen's kids and Greg the twins and Earl but this story could should have been focused on the important part of this fic which are the two goddamn characters this thing is named after. This is LEGITIMATE GODDAMN CRITICISM and I legitimately want to become a better writer (the entire reason I got an account here was to test out ideas and see how people liked them) so criticism is a good thing even if it makes a childish little bit of me miffed. Also I write things mostly based on what makes me personally giggle so I need people sometimes to tell me when I'm messing up.
> 
> Anywho I feel like the fic is slowly winding down to a natural death, we have come to THE PLOT and we have to deal with it now but I thought I would ask you guys how you want this bad boy to finish off. Do you want a quick end? Like wham bam one or two chapters and it is DONE SON. Otherwise we could either postpone THE PLOT for some sweet sweet fluff and then go back to THE PLOT. Otherwise third option is that we deal with THE PLOT and then do a fluffy epilogue chapter.
> 
> *finger guns* so anyways comment if you enjoyed or if I ruined your day with this chapter and tell me how you want things to shape out for the ending here. (tho pls still comment about this chapter I friggin loved making this valentines day special)


	31. The beginning of the end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the finale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey Y'all sorry I haven't posted in a million and one years. The semester is winding down for me and so shit got pretty wild. I'm directing a horror movie for my film final and shit is pretty real. Late nights, gallons of fake blood. It's been A FUCKING MESS.
> 
> Anywho please enjoy the beginning of the finale! Also please take a moment to look at some of CyanideOreo's beautiful illustrations that are now peppered throughout this fic! She is super fucking bomb and you should check out her tumblr by the same name.
> 
> Later gators

In congressman Whiteman’s world view there was a definite right way and a definite wrong way to live. Happy people were happy because they lived by a certain set of concrete and immovable rules. The wife was pretty and barefoot, stepping through her kitchen with a smile, cooking and cleaning. When her perfect kids came home from school her’s would be the first smiling face they saw. She would give them an afternoon snack and help them with their homework (except for the math homework, that would have to wait until the husband came home) the kids would play in the backyard and she would smile at them from the kitchen window as she washed dishes.

Her husband would come home from a long day of work for some well-deserved rest, she would greet him with a kiss on the cheek and the family would have dinner together.

Those were the RULES. Laws wrapped in lace curtains and checkered gingham cloth. Rules cemented by pies on windowsills and chained to the earth, the very fabric of existence by demure women and strong men.

The only way to have a proper family. It was the only way to be happy.

And if they played by these rules and were not happy, they simply weren’t doing it right. If the wife sighed at her designated windowsill and dreamed of doing something bigger than being a housewife, that meant she was selfish. If the husband couldn’t provide for all of them on just his salary he was a weak disgrace. If the kids struggled in school, then their parents had obviously not done their jobs and duties correctly.

And if people didn’t play by these rules and weren’t happy then it serves them right. What child could be happy if their mother gallivanted around at some godforsaken JOB instead of keeping house? How could they be happy without both parents? With some mutated family with two mothers or two fathers? How could they be happy without their father being the strong head of the household? How could they be happy without THE RULES?

It was impossible.

And if they didn’t play the rules, but somehow, some way still were happy….

They didn’t deserve to be.

He had worked as a lawyer for a long time but found he wanted to spread his vision farther than the walls of his office.

He found that he wasn’t alone in his belief. There were so many others nostalgic and yearning for this kind of happiness, for the beautiful cage of rules that kept good people from falling into heathenry and despair.

He won his congressional seat like that, telling crowds of people that they would return to a time of demure women and strong men, of happy kids, gingham cloth and pies on windowsills. A golden past that none of them could quite recall, but sat honeyed on their tongues and nostalgic in their hearts. All of their problems washed away by a picket fence and a house where a woman looked lovingly out of the kitchen window at children playing with a puppy.

It was irresistible.

He worked hard for his vision, passed law upon law. And if people were upset, if they came to the capital with signs and tears in their eyes it was because they didn’t follow the rules. 

They would be happy if they just FOLLOWED THE RULES.

It was as simple as that.

He remembers when Alternia first made contact with Earth, when large red ships floated down like vultures from the heavens. The entire planet had been watching their approach with baited breath. Audio messages in a harsh grating language were received and translated. 

Earth had been found by their neighbors.

And their neighbors wanted to visit.

People debated, screaming at one another as the ships inched their ways ever closer in space, counting down the days until Earth would no longer be alone in the universe.

“They said they wanted help!” Brynn Stephens, a junior congresswoman from a district next to Whinteman’s district yelled as the assembly watched the alien ship tick across the deep-space monitor, by their calculations only two days remained until they arrived.

Another congressman stood up in his seat opposite her and shook his fist. “It is obviously a ploy to get our guard down! Why would an advanced race need OUR help? We need to strike while we still can!”

Miss Stephens ran a hand through her dark pink hair (that was obviously a ploy for the younger voters), her hair vivid against her blue pantsuit. “They told us HOW to track their ship!” We hadn’t even theorized about this technique until they contacted us!”

She bit a dark painted lip and stared down at the mess of papers on her desk. None of the congressmen or senators had slept for two days. “If they really wanted to invade they could have just kept quiet and with our current technology we wouldn’t have known they were there until HOURS before their arrival!”

Another congressman ran a hand down his unshaved face. “You’re right about that, our technology never would have spotted them until it was too late, but that also raises a question…” He looked hard at her and the rest of the assembly “What could they possibly want from us? They are so much more advanced, why would they seek us out?”

Miss Stephens tugged at her hair. “They could be refugees or-”

“WHY WOULD WE TAKE THEM?” Another congressman screamed “THEY AREN’T FROM EARTH! WHAT SHOULD WE CARE?”

Brynn turned on them “IF YOU AREN’T READY TO HELP PEOPLE THEN GO THE FUCK BACK TO YOUR DISTRICT AND GO BACK TO BEING A LAW CLERK GARY!”

Gary shut his mouth and sat down. 

“THAT’S WHAT I FUCKING THOUGHT!”

She hissed and smoothed down her hair, calming herself down as all eyes of the assembly were suddenly on her.

“Look.” She implored the rest of the assembly. “We should at least hear what they have to say. Nothing they’ve done so far suggests any ill-will, but if it turns out that they mean to do us harm then by all means we should protect our citizens…”

She huffed and looked out at the assembly. “But protecting ourselves does not mean that we have to doom others.”

She looked at the transmission they had received from the ship, the language was harsh and grating, whirring and clicking, but the speaker almost seemed chipper if you looked past the harsh tongue. There was originally video accompanying the message but it had gotten garbled as if Human receptors were ill-equipped to process the alien file format. A horned silhouette flashed intermittently, pink streaks glitched across the screen over a sharp-toothed smile.

“We can only hope that this…” She squinted down at the paper translation in her hand “...Empress Feferi… Means us well….”

In the end, by a narrow margin, it was decided that a small trio of alien craft would be allowed to land, albeit tracked by a barrage of missile systems should they try anything.

Whiteman watched with his colleagues as a large red ship gently floated down from the heavens to land on the white house lawn with the air of certain doom. 

The ship doors opened and a long stream of soldiers filed out, armored to the hilt and alien guns at their side. Secret service and the human military raised their own weapons, ready in case of the worst until a pair of pink-slippered feet padded down the ship’s ramp.

The soldiers lined each side of the ship’s ramp before coming to a halt, putting their fists to their chests in an odd alien salute.

She wore a long pink flowing gown that billowed behind her, long lengths of pearls dripped across her body like drops of water. Her long hair flowed to her feet and under two curved horns sat a simple gold circlet.

Fuchsia gills fluttered as she spoke haltering, as if she had been studying the language but couldn’t quite get the cadence quite right yet. “Hello!” she greeted the flabbergasted humans

“I am Empress Feferi.” she spoke, her words heavily accented, her alien pink eyes looking out at the crowd as if they were all friends who merely hadn’t met yet. “It is so wonderful to meet you!”

In the end the trolls were welcomed onto the planet, princess Feferi took obvious delight in Earth and asked many questions regarding every aspect of the planet. When she passed by Congresswoman Brynn Stephens the Empress giggled and ran her hands through her pink hair with amusement.

Treaties were signed, agreements were made. Earth would take advanced technology in exchange for their help with the lusus crisis. Constant contact was set up between the two planets and dignitaries from both species took up residence on each other’s planets.

Congressman Whiteman watched the proceedings with horror. To him the new species meant trouble. None of them followed THE RULES. None of them married, or had kids, or put pies on the windowsill to cool. They were raised by animals, they had multiple partners, they didn’t seem to differentiate between women and men, they were ruled by a woman even!

He founded the Alliance for Earth purity and worked to keep Earth culture intact, to keep people following the rules, but it seemed more and more people every day were straying…

It was the Alternians. It had to be. Earth was doing fine before they came! People were following the rules be fore them!

It felt as though he had been working his entire life to put together a sprawling puzzle, to put each person where they belonged, to put each mother in the kitchen, each father to work, each child happy. And now with each new Alternian on the planet it was as if someone took puzzle pieces from another box and mixed them in with the regular pieces. How could they possible fit when they were too different?

They couldn’t.

They never would.

So when he had found out that their traitorous government was going to allow a filthy alien animal to raise a human child he vowed to leverage every ounce of his influence and power to stop it. 

Even if that meant playing dirty.

Congressman Whiteman sat at a booth in a greasy Denny’s restaurant. Rain poured outside and pattered in the scraggly ill-kept shrubbery around the Denny’s. An old waitress with electric blue eyeliner and a name tag that read “Carol” gave him the stink eye. He sipped his coffee. The lazy little whore was exactly five minutes late.

A buss groaned to a stop outside and a young woman stepped out into the rain. She shivered and held a tattered leather jacket above her head to avoid being soaked. The bell above the door chimed as she walked into the Denny’s. Her attempt at keeping herself dry was unsuccessful, her sun dress was soaked and her dark hair was wet and clung to her head like a nun’s head cover. Mascara was smudged under her eyes.

Lila Santiago swallowed hard when she noticed the congressman’s eyes on her. She ducked her head and swallowed hard as she made her way to his table, her shoes squeaking wetly as she walked.

The congressman looked down at his menu as the woman gingerly sat down. “Have the pancakes, they’re divine.”

She looked hard at him, her bottom lip between her teeth. “How did-” She blurted but the congressman raised a hand to stop her.

“I have connections.” He answered. “I bet you thought you were clever getting a fake ID but we managed to find you nonetheless.”

He looked up over his menu, his harsh look made her fidget in her seat. “You and I both know that you can’t run away from what you did forever.”

Lila’s breath stuttered and she fingered the frayed edges of the tattered jacket. “... I had to…” she whispered

The congressman chuckled condescendingly “No you didn’t.”

She balled her hands into fists. “But I- Nobody would-”

He looked up to glower at her. “You’re her MOTHER. A piss-poor one but her mother nonetheless. You should have found another way.”

Lila looked down at her chipped nails and sniffled. 

The congressman rolled his eyes. Women.

“Now now there young Missy don’t get pouty with me. “ He chastised her “You have a chance to redeem yourself.”

He rolled back his shoulders and gave her an appraising look. She shrunk under his gaze and he laughed slightly at that, she looked like a kitten that had been in the rain. Miserable and bedraggled. Lila Santiago’s one redeeming factor, he decided, was that she wasn’t uppity.

He took a tablet out and passed it across the table. “Our government is conducting an experiment where one little orphan is being given to an alien “lusus”. Lusii are of course, ruthless alien animals.”

Lila pressed play on the video already loaded up on the little tablet. A giant white crocodile lunged at a Clowny’s toy store mascot, roaring fearsomely before ripping out the mechanical creature’s jugular, then tearing the thing in half. Metal tore apart as the monster screeched, children screamed in the background.

Lila put a hand to her mouth and shook her head. “No no no! I thought when I- I this is what they-”

He nodded. “This is the creature they gave your daughter to.”

She pushed the tablet away from her, her hand to her mouth. “But why would they-”

The congressman shrugged. “She was expendable. Trolls aren’t like you and me, they don’t care either way if a child lives or dies. Our government is too damn committed to keeping them happy so that they can get more technology. The Alternians wanted a lusii to raise a human child and so if one little girl has to die then-”

“NO!” Lila stood up. “NO THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING THAT-”

“Sit down you child. You’re causing a scene.” The congressman hisses and Lila obediently sat down, tears in her eyes.

He leaned towards her. “That’s why I need you to help me. But in order for this to work you’ll need to do WHAT I say WHEN I say. Do you understand?”

Lila looked up, sopping wet with tears in her big brown eyes. “Ok.” she whispered, shaking with fear.

“Good.” Congressman Whiteman leaned back in his seat as the waitress came with their food. “Now eat your pancakes. We have a long day ahead of us.”

 

And now all of his planning, all of his preparation has led him to this moment, standing on the creature’s porch, Lila in front of him looking the part of the good mother, cameras flanking him on either side. A surprised troll had opened the door, the alien animal THING was behind him, holding the child in his filthy scaly arms.

The troll shook his head. “What? you cannot simply simply TAKE the child! She was adopted in a process entirely in accordance with Earth’s laws! She is his child now! As she is under his care and he is taking care of her she is his child!”

The congressman smiled, his hands on Lila’s shoulders. That THING is not her parent, this woman however is the child’s genuine flesh and blood.”

Jukilo stared the congressman down. Without looking away he said “Father go get Sharon. Now.”

Crocodile dad looked nervously between his son and the congressman before quietly walking back into the house.

“Wait no!” Lila surged forward but the congressman held her back.

“Don’t worry dear.” He petted her hair with the back of his hand “They can’t stop this.”

Crocodile dad went into the backyard where Sharon and Laquda were sitting on the dock. Sharon was struck by the panicked look in Crocodile dad’s eyes and put down her glass of wine. Laquda dropped Zappik into the water. He sputtered and gasped where he landed in the swamp water.

Sharon looked back towards the house, her sharp eyes on a news van that had parked on the street. “Stay here.” she told Laquda firmly and jogged back to the house.

Crocodile dad took her by the hand, his huge paw engulfing her slender hand and led her towards the door where Jukilo was still arguing with the congressman.

“Well I don’t really care about i-” The congressman was continuing on his side of the door.

Sharon pushed past Jukilo “What is going on here?” she demanded.

The congressman stopped when he saw Sharon. He blinked with surprise. “Sharon?” He asked incredulously.

Jukilo looked at Sharon “You know this man? You are familiar than therefore you-” 

Sharon raised a hand to hush him. “...He’s my former boss…”

The congressman smiled and put his hands to his hips proudly. “Look at you! See I told you that you would be happier staying at home with your daughter! I’m sure little Alice is-”

“Alimah.” Sharon corrected him, her eyes steely.

“Ah yes yes.” The congressman nodded “I don’t see why you named her that since you have a perfectly respectable name.”

An untrained eye would mistake Sharon for being as calm as ever but all of his interactions with Sharon informed Jukilo that she was in actuality, seething with rage.

“Her name means scholar.” Sharon said evenly. “I find it a rather fitting name. Now why are you here?” She looked distrustfully at the cameras on either side.

The congressman smiled and motioned towards Lila. “This young woman here is the child’s REAL mother! She has come to take little Mina back home where she belongs.”

Sharon gave the woman a harsh once-over. “How old are you?” She demanded.

“She doesn’t have to answer that.” The congressman spat out.

Lila squared her shoulders. “21!” She answered.

Sharon gave her a flat look.

“19” Lila said slightly quieter.

Sharon arched an eyebrow

“...17…” Lila whispered.

Sharon rubbed her eyes and gave the congressman a harsh look. “For fuck’s sake Mike.”

Congressman Whiteman tutted. “Such harsh words from a woman.”

“She gave up her rights to be Minnie’s mother when she abandoned her at that bus stop.”

“Minnie?” Lila asked

The congressman ignored Lila “The adoption was highly flawed, the police had to assume that the child was abandoned after they were unable to find Lila. They had been separated through tragic circumstances.”

“Oh separated.” Sharon continued sarcastically “Minnie had been under the care of the government for months! Why was there never a-”

“But there was a missing person’s report filed by Miss Santiago’s parent’s and Mina’s grandparents!” The congressman continued smugly as he produced a flier where the picture of a little curly-headed baby adorned the front.

Sharon snatched away the flier and raised an eyebrow at Lila. “It says here that both you and your daughter went missing.”

Lila flushed and the congressman snatched away the flier.

Sharon shook her head. “This doesn’t mean anything. Crocodile dad followed the law when he adopted Minnie! There is nothing you can do! You have no recourse to-”

The congressman handed Sharon a thick file. “Actually you see he did break the law.” The congressman’s voice dropped lower to a thick rumble as he spoke. “Only people are allowed to adopt children.”

Sharon threw the file to the ground. “He IS a person! The original treaty between Earth and Alternia clearly states that-”

The congressman snapped at Lila and the young woman obediently picked up the file. He took it from her hands and opened it. “You’re relying on the english translation where it recognizes “Alternians” as being people and having human rights. However in the original Alternian it only says “Troll” and does not mention lusii”

He snapped the file shut and smiled. “Which means of course that he is not a person. He’s just an animal. A dangerous animal at that.”

He pushed past Sharon and plucked Minnie from Crocodile dad’s arms.

Minnie struggled against the congressman’s hold as he backed out of the house. “KITTY” Minnie screamed.

Crocodile dad followed them outside.

“WAIT NO HE’S GOING TO!” Sharon yelled but Crocodile dad took no heed, fluffing out his armor and roaring in warning to give his daughter back

“And we don’t keep dangerous animals in our neighborhoods.” The congressman said cooly and snapped his fingers.

Behind the camera people several animal control agents fired their tranquilizer guns. Crocodile dad was stunned, suddenly looking down to his chest where several darts were sticking out of his soft furred belly.

The world shifted and blurred around him, Sharon and Jukilo called out for him and his daughter screamed.

And then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fucking shit am i right?
> 
> Anywho I would love to see your reactions and once again please do check out CyanideOreo's fantabulous illustrations.


	32. Friend's end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crocodile dad wakes up in a strange place. Sharon get's the team together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in a while! I'm juggling three fics AND working on a personal novel D: 
> 
> Anyways this chapter is going to be a bit of a ride.

Crocodile Dad woke blearily to the feeling of a chain link fence against his scales and a tiny pink tongue licking across his snout. He felt lethargic, his paws felt weighted down. He opened his eyes, his face awkwardly pressed against a chain-link barrier, his belly resting against cold concrete. 

A tiny fuzzy and earnest face looked at him from the other side of the barrier where they had been licking his nose. The little creature’s claws clicked against the concrete as they trotted in place nervously, obviously distressed over Crocodile Dad’s current state.

“Bark!” the little creature stated forcefully, they had a white and brown speckled coat and slightly droopy ears. “Bark! Bark!”

The little thing crawled on their belly and put their muzzle in between the floor and the barrier to lick his snout. It looked at him with their big pleading brown eyes. “Boof!”

Crocodile Dad wished he knew what the little thing was saying, but whatever had been in those little red darts when-

When they took her.

When they took her?

WHEN THEY TOOK HER?

Crocodile Dad leapt to his feet, he almost fell over again his head was spinning, he clutched his sides as a wave of nausea swept over him. Chain-link spun around his vision and he imagined he heard his daughter scream.

The image of Minnie screaming as she was pulled out of his arms overlapped and blurred in his mind with the image all those years ago of Yarida also being pulled from his arms to her doom.

He staggered over to the side of the cage, he put his claws through the wire as fat tears rolled off his snout and onto the concrete below. A group of dogs were in the enclosure next to his, across a small path a leopard eyed him curiously from their own enclosure. A group of lemurs squealed and jumped up and down trying to get a better look at him from another separate cage.

He howled in anguish, the dogs joining him in his grief, howling as well ,their little fluffy tails down, the leopard yowled lowly and the lemurs screeched, all joining him in his mourning.

 

Sharon paces back and forth in Crocodile Dad’s living room, listening intently to her phone. Jukilo, Laura and Thomas sat on the couch while Laquda and a very confused and very wet Zappik with a towel around his shoulders sat on the floor. Laura sobbed into Thomas’s shirt and Jukilo sat next to her, still with a shell-shocked look in his eyes. Ben was in the next room with the children keeping them occupied.

“DAMMIT!” Sharon threw her phone to the carpet. She rubbed her hands across her eyes, her lips trembling as she struggled to regain composure. “The removal order checked out.” She hissed and gritted her teeth. “Also they won’t tell me where they took Crocodile dad, only that he is being kept in ‘a facility equipped to house such a creature’..”

“So that’s it?” Laquda threw up her arms where she sat on the floor. “They took them and that’s ok? THAT’S OK?”

Sharon turned to Laquda, her back bowed slightly like an animal about to pounce, her eyes a dark murderous glint beyond the dark hair that hung in her face. “Oh this is FAR from over. Someone will BURN for this.”

Laquda grunted and put her hands on her knees. “I could find where they’re keeping them, take her AND father. Take them somewhere they can be safe. TAKE THEM SOMEWHERE SAFE.”

Sharon paced back and forth in the living room, her eyes shining with calculated fury. “Maybe as a last resort, though as a lawyer you didn’t hear that from me. No Whiteman has woven his own noose we just have to find the tree to hang it and make sure he doesn’t have a knife to cut himself down.”

“Holy fuckkin’ shit that’s brutal.” Zappik buzzed with unrestrained glee.

Sharon shot him a look. “It’s a metaphor. If we want Minnie and Crocodile dad to live together without fear or being on the run this will have to be done by the book.” She exhaled slowly and glowered out the window where the animal control and police cars had been “Despite what personal feelings we have on the matter…”

Zappik and Laquda pouted.

Sharon took a deep breath and stood straight, rolling her shoulders back and turning to the group like a general preparing for war. “First up, we need to find Crocodile dad. Thomas?”

Thomas straightened where he was comforting his wife on the couch. “Yes?”

“You’re a biologist right?”

Thomas nodded.

“Do you have any friends with the Florida ecological society?”

Thomas smiled “Many.”

Sharon nodded at him “Good. Try and find what facility would be equipped to handle an animal of Crocodile dad’s size or if any facilities have recently received anything EXTREMELY exotic. I doubt most people would know what Crocodile dad is exactly but he isn’t forgettable. Someone has to have seen him.”

Thomas nodded and took out his phone, rushing to the back porch to make some calls.

Laura wiped her face and sat up straighter. “I’ll go help him I-”

Sharon stopped her with a gentle hand to the shoulder. “As a child psychologist you’ve been taking notes on Minnie haven’t you?”

Laura nodded and sniffled. Sharon pulled a tissue from her purse and gave it to Laura who accepted it gratefully.

“I need to you to listen carefully.” Sharon spoke softly but there was an undercurrent of steel in her voice. “They’re going to try and argue that Crocodile dad is bad for Minnie, that she should go back to her mother.”

Laura looked up at her, her pale blue eyes wide. Sharon continued. “I will need something to counter it, put all of your notes together, how Minnie was before and WHY she was like that. Anything you have would be helpful.”

Laura nodded seriously smoothing down her skirt and rising from the couch. “I’ll get everything I have and condense it into a file.”

“Good. We’ll need it.” 

Laura grabbed her purse and rushed out the door and down the street to her house, tear track across her face and determination in her eyes.

“Jukilo.” Sharon turned towards the teal. “I’ll need the adoption papers, records of Crocodile Dad’s approval to come to Earth and the original agreement that allowed him to adopt Minnie in the first place, both Alternian and English copies. I may need to you to interpret as we go along.”

Jukilo nodded numbly and rose from the couch as well to gather said paperwork. He walked down the sidewalk like a puppet pulled on a string.

Sharon turned towards Zappik, eying him suspiciously. “It is odd that you would come at so...crucial of a time.”

She stooped down to give the skinny gangly troll a harsh look. “So what ARE you doing here exactly.”

Zappik scooted away from the human woman and put his hands up “Whoa whoa there lady. If you’re implying I had anything to do with what happened tho the kid and the Crocodile you’re nutz.”

Sharon leaned back, crossing her arms and staring down at Zappik, one eyebrow dangerously arched. “So how DID you come to burn a spade in my lawn this morning? I wouldn’t put it past Whiteman to make such a...ridiculous distraction.”

“I came for Laquda! I intercepted a call between her and Elipah. Only this DUMMY gave the wrong numberz!”

A light purple blush came to Laquda’s cheeks and she took Zappik’s head in one large hand to press his face into the carpet. “SHUT THE FUCK UP. THE FUCK UP.”

“ACK!” Zappik hissed where his face was being mashed awkwardly into the carpet. “It’s OK Laquda I know you have trouble reading sometimez ARG”

Laquda chittered and pressed him down harder in an attempt to keep him from talking in front of Sharon. “I. Said. Shut. Up.” She hissed under her breath, which was about as loud as a normal person’s speaking voice. “SHUT. UP.”

Sharon regarded him curiously. “Now when you said you intercepted the call…”

Zappik smiled and Laquda let him sit back up. “As a Psiionic I have control over electronic implusez and wavez”

He held up his hands to give Sharon a double finger-guns salute. Electricity crackled across his finger tips. With his pointer fingers and thumbs extended he made a rectangle with his fingers, electricity danced across the shape and he pulled his hands apart to make the shape wider.

“See humanz and trolls use radiowavez to talk to one another on their cell phonez. Voicez and data are turned into electrical signalz and broadcasted.”

The room filled with static electricity, Sharon could feel the hair in the back of her neck stand up and Laquda’s hair became even poofier than usual. Electricity flickered between Zappik’s horns and even more fervently across his fingers. The picture on the television fizzled out and was replaced with snowy static.

“See usually this would go to a cell tower to be decoded and sent off to where it should go but yasee…” He giggled “I’m my own goddamn radio tower.”

The speakers on the television set suddenly blared to life, a thousand garbled voices rising above the static. Zappik had his eyes closed, he tilted his head to one side and suddenly like a radio dial being tuned into a station the voices gained clarity, though still muffled as if they were being played through a soup-can.

“Be sure to pick up milk on your way home dear.”  
“And get this, he just dumped her just like tha-”  
“Pepperoni pizza with olives and-”  
“I just don’t know where this relationship is going.”  
“I wish your mother didn’t talk to me that way”  
“Hi Cathy you wouldn’t BELIEVE the day I just had.”

Sharon smiled and pressed blood-red nail to her lips. “I think I have the PERFECT job for you…”

 

Jukilo opened the door to his house and immediately noticed that his things had been rummaged through, the cushions on his couch had been moved, the drawers on the side-tables were all open, papers were scattered on the floor.

Jukilo’s ears flattened to his head, his breathing quickened. Ever since the incident he swore he wouldn’t allow himself to be caught unaware, taking his scythe with him at all times. He pulled the collapsible scythe from his shirt sleeve, pressing a button on the side of the instrument and it expanded out like a telescope before the curved blade unfolded.

His ears perked up as he heard a small noise from the kitchen. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and steadied himself. He adjusted his stance and his grip on the scythe before advancing silently on the kitchen.

He crossed the living room and flattened himself on the wall by the kitchen door. He breathed deep, his knuckles on the blade’s handle bone white, he rounded the corner his scythe raised and-

Chloe sat on his kitchen floor in a pile of what looked to be just about every box of cookies and bottle of maple syrup he had hidden in his house, well almost. She looked up at him, her brown and green eyes filling with tears. 

“Jukilo…” She whispered.

Jukilo looked down at her, he retracted his scythe, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. He ran his hands through his hair, pressing the heels of his hand to his eyes.

“I can’t.” He hissed “I can’t deal with this.”

He turned away from Chloe with a huff, crossing through the kitchen without so much as another glance at her, down the hall to his study.

“Jukilo!” Chloe rose from the pile and followed him “Jukilo wait!”

She crossed into Jukilo’s study. Jukilo resolutely not looking at her as he ripped open filing cabinets, searching through folders, angrily throwing papers to the floor.

“Jukilo.” Chloe put a hand out to touch his shoulder but thought better of it, pulling back her hand. “Jukilo we need to talk about this.”

Jukilo stood up suddenly, slamming closed a filing cabinet with a harsh metallic WHUMP. Chloe jumped slightly at the loud sound. His back was an angry tense line, he turned to her, his mouth in a harsh line and anger creasing his brow.

“Oh you want to TALK?” Jukilo growled, an angry chitter crawling through every word in his sentence. “How about we start with YOU BREAKING IN AND GOING THROUGH MY THINGS?”

Chloe’s hands tightened into fists. She looked at him incredulously. “WHAT? I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU!”

Jukilo hissed, his arms crossed and his teeth bared. “AND YOU DECIDED TO DO THAT BY BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE? GOING THROUGH EVERYTHING THAT I OWN? I TRUSTED YOU!”

Angry tears started to fill Chloe’s eyes. “YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL WITH THE GODDAMN SUGAR!”

Jukilo huffed angrily and turned his back towards her, going back to searching through his files. “I AM FINE.” He hissed through his teeth.

Chloe pulled at her hair and angrily motioned towards the kitchen “You call THAT fine?” She screamed. Angry tears rolled down her cheeks. “Every single FUCKING day you get drunk off your ass on sugar! It’s taking over everything!”

Her hands bunched into the multi-colored skirt she wore. “At first it was kinda funny? Kinda cute? Like haha the alien can get drunk off of sugar? Isn’t that funny? Isn’t that cute? Aliens sure are different.”

She shook her head and tears dropped to the floor. “But every FUCKING morning you’re hungover smelling like maple syrup, or caramel, or FUCKING OREOS.”

Jukilo growled, stooping over her and glaring down at her angrily. “I TOLD YOU I’M FINE. THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN JUST FUCKING BREAK INTO MY HOUSE.”

Chloe took two fistfulls of his suit. “WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO!?” She screamed back at him “YOU WON’T LET ANYONE HELP YOU! I’M NOT JUST GOING TO SIT BACK AND WATCH YOU SLOWLY KILL YOURSELF!”

“NOBODY IS ASKING YOU TO!” 

The last sentence hit chloe like a slap to the face, she stepped back, letting go of Jukilo’s jacket. The two looked at each other silently, their breathing harsh in their ears.

Chloe’s eyes searched his face. “So that’s it then?”

Jukilo’s hands twitched by his sides, his anger replaced with something heavy. “Yeah..” he whispered. “I guess that’s it then…”

Chloe closed her eyes resolutely, her hands pressing over where her heart was still hammering in her chest. She turned to leave the room, stopping at the door to look back at him.

“Goodbye Jukilo…” She whispered.

Jukilo listened paralyzed where he stood as Chloe padded down the hallway, through the kitchen, through the living room and out the front door. The door slammed behind her with such a horrible finality that Jukilo felt through his whole being.

His legs gave out from under him and he sat in his desk chair shaking. Jukilo leaned over his elbows on his desk and his head in his hands, his shoulders shook as he began to cry.

 

Sharon and Zappik were talking in the living room when there was a knock on the door. Sharon went to the door where a bike messenger waited on the front porch.

“Sharon Kakkar?” He asked and blew a bubble in the gum he was chewing.

“Yes?” Sharon eyed him suspiciously.

“I tried your house at first, your daughter said you would be over here m’am.” He handed Sharon a manila folder. “I have been tasked with delivering this to you.”

Sharon signed for the package and the messenger rode off on his bike. Sharon opened the Manila envelope and-

 

Sharon thundered through the hallway of city hall, her hair blew across her face. A paralegal crossing the hallway ahead of Sharon took one look at the murderous glint in her stormy eyes and with a yelp hid behind a ficus.

“WHITEMAN!” Sharon yelled coming to an office, the secretary outside the door desperately tried to stop Sharon.

“No! Wait Miss! You’ll need an appointment! Miss!”

Sharon threw open the office door and stormed into the room. Whiteman was at his office desk, his glasses low on his nose. He didn’t look up at Sharon even as she stalked to his desk and threw the manila envelope onto the surface.

“I’m so sorry sir!” Carol the secretary wheezed behind Sharon. “I tried to stop him but-”

Whiteman dismissed the secretary with a wave of his hand and the mousy little woman did a curt little bow before leaving the office.

When the door closed Sharon began. “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS.” She hissed leaning over Whiteman’s desk poking a finger angrily at the envelope.

“It’s a cease and desist order!” a voice called from the other side of the room.

Eric the attorney that had tried to sue Laquda was sitting on a plush leather chair overlooking a window, a thick book spread across his lap. He held his glasses in one hand as he smiled his toothpaste-ad conman’s smile at Sharon. “Or have you been out of the business so long that you’ve forgotten what it looks like?”

Sharon glowered at him glancing at the dictionary that was spread across his lap, obviously from the bookshelf beside him. “Stop pretending to read books Eric.” She growled. “Everyone knows you haven’t read a book since your second year of law school.”

Eric put a hand to his chest in mock overly-dramatic offense. “That hurts Sharon.” He blinked his eyes and pouted with a hand over his heart. “That hurts me right here. Especially coming from someone currently BARRED from practice.”

Whiteman put his hands into a little steeple over his desk. “I gave you a good deal Sharon.” He shook his head back and forth “I gave you a good deal. Five years severance pay in exchange for not working. It was generous on my part.”

Sharon turned back to Whiteman “My contract with you states that I am not to join another law firm or to engage in private practice! It says nothing about taking cases pro-bono and you know it!”

Sharon leaned down to glare into Whiteman’s face “You have no fucking case and you KNOW it!”

“Yup!” Eric kicked a foot out in his chair and leaned back.

Sharon turned incredulously towards him. “What?”

“You’re right!” Eric smiled “We have absolutely no standing! Whatsoever!”

Eric leaned forward in his seat, an elbow to his knee and his chin propped up by a hand as he smiled at Sharon. “We’ll lose the case but…” He laughed to himself. “We’ll lose it in about two years. See Civil court moves SO slowly!”

He grinned and once again leaned back in the chair self-satisfied. “Two whole years without your bitching while that THING you call a client loses custody of the kid!”

Sharon growled and pointed a manicured nail at Eric. “This ISN’T over.”

Whiteman leaned back in his chair. “I’m afraid it already is my dear.” He took a cigar from a box on his desk, lit it with a match and puffed. “I’m afraid you just haven’t realized it yet.”

 

Thomas burst into Crocodile Dad’s house where Laquda and Zappik were still in the living room after Sharon had suddenly left them.

“HE’S BEING HELD AT THE ‘FRIEND’S END’ WILDLIFE SANCTUARY!” Thomas wheezed from running.

Laquda jumped up “I’LL GET THE VAN”

 

It was dark by the time Laquda, Zappik and Thomas arrived at the Friend’s End Wildlife sanctuary. A painted picture of a lion roared over the main gate. A large planter shaped like a flamingo sat in the front yard overflowing with petunias. A squat ragged house was set in the center of the complex.

Laquda parked the van and the trio exited the van. Laquda turned towards Thomas. “Are you sure this is the place?”

Thomas nodded up at her “My source said it was an ‘exotic alligator like they’ve never seen before, completely white’ it has to be him.”

A low crooning howl sounded through the sanctuary. Laquda’s frills flicked down. “DAD!”

Laquda ran through the sanctuary, past a rounded cage filled with screeching lemurs. Dogs barked in the background running along the chain link fence of an enclosure after them.

“Dad!” Laquda ran to the enclosure at the end of the path. Crocodile dad was laying on the concrete, his head against the fence. 

Laquda dropped to her knees in front of the cage. “DAD! DAD! PLEASE BE OK!”

Crocodile dad looked up at her, heats still rolling down his long snout, he whimpered and crooned lowly in his anguish.

Laquda was heartbroken at the sight, purple tears welling up in her own eyes. “Oh Dad! Dad I know I’m so sorry daddy we’ll get you out! We’ll get her back! I’m so sorry daddy…”

“I’ll get you out of here!” Laquda braced herself against the wire about to rip it to shreds when a shotgun blast sounded, hitting the grass by her feet. The lemurs shrieked in their enclosure and the leopard shrank away to the other side of their cage.

A figure stood on the porch of the scrabbly house in the center of the complex. A woman clad in a bright orange flower-print mumu and a brown cowboy hat pulled low on her head over brown hair that reached almost to her knees held a shotgun on the trio. She seemed to be about forty with a weather-beaten face with keen distrustful eyes that glinted over the gun. A cigarette hung off her lip, the lit end a spark of red light in the darkness.

“IT IS ASS-O-CLOCK AT NIGHT!” She yelled over the gun a heavy southern drawl weighing down her words. “I SWEAR TO JESUS HIMSELF IF Y’ALL ARE HERE TO HURT THESE ANIMALS I WILL BLEED YOU ON THIS VERY LAWN AND SKIN YA!”

Zappik put his hands to his hips and looked over at Laquda. “I feel like you two could be friendz.”

Thomas put his hands up. “No ma’m we’re not here to hurt any of the animals! Tell me what is your name?”

The woman eyed him cautiously and chewed on her cigarette. “Madeline.” The southern accent lengthened the name MAD-EH-LIYNE until it was practically it’s own sentence.

“Well Madeline.” Thomas looked at her earnestly. “There has been a been a horrible mistake! Please let us explain it you you!”

Madeline looked over the three of them and lowered her gun. “Aw hell.” She seemed to acquiesce “I’ll go put on a pot of coffee.”

 

Laquda, Zappik and Thomas sat around Madeline’s kitchen table. The table was covered in a bright orange plastic cover patterned with pineapples. The kitchen was littered with bottles of animal medications, egg incubators, and all sorts of specialty animal-care paraphernalia.

Zappik was on his third cup of coffee and was sparking he was so jittery.

“So you say this Crocodile is your father?” Madeline looked at Laquda as she poured her another cup of coffee. “Can’t say I see much of a resemblance.”

Thomas looked at Madeline over his own cup of coffee he was thumbing nervously. “Lussi are hyper-intelligent animals that raise children on Alternia.”

“Huh.” Madeline gaped down at him, the fourth cigarette of the evening hanging from her bottom lip. “The government folks which brought him here lied to me then! Said he was a ‘Botswanan Ocean Gator’ they did.”

Thomas shrugged sheepishly up at her “Botswana is a landlocked country.” 

Madeline’s brow scrunched up. “Fuck.” she said with a puff of smoke.

“Please.” Laquda looked up at the human woman. Zappik looked over shocked at her. “We need my father back”

A sad look crossed over Madeline’s face like a shadow. She sat down at the table and thumbed her own coffee cup. “Aw hell…” She whispered. “You don’t know...what kind of facility this is...do you?”

Laquda gave her a blank look.

Madeline spun her coffee cup slowly on the counter. “Them lemurs…” she began “Got em’ from a research laboratory, they were infecting monkeys with HIV in order to test a vaccine… Too dangerous to ever let em go the way they is now.”

She pointed out of the window where the Leopard was asleep sprawled across a large tire. “Snowbell there was part of a magic show, until they pushed her too far and she took a swipe at one of the magicians, he spent a month in intensive care.”

The dogs were all huddled together in their own pen, curling together for warmth and companionship. They kept a watchful eye on crocodile dad on the other side of the fence, giving him what comfort they could despite the barrier between them. “Them dogs were bait dogs. Used by fighting rings to make fight dogs bloodthirsty. They can’t be adopted by people no more, traumatized the way they are, they only bite any person who comes round…”

Laquda shook her head. “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?”

Madeline looked up at her, she took one last drag of her cigarette, looking Laquda sadly in the eyes before extinguishing it in an ashtray.

“He is an exotic animal that caused quite a bit of property damage, tried to attack someone.” She shook her head.

“This is ‘Friend’s End’ Sanctuary...He’s going to be euthanized.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always tell me what you think! I'm going to be continuing my other fics first before I update this one again, so we'll see a Starship Skaia update, a Thor God of Thunder, sitter of babies update, and finally I will begin posting chapters of a personal original project I've been working on for those people who said they wanted to read a novel from me if they ever have the chance. It's called "Mothwoman and Professor Fletcher" and it is about a cryptid woman and a man solving supernatural crimes in Victorian London- STAY TUNED


	33. Epic legal battle royale part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sharon collects evidence. A plan is concocted. A little girl and a crocodile must be saved!

“KITTY!” Minnie screamed, banging her tiny fists against the dark window of Congressman Whiteman’s Limo.

“Mija!” Lila put her hands on her shoulders, trying to coax her away from the glass “It’s ok! You’re safe! You’re safe now!” Minnie thrashed, throwing off her mother’s hands, avoiding her grasp as she jumped to the other end of the Limo. She banged on the other window, fat tears rolling down her chubby cheeks as she screamed “KITTY!!! KITTY!!!” 

The Congressman growled. “Stop making a nuisance of yourself!” He chastised. He grabbed Minnie by the wrist to try and pull her from the window and- 

Minnie whirled around, hell in her tiny eyes, growling before she sunk her teeth into the congressman’s fleshy and liver-spotted hand.The Congressman yelped and wrenched his hand from the toddler “WHY YOU LITTLE!” He raised his hand and-

“DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH HER!” Lila screamed, pulling a struggling Minnie into her lap. “DON’T YOU DARE!”

The congressman stared back at them, his eyes wide and breathing heavily before he visibly calmed himself. He huffed and smoothed a hand down his tie. “Don’t raise your voice at me.” he hissed. “Besides.” He smiled at her like she was a constituent and he was running for reelection (which he was) “I wasn’t going to hit her. I was going to pull her away from the window that’s all…”

Lila stared at him, her hold tightening around her daughter who was still struggling and reaching for the window. Her shoulders were shaking.

“Honestly.” The Congressman’s smile fell from his face “You’re being ridiculous.” He reached over to Lila and she flinched away from him. He tucked a small strand of her curly hair behind her ear. “Show some gratitude.” He worded it like a suggestion but the tone he used made it sound like a command. “I got your daughter back didn’t I?” The Limo came to a full stop. “It will all be over soon…” He soothed. The driver of the limo opened the door for them and-

 A pair of police cars sat in front of the Congressman’s Law office. Roberto Ramirez, chief proprietor of the “Children’s society of Florida” and social worker stood in front of two officers.

“You.” The Congressman pointed accusingly at Roberto “You ran the orphanage Minnie was at.”

Roberto glared at the Congressman. “I saw your little stunt on television.”

Whiteman put a hand to his heart “I was only protecting the child from that VICIOUS creature! Besides, we have an order for removal!”

Roberto didn’t flinch. “You know how this works Mike, Minnie will be taken into STATE custody” He motioned towards Lila in the car “She has yet to win back custody, do you really think I will just HAND her over like nothing happened?”

The Congressman narrowed his eyes before putting a hand up in mock hurt. “As if you would think I would just abscond with the child! We were only taking her away from what was obviously a dangerous situation! You should be thanking us for getting her away from that beast.”

“Uh huh.” Roberto looked at him doubtfully “The kid is coming back with us until this whole mess is sorted out.”

The Congressman smiled venomously “Oh I’m sure Minnie will soon be in her RIGHTFUL place!” He leaned back down into the Limo where Lila held onto Minnie desperately, her big brown eyes flicking from officer to officer with horror. She looked up at Whiteman. “But you said-” The Congressman leaned down, pretending to hug the both of them so he could whisper in Lila’s ear. “Not now.” He hissed “SOON.”

Minnie stumbled out of the limo, her crocodile plush dragging across the concrete. She looked dazed and shaken, her little shoulders trembling.

“Hola Mija…” Roberto leaned down and smiled at her, his bald head shining in the sun and his eyes kind behind his glasses. He had grown a goatee since the last time Minnie saw him.“Do you remember me?”

Minnie looked up at him, tears in her big brown eyes, she nodded. She leaned towards Roberto and he obligingly took her into a hug. She hid her face in his neck and he picked her up, rubbing her back soothingly.

The congressman smiled at the pair. “Well I’ll leave you to it then.” he got back into the limo and waved. “Goodbye sweetheart!” He called to Minnie and Roberto could feel her stiffen in his arms. “Uncle Whiteman will see you soon!”He closed the door to the limo, Lila’s concerned face flashing through the window before they drove away.

As the roar of the limo died down, getting smaller and smaller as they drove away. Minnie clutched Roberto’s shirt, fat tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Oh pobrecita…” Roberto rubbed her back and rocked her back and forth “I’m so sorry honey…”

Minnie sniffled and hiccupped. “Where’s Kitty?”

Roberto rocked her back and forth. “I dunno sweetpea...I dunno…” He gazed hard at the retreating Limo. “I just don’t know…”

 

Madeline stood on the porch of her house, her cigarette was burned low. Laquda sat by her on the splintered and greyed wood, she fiddled with her claws and looked up at the human.

“I need to see him. Let me into the pen?” Laquda whispered, the fins on the side of her face drooping low.

 Madeline sighed, smoke from her cigarette curling from her mouth like a dragon. She flicked the spent butt away. “I ain’t supposed ta…” she growled and snuffed out the ember of the cigarette with the heel of her cowboy boot “But hell those government types know jack shit.” She took a key from her bra and led Laquda down the path towards crocodile dad’s enclosure. 

Crocodile dad laid there on the concrete, unmoving. Madeline unlocked the padlock and opened the chain-link fence. Laquda stood there in the opening of the gate, heartbroken at the sight of her father lying on the concrete, slightly curled in. She had never seen him like this and it cut through her like a knife.

Madeline looked up at her. “Here.” she whispered and pressed the key into Laquda’s hand. “Go on.” she urged. “He needs you right now…”

Laquda swallowed and entered the enclosure, closing the gate behind her. She walked towards her father, the dogs in the other enclosure whining and pacing as she advanced. She leaned down and sat cross-legged on the concrete. Crocodile dad opened his eyes and whined, low and crooning, fat tears rolled down his snout. Violet tears welled up in Laquda’s eyes, her fins pointing down and her mouth pinched. “I know dad…” she pet across his head “I know. I KNOW…” She pulled his head into her lap, smoothing his scales down with her hand. “I’m so sorry dad.” she gave him a kiss on his broad snout before pressing her face to his. “I miss her too…”

  
  


An obnoxious electric guitar riff sounded as an explosion effect burst across the screen to reveal the logo “MONSTER HUNTERS EXTREME” a second explosion rolled across the screen and the subtext “EXTREME DATING EDITION” was revealed.

 “I’m Rex Johnson!” Rex greeted the camera with a wave, his dreadlocks draping against his shoulders. He wore a bandana, a shell necklace, a pair of khaki pants and a t-shirt with the “Monster Hunters Extreme” logo.

 “And I’m Nick Weissman!” Another man popped into the frame. He wore dark jeans, a black leather jacket and a t-shirt that matched Rex’s with the Monster Hunters Extreme” logo. His black hair was dyed blonde at the tips and was styled into spikes. He pulled down his sunglasses to wink at the camera and grin.

 Both men crossed their arms and leaned their back against each other to pose at the camera “We’re the Monster Hunters Extreme!”

 Nick fell into Rex’s outstretched arms, mugging to the camera as he pretended to swoon dramatically, one foot pointed towards the sky “ALSO WE’RE DATING!” Rex blushed and high-fived his partner, grinning down at him “EXTREME DATING!”

An explosion effect from that epic high-five served as the transition into the rest of the opening. Rex and Nick were sitting together at a dinner table, an older couple across from them that seemed to be Rex’s parents. “So Rex tells us you’re in show business as well? That’s nice.”

“MEETING THE PARENTS ACHIEVED!” an obnoxious red graphic pulsed across the screen before shattering with another explosion effect.

“We travel the world over!” Rex held Nick at the bow of a boat speeding through the Amazonian jungle in an obvious parody of the romantic Titanic scene. “To find monsters and like, totally expose them.”

Nick and Rex sat in another fake bush together, sharing a blanket Rex looked into the camera seriously “We’re out in the Canadian forest looking for the ‘Canadian Ghost deer’ that seen walking through this very stretch of forest!” Nick put up a finger “Also it’s our anniversary.”

“Aww!” Rex put his hands up to his face, smitten face green in the night vision camera, “You remembered!”

“THERE’S THE GHOST DEER!” Nick pointed at a giant white deer that was stepping through the area, the deer looked back at them in confusion a baby strapped to their front.

Next Rex and Nick were sitting in a kitchen while the Ghost deer, in actuality Elk Father, a lusus operating in Canada, served them a plate of cookies. “I DON’T KNOW WHY ALL THE MONSTERS WE FIND KNOW HOW TO BAKE!” Rex bellowed through a bite of snickerdoodle “BUT IT’S AWESOME”

The opening faded out with an explosion, Nick sat in the Monster Hunter’s Extreme tour bus “Now we’re back in Florida where we had one of our most popular episode “The mystery of the Monster gator!” A flashback showed of Nick and Rex gaping astonished at Crocodile dad who waved awkwardly at the two humans in the pontoon boat who had been tracking him all evening. Rex and Nick screamed as Crocodile dad gently tore apart the false bush they had set up in his front yard to record them. They then sat in Crocodile dad’s living room, eating cookies that Crocodile dad had given them.

 Rex nodded thoughtfully “So far all the monsters we’ve met like...know how to bake...gnarly…”

 “Anyways.” Nick continued “We’re here with lawyer Sharon Kakkar!”

 The camera swiveled to show Sharon sitting across from them, before suddenly Sharon stood up and pushed the camera away. “No cameras.” Sharon hissed and shoved the camera back at the camera man. “I came here for help, while I appreciate your offer for a cameo in your show it would make things...difficult…”

Rex blinked at her, the tense lines in her body and the way her eyes glinted. Looking at her Rex was reminded of when they accidentally caught a panther on a monster hunt, the way the creature’s eyes gleamed when it looked back at them from the trap, cornered but scheming. “Yeah...like what’s up?” 

Sharon sat down into the bus chair, crossing her legs and looking back at the two men “I need the footage from the Monster gator episode. All of it.”

“What?” Nick grimaced and threw up a hand “Why?”

Sharon took a deep breath, she moved forward in her seat, closed her eyes for a moment before looking back at them earnestly. “They’ve taken Crocodile dad and sentenced him to be euthanized.Minnie, his daughter that you met, has also been taken away”

Both men stiffened at that, their eyes wide.“What! That’s bogus!” Rex threw down his arms.

Nick shook his head “They! They can’t do that!” he looked at Rex with an uncertain pause “...can they?”

Sharon looked down. “They’re going to try at least. I’m going to make sure that they won’t but I’ll need help. I need to show people that he’s a person.”

“He’s so nice why would they do that?” Rex sat back, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Whatever you need.” Nick assured her “Feel free to have anything we recorded! Anything!”

Sharon nodded at them “Thank you.”

“Wait!” Rex leaned forward in his chair, he rolled to an editing station in the bus. He fiddled with a monitor, rolling through footage with a buzz. The footage stopped at a scraggly-looking man in a nascar baseball hat, smiling with a couple of teeth missing. The caption below him read “Earl, local weirdo”. "Try talking with him!” Rex urged Sharon “He mentioned before having a blog trying to ‘uncover the conspiracy of the Russian gator super soldiers’ or something…” Rex dug into a stack of envelopes. He retrieved an envelope and handed it to Sharon “He said that he was inspired by the show and that he would keep recording to ‘continue our work’...”

Sharon looked at the envelope, turning it over to read the return address. “Earl huh…”

 

Thomas paced back and forth in Crocodile dad’s living room, listening to someone on his phone as he went. Jukilo sat at the dining room table, going through a stack of documents and making notes in both Alternian and English.

“Are you sure?” Thomas asked them on the phone “Really? In Miami? Yes that would be very helpful thank you…” He took out a slip of paper, writing down the name ‘Emmet Finley’ “Thank you very much!”

“Who was that?” Jukilo asked, not looking up from the papers he was working on.

 “A friend of a friend.” Thomas smiled at the slip of paper and the address attached “A local Alternian animal specialist!”

“Hmmm…” Jukilo answered noncommittally.

Thomas looked at him uncertainly, fiddling with the piece of paper in his hand. “...hey Jukes?”

“What…” Jukilo continued with his writing. 

Thomas sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Me and Laura have noticed that um...you haven’t been yourself lately…”

Jukilo stopped writing, his shoulders tensed. He didn’t look at Thomas. “...”

Thomas walked to where Jukilo was sitting, he put his hands on Jukilo’s stiff shoulders before leaning down, draping his arms around Jukilo’s and pressing against his back, resting his head on his shoulder.

Jukilo still didn’t look at him. He continued writing, his pen moving slowly and deliberately across the page.

“The last sentence you said to me was only three words long.” Thomas explained. “You’re usually so verbose.”

He sighed and Jukilo could feel the rise and fall of his chest “We noticed sometimes you talk less than you usually do, we really didn’t figure it out at first but…” He squeezed Jukilo tighter for a moment. “You talk less when you’re drunk and trying to hide it. “

 Jukilo’s pen broke through the paper and Thomas could feel a spasm go through Jukilo’s shoulders, a suppressed sob.

The human sighed and hugged him closer “So all those times when for seemingly no reason you talked slower, talked less…” Thomas shook his head “I’m so sorry we didn’t figure it out sooner…”

Jukilo shuddered. “I…” His voice wavered and he swallowed “I. Am. Fine.”

Thomas swallowed, bringing a hand up from Jukilo’s front to comb through his hair. “You may be high-functioning...but that doesn’t mean you’re fine.”

“We all love you so much.” Thomas murmured “And we really want you to be ok.” He pressed his nose against Jukilo’s temple “So please...consider going to the Alternian specialist?”

Thomas stood up, brushing his hands over Jukilo’s hair, barely brushing his horns in a deliberate sort of way, before he left on his way to the Alternian animal specialist. 

Jukilo rubbed his eyes and sighed, his shoulders shook.

 

Alimah decided to go with Thomas. “I just want to do SOMETHING.” Alimah whispered, her hands bunched in her school uniform, looking away. “I don’t know how to help...I’m just a kid...but I can’t just sit by and do nothing.”

Thomas smiled kindly at her “Well then I’m sure your mom wouldn’t mind you tagging along.”

The home of Emmet Finley was nestled in a quiet corner of suburbia much like Crocodile dad’s. Squat paneled houses in cheery bright colors lined the street. The Finley home was a belligerent happy yellow with white window boxes filled with pink flowers. It seemed like the most adorable house in Miami, though when they approached the front door, they found a large knife sticking out of a hedge and several shuriken were embedded into the wood of the doorframe.

A short man answered the door, he looked to be in his late twenties to early thirties. He was pleasantly plump with big green eyes that were seemingly magnified behind thick glasses. He wore a sweater vest.

Like a nerd.

Thomas smiled and held out a hand “Hi are you Emmet Finley?" 

The man blinked up at him owlishly and extended a hand. “Umm.. yes that’s me...”

Thomas nodded cordially “I hear you are a biologist specializing in Alternian lusii, do you mind if we come in?”

 The man stiffened and a blush came across his cheeks. “Ah-um...do you mind if we stay on the porch? I haven’t um..cleaned in a while and-”

“I’m going out and there’s nothing nothing you can do to stop me human.” Called a shrill voice from inside the house. 

A troll girl descended the stairs, purple and black striped leggings under a frilly purple skirt, she looked boredly at a phone. 

“Um.. it’s late so you probably shouldn’t-” Professor Finley tried to object. 

“Shut up.” Lolida demanded over her phone. “I told you tha-” 

She suddenly noticed Alimah standing next to Thomas in the doorway. “Alimah?”

Alimah looked back at the other girl in surprise “Lolida?”

 

Thomas held a coffee cup in Professor Finley’s living room, the Professor was on the other side of the table looking thoughtfully into a similar cup.

“I was one of the first researchers on Alternia, right when interplanetary travel had been cleared between the two planets.” He twirled the coffee cup slowly in his hands “I was researching a flock of raptor lusii that had taken in grubs.”

He rapped his fingers on the cup in thought. “One of the raptors had died during a struggle over territory with a turtle rat lusii. That left this great hulking beast was dead in the middle of the city, this little girl next to it’s corpse. He threw up his hands “And then all of a sudden these big red robots came and took the girl by her wrists, saying how now that she was without a lusus she would therefore be culled.” His mouth was pressed into a firm line. “She didn’t cry or beg. She just stood there with her chin held up.” He fidgeted in his seat. “I couldn’t let them just kill her though! I had read the briefs about the planet but seeing it in person-”

Thomas nodded knowingly.

Emmet sighed “They just GAVE her to me. No questions. Nothing at all. I can’t imagine how easy it would be for someone...someone more-” He shook his head to banish the morbid thought. “She didn’t speak with me for the entire first week, only glaring at me.”

Something shattered above where the two men sat, presumably where Lolida’s room was.

Emmet winced at the sound. “I don’t think I was really prepared though.”

Thomas gave him a sad smile and patted the little man on the shoulder “It will be fine. We could introduce you to a couple of other humans that adopted troll children.”

Emmet smiled back at him, a bit relieved and a bit encouraged “Thank you. Now I think you mentioned before it was an armored Lizard lusus? I made a detailed analysis of them when I was on Alternia.”

Thomas sighed in relief “Yes thank you that would be perfect.”

 

Lolida and Alimah were in Lolida’s room, Alimah had her hands on her hips as Lolida lounged moodily at the cushioned bay window.

“Really?” Alimah arched an eyebrow “THAT’S why you hate your dad? THAT’S why you were planning on feeding him to alligators? Because he adopted you?”

“Ok first of all!” Lolida raised an accusing clawed finger and pointed it at the door “That weird fleshy pink DORK is NOT my dad!” She growled and huffed, “And secondly-” Lolida sat up and put her hands on her hips “You think I should be GRATEFUL? He took me away from my planet! My rank and place in the hemospectrum! From everything I had ever known to live on this weird touchy pink ape infested rock with HIM? Just because I didn’t DIE?”

Alimah threw down her hands in exasperation “YES!”

Lolida took something glass an expensive looking from her bedside table and threw it at the other girl. Alimah didn’t even flinch as it flew past her head and shattered on the wall behind her.

“YOU DON’T GET IT!” Lolida yelled, her grey hands balling into fists, the points of her claws pricking into her own skin so hard that little trickles of purple blood ran down her own fingers “NONE OF YOU STUPID STAR MONKEYS GET IT.”

“Whatever.” Alimah turned away from her in disgust.

A couple of knocks sounded on the other side of Lolida’s door. “Are um...are you ok?” a timid voice asked muffled by the wood. “I heard something break. Also I need to talk to you.”

Lolida groaned “YES! GEEZE! I’M FINE! GO AWAY!”

Emmet fidgeted on the other side of the door, he looked up at Thomas for help.

“Just be firm with her!” Thomas whispered and gave him a thumbs up.

“I-I really do need to talk with you!” Emmet stuttered on the other side of the door.

“FINE! WHATEVER! COME IN!”

Emmet gingerly opened the door, his adopted daughter glared at him from across the room. “These nice people need help with a very important case. I’ll need you to come w-with me when I go to testify.” 

“WHAT?” Lolida screamed and threw up her hands “WHY CAN’T I STAY HERE?”

Emmet put his hands on his chubby hips “W-well last time I left you home alone y-you set the kitchen on fire.”

Lolida squinted at him “That was research.”

Emmet crossed his arms “W-well it was flammable research so you’re not staying at home alone.”

“AHHHH!” Lolida screamed and flopped down onto the cushions “I HATE MY LIFE!”

Alimah rolled her eyes.

 

Sharon tapped walked down a tattered driveway, her heels clicking against the concrete that had shattered in multiple places, crabgrass was growing from these tectonic breaks, spilling across the stone as nature valiantly tried to reclaim the territory. Several old and rusted cars sat on blocks in the front yard like decaying carcasses. A large house loomed over the yard, frayed around the edges and peeling paint, but still charming in it’s own right. Sharon pressed a manicured finger to the yellowed doorbell. An obnoxious buzz sounded through the area and Sharon waited patiently on the front stoop.

No reply.

She huffed, checked the time on her phone and tried again, pressing the button longer, stretching out the horrid buzzing until she could feel it in her fingertip.

“Are you a tax collector?”

Sharon jumped and turned to face a young boy sitting on the porch railing. He looked to be about Alimah’s age, skinny with a splattering of freckles across his face. Sharon put a hand over her heart as she recovered from the shock, she peered around the area but couldn’t quite place where the boy had come from. “No.” She shook her head and smiled. “I’m not a tax collector, is Earl your father?”

The boy looked at her questioningly, biting his bottom lip, heavy-looking braces showing as he did so. “Yeah….why?”

Sharon picked at a nail nervously “Because I’m hoping he can help me with a problem.”

The boy’s eye’s widened “Really? MY dad?”

Sharon nodded “Please, it’s important. What’s your name?”

The boy gave her a hard once-over before seemingly coming to a conclusion. He smiled and held out a hand “Hi! I’m Greg! You look just like a girl in my class!”

Sharon crossed over the porch to shake hands with the youth “Sharon. Would you mind taking me to your father?”

The boy hummed as he shook her hand. “Sure!” And with that the boy leaned back over the railing, falling back off of the porch backwards. Sharon shrieked and tried to grab his ankles to keep him from falling but before she knew it he had disappeared into the shrubbery surrounding the house.

Sharon leaned over the railing panicked “ARE YOU ALRIGHT?”

Greg popped up from the bush like a gopher from it’s hole, his freckled face coming loose from the foliage. He flashed a smile at Sharon, his braces glinting with a metallic sheen. “Yeah I’m ok!”He pulled the branches of the bush aside and Sharon could see that there was a sort of natural hollow in the bushes, a tunnel of sorts was made as the bushes curved away from the house and into the sunlight. Greg stood in the odd little pathway. “This way!” he chirped. He held out a hand “I’ll help you down!”

Sharon sighed and took the weird little bush boy’s hand.

Greg helped Sharon lower herself into the bush, crossing over the railing, bracing herself on the very edge of the porch before taking the young man’s hand and stepping down into the leafy natural tunnel.It was cool and damp-smelling, bracketed by a curving wall of thick branches on one side and the peeling paint of the house on the other. Sharon had to stoop slightly to walk through but not by much as the bushes were tall enough to easily conceal them both. Greg continued down the tunnel. “See it’s a decoy!”

Sharon looked at him “What’s a decoy?”

Greg turned back around to look at her “The house! It’s a decoy!” satisfied with his explanation he continued down the tunnel.

Sharon arched an eyebrow, sputtering as a branch hit her in the face. She was getting leaves in her hair and she wasn’t happy about it. “And why would you need a decoy house?”

Greg grinned “That’s the first place they look for ya! Houses.” The last word was spoken like a curse. He tapped a finger to his temple “See? My dad is pretty smart about that kind of thing!”

Sharon pressed her lips together and resolutely said nothing.

Through the gaps in the foliage Sharon could see that the house sat on the edge of a marsh, a pontoon boat sat on the end of a crumbling dock. Greg led her down the side of the house, around the corner and into the bushes along the back yard. Several more rusted out cars laid on the scraggly grass like tombstones. An old school bus was so badly decrepit that it’s back end had collapsed to the ground, plants sprouted from its yellow faded top, continuing as the back end slowly descended into dirt and shrubbery.

Sharon was just about to force her way out of the shrubs and return home because frankly, this was ridiculous, when Greg darted from the bushes and to the dilapidated school bus.

He opened the front door and looked back at her. “Come on miss! This way!”

Sharon sighed, thoroughly unamused. She had seen a horror movie like this once. She dusted her skirt free from leaves and followed the boy anyways.

Greg walked down the aisle of the bus, the seats of which now seemed to act as a pantry of sorts. Canned goods and crates of military-style rations filled each row of seats. Each seat was carefully labeled as to their contents on the aisle.

They came to the end of the bus.

No crazy old man.

Sharon sighed. “Look, I’m not here to play games young ma-”

Greg kicked open the emergency back door of the bus which to Sharon’s surprise swung open to reveal another tunnel and a ladder. Greg pulled some sort of homemade lever and lights hissed obstinately but eventually came to life, bulbs sprouting from a thick cable, a crude and homemade design drawing power from some unseen force, lined the tunnel and lit the way down. Greg hopped onto the ladder and descended down into the abyss.

Sharon followed him, marveling at the clever deception.

They descended quite a ways into a very large bunker, several tunnels branched out in a myriad of directions like ant tunnels. The main cavern they found themselves in seemed to hold the function of a living room. The round space was lined with mismatched couches, a quarter of the curved wall seemed to be devoted to television screens, several showed various news outlets all speaking out of sync the various news stories of the day, several others showed live feeds from security cameras all over the premises. One of these Sharon could see was of inside the decoy house where a scarecrow with a mustache was propped up on the couch, presumably another decoy.

“Dad!” Greg called into the bunker “A lady is here that needs your help!”

A thin man popped up from one of the tunnels like a nascar shirt wearing prairie dog.“Hello!” He waved a thin hand and smiled as if they weren’t all in a crazy bunker for crazy people. He smiled and Sharon could see he was missing a couple of teeth. “Welcome to the CASA DE EARL AND GREG!”Earl motioned towards the security cameras “Greg helped wire these beauties up, he is a natural!” He crossed over to Greg and fluffed his hair, causing Greg to giggle “He’ll be great in the apocalypse!”

Working for Whiteman for years installed in Sharon a remarkable tolerance for things she absolutely was not alright with, but put up with for the sake of business. She faced the den of crazy and its owner with all the grace she could summon.“I was told that you have been keeping tabs on Crocodile dad…”

Earl’s eyes widened and he put both hands on either sides of his head “YOU KNOW THE RUSSIAN SUPER SOLDIER?”

Sharon’s lips were pressed into a harsh line and she barely restrained the exclamation of “WHAT THE GODDAMN FUCK” that threatened to burst past her lips. She smiled pleasantly instead. Yes this was fine. Just a crazy guy in a crazy bunker. No big deal. “Ah...Russian?”

Earl led Sharon to another portion of wall. Pushpins secured newspaper clippings onto a large sprawling cork board, in typical hollywood crazy person fashion each clipping was connected by lengths upon lengths of red string.“The entire planet of Alternia is a conspiracy to cover up Russian super soldier experimentation that mutated human volunteers into-”

Alright this is enough. Sharon raised a hand to stop him “Yes I know.”

Earl gaped at her “YOU DO?”

Sharon smiled placatingly “Oh yes. I’m here because...comrade Crocodile dad...is in trouble.”

Earl gasped and put his hands to his mouth “I knew it.” he whispered in awe before shaking his head “What kind of trouble?”

Sharon nodded and continued. “See enemies have conspired to execute him!”

“NO!” He exclaimed in horror.

“YES!” Sharon finished dramatically. She put a delicate hand on his shoulder “And you may be the only one who could stop it.”

Earl squeaked “ME?”

Sharon put a hand to her heart dramatically “You’re our ONLY HOPE!”

Earl continued to make high-pitched squeaking noises.

Sharon looked at him seriously “They are trying to say he is not a person.”

Earl gasped “NO.” He trudged over to the hall of monitors, pulling out a keyboard from a cabinet underneath. He clicked and typed in a couple of commands and the images blinked out before being replaced.

On the Monitors Crocodile dad pushed a cart through a store, Minnie in the cart seat as he stopped by a display rack of sunglasses, choosing one for himself and one for Minnie. Crocodile dad trudged to the end of his driveway, throwing out the garbage before waving at the camera that quickly retreated once it was spotted. Crocodile dad stooped low to tie Minnie’s little shoe, he opened a bag of cheetos only to sneeze in a puff of orange powder, making Minnie giggle. Again and again Crocodile dad trudged through his everyday life with his daughter on Earth, lumbering through the city like any other suburban father say for the obvious difference in species.

Sharon looked on with horror. “You’ve been...surveilling him?”

Earl smiled “Only on public property! I know the law!”

Sharon hissed, the law had the habit of being misused. Though in this particular happenstance it could be used to her advantage. “I’ll need everything you have.” Sharon looked over at Earl, steel in her eyes and voice. “All of it.”

 

Jukilo and Laquda took turns staying with Crocodile dad at the ‘Friend’s End’ sanctuary. Laura drove him to the area, pretending not to see the travel pack of oreos he tucked into his suit pocket.The drive to the sanctuary was tense, Laura bit her lip and drummed her fingers against the steering wheel restlessly. She fiddled with the radio, switching from station to station too fast to really process what kind of music the station played. Jukilo sighed, none of them had slept since his father had been taken, sleep deprivation combined with a slight sugar hangover made a dull ache bloom at the base of his horns.

“Please say something.” Jukilo leaned his head back, eyes closed and Laura paused where she had been fidgeting restlessly. “You not saying something is worse than you actually saying it.”

Laura’s hand retreated from the radio, the station was now incidentally on country music, some country starlet crooned out a twangy folksy ballad, something slow and sad. “I could say the same thing about you.” Laura whispered, daring to look over at Jukilo for a moment before resolutely looking back at the road.

Jukilo exhaled through his nose. “...I’m fine...It’s only the stress that-”

“Except that it’s not.” Laura interjected tersely. She shook her head and stared out the windshield. “It used to be only once in awhile. We could deal with once in awhile.” Her knuckles tightened on the steering wheel, turning white for a moment before she relaxed them “But once in awhile...has turned into all of the time…”

 Jukilo stayed silent, he didn’t dare turn to Laura but he could see the way the reflection of her in the windshield spasmed, Laura biting her lip and straining in order to not burst into tears.

“I just don’t know how to deal with this.” Laura hit her hand on the steering wheel, her voice cracking and her eyes watering. “You. Crocodile dad. I don’t know how to keep all of you safe.”

Jukilo dared to look over at her and immediately regretted it, her eyes were lined with red and brown wisps of hair were coming loose from her ponytail. “I don’t know how to help you and it’s terrifying.” Laura finished, sniffling as she spoke.

He shyly reached over and took her hand, lacing their fingers together. “I’m sorry.”

Laura looked at their hands and burst into a helpless sob and then a laugh, wiping her face with her sleeve. “You shouldn’t be the one apologizing.” she murmured. “I wish I had-”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Jukilo shook his head “I made this problem myself.”

“Yeah well.” Laura turned to look at him, giving him a watery smile before quickly turning back to the road “That doesn’t mean that when all of this is over that I can’t help you out of it.”

She pulled up his hand to kiss his knuckles. “We love you dummy. Don’t forget that.

They arrived at the sanctuary. Madeline observed the switch from her porch, whittling away at some wooden thing with a machete. Laura stayed with Jukilo and Crocodile dad for a while, petting at Crocodile dad’s head with tears in her eyes, promising to do her best to bring Minnie back. She had brought a couple of blankets from Crocodile dad’s house with her and he accepted them gratefully.

They smelled like Minnie.

It was only when Sharon texted her asking to drive Laquda back from the sanctuary for some mission that she and Laquda left, looking back at Crocodile dad’s pen tearfully. Once again Jukilo sat with his lusus, his back against his scaly hide as they both looked out at the setting sun. Orange blended into pinks and purples before the sunset died out and they could see stars winking into existence.It was so familiar a pattern, something Jukilo knew from grubhood. The warm memories of this ritual, of him watching the stars with his lusus, stood in mocking contrast to the bare chain-link fence, the mournful animals around them, and the death sentence that loomed over his father’s head.

Jukilo ran his fingers through his father’s fur. “I won’t let them hurt you.” he assured him “Even though I know that’s not what you’re worried about.”

Crocodile dad whined lowly.

Jukilo pulled his head into his lap. “I miss her too…”

Crocodile dad looked up at his son, his eyes wet with tears. He extended a shaky paw towards his son, pointing one questioning claw at Jukilo’s chest.

“Me?” Jukilo asked. He shook his head and smiled ruefully. “You shouldn’t be worried about me right now.” He looked over the horizon, his face wan in the low light of the stars.

Crocodile dad gently ran a claw over the breast pocket of Jukilo’s suit, the telltale crinkle of a candy wrapper following the motion. He looked up at Jukilo.

Jukilo flushed, his hands balled into fists, his eyes screwed shut he reached into his pocket and pulled out the travel pack of oreos before angrily throwing them over the fence and into the next pen, the dogs yapping excitedly.

Fat teal tears rolled down Jukilo’s face “Stop it! Stop it! Stop worrying about me! There are people trying to KILL you! I should be the LAST of your worries! Stop!”Jukilo hissed and pressed the heels of his hands into his eye sockets, shaking and breathing heavily.

Crocodile dad crooned, rising up he gently pried Jukilo’s hands away from his face, before gathering him in a hug. “I will always worry about you…” the way Crocodile dad ran his claws through his son’s hair seemed to say “You’re my son…”

Jukilo sobbed into the white fur. “I’ll protect you!” he babbled, his hands balled into fists in the white fur “I’ll protect you! I promise! I’ll protect you!”

Crocodile dad licked his son’s face and rocked them slowly back and forth.

 

Laquda rubbed her eyes and growled tiredly, Sharon a tiny but demanding presence in front of her. “But why does it have to be ME?” Laquda growled. “Get the teal dork he knows more about this shit than me. MORE ABOUT THIS SHIT.”

Sharon hissed “Because you have proper legal STANDING and AUTHORITY!”

Laquda turned away from the human but Sharon moved to follow her gaze “The original treaty between Earth and Alternia gave ship captains the ability to represent and argue for the wellbeing of those under their care.”

Laquda’s fins flicked down “I can’t” she insisted.

Sharon picked up the case file and shoved it at Laquda’s chest. Laquda’s hands stayed by her sides. “Please.” Sharon whispered. She looked up at Laquda and for the first time since she had seen her she looked her size, small, fragile, utterly human and against something she didn’t know if she would be able to take.

Laquda took the file, her thumb absentmindedly rubbing over the manilla folder.

 “I’ll be with you the entire way.” Sharon reassured her. “But I need you to be familiar with the case at least.”

 

 They spent the entire evening in Sharon’s living room, going over the file. The tension increasing between them as Laquda struggled. She mixed up dates, names, quotes from necessary statutes.”

 Sharon rubbed her eyes “Just READ IT!”

Laquda slammed a hand into the coffee table, a large crack forming down the middle. “I’M TRYING!” She screamed back, her shoulders a tense line, her gills flaring out in anger.

Sharon sighed and combed back her hair with a hand. “It’s late.” She whispered “We aren’t making any progress let’s sleep and try again tomorrow.”

Sharon ascended the stairs to her room, leaving Laquda with the file.

Zappik sat by the television, looking at Laquda who held her head in her hands. He got up from the sofa and padded over to where Laquda sat. “Hey fuckface.” Zappik whispered.

Laquda groaned and let her head drop to the table with a loud thunk. “Now is REALLY not the FUCKING TIME Zappik!”

Zappik grimaced, he shrugged and looked over at her tentatively. “...yeah I know...I juzt didn’t want you to be alone right now…”

Laquda looked at him from the curtain of her hair and gave him a little half smile. “Careful there assmunch, starting to get a little pale there.”

“Eww.” Zappik slapped her shoulder and Laquda chuckled.

She looked at him thoughtfully. “...why are you even here?”

Zappik picked at his claws. “....I mizzed you.” he shrugged “And I don’t know what’z going on...but I’m not going to let you go through it alone…”

Laquda huffed. “What about your matesprit? Churro... I think his name was?….”

Zappik shrugged, his snaggled teeth digging into his bottom lip. “...he’ll forgive me…” Zappik raised his knees and wrapped his skinny arms around them “...he alwayz forgivez me…”

“....Oh Zappik…” Laquda murmured.

Zappik pushed her away and laughed a bit. “Now who’z toeing the line with pale you fucking quadrantz hopping pervert.”

Laquda laughed.

Zappik smiled at her. “Hey you remember how we met?” Laquda huffed and he continued “I was training with the new zquadron, I’m glad I figured out my little trick with interception or elze I probably would’ve been hooked into a ship with the rezt of the pziionics. Commander Ozainu was overzeeing our training and there you were...right behind him. Hiz fucking zecond in command. Looming over all of us like the giant muzcley prick you are.” Zappik smiled to himself. “I told my moirail I waz going to flirt with you and she was 99.99% zure I waz going to die.” He looked over at her “You zurprized me though. You alwayz do…” He gave her a mock punch to the jaw. “So kick thiz paper’z fucking azz.”

Laquda laughed and knocked Zappik out of his chair. Zappik fell to the floor with a yelp before bursting out into a fit of giggles. 

“Hey.” A voice by the stairway made them both look up. Alimah stood on the stairs in her pajamas, her braid over her shoulder. Having been returned from her outing with Thomas. “...I think I can help.”

 

Alimah fiddled on her mother’s computer. Zappik and Laquda looking over her shoulder with interest. They all huddled together in the family office, Sharon’s office chair just a bit too low for Alimah.

Laquda squinted down at the kid. “...uh kid… no offense but-”

“They swim around don’t they?” Alimah remarked, raising her hand to cover a yawn “Numbers and letters. They swim around?”

Laquda’s frills flicked down “How the HELL do you-”

Alimah shrugged and continued to click through her mother’s files. Her mom had no idea she knew the password for the computer. “When Zappik first came to our house and burned a spade on our lawn-”

Laquda stifled a giggle and Zappik blushed.

“- It was because you gave the wrong address.” Alimah continued “Me and my mom’s house is number 635. Crocodile dad’s house across the street is 636. When you went to read the number though, it swam around on you though, and you couldn’t read it straight.”

Laquda’s shoulders hunched in on her “SO?” she asked testily.

Alimah clicked one last thing and the printer began spouting page after page. Alimah gathered the first bunch of papers and presented them to Laquda.

Laquda looked questioningly at Alimah but when she looked down to the paper her eyes widened with shock. ‘They aren’t moving!” She exclaimed, flipping through the pages with awe “NONE OF THEM!”

Zappik looked over with interest. “That’s really a thing that happenz to you?”

Laquda grinned as she flipped through the pages “But how did you-” 

“Dyslexic friendly font.” Alimah answered, smiling smugly up at the two trolls.

“A what friendly font?” Laquda asked.

“Dyslexic.” Alimah answered. “You’re dyslexic. 

Laquda sat down, flipping through the pages.”....you mean I’m not...I’m not stupid?”

Alimah shook her head. “Nope. Just Dyslexic.” Alimah stretched and yawned “Well now that I’m done solving your life problems I’m going to go back to bed.” She strolled out of the office, leaving two in awed trolls in her wake.

“That kid iz kinda zcary.” Zappik stared after her.

Laquda smiled at the stack of paper. She looked up at Zappik. “Well numbnuts are you going to stand around all night or are you going to help me fucking study?”

 

That next morning Sharon came back down to find Laquda and Zappik on her couch snoring, Laquda’s head was tilted back over the arm of the couch, the file spread across her face where she had fallen asleep reading.Sharon leaned over the sleeping troll, she smiled fondly, gently removing the paper from her eyes. Laquda woke with a snort and a start, her violet eyes meeting Sharon’s above her. Sharon’s hair falling like a curtain around them.“Thank you.” Sharon whispered, smiling gently at the troll.

Laquda gave her a crooked smile in return.

 

Rex and Nick sat together, holding hands gently, Rex’s thumb brushing over Nick’s knuckles. Nick squeezed Rex’s hand in return.“Are you sure you want to do this?” Nick whispered.

Rex nodded. “I want to at least TRY to help him.”

Nick nodded in return. “...yeah...I want to help him too… 

The producer waved at them from the other side of the camera “We’re live in 5….4...3…-”

“I love you.” Rex whispered in Nick’s ear.

“Love you too.” Nick answered.

“And we’re live!” The producer announced.

 Rex and Nick turned towards the camera. “Hey guys.” Rex waved at the hand currently not holding Nick’s. “This is a very special episode of Monster Hunter’s extreme.”

The message played in the background of thousands of homes. Families laughed as they sat at  the kitchen table, got ready for school, ate breakfast together.

Nick looked at the camera “We met someone very special on one of our episodes, someone very kind.”

Rex continued for him “Now he may not look the same as you, and he may not have a family the same way as you.”

Nick squeezed Rex’s hand tighter. “But just because someone isn’t like you, doesn’t do things like you, doesn’t mean that they’re wrong.”

Rex smiled at the camera “Families don’t always look the way people say that they should.”

Two women paused where they ate breakfast together at their kitchen table, they looked at the television together, their hands linked across the cheery table cloth.

“They say that there are too many mothers, some say there are too many fathers…”

Two men paused where they had been getting ready for work, stopping with their ties around their neck to look at the television.

“Too many people-”

A busy household looked up from where they had been eating breakfast together, aunts and uncles and cousins pausing their chatter to listen.

“-too few”

A teenage boy paused where he had been counting out pills for his grandmother. He took her hand and they smiled at each other.

Rex shook his head “Families come in all shapes, sizes…”

“Sometimes they don’t look like what you would expect.” Nick continued. “And that’s ok.” Nick smiled “Because the true measure for a family is the love that they have for each other.”

People paused, watching with their own families, mismatched families, families that had been cobbled together, families that they had found rather than born into.

Rex bit his lip “And we’ve all had people tell you that you’re not right! That you’re not right because of who you love or where you come from!” He laughed exasperatedly “And that’s TOTALLY BOGUS!”

Nick huffed “And even if you haven’t. If you somehow have skated through life without anyone ever telling you that you’re wrong, you can still see it.” He looked up at the camera “You know the difference between what’s fair and what isn’t. You know when something is wrong. Because this-” The screen showed clips of crocodile dad from their show, baking cookies, washing dishes, smiling, “This is a person! He may be different than you, but he’s a person nonetheless.”

Crocodile dad tended to his daughter, combed her hair, played tea party with her, ate cookies with her. 

“And this is a family.” Nick implored. “It may not look like what you’re used to but it is real and it is worth protecting, and when something is worth protecting-” Nick stared down the camera, determination in his eyes.

Laquda opened a package she had sent for on rush, heavy in her arms and containing something she hated with every fiber of her being.

 “-You fight for it. Even when it means doing things you’re not used to. Things you don’t want to do.”

A comb ran through long black hair. Gold rings slid onto clawed fingers.

“You may not be a fighter, at least not like this. But you can’t always count on others to fight for you.”

A formal military uniform, rank and class evident.

“Standing down isn’t an option.”

Eyeliner was expertly applied.

“It only takes the courage to do what needs to be done.”

Thick and gold, gems glittered from their facets. Lipstick swiped across a pair of dark lips.

 

It was the day of the trial, protesters gathered outside of the courthouse, their signs held high. People who knew what it was like to have a family that didn’t fit the stereotype, people who knew that what was happening was wrong, people who had the courage to stand up for what was right, taking what scraps of power they had to try and change the world around them. Even if they didn’t have all the power. Even if they didn’t know how else to help. It was the first step.

Congressman Whiteman growled as his limo came to a stop in front of the courthouse. An egg hit the windshield of the limo “BUGGER OFF!” someone in the crowd yelled.

“The croc is not a crook!” “All Alternians are people!” “Minnie and Crocodile dad! Minnie and Crocodile dad!”

The Congressman’s private security team muscled their way through the crowd. The congressman, Eric the Lawyer, and the meek Lila Santiago entered the courtroom. Madeline led Crocodile dad inside. He pattered across the marble, muzzled with his two front paws shackled together.

Sharon burst through the door, cameras flashed behind her, silhouetting her against the bright lights. The door closed and the light faded, she wore a black skirt and suit jacket, black inky heels sounded against the marble tile as she walked, stalking down the aisle like a tigress. Her eyeliner was sharper than a knife, her lips and talons were devil red.

Whiteman huffed out a chuckle. “And just what about the ‘barred from practice’ until the civil suit is complete did you not understand?” He rose from his seat. “We’re done here.” He told the judge.

“Oh I’m not the lawyer.” Sharon smiled, dangerous and deadly, sickly sweet like poison dripping from the bottle.

Both men stared at her.

“I’m just the paralegal!” Sharon hummed.

The doors opened again. The silhouette blotting out the light almost entirely, violet eyes shining from the darkness, long horns curving into wicked points.

All eyes turned to look. Sharon turned to look smugly at her plan coming to fruition, but even she was unprepared, her breath taken from her.

The military uniform was a crisp dark violet, the front of which was lined with the commendations of a stellar 700 year military career.

A heavy gold collar sat around her collarbone and climbed up her neck, dipping into a ‘v’ that accentuated the geometric lines of the uniform. Her hair was braided intricately down her back, tiny golden chains weaving in and out to glint brightly in the light. A simple golden band sat under her horns, her eyes shining bright beneath them. She crossed her arms behind her, looking over the courtroom the way she used to look over her troops.

“My name is Laquda Lareek. Captain of the Alternian fleet.” She announced, her slitted eyes staring down the court. “And I will act as counsel."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! trying to tie up as many loose ends as I can! I'm hoping that it will only be one chapter after this and an epilogue!
> 
> Also I just decided that I'm not really feeling Emmet's name. If you want to be Lolida's dad tell me. It comes with a free romance and a shitty kid.
> 
> As always please please PLEASE comment! I love hearing from you guys and I really want to know if this next installment met with your approval!
> 
> Also I'm starting up a new project called "Mothwoman and the Professor" if you want to see an original story from me (supernatural victorian London shit oh my!) as well as another project called "Harley Quinn and Deadpool BFFS 5-ever" because I'm apparently masochistic and am physically incapable of not starting new projects when I already have a million projects open.
> 
> I'm always available on tumblr (same name as it is here)
> 
> Comment on me like one of your french girls!


	34. Epic Legal battle royale part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We have the first part of the trial!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first part of the trial. I was going to do one final chapter but holy heck a lot of things happen and it was getting long. Things always take more time then I think. We have a lot of strings to tie up.

Laquda entered the courtroom and sat at the wooden table next to Sharon. Whiteman, Eric and a gaggle of low-paid paralegals sat at a similar table across a small aisle from them. Oil paintings, commissioned to show the history of the court lined the walls and stared down at the occupants of the room with dead eyes and pompous powdered wigs. Both sides eyed each other warily, shuffling papers and talking lowly. A raised dais before the two tables made up the placement for the judge, next to that there was a witness box. A bored-looking stenographer was already off to the side, sitting in front of a bulky-looking grey steno machine, poised and ready to transcribe the upcoming proceedings.

Laquda leaned over the table toward Sharon, eying Eric and Whiteman across the aisle, both men staring at them with thinly-veiled contempt. Whiteman whispered something to Eric and the lawyer chuckled. 

“Where’s the jury?” Laquda whispered as quietly as she could, meaning of course everyone in the room could hear it. 

Eric snickered and Sharon shot him a glare. She leaned in towards Laquda. “First order of business is to get rid of the euthanasia order, small judgments of law are usually decided solely through counsel and the judge. Small decision courts are divided into different categories based on what they decide, misdemeanor court, DUI court, drug court, this particular court is often called “Dog court” as it decides the fates of animals who have harmed people, or take away animals whose owners have proved to be abusive or neglectful, though it decides the fates of other animals as well.” Sharon took a glance at Eric and Whiteman before continuing. “We have to prove that Crocodile dad is a person and get rid of the euthanasia order before we continue.”

A bailiff entered the court, he was a portly man with some of the most belligerently fuzzy eyebrows Crocodile dad had ever seen. His mustache bristled dutifully. “All rise for Judge Ghast.”

Eric, Whiteman and Sharon rose from their seats automatically, Laquda noticed after a moment and followed suit.

Judge Ghast finally entered the courtroom, her black robe fluttering behind her as she hummed She was a very tall woman with fluffy curly hair. She sipped on a starbucks and she appeared to be wearing hello Kitty brand heels. “Alright everybody.” She walked to her seat and sat down, kicking her feet so that she spun in the office chair “What do we have here toDAY!?”

Her voice pitched up to a near shriek when she noticed Crocodile dad, flailing for a moment and nearly falling out of the Judge’s box.

Crocodile dad smiled as waved as best as he could with the muzzle and the handcuffs.

Judge Ghast huffed and smiled incredulously. “That’s….that’s not a dog...I usually work with dogs….what exactly is tha-”

Both Eric and Laquda jumped up to answer.

“An armored lizard lusus is an Alternian animal that is highly dang-”

“THAT’S MY FA-” Laquda began to answer when she whirled towards Eric angrily “HE IS NOT AN ANIMAL YOU FU-” She began to roar when she was interrupted by the judge banging her gavel on the desk.

“Order order!” Judge Ghast demanded, banging her gavel and glaring at the pair of them. “Approach the bench! Both of you!”

When Laquda hesitated, looking around the room for some random ass torture bench, Sharon leaned over to whisper to Laquda “That means she wants you to stand at the front of the court closer to her.”

Laquda sighed and walked calmly to the judge, the medals on her uniform clinking as she went. Eric followed smugly. Whiteman leaned across the aisle to smile at Sharon “Not the best idea you’ve ever had my dear. You can’t turn a barbarian into lawyer”

Sharon glared at him. Her hands tightened around her pen. Come on Laquda you can do this.

Laquda approached the bench and the judge pointed her gavel at her, her hazel eyes squinted at Laquda and her blonde-ish hair bounced as she waved the gavel at indignantly her. “Ok you need to calm your tits! No yelling in the courtroom!”

Laquda looked down at her boobs and back up at the judge. She exhaled slowly. “Sorry…” She tried to think of what Sharon told her about humans after her incident at the zoo, humans naturally want to sympathize...you just have to give them a reason to.

“I apologize for my behavior.” Laquda started, trying her best to keep her voice slow and calm “I was distraught when this man here called my father an animal.”

The judge blinked up at her “Your father?”

Eric paled. “What she means is-”

Laquda didn’t pause for him to finish whatever ludicrous thought he was about to say “This crocodile is a lusus, they raise trolls on Alternia.” She smiled over at her father who chittered and waved again. “He raised me when I was young.” She looked over at the judge, sad and noble, the absolute picture of dignified grace in the arch of her horns, the cut of her jaw the sheen of her uniform. “And to hear from THIS man-”

Eric rolled his eyes “Your honor I-”

He was going to continue when he heard a sniffle. The judge was trying her best not to cry. Her hands to her cheeks and hazel eyes were filled with tears. “You monster.” She whispered.

Sharon smiled viciously at Whiteman who blanched, what little color there was draining from his pasty face. He leaned over the desk to hiss at Eric. “STOP THIS.” he hissed.

Eric tensed at his employer’s urging. “Your honor.” He implored. “As much as I obviously sympathize with Miss Lareek’s STORY-” Sharon rolled her eyes and glared at him “Lusii are not recognized as people under American law or the treaty between Earth and Alternia.”

Laquda struggled to recall some of the material that Sharon had her read. “Humans have a very broad definition of ‘person’ under the law. The term is continually being refined and even corporations can be defined as people under the law.”

Eric rolled his eyes. “Well that’s very INTERESTING, but since the lusus is not a human, a troll or a corporation-”

“Well that isn’t exactly true.” Laquda interrupted the lawyer gruffly.

Eric gave Laquda a bland look. “You didn’t. You didn’t actually make him an LLC corporation that would be the DUMBEST-”

Laquda waved him off. “Give me SOME credit.” Ok so maybe Laquda thought of something similar until Sharon told her it was stupid. Laquda did actually register Crocodile dad as an LLC corporation ….just in case. “I’m actually seeking to clarify the treaty between Alternia and Earth.”

Eric brought his hands up “The treaty CLEARLY says that only ‘trolls’ will be protected and granted personhood under the law. While the English version of the treaty mistranslated this as “Alternians”, the Alternian document takes precedence.”

Laquda gave Eric a sidelong glance, her slitted eyes predatory. She smiled, her shark-like teeth exposed. “You probably shouldn’t play Alternian linguistics with an actual Alternian…”

Eric’s brows furrowed and Laquda continued, trying to recall what the teal dork had explained to her. “Like the term “humanity” in english, the word “troll” describes more of an attribute of a person rather than their species. The word “Troll” can vary based on caste and the personal biases of the speaker, but it essentially means “good enough to be a person”. We were a very war-like race and people were not really treated as people until they were deemed good enough to serve in the Alternian fleet. The word does not refer to our species exactly, one example of this would be biological computers, a practice used before the reign of Empress Feferi where a psiionic was turned into a computer through surgery and other means, afterwards then plugged into a ship. When this happened, in the prior system, they lost the title of “troll” despite still being genetically the same. Also while it was extremely rare, sometimes individuals from races that had been subjugated under the Alternian empire would earn the title of “troll” specifically if they cooperated with the empire, and had aspects that the empire would find useful or admirable. So really it’s anything deemed sentient enough. SENTIENT ENOUGH.”

Laquda wasn’t used to saying so many goddamn words in a row. Goddamn so many fucking words. She spoke haltingly, a bit too gruffly but the effect was profound. 

Eric shook his head “So if a lusus is a “troll” then why don’t you call them that?!”

The judge looked at Laquda expectantly, twirling a piece of hair and rocking from side to side in her spinny desk chair.

Laquda growled and threw up a hand “Because that’s STUPID.”

Sharon grimaced and leaned over the table “You mean grammatically incorrect.” She hissed.

Laquda’s fins perked up “Oh uh...yeah grammatically incorrect. GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT.” She shook her head and shrugged “I mean if you have a designated job, or a special caste that would be the way you would identify yourself. I mean would you go around calling yourself ‘Eric the Lawyer’ or ‘Eric the technically good enough to be a person’?” 

Eric stuttered before licking his lips and continuing. “That interpretation is much too broad. This was a treaty made between Earth and the tro- um...The Empress. I doubt that such a loose meaning would have been the intended-”

Laquda put up a finger “Actually it was most likely intended. All the planets enslaved under the previous regime have been freed under the reign of Princess Feferi, technically they’re being recognized as “troll” as well and given the same rights as the original ‘trolls’.”

Eric nearly choked on his own spit in his haste to answer that. “Well we don’t even know if it’s even sentient!”

Laquda turned slowly to Eric a wide sharp-toothed smile stretching across her features. He really walked into that one. “WELL ERIC.” She bellowed just a touch too loudly and skinny human lawyer broke out into a cold sweat. Laquda pulled a list from her pocket with a victorious flourish. “I GUESS WE’LL JUST HAVE TO FUCKING FIND OUT DON’T WE.”

Crap. He walked right into that one.

Laquda looked down at the list. “Well we’re lucky that humans actually have set guidelines for this kind of thing. These qualifications were adopted back when humans hadn’t met anyone not from their planet yet and is part of what the drafters of the treaty looked at when they decided to recognize trolls as people.”

Eric was starting to panic. “I don’t think this court is qualified to make rulings regarding planetary decisions of law.”

Judge Ghast smiled and twirled her gavel, giving Eric an ostentatious wink “Well I DO decide the validity of euthanasia orders! And I guess this is just a part of that!” She lost control of the gavel and bonked herself lightly on the head. “Ow.” She giggled. She rubbed her head and pointed her gavel decisively “I’LL ALLOW IT!”

Laquda smiled and went back to her list. “Alright they call this fucker the ‘Trifecta of sentience’...”

The judge leaned forward in her chair, looking genuinely interested. “Oooooo sounds neat!”

Eric sighed. This already wasn’t going well.

Laquda continued on with her list “The Trifecta of Sentience has these parts, Behavior- where they exhibit a level of awareness about themselves and others, this specifically means more complex behaviors like compassion for others, and complex motivations for their actions.”

The Judge waved to urge Laquda on.

“The next portion is subjective experience, AKA the idea that they have an internal experience of the world and how they relate to it. Things like kinship, friendship, compassion…”

Sharon smiled at Laquda, where she sat behind her. She couldn’t believe how well she was doing…

“Next there is a loose physical requirement, most experts agree that they must be a centralized nervous system of some sort, something that could physically harbor a consciousness. There have been noted exceptions for this rule though when it comes to artificial intelligence, though there still must be deemed enough physical space to harbor an intelligent mind.”

Eric butted in “It is absolutely ludicrous to use such a vague system! Under those conditions every Orangutan, Gorilla and Dolphin in the zoo would qualify as a “troll”.

“More of a troll than you.” Grumbled Laquda.

“OH ZNAP!” a voice came in from the court gallery “GET DUNKED ZON!” Zappik popped up from the back of the court and pointed at Eric, ‘ooohing’ like a fifth grader at a school fight. Eric whirled around to glare at the troll enraged and Laquda smiled.

Judge Ghast raised her gavel. “I demand order in the court! ….Despite the sick burn.” Eric was absolutely fuming at this point and judge Ghast smiled at the both of them, clapping her hands together like a kindergarten teacher about to start an activity. “Alright! Well I think that this seems pretty straight forward! Let’s see if he matches these qualifications!”

Eric shook his head “Your honor-”

The judge put a hand to her chin, remembering Eric’s previous objection “Oh um. Well I must warn you that they must surpass the abilities of your standard Dolphin or Gorilla! Show me that they’re a person and I will lift the euthanasia order!”

Laquda smiled and bowed slightly “Thank you, your honor.”

Judge Ghast giggled and wiggled a bit in her seat “This is so exciting! We don’t usually have this sort of thing in Dog court! Do you have witnesses to call?”

Laquda nodded “We happen to have an expert on Alternian lusii with us today.” She motioned to the court where an earnest-looking Emmet Finley fidgeted nervously in his seat, a bored looking Lolida sitting next to him and either texting or playing a phone game.

Whiteman drummed his fingers against the edge of the table, boring holes into the back of Eric’s skull as he glared. Sharon gave him a glance, arching an eyebrow. Whiteman huffed and rose from his seat, taking an outdated flip phone out of his pocket and opening it. He pulled out his seat and left the courtroom, dialing a number as he went. Sharon turned in her seat, tracking him as he began to leave the room. Sharon turned to Zappik who was sitting in one of the back rows of seats and drooling over Laquda in her uniform, she had to snap to get his attention. Zappik jumped in his seat and turned to Sharon questioningly. Sharon gave him a meaningful look, her eyes trailing from him to the Congressman. Zappik nodded slowly and followed Congressman Whiteman out.

Emmet took the stand, sweating an obviously uncomfortable. Judge Ghast leaned her elbows in the divider between the Judge’s space and the witness box, grinning open-mouthed at the scientist. 

Emmet continued to sweat. “...um...You honor can you not…”

Judge Ghast popped up. “Oh gosh sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!” She put a hand to her mouth! Is it because I’m above you? Is that it?”

Emmet nodded “Yeah um...I guess that part is a little weird….”

Judge Ghast immediately slid from her chair, keeping eye contact with the increasingly befuddled Emmet as she slumped from her seat as if she was melting out of it. Sitting on the floor of the judge’s box she peeked over the divider, only her hazel eyes and her belligerently curly hair showing. “Is this better?” She whispered loudly.

Emmet snorted and nodded.

Eric bit his tongue and resolutely said nothing.

Judge Ghast walked on her knees to the front of the Judge’s box, reaching up to tap her gavel. “Alrighty then! On with the questions!”

Laquda approached Emmet, the poor nervous thing sweating under her unintentionally ferocious gaze. She curled in her clawed fingers, rounded her shoulders and did her best to lean down to speak with him. It helped. Slightly.

“Mr. Finley.” Laquda began. “You are familiar with lusii correc-”

“Objection.” Eric crossed his arms. “We haven’t established their credentials. Why should the court care what he has to say.”

Sharon rolled her eyes. It’s extremely easy to forget procedure and often calling out technical rule breaking, no matter how slight, is an easy way to rile up an opponent.

Laquda growled slightly to herself and Emmet looked like he was trying his best not to pee his pants.

Judge Ghast waved her gavel. “Oh yeah. Do the thing with the guy so we can move on.”

Laquda suddenly couldn’t remember what the fuck the thing with the guy was. She grit her teeth and looked awkwardly to the side. “Just a...just a moment I need a….paper...from my….Paralegal….yeah… PAPER FROM MY PARALEGAL.”

Laquda whirled around and practically ran back to the table where sharon sat, looming over her awkwardly and nervous. “SHARON WHAT’S THE THING WITH THE GUY?” She hissed under her breath.

Sharon looked up at her cool and impassive. “Ask him to state his name for the court….”

Laquda nodded. “Right Got it. GOT IT.”

Sharon motioned to Emmet. “Then you have to ask for his qualifications.”

Laquda nodded. She looked nervously back at where Judge Ghast was twirling a piece of her hair and putting it over her lip like a mustache, Emmet was obviously concerned for Laquda, tapping his fingers together nervously, and Eric was looking over at her smugly, picking leisurely at his nails. “I’m not so sure I can do this.” She whispered.

“Hey.” Sharon put a hand over Laquda’s where it was resting on the desk. She looked up at Laquda, her gaze piercing. “You can do this. You’re capable of more than you know.”

Laquda looked down at where her tiny brown hand was against her’s. She was all of a sudden so aware of just how small the human was, how unimaginably fragile in comparison to her but-

She was so strong. So kind. Crocodile dad wasn’t her father, she didn’t need to be here, but she cared about people, cared about HIM. She cared about what was right and wrong. Nobody but her and Jukilo were really obligated to be here, they just were good people who cared.

Laquda was so overwhelmingly grateful for Sharon’s presence it was quite frankly embarrassing.

Sharon smiled at her, a quick crooked twist of her painted lips. Her dark eyes glinted. “Now knock em’ dead.” She whispered, a small laugh escaping her lips that Laquda could feel run up her spine. “In the metaphorical way of course.”

Laquda smiled and leaned in, it was amazing how with the slightest movement of her shoulders Laquda looked even larger, more solid than ever, like you could shoot a missile at her and she would probably just catch it and throw it back. She leaned down to whisper in Sharon’s ear, her impossibly sharp teeth escaping her lips as she smiled, wide and dangerous.

“No promises.” She growled with a low laugh that Sharon will deny to the grave made her shiver.

Laquda turned to go back to the witness table and Sharon stopped her. “Wait here.” She gave Laquda a laminated diagram of a Crocodile lusus. She smiled sweetly as a little show for the court. “Here’s the paper you needed m’am!”

Laquda accepted it with a smile. Going back to the court with butterflies in her stomach.

“Are you two finally done flirting?” Eric growled, glancing over at Sharon pointedly with disgust.

Sharon blinked innocently and put a hand to her chest earnestly when the judge looked between the two of them with confusion. However the moment Judge Ghast looked away Sharon made eye contact with Eric and raised her middle finger above the file she had open before her.

Laquda looked from the judge to Emmet. “If it would uh...please the court.”

Judge Ghast smiled and nodded “Proceed!”

Laquda turned to Emmet. “Please state your name.”

Emmet leaned forward, looking at the stenographer who was still tapping away at her machine. “M-My name is Emmet Finley.”

Laquda crossed her arms behind her back “And what what are your qualifications sir?”

Emmet smiled and adjusted his glasses “I am an astrobiologist. I have a specialization in extra-planetary megafauna and I wrote my doctoral thesis on Lusii of Alternia, spending more than a year in the field.”

“And you feel like you’re qualified to-”

“Objection!” Eric butted in. Again. “The court will determine if-”

“Oh my god.” Judge Ghast booped Eric on the nose with her gavel and the man jumped away startled. “You’re a sassy little susan ain’tcha? It’s a perfectly reasonable question to ask a witness and yes. I find his qualifications more than suitable.”

Laquda smiled as Eric slowly turned red. She continued to question her witness. “Emmet can you tell us what a lusus is and describe their role on Alternia.”

Emmet nodded. “Lusii are native fauna to Alternia, they take in troll children and raise them until adulthood where it is then traditional for them to enter the Alternian fleet. They are considered employees of the Alternian empire in a way, receiving houses and stipends from the Alternian government in return for their services as a parent and caregiver.”

Laquda nodded “Would these lusii exhibit person-like traits?”

Emmet nodded. “I would often go the the markets on Alternia, and it wouldn’t be uncommon to see a ten foot amphibious crab lusus with a shopping basket in one of their four arms, or a raptor lusus using a coupon to buy half-off grub-sauce. Sometimes in smaller cities where drone use isn’t as widespread, lusii who are in between charges will take jobs as cashiers or janitors or security personnel. I met a sug lusus who was a manager at the troll equivalent of Costco.”

Laquda nodded “And you spent a great deal of time researching armored lizard lusii?”

Emmet nodded.

“Please note that the witness is nodding their head as to say yes.” Laquda remembered that bit of stupid jargon for the stenographer. BALLER. “And were you here when I was describing the tenets of sentience?”

Emmet nodded and pointed “Yes I was sitting right over there.”

Laquda smiled. “It’s for the stenographer my dude.”

The stenographer giggled and waved, Emmet blushed. “Oh whoops. Then um...yes. I was there.”

Laquda nodded encouragingly. This little dork looked about as nervous as she felt before. He was shaking like a yappy chihuahua. “And do you remember them?”

Emmet nodded before remembering the stenographer transcribing. “I-uh- yes.”

“Then can you attest that-”

“Objection! Witness cannot decide tha-”

Laquda huffed. Eric was really being a whiney little penis about this. “THEN IN YOUR OPINION-” She practically yelled at Eric and he pouted and lowered his hand “ARE LUSII SENTIENT? LIKE DO THEY HAVE ENOUGH BRAIN TO BE SENTIENT IN YOUR SCIENTIFIC EXPERTISE?”

Eric leaned as far away from Laquda as possible but nodded frantically. “YES I BELIEVE THAT THEY DO HAVE ENOUGH BRAIN”

Laquda clapped her meaty hands together. “FUCKIN’ NEAT THEN!” she waved awkwardly at Eric. “Ok now I do the thing where he does the questions now.”

Judge Ghast cocked her head “You relinquish your witness for cross-examination?”

Laquda winked and snapped two finger guns at the judge. “YEAH THAT THING.”

Eric tugged a yellow legal pad from a trio of paralegals that had been scribbling furiously. “Alright Mr. Finley!” Eric sauntered over to the witness box, leaning against the rim of the box and leaning into Emmet’s space, making the shorter man visibly uncomfortable. “Can I call you Emmet?”

Emmet stuttered. “Um-ah-I”

“Great!” Eric slapped down the legal pad against the witness box loud enough to make Emmet jump. “Now you spent a lot of time on Alternia didn’t you?”

Emmet, still recovering from the noise rubbed his chest and nodded jerkily. “Yes I did.”

Eric leaned over to smile at him, all teeth and no warmth. “And you saw a lot of things!”

Emmet nodded. “...yes.”

Eric was practically halfway into the witness box by now, Emmet plastered onto the opposite side of the box to get away from him. “Saw a lot of lusii. Studied them. A lot.”

Emmet sighed and eyed Eric warily. “Yes! Yes! Now can you please-”

Judge Ghast rest her head on her hand and motioned to Eric with her gavel who looked about two steps away from climbing into the witness box to make Emmet uncomfortable, leaning into his space like a pervert at a bar. “What is wrong with your spine?” She mused and gave Eric a pointed look, one eyebrow arched. “Did you forget how to stand up correctly?”

Eric coughed and straightened up, adjusting his suit as if nothing happened. Emmet sighed in relief and gave Judge Ghast a grateful look.

Eric gave Emmet a hard look and continued his questioning. “So since you know so much about lusii and have studied them so thoroughly then can you tell me about lusii where the process didn’t go over so well?”

Emmet’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Eric waved a hand dismissively. “Lusii killing other lusii and eating them. Lusii killing their charges even!”

Sharon reached over the table to tug on Laquda’s hand. Laquda got the message. “OBJECTION!” She read something Sharon quickly scribbled. “JEADING THE WITNESS!”

Eric arched an eyebrow and Judge Ghast squinted her eyes and cocked her head. “...A what now?”

Laquda flushed and leaned over the table to read it again. “...sorry I read that upside down and  across the table I mean -leading the witness.”

Judge Ghast shrugged and turned to Eric. Eric shook his head and motioned towards Emmet. “If he lived on Alternia and studied lusii he would have to know this. Lusii don’t always have the personalities of cotton candy and become managers at troll Costco! This is information that is NECESSARY before you make your decision.”

Judge Ghast bit her lip but hesitantly nodded. “I’m afraid I must agree...proceed but do so carefully.”

Eric nodded and smiled. He leaned towards Emmet. “Answer the question.”

Emmet looked towards Sharon and Laquda, his eyes flicking downwards as he sighed. “...Yes.”

Judge Ghast put a hand to her mouth scandalized.

Eric stalked towards the middle of the courtroom before whirling back towards Emmet with a flourish. “Eating other lusii?”

Emmet sighed. “Yes but many are predators-”

Eric cut him off. “Eating their CHILDREN?”

Judge Ghast looked towards Emmet expectantly, her eyes wide and shining with unshed tears.

Emmet sighed. “It’s extremely rare...but yes.”

Eric waved his legal pad about. “Can you imagine if parents at the local neighborhood barbecue hunted each other down and killed them?” He laughed ruefully “Ate their own children?”

Eric looked pointedly at Crocodile dad. “You also made a detailed study of armored lizard lusii, the same type of lusus here before us today.”

“I did.”

Eric huffed. “And isn’t it true that Armored lizard lusii are known to be particularly savage?”

“OBJECTION!” Laquda slammed her hands on the table that it jostled Sharon and cracked the marble top.

Judge Ghast arched an eyebrow. “On what grounds?”

Laquda’s mouth pinched, opening her mouth and then closing it again. She squinted at Eric and put her hands to her hips “ON THE GROUNDS OF BEING A MASSIVE DOUCHE.”

Judge Ghast blinked. “....uh...overruled? Though please keep your questioning civil.”

Eric turned towards Emmet. “Armored lizard lusii have a reputation on Alternia don’t they?”

Emmet nodded. “That’s uh...that’s correct…”

Eric looked at Emmet harshly. “Now why is that?”

Emmet looked at Sharon and sighed. “That are known to be very territorial.”

Eric put a hand to his cheek in mock scandal. “So territorial that they tend to eat their neighbors correct?”

Emmet stuttered. “W-well-”

“Yes or no answer the question.”

“Yes.”

“So territorial that they rarely take in grubs if at all.”

“Th-that is the stereotype but-”

“YES. OR. NO.”

“...yes…”

He looked at Judge Ghast. “That doesn’t sound much like a person to me, your honor.” He smiled mirthlessly. “Your witness.”

Laquda growled under her breath and went back to Emmet. “Well then! Are you aware of of times where the human parenting process hasn’t gone so well?”

“Objection!” Eric put his hands on his hips. “The witness isn’t-”

Laquda rolled her eyes. “Emmet how long did you spend on Alternia?”

Emmet blinked. “A year”

“And how long have you been on Earth?”

Emmet shrugged. “My entire life.”

Laquda shrugged and looked at Judge Ghast. “I mean he is a human, he’s a parent, and Eric already opened the door to a new branch of questioning when he asked the court to judge parenting styles.”

Judge Ghast looked over at Emmet. “She does have a point.” She turned to Emmet. “I think I know where this is going. Please feel free to answer the question.”

Emmet looked down and nodded. “...Yes I have heard of a lot of cases where human parents aren’t good people too…My own parents were um...terrible people.”

He looked sadly down at his clasped hands “Just because someone can breed doesn’t mean that they’re a good person….doesn’t mean that they should be allowed anywhere near a child.”

Laquda looked over at Eric pointedly as she spoke. “It’s almost as if species has nothing to do with the character of an individual.” She glared down Eric “I mean if compassion meant personhood what would that make you?”

Judge Ghast rolled her eyes. “Stop with the quips! You know we have a stenographer transcribing everything don’t you?”

 

   [STENOGRAPHER’S NOTES]

   Laquda Lareek: I mean if compassion meant personhood then what would that make you?

   From gallery, source indeterminate: OOOO OWNED!

   Eric Eames: >:0

   Honorable Judge Ghast: Stop with the quips! You know we have a stenographer transcribing everything don’t you?

   Laquda Lareek: *looks at stenographer* Oh yeah. I forgot you were here. Sorry about that.

   Emmet Finley: *also looks at Stenographer* *continues to be cute* You’re doing a fantastic job!

   Stenographer: *blushes*

 

She looked down at Emmet as softly as a 10 foot tall murder alien could. “Thank you. Unless opposing counsel has anything else left to ask.”

Eric huffed and waved the question off, looking angrily at his team of now nervous-looking paralegals.

Emmet stood up from the witness box and went back to the gallery, sitting back down next to Lolida. Lolida looked back to her phone, pretending to not have been watching the proceedings. Emmet took off his glasses to clean them and Lolida could see how shaky they were, how much he had bitten down his nails nervously.

She didn’t quite know how to deal with that, so she kept quiet and went back to her game. She kept an eye on him though.

Laquda crossed her arms behind her back. “The next witness I would like to call to the stand is Crocodile dad.”

“WHAT?” Eric pointed at Crocodile dad angrily “He can’t even talk!”

Laquda rolled her eyes and suppressed a growl. “He can write, asshole.”

Eric seemed a bit taken aback: “He can?”

Laquda nodded and motioned towards Laura who was waiting in the gallery with an unusually large box next to her on the bench. “Our associate has even gone through the courtesy of getting a text-to-speech machine.”

Laura lifted a bulky white ceramic plated machine from the box. “We use these all the time for nonverbal cases at the clinic!”

Judge Ghast clapped her hands “Oooo! This just keeps getting more and more interesting!”

“Your honor-” Eric smiled, wide and pained. “That machine has not been vetted, it could be programmed with pre-recorded answers or it could be trained to answer a certain way.”

Judge Ghast shrugged “Well I’ll just have to ask a couple of questions he couldn’t be prepared for!”

Laquda motioned to Crocodile dad. Crocodile dad smiled under the muzzle and waved a shackled paw friendly. “Would you please unlock him so he can take the stand?”

Judge Ghast eyed the 10 foot tall lusus warily. “I-ah-um...yeah.”

The judge motioned to the bailiff vaguely. The greying man looked at the giant crocodile and back to the judge incredulously. Judge Ghast shooed him on with a frantic gesture of her hand. The man swallowed nervously, his eyes wide and his mustache pinched with fear and began to shuffle towards the crocodile.

Crocodile dad held out his paws obligingly, the bailiff was trembling, dropping his key twice before finally undoing the lock around Crocodile dad’s shackles. Crocodile dad crooned and rubbed his wrists appreciatively.

“Um miss?” The bailiff turned towards the judge “Do you muzzle off or?...” He asked with the frightened air of a man who really. Really. Didn’t want to reach up by those sharp teeth to remove the muzzle.

Crocodile dad shook his head and reached up to the device himself, delicately undoing the locking mechanism himself and sliding off the muzzle, rubbing his snoot gingerly. The bailiff seemed impressed.

Congressman Whiteman finished his call. He huffed and smiled to himself. He went to make a second call, scrolling down his contact list. If that’s how they wanted to play this then fine, he’s covering all of his bases.

They’ll get that little girl back over his dead body.

 

A plush velvet chair overlooked a roaring fire. A deathly thin and gaunt hand reached out from a well worn medical journal to a teacup perched delicately on a side table. The cup was pulled back and the man took a sip.

There’s nothing better than a quiet night with a good book, a warm fire and a cup of-

The phone rang.

Goddamn it all.

He answered the phone. “You better have a good reason for calling me, Whiteman.”

Whiteman huffed. “We’ll need your expertise. $20,000 up front and $20,000 after.” He didn’t wait for an answer, only hung up abruptly.

Yellow light flashed against the man’s gaunt face, drawing dark shadows from across his hooked nose.The light of the fire reflecting in his round spectacles. 

He put down his tea.

Well $40,000 is $40,000.

  
  


Crocodile dad shuffled into the witness box awkwardly, his bulk was of such that the fit was a bit too snug for his liking. He lifted the chair out of it and set it on the floor by the stand. He circled around and around in the box like a cat making itself comfortable, before hunkering down and resting his head on the ledge. He harrumphed in victory.

Judge Ghast was trying her best not to seem intimidated by the giant crocodile sitting next to her, her hands were trembling as she clutched her gavel. “Wow you are big.” she whispered, her eyes wide.

Crocodile dad turned to her and nodded. Yes. Yes he is big.

Laura brought up the text to speech machine. The interface on the front was outfitted with a full keyboard as well as numerous common expressions.

Crocodile dad perked up and clapped his paws together in excitement, shimmying just a bit in the witness box. He pressed his all time favorite expression labeled clearly on the front of the device.

“HELLO!” The machine belted out. Crocodile dad cooed and pressed the button in quick succession. “HELLO! HELLO! HELLO!”

Judge Ghast swallowed and waved to get his attention. “Um...Mr Crocodile?"

Crocodile dad turned to her and smiled, widely. “HELLO! HELLO! HELLO!”

She smiled crookedly. “Um. I have to asked you a couple of questions to make sure that the answers are not pre-recorded or that you are trained to answer a certain way. Do you understand?”

Crocodile dad searched the list of phrases on the machine for a moment, his eyes squinted. The court held their breath.

Crocodile dad clicked an option. “YES.” Announced the machine.

Judge Ghast blinked and smiled. “Oh wow!” She breathed in awe before visibly controlling herself. “So first question….” She hummed and looked around the room. “Oh!” She pointed at her head. “What is the color of my hair?”

Crocodile dad chittered. Well this was an easy game. He clacked away at the keyboard, comically undersized for a creature of his girth, hunched over the monitor and squinting at the letters that flew by.

“SUN YELLOW.” The machine belted out in it’s off tinny voice. “FLOWER YELLOW. EARTH YELLOW. BUT NOT TROLL YELLOW.”

Judge Ghast blinked. “Oh? What do you mean by that?”

Crocodile dad continued to click away at his keyboard “WELL MY DEAR, I HAVE FOUND ON EARTH THAT HUMANS HAVE SUCH A WIDE ARRAY OF COLORS AVAILABLE TO THEM. TROLLS WHO ARE YELLOW ARE YELLOW ON THE INSIDE AND YET HUMANS ARE SO COLORFUL ON THE OUTSIDE.”

Judge Ghast smiled. “Alright so I’m convinced that reasonably- that couldn’t have been pre-recorded.” She looked over at Laquda “What were the signs of sentience again?”

Laquda cleared her throat “Uh… Behavior- exhibiting compassion, motivation ,etc. Subjective experience also know a shaving an “Inner experience” which is usually interpolated by behavior and the physical requirement of having a large enough brain to hold a consciousness.”

Judge Ghast seemed to count something mentally in her mind, holding up her fingers in front of her and moving her mouth silently as she thought. “Ok so we really need subjective experience.” She turned towards Crocodile dad and then at Laquda. “You said he was your dad right?”

Laquda didn’t like where this was going. “...yes?”

Judge Ghast smiled. “Can you tell me a story about your daughter?”

Laquda shook her head, the color draining from her face. Crocodile dad smiled.

What followed next was a very lengthy, and very embarrassing retelling of Laquda’s childhood, including her favorite toys, how Crocodile dad would braid her hair as a child and the time a 3 and a half sweep old Laquda accidentally ran head first THROUGH a wall in their home. 

Judge Ghast was howling with laughter, Laquda had her head in her hands absolutely mortified, Sharon was trying her best not to giggle and Eric was extremely uncomfortable not knowing how the heck to respond to this.

It was so obvious how much Crocodile dad loved his first daughter, how proud of her he was, how much he had missed her when she was conscripted.

“AND THE LITTLE DEAR DIDN’T KNOW HER OWN STRENGTH!” The machine belted out to the court as Crocodile dad chuckled to himself recounting the scene. “WE HAD A HECK OF A TIME TRYING TO GET HER HORNS OUT OF THE WALL.” He smiled fondly and huffed. “SHE DIDN’T STOP THOUGH. THE VERY NEXT DAY SHE TRIED AGAIN. SHE WAS FEARLESS THAT ONE. JUST LIKE MY MINNIE...”

Crocodile dad paused at the machine. The joy he had recounting Laquda’s misadventures fading. “I HOPE THEY HAVE HER PLUSHIE.”

Judge Ghast frowned and looked over at Crocodile dad. “Who’s plushie?”

“MINNIE’S.” Crocodile dad typed out. He whined lowly. “SHE HAS SUCH TERRIBLE NIGHTMARES THAT ONE.” He shook his head and looked earnestly at Eric. “SHE CAN’T SLEEP WITHOUT  HER TOY CROCODILE.”

A tear rolled down Crocodile dad’s snout and landed on the text to speech machine.  “PLEASE TELL ME SHE HAS IT.” He looked imploringly at Eric “I DON’T REMEMBER ANYTHING AFTER THE DARTS...PLEASE TELL ME SHE HAS IT. I DON’T WANT HER TO BE AFRAID.”

More tears fell onto the keys of the machine. He put a paw to his snout, suppressing a low whine “I DON’T WANT HER TO BE AFRAID.” He repeated. “I DON’T WANT HER TO BE AFRAID.”

He reached again to the machine but his paws were shaking.

“Dad-” Laquda began softly, rising from her seat.

“She has it.” it was Eric that spoke softly, thumbing the edge of a file on his desk, his features smoothed into something that decidedly wasn’t his usual smug expression. “She has it.”

Crocodile dad smiled, huffing out a long relieved breath and putting his paws back to the machine. “THANK YOU.” The machine’s tinny voice answered back.

Judge Ghast seemed dumbfounded. She reached a hand to her cheek and was surprised to find it wet with tears. “Thank you.” She spoke quietly, the entire court hushed around this experience. “Will that be all?”

Eric flipped through the file on his desk, not reading so much as staring through the paper. “...I ...not at this moment...”

Judge Ghast clapped her hands “Well then I think I have everything I need!” She banged her gavel. “I hereby waive the euthanasia order!”

The court gallery stood up and yelled with joy. Laquda picked up Sharon and spun her, both of them laughing as they went. Thomas and Laura hugged each other. Emmet clapped his hands happily and Jukilo sighed in relief.

 

The protestors outside the building were ecstatic. Pumping their fist with joy and cheering as Crocodile dad waved to them. A couple of women, one older and one younger with long brown hair laughed as they threw eggs at the Congressman’s retreating limo. The older woman brayed with laughter. "Take that you fucks!" The younger woman pumped her fists her bracelets jangling.   
  


The gang gathered together that night at a local restaurant. Laquda, Sharon, Thomas, Laura, Jukilo, Emmet and Earl gathered to discuss strategy. Lolida and Alimah were in the booth next to them bending back spoons to launch meatballs at each other while Greg stared at them dreamily.

Sharon picked at her salad delicately, lost in thought as she pushed vegetables around her plate. “This was the easy part. It is obvious that Crocodile dad is a person once you actually talk to him but now we have to make the case that he should be allowed to be Minnie’s guardian.”

Sharon stabbed her fork violently into a vegetable. “We should be proud of ourselves but we also need to keep in mind that this was an informal hearing, as difficult as this was it will only get harder and we will need every scrap of evidence that we have.”

After the dinner Sharon pulled Jukilo to the side. “We’ll need your expertise in the main part of the case.” He shrunk slightly under her piercing gaze. She cocked her head. “That means we’ll need you present and sober.”

Jukilo clutched at the ends of his sleeves. “I’m...dealing with it.”

Sharon nodded. “I’m glad you’re dealing with it. KEEP dealing with it.” She sighed “I would usually try to be gentler with this sort of thing but we can’t afford to make mistakes. Especially not now.”

Jukilo nodded and Sharon walked away, a case under her arm.

Jukilo sat back into a booth at the restaurant. He watched despondently as a waitress brought out a slice of cake for a child having a birthday party. He sighed and put his head in his hands. After a moment he took his wallet from his pocket and dug out a business card. He took out his phone and dialed the number.

“Doctor Fitzgibbons?” Jukilo sighed and scratched a talon into the wood surface of the table. “Yeas it’s me Ju-....Yes the one that stole the candy dish out of the clinic waiting room...Yes I- Alright I’m sorry about that. Yes I’ll give you the bowl back just-”

He sighed and rubbed a hand across his forehead. “You were right...I think it’s time for professional help.”   
  
  


The Congressman slapped a thick file loudly down on his mahogany desk. Lila and Eric jumped where they had been seated. “YOU COULDN’T HANDLE ONE BARBARIAN AND AN ANIMAL.”

Eric glared at the congressman. “We took out their lawyer! They weren’t supposed to be able to-”

The Congressman whirled back around to glare at him. “Shut up you spoiled BRAT. You showed just how incompetent you are in there.” He smoothed down his suit. “That’s why I brought in reinforcement”

A dark figure stepped through the doorway. The man was whipcord thin and unnaturally tall, dressed in a dark suit so stiff with propriety one could hear the multiple PHDs in the rustle of the fabric. His dark hair was slicked back from his high forehead. Round glasses were perched on the end of a long nose, reflecting the yellow light of the room like the stare of a nocturnal creature.

“My name is Professor Ivanov.” The man drawled, his voice low and thick. If Sharon was bright red, dangerous as a whip and brimming with righteous fury, then this man was a dark grey, dangerous like a slow plague and the embodiment of cynicism. Just his presence seemed to make the room temperature drop. Lila shivered despite herself.

The Congressman smiled widely, scribbling out a check quickly and handing it to the man. The professor accepted the check without expression, simply tucking the paper into his pocket. The professor turned towards Eric. “I already have a list of questions to ask me during the testimony. As long as you can read there’s no way to mess this up.”

The congressman chuckled and turned to Eric and Lila. “I’ll bring our guest to the drawing room to brief him. Once you two decide to be useful you can join us.”

The congressman and the professor left, the congressman loudly promising the finest vintage of wine to his clearly apathetic guest.

Eric crossed his arms and grit his teeth, some of his hair dropping into his face. “Asshole.” he growled under his breath.

Lila sat next to him quietly, running a finger across the dark wood of the desk, she seemed to be a million miles away.

“He said she had nightmares.” 

Lila turned to face him “What?”

Eric shrugged. “The crocodile thing. It said Minnie has nightmares.”

Lila’s brows furrowed. “MINA.”

Eric rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” He turned to her, eyeing her through a curtain of blonde hair. “Do you know why?”

Lila clasped her hands together, picking at her nails. “Yes….We both do.”

 

The congressman and the professor sat in the drawing room, the congressman poured a glass of wine for the other. “We’re glad you’re here. We need to keep that thing away from that innocent child.”

The professor put his wine glass to the side untouched. “The sooner this is done the sooner I get the rest of my $40,000.”

The congressman sighed. “Yes i-”

The conversation was cut short when the door burst open.

The congressman threw down his file. “Why can’t anyone open a door like a normal person around here? I swear.”

Brynn Stephens stalked into the room, her pink hair contrasting with the dark pantsuit she wore. “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?”

“Yes Welcome Miss Stephens.” The congressman continued sarcastically. “I’m fine, how are you? Please sit with us and enjoy a glass of wine.”

Brynn  angrily kicked the coffee table, knocking off the wine bottle and sending it shattering to the ground. “DO YOU THINK THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE?”

The congressman arched an eyebrow and leaned back in his leather chair. “I hope you know that was a $500 bottle. You’re paying for that.”

“You tried to kill him!” Brynn shook her head flabbergasted. “You tried to KILL HIM!”

The Congressman shrugged. “You mean I tried to remove a dangerous animal from the public? Yes. Yes I did.”

The congressman shook her head, pulling at her pink hair. “HE’S NOT AN ANIMAL! HE’S A PERSON!”

“Oh please. He’s as much of a person as that bottle of wine was.”

Brynn sighed and put a hand to her face. Her eyes filling with tears. “I don’t understand.” She turned towards him, shaking her head. “I just don’t understand how the hell I’m supposed to explain to you that people who aren’t like you are still people. That people who aren’t like you still deserve to be treated with respect and protected.”

She huffed. “How the hell am I supposed to convince you to care about people? It seems so necessarily fundamental to me.”

Tears flowed down her cheeks. “I have always tried my best to be a good person, and I have measured that by helping people.”

The congressman stood up. “I am ALSO helping people!”

Brynn shook her head. “You’re only helping people who are like you! Even then people have to act in accordance to your every narrow whim or else instead of helping them you shun them, belittle them and punish them. People shouldn’t be afraid to live their lives and make their own decisions.”

“That’s rich.” The congressman snorted “I’m allowed to disagree with people and legislate accordingly.” He waved a hand at her dismissively “You don’t like animal cruelty and all that nonsense. What if people were being cruel to dogs? Just let them go because it’s their decision?”

“FROM THE GUY THAT JUST TRIED TO KILL A LUSUS?” Brynn yelled “And hurting things isn’t a fundamental right! Why the hell would you equate peaceful people who just want to live their lives with violent assholes?”

“Because it’s their decision. The way they’ve chosen to live their lives. You said you wanted to respect people and their decisions. I tried to kill an animal, it was my decision, and yet here you are in my business.”

Brynn shook her head. “You know I try to be nice to people. I try to compromise when I can. I do my best to be tolerant and understand people who have different experiences than me.” She whirled to face him “But how the hell do you even begin to speak with someone who only values people like them? Someone who has decided that everyone else is less than garbage? Someone who has decided that some people don’t deserve to live? People who are so steeped in hatred and bigotry that they will do anything to justify hurting others.”

She turned to walk out of the room. “I used to believe that there is good in everyone, and most times I’m right. People can do bad things because they were mislead or angry...sometimes they can realize that they’re wrong, they can become better. I wanted so hard to believe that there was a way compromise to make everyone happy.”

She growled. “But there’s no way to compromise with someone like you, someone who spreads cruelty everywhere they go like poison. Someone who has decided that some people are worthless because of what or who they are.” She huffed “And if that makes me intolerant it’s only because I won’t tolerate YOU. I won’t let you hurt any more people.”

Her teeth were gritted, fire in her eyes and her pink hair in her face. “You aren’t going to go unchallenged again in this next election. “

And with that she slammed the door and left.

“Hmmph.” Congressman Whiteman downed his glass of wine. “So much for tolerance then.”

The professor looked over at the Congressman over his wine glass, his eyebrows furrowed. “You tried to kill it?”

The congressman rolled his eyes. “Not you too. You know as well as I that earth simply isn’t the place for these barbaric Alternians. Is it really so wrong to use every mean available? And I do mean every mean available.” The Congressman grinned slow and wide. “Besides, do you want your $20,000 or don’t you?”

The Professor put down his wineglass and stayed silent.

The Congressman laughed. “Good boy.”

  
  


Sharon was going through a stack of files when Zappik returned. The skinny troll looked nervous, his brows drawn in confusion. Earl was spread across the couch, flipping through channels, Greg was wrapped in a blanket asleep in the armchair next to him, his freckled little face peeking out.

Sharon smiled at him. “Any news?”

Zappik nodded. “He hired a local professor as a scientific witness.”

Sharon nodded. “Well I figured as much. Half the battle is foreseeing their arguments and preparing for them, the rest is thinking quickly on your feet.

Zappik huffed. “There was something else before that..”

Sharon looked up from the file. “What is it? You sound nervous.”

Zappik shrugged. “A phone call to an unlisted number. All he said is ‘be ready’ nothing more, no reply from the other person on the line.”

Sharon frowned. “Let me see that number.” Zappik handed her a scrap of paper and Sharon’s brows shot up. “I know that number!”

Earl paused his channel surfing to look over the scrap curiously. “Well damn! I know that number too! That’s my ex-wife’s number!”   
  


 

Edith hummed as she worked. “When peace is like a river...attendeth my way.” She put her long brown hair into her standard bun, a picture of her, Greg and Earl on the night stand next to her.

“When sorrows like sea billows roll…” She murmured sing-song to herself, stripping off her grey turtleneck, a bullet proof vest underneath.

She came to a cabinet, she took a key on a chain around her neck, next to the cross charm she always wore and unlocked the cabinet. “Whatever my lot thou has taught me to say…”

Lines of guns filled the cabinet, corresponding ammunition under each rifle and handgun. She took out a large rifle and the corresponding bullets. She expertly loaded the gun, pulling back the safety and looking down the long barrel of the gun. She sang as she pulled the trigger.

“If it is well, it is well with my soul.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Judge Ghast was played by Ghastjio here on ao3! The two protestors who threw eggs at Congressman Whiteman's limo are played by Auto7 here on ao3 and her mom! Thank you for donating your lovely selves ;3
> 
> Anyways. I want to give you guys some funny parts because I love you and I want you to laugh but- I've also had to come to terms with the fact that not all people are redeemable. I want to believe in the good of people, that people can be loving and forgiving and generous. I want you to know that there are good people in this world. I have based everyone in this fic off of people I know. There are Sharons in the world- people who will fight for you just because it is right. There are lauras and Thomases, good people who will stay by your side through anything.
> 
> There are people like Laquda who have done wrong but are doing their best for the people they love. There are Jukilos who are dealing with terrible burdens and sometimes push people away because of it but are working so hard. There are real Chloes who try their best to help but cross lines in the process.
> 
> There are even people who do bad things because they genuinely think it's the right thing. People who are trying their best to be good but are going about it in ways that they don't realize hurt others. Others perhaps are apathetic or focused on the wrong thing you can persuade them.
> 
> There are also people who are just...Evil. And it is so hard to say, so hard to reconcile, because I have tried my whole life to help people, to understand people and I can't imagine being so cruel...
> 
> But recently we've all stared in the face of abject total cruelty. A total lack of humanity. An ugliness that is hard to witness, hard to recognize as even the same species as us.
> 
> And we've all been reminded recently that standing up for the right thing isn't always free.
> 
> I may not be the best person to tell this to you. This is a goddamn fanfiction on the internet about a giant crocodile. And forgive me if it inelegant in the delivery. But here it is and here we are at the crossroads of something terrifying, something that I have tried to deal with the best as I can with veiled fiction.
> 
> I love you. I love you and I want you to know that there is good in this world. There is good but it takes work.
> 
> It takes a whole lotta work.


	35. Minnie and Crocodile dad epic grand finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The grand conclusion to Minnie and Crocodile dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys this chapter is gonna be pretty damn dramatic and and times scary fair warning

Chloe sat in the living room of her house, the early morning sun shining through the bay windows that Jukilo had accidentally smashed a month earlier. The cheery yellow sundress patterned with little calico cats along the hem didn’t match her mood. Listless and tired she tried her best to not think of him, tried best to not think of how hurt he had looked that day.

She had been trying to help. He needed help but he wouldn’t-

Chloe’s brush faltered where she had been painting the swirling water of a river, the teal she had dipped her brush in reminding her of the troll, even the smooth curls of the rushing water reminded her of Jukilo’s horns. He had told her once that there was a river running through the swamp where Crocodile dad raised him and-

Dammit! Everything! Everything reminded her of Jukilo! She wasn’t supposed to be thinking of him!

She gripped her brush angrily in one hand and slammed it to the canvas hard enough to make the bristles splay out in every direction. She threw her brush back and forth in furious strokes over the canvas.

“WHY WON’T YOU LET ME HELP YOU!” Chloe grit her teeth, hairs were coming loose from the brush and streaming through the paint she was pressing the brush down so hard.

“Momma?” Chloe whipped her head around to see Dexter standing in the doorway, still in his little cerulean pajamas. Half hiding behind the doorframe the little troll nervously chewed his bottom lip and scrunched his little clawed feet in the carpeting.

“Hey baby.” Chloe sniffed and wiped a hand across her cheeks, when had she started crying? “Did I wake you?”

Dexter nodded numbly, playing with the hem of his sleep shirt and looking shyly at her.

Chloe gave her son a fond half smile “I’m so sorry baby.” She opened up her arms and beckoned for him “C’mere…”

Dexter trotted over to his mother and plopped down in her lap, putting his hands around her and tucking his face into her neck. “Oof.” Chloe grimaced slightly for a moment from the hard impact of her son jumping into her lap “I swear trolls are more dense than humans.”

She rubbed his back and kissed his temple, making Dexter relax a bit and settle down into her hold. She rubbed the last tears from her cheeks and tried to give her son a a bright smile “How about I make you pancakes today?” She jostled him playfully “Would you like that?”

Dexter gave her a solemn look, his big grey eyes wide and his mouth in a slight frown. He shook his little head slowly.

Chloe’s brow furrowed “Why not baby? What’s wrong?”

Dexter closed his eyes and snuggled closer to his mother, rubbing his horns across her shoulder. “You’re sad.”

Chloe sighed and leaned down to kiss him on the forehead “...I guess I am a little sad honey… But that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. Lets make pancakes, and after that then we can go to the park! How about that sweetpea?”

Dexter shook his head “Your thoughts are all wrong.”

Chloe looked down at him. Dexter was looking intently at her, his eyes large and flicking over the features of her face, his ears were flicking. “What do you mean my thoughts are all wrong?”

Dexter shrugged. “Your thoughts are wrong. Usually they’re all...orange?” She squinted at her and cocked his head. “It’s like orange but it’s like…” He growled to himself trying to explain it, sitting up in his mother’s lap and waving a tiny clawed hand “It feels like goldfish scales! All yellow and orange and shiney! Too awake and happy! Lemony pop fizz and excited.”

Chloe was dumbstruck, trying to process the fact that apparently her son could read mind or- emotions actually when he continued.

Dexter sighed and settled back into Chloe’s lap, hugging her tightly and tucking in his legs so that he was curled into a ball. “But now your thoughts are all woobly.” He wiggled a hand in front of her face in order to demonstrate ‘Woobly’. “All gross and wet and heavy like spaghetti. Muddy-cold-gross.”

Chloe hummed and rubbed her son’s back soothingly. She had never heard anyone use ‘Spaghetti’ to describe sadness, but in an odd childish way she could see what he meant.

Dexter sighed and readjusted himself in his mother’s hold. “Jukilo is big and dumb and gross.”

Chloe snorted and looked down at Dexter. “Hey.” She warned him “Be nice.”

He growled to himself and Chloe had to laugh at that, giggling at the way her son’s nose crinkled when he growled. He was about as threatening as a wet kitten, it was adorable.

Dexter smiled up at her and began to purr, chirpy and rattly in the back of his throat, wiggling slightly in her lap, pleased that he could make his mother laugh. His smile fell again though and he looked up at Chloe with wide eyes. “...He made your thoughts all...sqwooshy…”

Chloe paused and looked down at him with an arched eyebrow, she was loving all the made-up words her son was coming up with today. “Sqwooshy you say?...”

Dexter nodded, small and serious his eyes dark grey knowing pools. “Yellow and pink and soft...like marshmallows.”

Chloe sighed and rocked her son back and forth gently. ”That...that actually is a really good way to describe it.”

“And dumb.” Dexter sighed, his mouth pressed into a harsh line. “Really, really dumb.”

Chloe looked down at him her mouth agape with shocked indignation “Hey!”

Dexter glared back up at her “It’s TRUE!” He sat up in her lap “You went soft and yellow-pink and got all dumb and he went soft and yellow pink and all dumb!”

“Awww….” Chloe couldn’t help but latch onto the detail about Jukilo’s feelings “He went all soft and pink too?”

“AND DUMB!” Dexter nearly shrieked and Chloe was caught off guard, reeling back and nearly falling over with the tiny irate troll in her lap. He growled and chittered and waved his little hands for emphasis “You went all dumb cuz you’re yellow-pink-soft for him!” He rolled his eyes “And his feeling got all hurt and angry because he was AFRAID!” Dexter bonked his little forehead into Chloe’s collar bone “And he’s afraid because he’s all yellow-pink-soft and really really DUMB!”

Dexter hissed and pressed his face harder into Chloe’s skin, putting his tiny grey hands over his ears as if he could will everyone else’s feelings out of his head. “He’s yellow-pink-soft-dumb and afraid that if you knew he was scared you wouldn’t be yellow-pink-soft for him anymore.”

Dexter, his fit seemingly over, slumped back into Chloe’s arms, the poor little thing exhausted.

“Oh honey.” Chloe rocked him back and forth and rubbed his back, tears were beginning to roll down her cheeks again “I’m so sorry that you’ve had to deal with this.” She pulled back far enough to plant kisses across his cheeks “You shouldn’t have to deal with my, or anybody else’s problems and I’m sorry about that.”

She rubbed his ear like one would with a cat and Dexter leaned into her touch. Chloe looked at him thoughtfully. “We’ll help you deal with this better…” She thought vaguely about wrapping his head in tinfoil.

Dexter sighed. “I already tried that.”

Chloe frowned. “We’ll figure something out.” She kissed his forehead and gave her a rueful smile. “...You’re right though...I care about Jukilo a lot and I let it make me kinda dumb about some things.” She groaned and rubbed her eyes “I shouldn’t have broken into his house to try and throw away all his sugar products.”

She put a fist to her thigh and looked out of the bay window fierce and determined “I’m an adult darn it! I’m an adult and I will have a conversation with him! Like an adult!”

Chloe looked stonily and determined out of the window for a moment before she crumpled in on herself, hugging Dexter tightly to her chest “Oh! But what if he says no! Or he’s still mad at me! Or if he says he never wants to see me again or-”

“MOM!” Dexter growled frustrated and tried to wiggle out of her hold.

Chloe loosened her arms and let him wiggle out “Sorry baby! Sorry!”

Dexter sat on his knees in front of Chloe and Chloe leaned over with a fond smile to give him yet another kiss on the forehead. “You’re a very special little guy Dexter.” She hummed and smoothed down some of his hair “I bet you can help all kinds of people with a special power like this…” She tapped his nose and he giggled. She looked at him seriously “You shouldn’t have to feel anyone else’s pain though…”

Chloe looked around the room and then back at her son “Let’s do some experiments...See if there isn’t anything that can block what you hear…” She smiled at him “And if you’re up for it...Wanna go to the courthouse with me?” She smiled and rose to her feet, brushing off the yellow dress she wore, the little stitched calico cats on the hem seeming to dance with the movement. “There’s some people who can use our support.”

Dexter smiled and held out a tiny hand, Chloe helped him up. “Now…” Chloe announced with a flourish “Let’s make you pancakes and do some experiments, you said you already tried tinfoil?”

  
  


Jukilo sighed, looking up from the scrap of paper in his hands. It was 9pm at the Reagan Miami public highschool, he stood in the parking lot looking up at the sign on the door.

Addicts anonymous meeting tonight.

He sighed and crumpled the paper in his hands, he rubbed his eyes, and groaned. He leaned against the brick of the building entrance. This was stupid.

This was stupid but he couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t lie to himself, tell himself that he was handling it because he wasn’t. He wasn’t handling it, like Laura had said he wasn’t “Himself”.

Not being himself was the only explanation had. Why else would he have said that to Chloe?

He still remembers the way she looked, that day when he came home to find her nearly in tears in a pile of all the sugary snack foods he had in his house. He had spent so long hiding them, carving out hollows in books, taping bottles of maple syrup to the underside of chairs.

And then there she was, sitting near tears in the compiled proof of his weakness.

He didn’t want her to know how bad it was. She was the one person he would ever want to know. He would have swallowed his scythe if it meant she never found out just how weak he was.

So he lashed out. Like an idiot.

Jukilo pressed his face against the brick and groaned. The cold stone was actually a welcome relief to the headache that he had harbored since he ate the last M&M he found in his coat pocket a little more than eight hours ago. He had been in the Alternian specialist’s doctor’s office hissing and spitting as the little old human lady doctor tried to wrench it away from him. The pain was radiating from the roots of his horns, so intense he swore he could feel the pain pulse through his teeth and all the way down his neck.

No he wasn’t handling this. Chloe knew, Thomas knew, Laura knew, even SHARON knew.

And he couldn’t be like this when the trial came. His father and his sister’s happiness depended on it.

With that final thought Jukilo straightened up from the wall, tugging on his wrinkled suit so that he could be in some semblance of order. He rubbed his cheek where the rough brick had left a pattern.

For his father.

For Minnie.

For Chloe.

And with that Jukilo Jurrok, civil servanterrorist of the former empire of Alternia, walked into the dingy halls of the Reagan public high school for his first addicts anonymous meeting.  


 

Sharon Kakkar sat in her office poring over case transcripts, a pair of reading glasses perched at the tip of her hooked nose. She looked over cases regarding adoptive parents from different backgrounds fighting to keep custody of their children. She scribbled onto a legal pad beside her and clicked something on her laptop, scrolling for a moment through an online legal periodical, checking back to the case in her hands and scribbling another note. 

Past the open office door Alimah rolled down the hallway on her skateboard. She had just come home from school, wearing her full uniform, the maroon sweater over the black skirt, her long hair in a messy braid behind her.

Having just passed the hallway in one direction, Alimah appeared on the other side of the door, rolling down the hall slowly the other direction.

“Not in the house.” Sharon murmured, not looking up from the case brief in front of her.

Alimah sneered at her mother, getting off the board reluctantly and moodily kicked it away, letting it roll down the hardwood hallway until it crashed into the stairway banister, off the precipice of the first floor landing and began to thunk loudly down the stairs.

Sharon took a sharp breath inwards through her nose “Alimah.” She warned.

Alimah trudged to her mother’s office, taking the knob of the door in her hand and leaning backwards, stopping the door with her feet and then leaning forwards, straining the door and making it creak under her weight.

Sharon whirled around, ripping off her glasses and giving her daughter the kind of glare that would perhaps set a lesser woman on fire “ALIMAH WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

However Alimah, being Sharon’s daughter, has not only has built up a tolerance to these deadly stares due to the wonders of natural exposure, but has patented her own version of the glare. A look she shot right back at her mother.

It was tense as the two Kakkar women glared daggers at each other.

Alimah turned away first, pivoting on a heel away from her mother with a deliberately bored look, kicking at a ball of paper notes Sharon had thrown across the office in a rage. “Oh nothing!…” She said cheerfully, an undercurrent of poison in her words, clasping her hands neatly behind her back.

Sharon didn’t appreciate all of her own tricks being thrown back at her, by her own daughter no less. The traitor.

She groaned and put a hand to her forehead. “Will you stop? I INVENTED that technique.” She smoothed down her skirt and angled her office chair to face her daughter more directly. “So just say what you want to say Alimah.”

Alimah regarded her mother, a suspicious glint in her dark eyes. “So you used to work for the Congressman, huh?”

Sharon sighed and turned away, skimming through a passage about at-risk placement adoptions and the legal ramifications of continuing parental rights. “Yes. I used to work for the Congressman.”

Alimah broke character to gape at her mother. She motioned dramatically out the window as if the congressman was hiding in their bushes this very moment. “WHY? HE’S AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING DOUCHE!”

Sharon put down her case to look at her daughter again “Yes well his right to be ‘an absolute fucking douche’ in unfortunately enshrined in the first amendment.” She pointed at Alimah with the arm of her glasses “That doesn’t mean we have to listen to him, that doesn’t mean we have to give them the time of day and that doesn’t mean we don’t stop pressing him on matters of great importance.”

Alimah groaned and rubbed her face. “You know that’s not what I’m talking about!”

Sharon sighed and crossed her legs, she threw her head back and groaned “Ok you got me. I deliberately misunderstood the question so I could veer into a more comfortable topic. I strawman-ed you and I’m sorry…” She leaned forward in her desk chair, stretching herself out, touching her toes and letting her hair fall over her face before straightening up to look at her demanding daughter. She gave Alimah a thoughtful look. “Pull up a chair.”

Alimah scrambled out of the office, running across the hall, kicking the door open roughly in order to retrieve the chair from the desk in her room, the sort of green and black abomination with too much padding and stitches sold to gamers. She rolled the chair noisily across the wood floor, into her mother’s office, where she plopped down into it and immediately began to spin.

Sharon took a hold of the arm of the chair to stop her spinning and to force Alimah to look at her. She paused for a moment, looking away in thought before turning back to the expectant Alimah.

Sharon bit her lip “So I feel like this will need some context, so get ready.” She shrugged “My parents came here from India, shocker I know. Things were different back then.” Sharon grimaced “You dealt with things that weren’t fair because you had to, you just had to make the best of it. Fit in as best as you could and just...make the best of it.”

Sharon shrugged “You had to give up a lot back then, my parents were determined to make sure that I fit in, and that meant no hindu in public, western clothes except for holidays and choosing another name to-”

Alimah sat up shocked “Wait what you had another name?”

Sharon seemed a bit miffed to have been interrupted, she rolled her eyes. “Yes honey I had another name.”

Alimah looked offended “What was your name? How are you my mother and I don’t know your ACTUAL name?”

Sharon flicked her daughter on the forehead “Sharon IS my actual name! I chose it, the nurse wrote it on my birth certificate because she was white and couldn’t spell my other name, it’s mine. I haven’t been called anything other than ‘Sharon’ since I was five years old and first went to school.”

Alimah put a hand to her chest. “And you never told me? Me! Your own daughter who-”

Sharon arched an eyebrow. “Sharanya. It was Sharanya. Are you happy?”

Alimah smiled, mouthing the name to herself a couple of times. “It’s pretty.” She hummed.

“It means to submit or surrender.” Sharon admitted with a rueful chuckle.

Alimah grimaced “Ouch.”

Sharon laughed. “I guess that’s why I wanted to go into law, so I wouldn’t ever have to surrender again. I was stubborn like that, still am.”

“My parents both worked two jobs so that I could go to college. They sacrificed a lot for me to be where I am today. I also worked multiple jobs through college, got a job as a paralegal in a low office, worked through graduate school, passed the bar exam and became an attorney. I worked in the same law office as your father b-”

“Before dad became a gigantic douche?” Alimah finished for her mother.

Sharon smiled “Yes before your father became a giant douche… We married, had you, divorced, he went off ...somewhere…” Sharon rolled her eyes and continued “I had just made junior partner when we were bought out by another firm run by an up and coming political TART known as-”

“Congressman Whiteman” Alimah nodded knowingly, the pieces coming together.

“He wasn’t a congressman yet, he was actually just setting his sights on mayor...but yes…” Sharon rubbed her hands together slowly. “Sometimes adults...sometimes adults have to do things they don’t want to do in order to get somewhere.” Sharon gave her a hard look “I had to do a lot of things I didn’t like and didn’t agree with. Lawyers are only supposed to care about the faithful application of the law.” She shook her head “I managed to help a lot of people too though...I’ll always be proud of that… Being a lawyer is sometimes a ...mixed bag.”

Sharon huffed “And working for that twat was insufferable! Constant snide comments about how my marriage didn’t succeed because I was working, how you would be better off if I stayed at home, complimenting me on how pretty I was ‘For an Indian girl’ he is a disgusting human being!” Sharon growled and tore at her hair.

“Why didn’t you leave?” Alimah huffed and motioned dramatically with a hand “You shouldn’t have had to deal with that kind of trash.”

Sharon let go of her hair to give her daughter a flat look. “It was the nineties. I was a single mother, a woman of color, and I was working in a field dominated by rich white men who regarded me as a lovely novelty rather than someone who could contribute. Trash was the routine, no matter where I went.”

Sharon quirked her eyebrows. “Trash my dear, is simply a way of life.” Alimah snorted at that.

She poked a finger in the air “Which is why I had to be ten times smarter, ten times tougher and just all around better than those fucks. I wasn’t going to let them break me! I worked my ass off!” She smiled viciously “And there is nothing better than to achieve something that some asshole said you couldn’t! To rub it under their smarmy noses and PROVE that you deserve to be there!”

She leaned back in her chair, a satisfied smile on her face. “So that’s why I kept working for him, so I could prove him wrong every chance I got. To watch his ugly face as I got what I wanted, and to hopefully have a front row seat when he finally got what he deserved...”

Alimah stared at her mother, absorbing the new information. “...So...Why did you stop?”

Sharon paused. She turned away from her daughter, putting her glasses back on. “That’s enough for today.” She stated abruptly “Story time was fun, but I have a lot of work to do.”

“WHAT?” Alimah got out of her chair “That’s it!? COME ON!”

Sharon very pointedly ignored her daughter in favor of highlighting a section in Florida statute 63.022. “This is the end of the discussion Alimah, I have work to do.”

“You know what?” Alimah balled her hands into fists, angry tears streaming down her face. “I think I FUCKING deserve to know!”

Sharon looked up from the statute in front of her “Alimah enough!”

Alimah shook her head “No! Something made you drop out of practice!” She wrapped her arms around herself “You quit your job! Pulled me out of school! Moved us out of the middle of Miami and into the SUBURBS and I want to know why!”

Alimah grabbed the hem of her sweater, pulling so hard that Sharon could hear the seam begin to rip. Angry tears continued to stream down Alimah’s face “And you ALWAYS DO THIS!” She let go of her sweater to throw down her arms angrily “You just DECIDE what’s good for everyone without even talking about it and then just expecting them to be fine with it!”

Alimah scrubbed her face with a sleeve of her sweater. “Did you get in trouble? Just please tell me I-”

Sharon shook her head, taking a hold of Alimah’s hands. “Beti, beti…” She murmured the quiet term of endearment, tears brimming in her own eyes. “I did it for YOU!”

Alimah’s brows came together “What?”

Sharon shook her head. “You were growing more distant, doing poorly in school…” Sharon took a shaky breath “He had offered me the deal a million times before...five years severance pay in exchange for not working...I always refused but…”

Tears began to fall down her face. Alimah was stunned, in all her fifteen years of life she had never seen her mother actually cry. Sharon shook her head “You came home and your jeans were ripped up, you had scratches on your hands and you wouldn’t tell me anything!”

Sharon squeezed her daughter’s hands “I thought about all those years, from daycare to after school activities, to summer camp to all those late nights when I snuck you into the office while I worked late…”

Sharon pressed her daughter’s hands together and pressed a kiss to them “I thought that in my mad ambition I had lost you…I’ve sacrificed a lot for my work, but I’ll never, never, sacrifice YOU.”

Almah was bawling at this point “Mom! You didn’t lose me!” She shook her head, sniffling as tears ran down her cheeks. “I’m a stupid angry teenager but that’s not your fault.” She pulled her hands out of her mother’s grasp.

Sharon was shocked as suddenly Alimah launched into her arms, her daughter wrapped her arms around her mother’s shoulders and hugged her tightly. Sharon put her hands on her daughter’s back and they both took a moment to cry together, rocking back and forth slowly.

Sharon kissed her daughter’s temple. “Beti...can you tell me what happened all that time ago?”

Alimah sat up and wiped her face with the sleeve of her sweater. “Oh geeze…” Alimah shrugged and turned away embarrassed. “You taught me that there is a right and a wrong...like justice and stuff…” Alimah shrugged and played with the end of her sweater. “So when I saw a group of upperclassmen bullying this kid...I may have uh…” Alimah winced and shrugged “Kinda started a fight?”

Sharon arched an eyebrow “That’s not how you do it honey.”

Alimah rolled her eyes and huffed “Yeah I know! It was stupid and spur of the moment and-”

Sharon took her daughter’s face in her hands and gave her a kiss on the forehead, pulling back with a smile “But I’m happy you stuck up for someone.”

Alimah smiled back at her “I learned it from my mom.”

Sharon grinned, a mischievous glint in her eyes “Not that I’m condoning violence but….did you win?”

Alimah grinned and laughed “I kicked their ASS.”

Sharon combed back some of her daughter’s hair with a fond smile “So how about a truce? No more secrets, from either of us. How does that sound? The Kakkar family will henceforth work together.”

Alimah smiled and raised a fist “Team kakkar?” She waggled her eyebrows.

Sharon rolled her eyes but gave her daughter a fist bump anyways. “Team Kakkar.” She agreed.

  
  


Crocodile dad walked with Madeline, caretaker of the “Friend’s end” Animal sanctuary he had been held at before the euthanasia order was lifted. He took the blanket that Jukilo and Laquda had retrieved from his house for him while he was here. He brought it up to his snout and sniffed.

It smelled like Minnie.

He misses her. He hopes she’s ok.

Taking one last look around the pen he had been held in revealed some details he had missed when he was too sad and emotional to sit up straight, much less think about things. It seems that Madeline had set a large pad out for him, like the kind kept at gyms for people to exercise on. There was also a large overhang meant to shield him from the harsh Florida sun.

Looking into the dog’s pen next to his he noticed that they also had little plastic huts to sleep in as well as different types of toys. He knew he was sent here to die, that all of them were sent here to die, he was not new to the threat of death, on Alternia that was a way of life, but he was unused to people caring for the soon to be dead. Why would Madeline care for them like this?

He turned to Madeline who took a drag of her cigarette. She noticed his stare and Crocodile dad motioned to the huts with query. He sighed as he looked out at the dogs who cuddled near each other.

“Ya mean why do I take care a em?” Madeline blew out a puff of smoke “Knowin’ they’re gonna die?”

Crocodile dad nodded, a sad look in his eyes.

Madeline sighed. She stooped over next to the dog’s pen. A white pitbull with brown speckles across his coat, came to the fence shyly, scars marring his sweet face from what looked like a savage bite. Madeline put her fingers through the fence and the dog whined, looking up at her nervously with their tail between their legs. They lowered to their belly and shuffled up to the wire hesitantly to lick at her hand. She smiled and pet his snout gently, the dog closing their eyes and leaning into her touch.

She sighed, her eyes filling up with tears. “I knew there ain’t nothing I could do for them. It ain’t right what the state wants to happen, it ain’t right. All I can do is give em what I can...show em the kindness they deserve before they leave.”

Madeline and Crocodile dad sat by the enclosure, dogs shyly coming up to them to be petted through the wire. The little brown eyed dog that had first awakened Crocodile dad trotted up to him, laying against the wire and closing their eyes with content as Crocodile dad reached his long claws through to scratch at their ears.

The sun was beginning to set, painting the shiney wire with dusty pinks and golds, a breeze came through the area, pulling at Madeline’s hair and causing the wind chimes hanging from Madeline’s porch to sway and send high chiming notes like bird song through the breeze.

Madeline took another drag of her cigarette. “In the court you listed all the children you have had, one after another. By my calculations-” Madeline gave Crocodile dad a solemn look “Your fist daughter, the one you got with ya...She’s over 700 years old...”

Madeline sighed. “...Not only that...but I’ve been doing some reading...accounts about what Alternia was like...the horrors about what those people had to go through.”

Madeline fidgeted with the cigarette she had “Ya knew you would outlive...outlive most of em…”

Madeline shook her head “And that little girl...she’s just a human.” Madeline looked him square in the eyes. “...well she’s going to grow up… she’s going to grow up and grow old and you’ll…” Madeline looked up at Crocodile dad who was staring solemnly out at the sunset, rosy orange hues painted across his scales, a sad look in his eyes as he pet the little dog. “Well you’ll still be here after she’s gone...you know that right?”

She scratched the ear of the scarred dog that had come to her “So I guess my question is why?” Madeline looked across her little sanctuary, from the scarred fighting dogs, to the slowly dying lemurs to the leopard who lounged on a rock and looked at them with solemn yellow eyes. “Why love something you can’t keep?”

Crocodile dad looked down at the little dog in front of him, their big brown eyes wide. He reached for his notebook, faltering for a moment before scritching something out and handing it to Madeline.

He put a paw on her shoulder, smiling sadly at the human “I suppose…” The note read, golden light playing over the pages “for the same reason you do it…”

Crocodile dad reached over to tap a claw against a second sentence he had written.

“To give children the home and the kindness they deserve, even if I know I cannot always be with them to guide them and protect them, is the greatest honor I have ever known."  
  


 

Lila Santiago was in the backseat of a cab, smoking a cigarette out of the window, the wind pulling at her long hair, making her curls swirl around her. 

The cab man looked back at her. He was a kindly-looking old man with a thick moustache. “You know things like those will kill you. Young thing like you doesn’t need to be messing around with those.” He grumbled in a fatherly tone “I know it’s awful quitting. I was a smoker for ten years but-” He smiled and the ends of his mustache turned up “I quit and I’ve never been better! Even began to play baseball with the grandkids again, was too winded before…”

Lila smiled back at him and laughed ruefully “It’s a bad habit I picked up from my ex…” She took a drag and blew the smoke out of the open window. “I’ve been trying to quit too.” She went back to staring out the window, her mind far away as she watched the last rays of the sunset shine meekly though the fronds of the palm trees that lined either sides of the road.

“Miss.” The cab driver looked back at her “We’re almost there, you’re going to have to put that out.

Lila, startled out of her revelry yelped and almost dropped the cigarette out of the window. The cigarette instead fell inside the cab, Lila tried to grab it, the cigarette landing in her open palm and burning her hand, making her drop the cigarette to the floor of the cab with a hurt yelp.

The cab driver pulled over abruptly and looked back at her with concern “Ma'am are you alright?”

“I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY!” Lila was already near tears, holding her burned hand close to her chest “I SWEAR I’LL CLEAN IT UP!”

The cabbie’s brow furrowed “Miss It’s alright it’s just a cigarette...Here let me help you…”

They both reached for the cigarette at the floor of the cab. The sleeve of Lila’s leather jacket rode up and from this close up the cab man could see what looked like extensive scarring, the scars were years old, at least twenty scars, rounded and mottled like-

Like the end of a cigarette.

Lila saw the look of horror in his eyes and quickly pulled down the sleeve of her coat. She picked up the cigarette from the floor of the cab, licked her fingers and used the spit to snuff out the ember. She then stuffed the half-used cigarette back into a pocket.

Lila cleared her throat and awkwardly combed back her hair. “So what uh...what do I owe you for the ride?”

The cabbie looked at her sadly, his eyes glinting with unshed tears. He gently took both of her hands in his and Lila looked at him cautiously.

“You know today miss…” The cabbie nodded slowly “I think the satisfaction of getting you here safe and sound is enough for today.”

Lila’s mouth pinched with the effort not to cry “...that’s so nice…” her voice was strained and despite herself a couple of tears rolled down her cheeks.

The cabman smiled and after rooting around in the glove compartment of the car handed her a tissue for her tears and a bandaid for the burn. “I know it’s not much but...Go on and have a good day, or a better day at least, alright?”

Lila nodded, gathered up her purse and gave the cabbie a watery smile and a little wave before exiting the vehicle.

Lila stood in front of the children’s society of Florida. The squat little building that housed the orphanage Crocodile dad had adopted Minnie from, it also happened to be the same place that Minnie was taken after she was taken from Crocodile dad.

Lila took a sharp inhale of breath as she looked at the handpainted sign in front of the building. She smoothed down her jacket and walked in.

Behind the front desk an older woman read a magazine leisurely, her eyes seemingly magnified behind her horned rim glasses. Lila went to the desk and she looked up “May I help you?”

Lila fidgeted with the cuffs of her sleeves “...I’m here to see Mina?”

The woman smiled warmly “Oh I’m so glad!” She jauntily got up from behind the desk and crossed over to Lila and took her by an arm, leading her smiling down the hallway of the facility “Oh I’m so glad! Just so glad!” The old woman gushed “I’m sure you’ll make a fantastic mother!”

Lila looked away “y-you don’t know me.”

The old woman waved a wrinkled hand to dismiss Lila’s statement. She turned around to grin at her “Well you’re human! That’s an improvement at least!”

Lila grimaced and let the old woman drag her down the hallway, coming to an office labeled “R.Ramirez”

“Oh mister Ramirez!” The old woman tapped on the office door with a smile “We have a very special guest!”

The door opened and a tall latino man with a shaved head and a goatee came out. He looked over Lila. “Miss Santiago.”

Lila fidgeted nervously under his gaze. “...may I see Mina?” She ventured meekly.

Roberto took a case file from his office and began to walk down the hallway, Lila trotting behind him to keep up. “Visitation will be monitored.” He warned, not looking at Lila but rather thumbing through the thick case he had in front of him. Lila looked over his shoulder and saw a picture of her daughter with that crocodile thingy. The lusus had her raised up in his arms, nuzzling her as the little girl laughed and kicked her little feet.

Roberto snapped the file shut and Lila squeaked and jumped back, having been caught snooping.

“Thirty minutes.” Roberto stated “Meanwhile I will be observing you.”

Lila nodded.

Roberto opened a door and Lila meekly peeked in.

It was a colorful playroom. The walls were painted a pale blue, little painted fish swam happily across the walls. The room was full of colorful toys, building blocks, books and stuffed animals, all loved and read and played with by at least a hundred children. In the middle of the room on a round rug that showed a colorful map of the globe was a squat little table surrounded by tiny neon rainbow chairs. A little girl sat alone at the table, coloring dutifully, her curly hair braided in two little pigtails that were a little lopsided, despite Roberto doing the best her could with them that morning.

Lila took in a sharp intake of breath, feeling a stab to the heart, her knees felt like they would give away at any moment.

Roberto passed by Minnie and leaned down. “Hola Mija.” He smiled kindly as he squatted down to her level “How are you doing?”

“Kay.” Minnie answered, not looking up from her coloring.

Roberto gave her braids a once over and winced “I’ll keep practicing braiding, who did your hair before?”

Minnie took a hold of one of her pigtails and tugged slightly. She shrugged. “Kitty.”

Roberto smiled and sighed. “Well there is someone here to talk to you ok? I’ll be right over there in the corner if you need me alright?” He straightened up and walked to the corner of the room, removing a large totoro plush from its throne on a rocking chair in order to sit down. He opened up the case file and set it on his knees, ready to watch over the visitation.

Lila crossed her arms, hugging herself tightly. She crossed into the room and kneeled by the little table, next to Minnie who kept coloring.

“Hi Mina…” Lila whispered, she struggled to smile. “It’s mommy.”

Minnie didn’t look up from her coloring.

Lila looked down and picked at her nails. “I guess you’re mad at me huh?”

Minnie didn’t answer, only hunkering down closer to the table.

Lila nodded to herself, biting her lip. “I...I understand that…” Lila sighed and looked at the little table, marked up by so many small hands, she ran a thumb against a particularly deep scratch “I would be mad at me too.”

Lila took a deep breath “I never wanted to leave you Mina.” Lila shook her head “I was going to come back...I was always going to come back.”

Minnie pressed her crayon harder to the paper, ripping it back and forth in harsh strokes.

Lila brought her knees up in front of her, hugging them to her chest. “Your dad wasn’t a good person.” She rested her cheek against her knees and for a moment where she sat next to this little set of table and chairs, Lila looked as young as she actually was. She should have been in high school worrying about prom but instead she was...here. “We didn’t have anywhere else to go though Mina...we didn’t have anywhere else…”

Lila sighed and closed her eyes, her brows and mouth pinched with pain “But as soon as he- as soon as he raised a hand to you we left. We left that very night. I would never have let him-Never Mina I-”

Lila scrubbed her face as tears threatened to well up in her eyes “But we got kicked out of the first apartment, and the one after that, and the one after that and I-”

Tears trailed down Lila’s cheeks “I couldn’t do it Mina. Nobody would help. I had t-”

The crayon tore through the paper Minnie was working on. Minnie whipped her head up and gave her mother a sharp look, somewhere between love, disgust, despair. She threw her crayon at Lila who yelped and fell back from the tiny table.

“My name.” the little girl breathed heavily, trembling as she forced the words out.

“My name is MINNIE.”

Lila sat back astounded. She looked down at the little table where Minnie’s drawings sat. There against the blue construction paper Minnie had drawn a little girl being held in the arms of a giant white crocodile.

  
  


It was finally the day of the trial. Well it was a hearing really, all matters of adoption and family matters were decided via hearing but it had the weight and legal consequence of a trial. Today was the day where it would be decided, whether Minnie would stay with Crocodile dad or whether she would be returned to her biological mother.

Jukilo joined Laquda and Sharon at one table, thumbing chip he received in addicts anonymous, a comforting weight where it sat in his pocket. He had freshly showered, his suit was cleaned and pressed and to everyone’s great comfort and relief he didn’t reek of maple syrup.

He didn’t smell like any sugar at all.

And even if he hadn’t totally recovered, even if it was still hard.

It was better.

Laquda was once again dressed in her uniform, the medals on the front of the dark fabric proclaiming a long military career for the glory of the empire. She had a thick gold band around her neck and a simple circlet that mimicked the band set under her horns. Her one remaining unblinded eye looked over Jukilo.

“Huh.” Laquda nodded slowly “Cleaned up you almost look like a proper troll. If you were in my squad I just MIGHT not cull you on the spot. MIGHT NOT CULL YOU ON THE SPOT.”

Jukilo huffed. “All in all, considering our history, your usually violent nature, the fact that you probably have killed someone for being incompetent, and your rank, that is therefore, despite the rough delivery, an actually nice compliment. Which is in itself, surprising.”

Laquda rolled her eyes “Yeah well keep talking that extra long bullshit and I might reconsider. MIGHT RECONSIDER.”

Behind Laquda a woman in a bright yellow dress held the hand of a smaller troll. She looked questioningly at the bustle of people before her eyes landed on Jukilo. She paused and gave him a small smile and a shy wave, pulling her hair back to tuck it behind an ear.

Jukilo took a breath, his bloodpusher thundering in his chest.

Sharon noticed the far-off look in Jukilo’s eyes, looking behind Laquda questioningly and smiling when she saw Chloe. She put a hand to Laquda’s arm to get her attention. Laquda jumped at the contact and looked at Sharon inquisitively. Sharon smiled and motioned to Chloe. Laquda grinned.

Sharon leaned forward, smiling at Jukilo she gently readjusted his tie. “Talk to her.” She urged. She poked a finger to his chest and with a slight undercurrent of steel added “And DON’T fuck it up.”

Jukilo nodded seriously, not taking his eyes of Chloe.

Jukilo walked slowly towards Chloe, tripping over his own feet slightly. Throngs of people parted around them, buzzing and murmuring as they walked, blending into swaths of color and sound as Jukilo and Chloe’s attention was focused solely on each other. The lights of the courthouse shone brightly, reflecting off of the polished marble floor and sending rays of light around Chloe.

They stared at each other for a moment, the crowd of people parting around them like a stream.

“I’m Sorry I-”

“I should never have-”

They both spoke at the same time.

“Oh I’m sorry I didn’t mean t-”

“Sorry to interrupt I-”

Chloe laughed, giggling and snorting at the situation. Jukilo chuckled.

Clhloe smiled up at him, her tri-colored eyes sparkling in the light. “I’m sorry!” There was still an undercurrent of laughter in her voice “Go ahead.”

Jukilo sighed, he bit his lip and struggled with his words for a moment, fiddling nervously with the cuffs of his suit. “I-I…” He looked away from her “I was wrong.”

Chloe shook her head “No Jukilo…” She looked down at her feet, the sandals with little yellow daisies not matching the mood. “I...I really crossed a line there...I shouldn’t have...dear god I mean I broke into your house! Your spare key was really easy to find and we should talk about that but STILL!”

Jukilo shook his head, exhaling out of his nose. “I don’t blame you for that Chloe...I didn’t really give you a choice. I had been hiding this for so long and-” He looked up at her “I never wanted you to know how bad it was.” He grimaced “I was angry but...I think that was when I...when I knew I couldn’t hide from this.”

He straightened up and tugged at the end of his suit. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck “I-I want you to know that I’m getting treatment. I have as of recently, joined an addicts anonymous group, which is a group of addicts who are, in fact, anonymous, and are in a group. I’m not fixed, and I don’t even know if this is something you can actually fix, as in 100% permanently as if it never happened- I mean but-”

He stopped himself, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I don’t...I don’t know if you can forgive me but-”

Jukilo was cut short as Chloe launched into his arms. She kissed him on the cheek as tears welled up in her eyes “There is nothing to forgive! There is nothing to forgive and I am so proud of you for getting treatment!”

Jukilo’s eyes watered and a teal blush came to his cheeks. He hugged her back, letting his face fall into to crook between her neck and shoulder. “You shouldn’t thank me for meeting the base requirements to be a functioning person.”

Chloe pulled back, smiling as tears ran down her face. She rolled her eyes “Yeah well you’re wrong, this is definitely something to be proud of and I’m still proud of you!” She kissed him on the nose and laughed, cupping his cheek with a hand “You functional person you!”

Jukilo smiled, leaning into Chloe’s hand and purring shamelessly for a moment.

Dexter growled.

Jukilo looked down at the younger troll. Dexter was glaring daggers up at Jukilo, clutching his mother’s skirt. The little troll wore a bike helmet, their little arched horns peeking out from the hard plastic.

Jukilo arched a brow “Why is it wearing a helmet?”

Dexter growled and kicked Jukilo in the shin.

Jukilo hissed and Chloe pulled her son back “It’s lined with tinfoil.” She explained.

Jukilo looked back at Chloe. “...Is that?....is that a human thing?”

Chloe shook her head and sighed. “No it turns out that Dexter is a mind reader, or an empath? It seems like he can feel emotions first and then thoughts if he really concentrates or if the thought is a “loud” thought. The tin foil and the bike helmet make it quieter but it doesn’t really go away completely.”

Jukilo nodded “Oh he’s a mind-reader...” Jukilo paused, his eyes widening and his mouth thinning to a harsh line “Oh he’s a MIND-READER.”

Dexter narrowed his eyes up at Jukilo and hissed.

Jukilo put his hands to his eyes “Oh no he’s a mind reader."

Chloe giggled, a blush flitting across her own cheeks. “Yeah…”

“Hey NERD!” Laquda called to Jukilo from across the hallway, peering out of an open doorway “We’re going to start. GOING TO START!”

Jukilo looked back at Chloe, taking one of her hands in his, smiling gently at her “We should talk more but I have to go into the courtroom, the room in which the court is meeting therefore making it the-”

Chloe giggled and hit him lightly on the chest. “Go! Go! Save our little Minnie!”

Jukilo turned towards the courtroom.

“Oh and Jukilo?” Chloe murmured.

He turned back to her.

She smiled “I’m glad you’re feeling like yourself again.” her voice was soft with affection and she put her hand to her lips to blow him a kiss.

Jukilo smiled and walked towards the courtroom. Just as he was about to open the mahogany door a small hand tugged on his pants leg. He looked down to see Dexter looking seriously back up at him.

“You’re really dumb.” Dexter informed Jukilo. He looked back at his mom and smiled. “But you make my mom happy.” He glared up at Jukilo “So...you’re ok I guess.”

Jukilo huffed. “Thank you.”

Dexter gave him a tiny nod and Jukilo continued on into the courtroom  
  


 

Outside the courthouse protesters gathered on the marble steps. Two distinct groups had gathered here, screaming at each other across the divide, police pushing back some of the more volatile people who reached across the metal barricades, hurling insults and in some cases glass bottles. 

“EARTH IS FOR HUMANS!” a woman practically crawled over the police office who was frantically trying to hold her back “WHY DON’T YOU GO LIVE ON ALTERNIA YOU TROLL FUCKERS?”

“FUCK YOU!” another human on the other side of the divide screamed back “YOU XENOPHOBIC PIECE OF SHIT!”

Signs were held above people’s heads, irate and frothing with fury “EARTH IS FOR HUMANS” as well as “TROLLS=DEMONS” and “BUILD A SPACE WALL” many of the protesters were wearing shirts reading “The Alliance for Earth Purity” the group that Congressman Whiteman had founded.

Counter protesters gathered there as well, holding signs such as “LUSII ARE PEOPLE TOO!” as well as “THE CROC IS NOT A CROOK!” and “EARTHLINGS FOR PEACE!”. Some people had even taken the liberty of wearing crocodile themed merchandise. There was a local high school football team who had an alligator for a mascot and many protesters had bought foam crocodile heads from the team and painted them white, showing their support for Crocodile dad in an odd, but nevertheless sweet way.

Professor Ivanov waded through the protestors, gangly and sickly, cynical like a storm cloud. His height meant that for the most part he was looking down on the groups of protesters who danced around him in white-painted crocodile costumes. A mother and daughter with long brown hair danced around the professor in a circle for a moment, both of them wearing foam crocodile heads and matching tails, giggling before releasing him and blending back into the crowd.

He growled to himself. This was ridiculous.

“THE CROC IS NOT A CROOK! THE CROC IS NOT A-” A protester wearing a giant foam crocodile head stopped in front of Professor Ivanov, the foam head staring at him “-OH HEY VICTOR!”

The professor squinted and leaned down, trying to see into the giant foam crocodile head that apparently knew who he was. He recognized that voice though. “....Judge Ghast?” He asked incredulously.

The woman struggled to pull off the Crocodile head, huffing with the effort, her pink hello kitty heels digging into the marble steps for purchase. Finally with a sudden pop she was released from the false head, her curly blonde hair frizzy from its time trapped in the foam crocodile face “Oh hey Victor! I haven’t seen you since that case you were a witness for those guys who sued radio shack for stocking Alternian music grubs!”

Professor Ivanov huffed, a rare smile coming to his face. “Yes it’s been a while. I’m glad the music grubs were taken off the shelf. How have you been?”

Judge Ghast shrugged “I had to agree with you when it came to the grub welfare. Selling them like CDs seemed too cruel for a little grub, but I still disagree with your theory that access to Alternian tech will somehow be dangerous for humans. What if we sold them in petshops instead? OOOH! Or even better adopt them from the humane society?? Who wouldn’t want a cute wittle worm that knows beethoven!”

She lifted the foam crocodile head towards him with a grin, the professor sighed and leaned away from the crocodile themed abomination “Watch out Victor! It’s gonna give you a smooch! MUAH MUAH”

He rolled his eyes and pushed the foam head away from him “Are you here professionally or?...”

Judge Ghast shook her head, her curly hair flying and bouncing about “Nope! I’m a civilian at the moment!” Judge Ghast tucked the foam crocodile head under an arm and wiggled out of a neon pink backpack shaped like a giant hello kitty head, she unzipped the top and took out a large tupperware container “Would you like one? I made snacks for the resistance!”

The professor peered into the container, inside housed at least twenty confections, little oblong cakes that had been frosted white and decorated with little fondant crocodile heads and tails, little piped sharp toothed smiles on each one. Judge Ghast grinned “Aren’t they the cutest? I made them myself!”

Professor Ivanov gave her a flat look, one eyebrow dangerously arched. “...really?...”

Undaunted judge Ghast only grinned brighter “Yeah! Come on!” She leaned in and wiggled her eyebrows “They’re veeegaaaan!”

The professor sighed and took a little confection crocodile out of the box. The pastry was a little worse for wear having traveled a while in the judge’s backpack. Turning the little crocodile over he noticed that she added coconut flakes to simulate the fur on the lusus’s belly.

They both sat on the steps of the courthouse, both eating little coconut crocodile cookies.

Professor Ivanov looked out at the scene before them, people continued to chant slogans, screaming insults across the divide. He sighed, motioning outwards with the tail of the confectionary crocodile “Look at all them.” He shook his head “This whole business has brought nothing but trouble.”

Judge Ghast looked back at him “What do you mean?”

The professor sighed, stretching out his gangly legs and looking out at the chaos with a resigned look on his face. “Earth isn’t ready for this. We are easily frightened, stupid, animals who can’t even get along with each other, much less aliens.”

He popped the other half of the coconut crocodile in his mouth and chewed, looking out at the crowd with clear disgust. “We can’t even take care of our own problems, and now an entire alien race has barged in, and now we have to deal with their problems along with ours.” He rubbed a gaunt hand against his eyes “I mean we already don’t have parents for human children who need adopting, and now they need OUR help to raise trolls? And the cultural differences, and the violence…”

He groaned and looked out at the crowd, a woman with a “Trolls will burn in hell” sign was kicking and screaming as she was loaded into a police car. “Humans aren’t ready for this, and because of that...people will inevitably get hurt.”

Judge Ghast nodded, looking down at the little crocodile cookie in her lap. “I think that you’re right in some ways but…” She motioned wildly with her hands “Think of all the things we could learn! How both of our species could benefit!” She leaned back and smiled up at the sky, the sunshine warming her face as she gazed dreamily at the clouds. “We had barely scratched the surface of space travel and now we have friends who can take us to the stars! Also because of their warrior-spartan kind of society they had for hundreds of years, they were so behind on medicine, medicine that we knew! Palliative medicine! Treatments for mental and physical disabilities! We are improving the lives of so many trolls who used to be just killed because it was assumed that they couldn’t be helped before….”

She looked a bit somber for a moment and then brightened up.

“I read somewhere once that people don’t like change, But if you make the change happen fast enough and you just go from one type of normal to another.”

“And maybe…” Judge Ghast took two cookies from the box, holding them up against the light of the sun and smiling up at them “That’s a bit like falling in love…”

Jukilo sat in the courtroom next to Laquda and Sharon, He straightened the case files in front of him and waited for the judge to arrive.

“When two people come together it can be difficult, people come with their own fears and burdens, they might get hurt…”

Chloe edged into the courtroom, sitting in the back of the gallery. Jukilo spotted her, instantly brightening, he smiled and waved at her.

“They might have to negotiate, they might have to learn about themselves and each other, it might not always be easy…”

Chloe smiled back at him, sunny and beautiful like a wildflower in a field.

“But coming together they can make something new, something beautiful, something better.”

Jukilo felt his bloodpusher thump in his chest.

Judge Ghast laughed, looking at the crocodile cookies in her hand “It might not be perfect but-” She brought the two cookies together in a kiss “But it’s worth it.”

The professor looked on thoughtfully, both of them sitting on the steps of the court and looking out at the crowd.

  


The courtroom was chattering, Jukilo, Laquda and Sharon waited anxiously at the table in front of the room. Crocodile dad laid on the floor in front of the table, his girth making it impossible to use the office chairs provided, but wanting to be included nonetheless. He rest his head against a paw. He was chewing on a little crocodile cookie a very cheery human wearing a foam crocodile head had given him. It was an odd experience to be sure, but it was quite a good cookie!

Chloe and Dexter sat next to Ben and Lily. Ben sat stoically in the galley seat, Lily on his lap. Both of them were wearing matching foam crocodile hats, Ben was holding a crocodile-shaped balloon.. Lily leaned over her dad’s arm to stick her tongue out at Dexter “BLEH”

Dexter squinted at the little girl and stuck his own tongue out “BLEHHH!”

Lily was about to retort when the little girl sneezed. Sparks flickered in between her horns. Ben must have gotten quite a shock from that but he didn’t even seem phased.

Chloe looked concern “So has that been happening...a lot?”

Ben nodded “Yup.” Apparently that was the end of the conversation for him.

Lily grinned at Chloe and kicked her little feet “Look look!” She fished out a couple of spare coins from her father’s shirt pocket “I’m a magnet!” She held a couple of pennies in front of her face and with a little zap of electrical energy the penny flew out of her hand and adhered itself to her face with static electricity.

Chloe grimaced “That’s...nice?”

Madeline sat in the gallery behind Chloe and Ben, wearing a bright orange mumu, her cowboy hat pulled low on her head and smoking nervously.

A shy-looking guard approached her nervously “Excuse me m’am? You can’t smoke that here.”

The woman looked back at the skinny man, her eyes placid in her weather-beaten face. “I tell you what kid…” She drawled, swirls of smoke escaping her mouth “You can pry this cigarette from my cold dead hands.”

The security guard didn’t quite seem to know what to say to that and just kinda...backed away.

Dexter sat on one of the galley seats, he was kicking his little feet and holding with mother’s hand. Suddenly the little troll doubled over with a yelp, holding his head in his hands and squeezing his eyes shut.

Chloe immediately went to her son’s side “Baby? What’s wrong?”

Dexter shook his head, holding his hands against where his horns peeked out of the helmet “Momma…” He shook his head “He’s SO mean!”

Congressman Whiteman entered the courtroom, flanked by a very bored looking Eric and a nervous Lila. A couple of members of the gallery wearing “Alliance for Earth purity” shirts clapped and welcomed him warmly and gratefully. Other counter protesters hissed and glared daggers into his back. The security guards flanking the room shuffled nervously, sharing a worried glance between them, their hands on their batons.

Dexter stared at The Congressman as he walked by, smug and self assured in his designer suit, an enamel flag pin sitting ostentatiously on the lapel. The congressman’s eyes fell on Dexter and Chloe for a moment. Dexter shook, staring up at the human and torn between wanting to shield his mother from the man, and wanting to hide behind her.

The congressman huffed and turned away from the pair of them dismissively. Dexter clutched onto his mother’s hand like a lifeline and watched the man walk away like a snake slithering back into the grass.

The congressman sat down at the table opposite to Sharon, Laquda and Jukilo. Eric picked his nails beside him. The Congressman looked at his watch and then back to the door. He huffed and pulled out his phone, sending out a quick text before subsiding back into surly begrudging silence.

The bailiff entered the courtroom “All rise for the honorable judge Sydney Robin.”

A woman entered the courtroom, slender with short dark black brown hair. She had a red coffee cup in her hands and looked out at the court as if every single person there was personally responsible for the fact that she was awake this early in the morning. She sat down at the front of the room, closing her eyes as she took a sip of coffee, her winged eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man.

She looked out at the courtroom. “My concern here today, first and foremost, is the health and wellbeing of this child.” She leaned back in her seat, tapping sharp black painted nails against her red coffee cup, the clink like a dire warning that echoed through the court “I don’t care about your politics. I want what is best for this little girl. End of story. Period.”

The Congressman smiled, he stood up from his seat and nodded at the judge. His toothpaste-ad smile was in full force. “Ma’m that is exactly why we are here! This little girl needs-”

Judge Robin brought her gavel down making a loud enough bang to cause every person in the courtroom to flinch. A hush spread and she turned towards him. When it was clear she had his, as well as the rest of the rooms, attention she spoke,  “Did I say the court was in session Mister Whiteman.” The sentence was phrased like a question, but the tone of the judge's voice made it crystal clear that it definitely was not.

The Congressman paused for a moment, struggling to keep his smile from faltering, a harsh glint in his eyes. “No your honor I simply-”

The judge stared down at him with a single eyebrow raised “We have rules, procedure, and decorum. There is a code of conduct in my court. If you can not respect it, then you can not respect me.” She raised her other eyebrow “Are we clear?”

The Congressman nodded and sat down, his smile still in place but clearly not reaching his eyes as he stared murderously at the judge.

She smiled down at him, her chin resting on a hand “Everyone settled?”

Whiteman nodded. “Yes.”

“And ready to act in accordance to the proper procedure?”

The Congressman forced a smile “Of course.”

She smiled “Then court is in session, you may proceed.”

The Congressman looked one last time at the door of the courtroom, looking down at his watch one last time and grumbling to himself. “Your honor.” He began “Mina Santiago is a darling little girl who was tragically separated from her mother, Miss Lila Santiago.” He went behind Lila’s chair, putting his hands on her shoulder and smiling down at her in a rehearsed gesture made to look fatherly.

He put his hands behind his back and stalked across the courtroom floor. “Now there were missing persons reports made, people of course looked for this dear sweet child, but since the little thing is practically a mute why she just couldn’t plum tell our state officials who she was or what happened to her momma.”

He shook his head and put a hand to his heart “Can you imagine it? The poor little angel wanting to say ‘my name is Mina, bring me back to my mommy’ but she just couldn’t get the words out? What a shame...”

He looked directly at the judge. “Now because little Mina couldn’t tell this great of Florida her real name, and because the only photo available was a bit old, when Mina was taken into state custody she was marked as a Jane Doe with the ASSUMPTION mind you, that she had been abandoned. Now that was not the case, and the state of Florida prematurely severed the parental rights of miss Lila Santiago to her only child.”

He sighed “And then what did the state do with miss Lila Santiago’s only child? Well they conscripted her into an experimental program where an alien CROCODILE, would raise her! I-”

The judge looked up from her paperwork “...and?”

Congressman Whiteman seemed taken off guard by the question “-I beg your pardon?”

The judge motioned towards Crocodile dad “what other than being a crocodile or-” she squinted at the paper in front of her “-My apologies, an armored lizard lusus- am I pronouncing that correctly?-”

Crocodile dad nodded earnestly, smiling up at her and giving her a thumbs up-or in his case a claws up.

The judge nodded back to him “Yes, what is it about her current caretaker that you don’t find acceptable?”

A vein twitched in the congressman’s forehead “Well quite frankly M’am- your honor...if you would direct your attention to the large, white, figurative elephant in the room It. Is. A. Giant. Crocodile.”

The judge looked down at the case in front of her “Well according to the previous court ruling that crocodile is a person. Florida statute 63.012 recognizes the right of any adult to adopt a child, nothing is mentioned at any point about that adult being a human.”

The Congressman huffed out a breath and joined his hands together “Well besides the individual being a...lusus… there are some concerns about his species, he is of a species that is particularly feared on Alternia, known to be hyper aggressive and territorial, a predator in the literal sense. We have proof of extremely aggressive behavior conducted by this…” he motioned towards Crocodile dad and grimaced, trying not to find a title that upset the judge, Crocodile dad cocked his head and stared back “This...this.”

The judge swayed her head back and forth, seeming to process the argument. She motioned towards Sharon, Laquda and Jukilo. “Alright, seems pretty solid. What do you have to say?”

Laquda stood up, the medals on her uniform clinking obstinately, she bowed slightly. “When the state received Minnie she was dehydrated and showed several signs of malnutrition, and will perhaps permanently be behind on the growth scale considered normal for your species. MALNUTRITION SMALLER THAN NORMAL FOR SPECIES.”

Laquda continued “We also have a child psychology expert with us today-” She motioned towards the gallery where Laura popped up and bowed quickly “Who will testify that Minnie to this day shows the mental scars of emotional and perhaps physical abuse, such as bouts of aggression, hypervigilance, and speech difficulties.”

She motioned towards miss Santiago “All of this was diagnosed early on by the social worker in charge of Minnie and then later corroborated by our expert, who was specifically chosen to keep a close eye on the two of them. DIAGNOSED. CORROBORATED.”

Crocodile dad blinked. He had forgotten that Laura and Thomas were not just neighbors, but government contractors for that purpose. Huh.

The Congressman stepped in “Your honor if I may-”

Judge Robin nodded “Go ahead.”

The Congressman put his hands behind his back. “In cases like this it is always assumed that biological connections would take priority, besides it is a ludicrous accusation that young miss Mina went through any abuse-” He snapped at Eric behind his back and the other lawyer glared daggers at him but handed him a piece of paper regardless. “Symptoms such as the ones the child exhibits could have come from a range of sources, most notably undiagnosed autism.”

Laura scoffed loudly in the background and sat up indignantly, Thomas pulling her back down to her seat.

Judge Robin took the paper from Whiteman and gave it a once-over. “Members of the gallery, do I have to remind you to stay professional? Behave or you will be removed.”

Whiteman smiled “Also remember that we have proof of their violent nature. Mina simply is not safe in their household and despite their...expert-” He looked back at Laura with contempt, his tone suggesting he did not in fact consider her to be an expert on anything “That has been so called ‘monitoring’ them, they are obviously biased, and that if Mina did perhaps suffer abuse it may have come from the hands of the lusus themself.”

Crocodile dad quickly sat up, standing on his hind haunches. He clutched his paws to his furry chest, he whined and stared at the judge, his eyes filling with tears. 

The judge looked back at crocodile dad. “It’s alright, you’ll be able to respond.”

Sharon looked at Jukilo and he nodded in response,. He stood up. “Quite frankly your honor the allegation that this lusus in in fact, abusive is ridiculous. He is a seasoned caretaker having raised over 24 trolls to adulthood over his tenure. He has been an exemplary parent for more than 700 years.”

The congressman smiled condescendingly. “A tenure that has produced such gems as the woman who stole a van in a zoo parking lot and crashed through a McDonald’s as well as a drug addict.” 

“HEY!” Laquda grumbled and smacked her hands against the desk “I WAS ACQUITTED OF THAT.”

Jukilo shot her a warning glare and turned back to the judge, feeling the way the congressman eyed him smugly. “Despite Captain Laquda’s temper, which is more of a condition of her biological caste, she also happens to be a highly decorated and respected general of the Alternian fleet.”

“YEAH!” Laquda stood up from her seat as well “And this little dork may be a sugar slurper-”

Jukilo suppressed an eyeroll. Staring ahead straight with a sour look on his face

“But he’s getting treatment!” She waved her hand “He’s getting treatment and he is not only one of the top civil servant terrorists, he is also an official ambassador of Alternia, and the director of grub distribution operations on Earth. OFFICIAL AMBASSADOR GRUB DISTRIBUTION DIRECTOR.”

She leaned over to glare at Whiteman “Also despite personal attacks on our characters, concerning what we have done as adults, both of us had supportive and nurturing childhoods with this crocodile. We can also call 10 other trolls who were raised by this lusus to testify on what good childhoods they had. GOOD CHILDHOODS.”

Whiteman scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Bias. You are his children.”

Laquda raised an eyebrow “AND WHAT DO YOU THINK INSPIRED SUCH LOYALTY? HE’S AN AMAZING FATHER!”

Crocodile dad sniffed and wiped a tear from his eye, smiling with his paws clasped in front of him.

The judge’s eyebrows furrowed “What happened to the other 12?”

Jukilo shook his head “Unlike most lusii our father took in wrigglers from every color on the hemospectrum barring fuschia. Trolls do not have uniform lifespans, rustbloods only live for 40-50 years, life expectancy expands exponentially from there until we reach seadwellers who can live for thousands of years. That coupled with the fact that the reign of the previous Alternian empress was a bloody and ruthless regime, means that he has outlived many of his children, either by natural causes or by other means.”

The congressman shook his head “What can I tell you? He is a part of a cruel and ruthless culture! Is this really the future we want for her?”

Laquda growled, glaring down at the congressman with her one good eye “What part of bloody and ruthless empress don’t you understand? He is a parent who did his best to protect wrigglers despite a regime that slaughtered millions! It’s a damn miracle any of us survived! And you want to blame the guy that dedicated his life to protecting innocent grubs? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?”

The judge pointed her gavel at Laquda “One, No yelling.” She pointed the gavel at Whiteman “Two, dick move, watch yourself.”

Sharon snorted under her breath.

The Congressman let a breath out of his nose, a hard look in his eyes “REGARDLESS, of how good of a parent he is or isn’t, and regardless for how long none of that negates the fact that in these cases, according to Florida statute 63.012 there is a priority given to biological relatives when it comes to child custody, especially the mother.”

Sharon handed a piece of paper to Jukilo with a highlighted section. Jukilo glacened at the paper and looked back at the judge “There is of course an exception when it comes to neglect, abandonment and inability to parent a child.”

“Like the eight and a half sweep old who abandoned her wriggler at a bus stop.” Laquda deadpanned.

“ALLEGEDLY!” The congressman barked back, flushed with anger, the man’s fleshy partially bald head was turning a ruddy red “LILA SANTIAGO MAY BE YOUNG BUT SHE IS THIS GIRL’S MOTHER!” He practically shook with rage “AND THEY WERE SEPARATED TRAGICALLY!”

The judge brought down her gavel “ENOUGH.” She glared at the group of them “I think I want to hear from other people. You said you brought experts? Fine. I want to hear what they have to say.”

The Congressman brought out a quack of a psychologist to testify that Minnie had not been abused and actually had autism. Laura took the stand after him and with Sharon they tore their methods and credentials to absolute shreds. Laura took it as a chance for absolute revenge against The Congressman for not only taking Minnie away, but also questioning her qualifications. Laura then testified that not only did Minnie show worrying signs of mental abuse, that crocodile dad did everything he could to support her, and that Minnie responded to the lusus well and was beginning to recover. The effect the lusus had on the child was similar to the effect emotional support animals have on other abuse victims. Even Roberto Ramirez, Minnie’s social worker testified on what a good job Crocodile dad had been doing.

Whiteman pressed Ramirez about Minnie’s adoption and what steps had been taken to find her parents. Ramirez simply stated that given the evidence the state had, the severing of parental rights and clearing Minnie for adoption was a logical move. Ramirez did have to admit though that perhaps if Minnie’s mother had been found, things just MIGHT have been different. The judge wrote something down in her notes as he spoke.

The Congressman showed the tape a mother had recorded in the parking lot of Clowny’s toy store, where Crocodile dad tore through the animatronic clown mascot. He argued that this was proof that Crocodile dad was horribly dangerous and could not be trusted with children, not on a cultural level, not on a species level and not on an individual level.

Emmet shared his experiences on Alternia working with other lusii, he told the court about lusii and how their culture worked. Alternia may have been a harsh place but lusii as a whole had always been dedicated to protecting children.

Jukilo showed the video that Earl had filmed where Crocodile dad peacefully went about his business around town, little minnie in tow as he took her to the park and the grocery store, stopping outside of the grocery store to feed a quarter into a little kiddie ride, Minnie laughing as she rode the little mechanical grocery store rocketship. Jukilo and Laquda were able to fill in some cultural context about why Crocodile dad would be so afraid of clowns. The judge scribbled in her notes and said that while she understood it, that Crocodile dad should begin treatment for PTSD, and gave him a stern warning about real clowns.

Lila watched the footage with furrowed brows, picking at her nails.

The judge seemed a bit uneasy that apparently Crocodile dad had been followed surreptitiously. When she asked to question the individual who filmed the video, the questioning had to be done through a nearby window as Earl vehemently refused to come inside the courthouse because “Government building that have listening devices. That’s how they gets ya, buildings.” The Judge spoke to the man through the window where both he and his son had set up temporary residence in the shrubbery. The Judge at first seemed concerned, but seemed to come to the same conclusion as everyone else, that the man was a weirdo, but a harmless weirdo. Earl was able to verify the authenticity of the tapes and even provide context via a sack of wire bound notebooks with meticulously penned notes.

The judge seemed satisfied and returned to her seat. She looked out at the crowd of them. “I think I would like to hear from the mother.”

The Congressman grinned “Oh course! Lila dear-” He motioned awkwardly to the young girl, snapping at her direction. Lila obediently took the stand, she wore a pale blue dress, her brown doe eyes large and doleful as she looked out at the crowd like a lamb about to be slaughtered.

“My name is Lila Santiago. I am Minnie’s mother.” She looked down at her hands, chipping polish off her nails as she spoke. Whiteman glared at her, his eyebrows furrowed with confusion.

“Minnie?” The judge looked down at her. “I thought her name was Mina?”

Lila shook her head “...she told me she liked Minnie better…”

The judge hummed and looked thoughtfully down at her. “Lila how old are you?"

Lila averted her eyes for a moment. “...17...Though I’ll be 18 soon…”

The judge’s eyes narrowed. “Minnie is two and a half years old correct? So you had her when you were 15.”

Lila nodded “That is correct.”

The judge’s eyes searched Lila’s face. “And you were married?”

Lila nodded, looking despondently out at courtroom. “The state of Florida does not have a legal minimum for marriage. Children can be married at any time with a written waiver from their parents. Children could be married at any time if their parents decide so.”

The judge let out a huff of breath through her nose, looking down at Lila with concern. She looked down into her coffee mug to mask her expression “Miss Santiago do you have a job?”

“All expenses for Lila and her daughter will be paid for by the generous people of the AEP!” The congressman chimed in. He looked at Lila meaningfully. “ALL expenses.”

Sharon looked over at Whiteman incredulously. Was that?...was that a bribe?

The judges eyes snapped back up to him “What did I say about speaking out of turn?”

Lila bit her lip, looking from Whiteman back to the judge. “I am a waitress.”

The judge turned back to her. “Do you have a place to live?”

Lila looked from Whiteman and back to the judge. Whiteman seemed to urge her on with his eyes.

Lila shook her head. “No. I’ve been living out of a hotel room.”

The judge looked at her “Miss santiago have you even finished high school?”

Lila’s lip quivered, she seemed about to burst into tears “I...no…”

The judge set down her paper. “Miss Santiago. I may sympathize with you, and there is no way to absolutely prove whether or not you meant to abandon your child, but given where you are right now… do you really think you can care for a child properly?”

The Judges expression which had been stony and contemplative throughout the proceedings thus far softened. “Miss Santiago you’re barely out of childhood yourself. Is this really what you want?”

Lila flushed “I-I-I” She stammered.

Whiteman’s eyes darted from the judge to Lila.

When the silence stretched and it was apparent that Lila wasn't going to continue he snapped.

“YOU LITTLE WHORE!” Whiteman slammed his hands to the desk “YOU HAD ONE GODDAMN JOB!”

The judge whirled around, fury written on her face “YOU ARE WAY OUT OF LINE!”

The Congressman whirled towards the judge, his face red as a tomato and his eyes wide with desperation “Florida law requires the approval of BOTH the mother and the father! If the mother is not considered a viable option then he still has a claim to-”

Lila shot up from her seat “YOU LIAR! YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T GET THAT MONSTER INVOLVED IN HER LIFE!”

Lila turned towards the judge, her eyes wide and frantic “PLEASE DON’T LET HIM GIVE HER TO HIM!” Lila shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks “He would hit me! I ran away when he tried to hit her too!” She gripped her hair in her hands “Nobody would help me! My parents blamed me they said I should have been a more obedient wife! I tried to get jobs but he would follow me there! From city to city! I couldn’t keep a job because of him I-”

Lila collapsed in the witness stand, her hair wild and in tangles around her anguished face “We ran out of cash. We were homeless. I tried my best but I knew she was too small...she was too small I-”

“I DID IT!” Lila stared up at the judge and put a hand to her chest. “I left her there! I called the police from a nearby payphone to report it and watched her from across the street until they came!”

Judge Robin was also crying, her black mascara running down her cheeks.

The congressman was like a desperate wild animal, he rushed to the judge’s box, his eyes wide and frantic “THAT CHILD CANNOT BE GIVEN TO THAT ANIMAL! I HAVE AN EXPERT COMING THAT-”

Judge Robin whirled around to glare at him, her teeth bared in fury “ I FIND YOU IN CONTEMPT OF COURT! BAILIFF GET THIS MAN THE HELL OUT OF MY COURTROOM!”

Whiteman backed away “No. No I-”

The gallery of the court watched in silence, protesters and counter protesters alike watching him with coldness as he was slowly ushered out of the room. His comb-over was in shambles, his tie undone and his suit rumpled.

“No. No. No. You don’t understand.” He put his hands up “I’ll get my expert. I’ll get my expert and you’ll all understand!” He scrambled out of the courtroom and into the hallway.

Wiping at her eye with a sleeve the judge bent over and put a hand on Lila’s shoulder. “I’ll have you make a formal statement to all of this. Is that ok?”

Lila sniffed and nodded.

A clawed hand reached into the witness box, offering a tissue.

Lila looked up, her big eyes full of tears. Crocodile smiled gently at her, sadness in his eyes, he offered the tissue again and Lila took it, blowing her nose with it. In a tiny voice that was barely different from her daughter’s she asked “W-why are you being so nice to me?”

Crocodile dad took out his notebook from his bag scritching down a small note and handing it to her.

“You’ve been through some terrible things. I don’t think that you’re a bad person. As a matter of fact if I had only heard all those terrible things that red-faced human had said, why I would think I was a bad person too. You tried to protect her, I will always respect that.”

“No you’re not a bad person Lila, not bad in the least, just a little bit broken.”

Lila burst into a new fit of tears “Thank you...I don’t think you’re bad either…” She fiddled with her tissue and Crocodile dad handed her a new one. “He lied to me, he said that you were going to hurt her but...seeing the way you were with her…” Lila looked up at Crocodile dad “I think I would be honored if you raised my child…”

Crocodile dad brought her into a hug and Lila laughed against the lusii’s furred belly, tears still streaming down her cheeks but a small smile on her face.

Sharon smiled “If that’s how you really feel then let’s enter into a new agreement, something where you would get to have a say this time…”

Lila straightened up from the hug with crocodile dad, wiping her eyes. “Yes. Yes I think I would like that.”

Whiteman staggered into the hallway. Huffing and puffing her whirled around desperate like a fly fluttering in a wed. He saw Professor Ivanov sitting on a nearby bench, laughing with a blonde woman.

“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” The Congressman stormed up to the professor “GET IN THERE RIGHT NOW.” Spittle flew from his mouth as he screamed, his face contorted with rage as he pointed to the courtroom door.

The professor seemed to consider that for a moment before shaking his head. “Hmm...no.”

The Congressman fumed “WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO? WE HAD A DEAL!"

“Oh no.” The professor deadpanned sarcastically “A verbal agreement with no binding contract? Whatever will I do?”

Whiteman stared at him with horror “NO! WE HAD A DEAL! I PAID YOU REMEMBER I-”

Professor Ivanov stood up from the park bench, using every inch of his height to his advantage he loomed over Whiteman, a dark look on his face. He took the check from Whiteman out of his pocket, put it in front of the other man’s face and slowly tore the piece of paper in half. “Mike.” The professor began, slapping the check to the Congressman’s chest “You can take your check and shove it where the sun does not shine.”

The Congressman stood dumbfounded, clutching both halves of his mutilated check as the Professor calmly walked past him.

The blonde woman stood up from the bench and skipped over to the professor. “Hey!” She chirped “Wanna go to the aquarium?”

The Professor paused. “You know what…” He shrugged “Fuck it. Yes. Yes I would love  to go to the aquarium.”

“Woo!!” the woman pumped her fists, a set of car keys with a Hello kitty keychain on them in one of her hands “We can take my convertible!!YAY!!”

Eric exited the courtroom next, checking his watch and heading towards the exit.

Whiteman trudged over to Eric fuming. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET BACK IN THERE AND-”

Eric gave him a flat look, one blonde eyebrow arched “And what? We lost. Get over it.”

The congressman fumed “NO! NO WE COULDN’T HAVE! IF YOU DON’T GET BACK IN THERE I WILL RUIN YOUR CAREER! YOUR REPUTATION I-”

Eric gave the man a smile and took a pair of sunglasses out from his pocket. “You know what will be REALLY bad for someone’s career and reputation?” He booped Whiteman cheekily on the nose and the elder man sputtered “Being seen with you!” Eric put on his sunglasses and continued out “I know when to cut my strings and run. I’ll get revenge on Sharon next time when, you know, I’m not working for a douchebag trying to ruin a little girl’s life.”

He sauntered out of the building, flicking off the Congressman as he left “Bye asshole.”

Lila came out of the courtroom. Whiteman immediately went to her side, taking her face in her hands. “Lila, Lila, Lila, good girl, sweetheart I didn’t mean that, we can still win, we can still win and I can get her back for you! I promised! I promise! Come on Lila!”

Lila ripped his hands away from her.

And with one smooth motion punched Whiteman across the jaw.

The old man fell back, holding his hand to his jaw and staring at her incredulously.

“Chingate, asshole.” Lila spat out, turned on her heels and immediately going back into the courtroom.

“NO!” Whiteman screamed at the empty hallway, his hands in fists at his sides “NO! COME BACK! COME BACK YOU UNGRATEFUL FUCKS! YOU NEED ME! YOU NEED ME!” He slapped his hands to his chest like an angry ape. “I KNOW WHAT’S RIGHT! I AM YOUR MORAL AUTHORITY YOU NEED ME!”

The Congressman screamed wordlessly into the empty hallway. Red-faced, sweaty, his comb-over in wild disarray, his suit messy, his eyes wild and breathing heavily Whiteman was like some sort of wild disgusting animal. Every inch of his gentlemanly facade was ruined and he screamed and raged, his voice echoing off the marble like an unearthly howl.

He tried to compose himself. A hard glint came to his eyes. He took out his flip phone and made a call. “It’s time.” He told the person on the other end.

  


Sharon, Jukilo, Laquda and Crocodile dad huddled around a small table. Lila was hunched over a stack of papers, looking intently at the meticulously kept paperwork as Jukilo helped her to navigate the bureaucracy.

“Sign here, here, here, initial here, no that requires a birth state not the state of residence, and sign here again.” Jukilo directed Lila with a claw.

Lila bit her lip and followed his instructions. She smoothed her hair behind an ear. She looked shyly up at Crocodile dad. “I uh...I’m not in a good place right now….but once I have some time to get my head on straight, get my GED, get a proper restraining order and press charges against him...would it be ok if I…” She fiddled with the hem of her dress and shrugged “...Would it be ok if I see her?”

Crocodile dad nodded and smiled at her, embracing her with one paw and licking her across the forehead fondly. Lila giggled.

Jukilo looked over the papers, smoothing them down and flipping through a couple of them.  “It says here that we will need witnesses to make the adoption official.

Laura raised her hand “Oh! I want to be a witness!” she crossed over to the table and signed her name where jukilo indicated “Oh this is so exciting!”

Thomas chuckled and stood next to his wife “Is is alright if I’m a witness too?” Jukilo nodded and Thomas wrote his name next to Laura’s.

Jukilo smiled and tapped the bundle of paper against the desk “Alright I think that’s-”

“I WANT TO BE A WITNESS!” Laquda demanded.

Jukilo gave her a look. “We only need two I-”

Sharon tugged the paper out of his hand “Doesn’t say anything about having MORE than two.” She then signed her own name on the document with neatly penned script. Laquda leaned over the small crown and wrote down her own name, the script jagged and dwarfing the other signatures on the page.

Chloe signed her name, Emmet signed his name, Ben signed his name, little Lily in his arms covered in spare change and paper that clung to her with static electricity. Madeline signed her name, congratulating Crocodile dad, her cigarette hanging from the edge of her smile.

Roberto Ramirez peeked into the room, he smiled at Crocodile dad “Someone wants to see you.”

Crocodile dad sat up, his eyes wide. He put his paws together.

A tiny little girl tottered into the room. Minnie held her alligator plush under one arm, looking into the room, her brown eyes wide. She spotted Crocodile dad and stopped, staring at him, the plushie held in front of her.

Crocodile looked at her, his claws in front of his muzzle his eyes filling with tears.

Minnie burst into tears and ran across the room, her little hands outstretched for Crocodile dad. “KITTY!”

He caught her in his arms, picking the little girl off the floor and bringing her into a tight hug. Crocodile dad wheezed as he sobbed, fat tears rolling down his snout at her nuzzled his daughter.

“KITTY!” Minnie looked up at him, her hands clutching his fur “KITTY NO LEAVE AGAIN!”

Crocodile dad shook his head, smoothing down her hair and nuzzling her. No. No he absolutely would not be leaving her again.

Crocodile dad sobbed, wheezing and emotional he pulled Jukilo and Laquda to his chest, sobbing as he hugged his children. He hugged Sharon, lifting her off the ground with a startled yelp. He gathered as many of them as he could in his scaly arms, wheezing, his whole body wracked with tears. Laura and Thomas got a hug, Ben got a hug, Emmet, Madeline and Roberto got a hug.

Laquda laughed as she was released from her hug, Sharon was also released afterwards, her hair mussed but a pleased look on her face regardless.

Zappik was leaning on the doorframe to the room, looking out at the scene, his brow furrowed.

Laquda grinned at him. “The fuck is wrong with you? We should be celebrating! CELEBRATING!”

Zappik crossed his arms “...I don’t like thiz Laquda...What did thoze callz the human douche made mean? Who was he paying? Who was he calling?”

Sharon smoothed down her hair, the last of her laugh dying down as she considered this. She looked thoughtful for a moment. “There was also that moment during the hearing...when the Congressman mentioned Jukilo being an addict...How would he have known that?”

Laquda shook her head “You would only have to look at him to tell on one of the bad days he had. Besides you guys are ruining the moment by braining too much. BRAINING TOO MUCH.”

Sharon crossed her arms “That’s just it though, they would have to SEE him, or have some kind of contact...The congressman, or Eric or Lila...none of them would have had that kind of access…”

Zappik ran a couple of claws against his leather jacket, crossing his arms moodily. “Look I don’t like ruining a party but...I don’t think I’m the only zpy…”

Sharon nodded. “You’re right...I don’t think you are.”

Laquda shrugged, looking uncomfortably at the rest of the group. Crocodile dad had both Minnie and Roberto in his arms, sobbing as he lifted the obviously uncomfortable man, rocking them all back and forth. She shook her head, speaking quieter than she usually did. “What does it matter now?...” She whispered gruffly “We won!”

Sharon and Zappik looked at each other.

“Right?” Laquda urged them “We won?”

Sharon sighed and rubbed her eyes, it had been a long day. “I might be being paranoid but...I don’t like this.” She looked at Zappik “Have you heard anything else from him?”

Zappik bit his bottom lip. “All he said was ‘it’z time’ nothing elze and no reply from the perzon he called.”

“Ok..” Laquda sighed and rubbed the back of her neck with a clawed hand “I’ll admit that is pretty fucking ominous.”

Sharon groaned and looked back at the scene behind him. Crocodile dad, tired from the day’s dramatics sat on the floor, he held Minnie in his arms, her little curly pigtails barely reaching over his arm.

“Maybe he’s going to try to appeal?” Sharon bit her lip. “We never did see that expert he was promised. Maybe that’s it?” She groaned and rubbed her forehead. “Either way we’re going to have to keep an eye on him…."

 

 

Crocodile dad exited the courthouse steps, holding Minnie in his arms as he padded across the marble steps. Upon their arrival the crowd outside the court cheered, people jumped up and down, hugged each other and cheered, waving their foam crocodiles. Streamers were released into the air with a joyous burst of color. 

Crocodile dad grinned, holding Minnie up as she stared in wonder at the confetti floated down from the sky. He nuzzled his daughter and the crowd cheered harder.

The members of the AEP that were protesting there slunk back in surly silence, glaring daggers at the pair.

Alimah ran up to her mom and gave her a hug. “Mom! This is awesome! I’m so proud of you!”

Sharon hugged her daughter back before Alimah went off to enjoy the festivities, she found Lolida and the girls celebrated, their hands joined together, jumping up and down and screaming happily.

The group made their way to the parking lot, chatting and celebrating, supporters along the way shaking their hands and congratulating them.

Alimah and Lolida walked together, following Sharon and Laquda, Crocodile dad in the front of the group, Minnie in his arms, cooing at her and rocking her back and forth. Minnie yawned and stretched her little legs. “Kitty down.” she demanded.

Crocodile dad obligingly let Minnie down. He reached down and let Minnie hold his paw as they walked together.

Greg trotted up to the group. He came to Alimah and Lolida, grinning at the two girls, his bracing gleaming at them. “Hello ladies!” He tried to croon but his voice cracked at the end.

Alimah and Lolida grimaced at him. Alimah rolled her eyes “Eww Greg what are you doing here?”

Greg grinned “My dad was INSTRUMENTAL to the case!” He pulled his hair back “I bet you both think I’m WAAAY cooler now.”

Lolida shook her head “No. You’re still the kid that jumped out of windows and gets stuck in the bushes at school.”

Greg leaned in. “Yeah but that’s how they get ya…buildings…” He said the last word like a curse.

The girls rolled their eyes. “Whatever Greg.”

Alimah crossed over to Crocodile dad and Minnie. “You know…” She told Crocodile dad “Now that Minnie’s back I could babysit for you if you want!”

Crocodile dad turned towards Sharon questioningly.

Alimah smiled at Minnie, she leaned down at took the little girl’s hand. “Hi! I’m Alimah!” Minnie giggled and smiled back up at the older girl.

Sharon smiled and chuckled “It’s where someone else takes care of your child for a couple hours in exchange for a fee. It’s considered a good learning opportunity.” She looked over at Alimah with a smile “For the day when Alimah has kids.”

Greg took Alimah’s other hand and smiled at her, absolutely, embarrassingly smitten. Alimah growled and threw his hand back at him “EWW!”

Cars were going in and out of the parking lot, supporters filtering out slowly after the day’s dramatics. As the group talked amongst themselves none of them took notice of a large van that pulled into the parking lot.

Alimah glared at Greg. “Let’s put it this way, I’ll date you when hell freezes over.”

Greg grinned “There’s actually a town called Hell in Michigan! It regularly freezes over!”

Alimah groaned. “How about you go and AHHH!”

Alimah was yanked back as someone took a firm hold of her braid, pulling her back. A figure behind Alimah had her by the hair with one hand, the other hand held a pistol to the young teen’s head.

“GIVE ME THE GIRL!” The figure demanded, a black bandana over the bottom half of her face.

“ALIMAH!” Sharon yelped “NO!”

Alimah grit her teeth and stared at the barrel of the gun. Minnie held onto Alimah’s skirt in fright. “NO!” Alimah spat back “GO FUCK YOURSELF!”

The figure shook their head “FINE!” They pulled Alimah back and Alimah yelped, tears in her eyes as her hair was pulled roughly “THEN I’M SAVING YOU BOTH!”

The figure picked both the girls up and in one smooth motion threw them into the back of a waiting van. Lolida hissed, her claws out, she tried to scratch the attacker but was quickly stopped as the figure brought their gun hard across Lolida’s face, hitting her hard enough that a few pointed teeth fell to the pavement of the parking lot. The attacker took Lolida by the horn and roughly pushed her into the back of the van as well.

Greg stood there, stock still with fear. The masked figure took him roughly by the arm. “I’m sorry.” they whispered “But it has to be this way.” Greg’s eyes widened but before he could say anything he was pushed roughly into the van as well.

Crocodile dad roared, his armor fluffing out to jagged points. The kidnapper shut the back of the van and with a well-practiced ease jumped into the driver’s side of the van.

Crocodile dad charged, his talons digging into the pavement. The kidnapper started the van but before they could drive forwards Crocodile dad grabbed the van’s bumper, he roared and heaved, lifting the back end of the van off the ground.

The children inside shrieked and fell to the floor of the van, Alimah curled around Minnie to protect her as the child screamed and cried.

The kidnapper floored the gas pedal, Crocodile dad took one paw off of the bumper, he pulled at the split between the van doors, metal bending with a groan as he roared and pulled. Suddenly the back bumper of the van popped off the vehicle and Crocodile dad fell back. The van began to speed out of the parking lot.

“Yes hello 911?” Sharon was on her cell phone, frantic tears streaming down her face “I’m at the Miami courthouse someone just took my daughter! It’s a black van, Um chevrolet I think? plates Y4K-08H. Heading west. Please oh god they have my daughter! And my friend’s daughter! And my daughter’s friend? And this weird kid in their class?  Just please hurry!”

Crocodile dad threw the bumper away, he growled. His eyes narrowed to slits, his teeth bared, his claws dug into the pavement, cracking the concrete. Like the carnivore after their prey he roared and began to run after the van on all fours, a cannonball of armored fatherly rage barreling down the miami streets.

Laquda stomped over to a bystander in the parking lot, staring in unbelieving horror in front of their landrover. They yelped as Laquda roughly picked them up, shaking them only long enough for their car keys to fall out of their pocket. Laquda took the keys and put down the human, unlocking their car and getting in.

“Hey!” They protested “My car!”

“YEAH SORRY IT’S AN EMERGENCY I’LL GIVE IT BACK PROBABLY IN ONE PIECE!” Laquda sped out of the parking lot, the tires screeching and leaving black stains across the pavement.

Inside the van Alimah kicked at the wire mesh divider between the driver’s compartment and the back of the van “LET US GO YOU ASSHOLE!”

The van hit a bump in the road, knocking Alimah to the floor of the van, hitting her shoulder against the metal floor roughly. Minnie had her hands to her face in the corner, sobbing and crying out for kitty.

Alimah saw Lolida laying on the floor of the van, still struggling to recover after the brutal hit to her head, she kept trying to raise herself from the floor, her arms shaky underneath her. Alimah groaned and moved closer to her “Lolida are you ok?”

Lolida coughed and a splatter of purple blood landed on the floor of the van. “Oh god.” Lolida sobbed, tears running down her face “I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead”

Alimah shook her head “No stop it we aren’t dead yet we’re going to get out of this.” She took Lolida’s jaw in her hand, looking at where she was hit across the face. “Oh god you lost at least three teeth.”

“They’ll grow back.” Lolida murmured, her vision swimming and blurring in and out.

Alimah tore a piece of cloth from the hem of her shirt. “Put this to the bleeding ok? You’ll be ok!”

Greg banged on the metal divider. “Mom! Mom you have to stop this!”

Alimah turned towards him. “Wait your MOM?”

The kidnapper ripped off the bandana from their head and pulled off their hood. A woman with dirty brown hair looked back at Greg.

Edith.

The woman shook her head “No, no, no it’s ok honey! It’s ok I’m going to save you! I’m going to save all of you! They took you from me but I found you again!”

Edith nodded to herself “They took you away but I found you! I found you and I’ll save you!”

Tears were streaming down Greg’s face. “Mom nobody stole me! You were hearing voices...you stopped remembering what was real or not anymore. You and dad separated because you wouldn’t take your pills…”

“THAT’S A LIE!” Edith slammed the steering wheel “THAT’S A LIE HE TOLD ME THEY HAD YOU! HE SAID I COULD GET YOU BACK IF I SAVED ANOTHER CHILD FOR HIM! I WILL SAVE YOU! I’LL SAVE ALL OF YOU!"

“MOM PLEASE!” Greg sobbed and banged his hand against the metal “MOM I’M SCARED!”

“No no no no!” Edith whispered “It’s ok honey! Momma will take care of you it’s ok! Momma has god on her side! It’s ok! Momma will punish the demons and the heathens. God told me so himself.”

Something howled outside the van. Loud and angry, so loud they could practically feel the metal shake underneath them.

Minnie perked up. She ran over to the back of the van, slamming her little hands against the metal. “KITTY!” She screamed.

Edith watched in horror as a white shape grew larger and larger in her side mirror. Crocodile dad bounded towards the van, his claws tearing up chunks of roadway as he rushed. He roared, teeth on full display.

Edith began to cross over a bridge. Crocodile dad caught up to the van, he pulled besides her, grunting and huffing as he ran. He tried to reach for the door handle but before he could Edith swerved the van, hitting Crocodile dad on the side, his armored scales scratching against the metal of the vehicle, he roared and pushed back, forcing the car to swerve the other direction.

A police helicopter caught up to the scene, sending bursts of wind down below that Crocodile dad could feel through his fur.

The pilot squinted at the scene below him “What the fuck-” He ripped off his aviator sunglasses and spit out the toothpick he had been chewing “Is that a fucking crocodile?”

Laquda sped down the Miami streets, on the bridge ahead of her she saw Crocodile dad and the van side-by side, pushing against one another. “OH GODDAMN DAD!” Laquda yelled, sticking her head out of the car window. She saw where the bridge ended and made a sudden turn. Laquda sped up, barreling down residential streets.

The sun set over the water on the bridge where Edith and Crocodile dad pushed against each other.

“I WON’T LET YOU HAVE THESE KIDS YOU MONSTER! BEAST!” Edith screamed and rammed the van against Crocodile dad, pitching the kids in the back of the van roughly to one side, all of them screaming. Greg this time did his best to shield Minnie from the shock, curling his skinny body around her, he fell to the metal floor of the van roughly on his arm, A bone snapping loudly and he screamed in pain. “MOM!” He sobbed “STOP!”

The police helicopter turned on it’s megaphone. “DRIVER OF THE BLACK VAN! PULL OVER IMMEDIATELY!”

Edith took her eyes from the road, looking up at the helicopter above her, she swore under her breath.

Laquda drove up the other side of the bridge, she turned sharply, angling the large truck sideways in the one lane bridge as a barrier.

Edith looked back to the road and screamed, turning harshly to try and avoid the truck. The van swerved out of control, breaking through the side rail on the bridge head-on. Edith’s head hit the steering wheel painting the inside of the windshield with a splatter of red. She groaned and her hands fell limp to her sides. The van teetered on the edge, the metal groaning as the vehicle threatened to fall into the water. The children inside were slammed to the dividing grate between the back and the front of the car, Lolida still bleeding heavily and Greg’s arm hanging in a broken unnatural way. Underneath them in the front part of the van Edith hung limp and unconscious.

Greg banged against the grate with the arm he could still move. “MOM!”

Crocodile dad grabbed the truck by it’s back axle, his claws bending the metal, he roared and pulled. The metal scratched against the bridge as he pulled.

Laquda jogged up to the scene. “DAD! ARE YOU OK?”

Crocodile dad roared and motioned to the car with his muzzle continuing to pull the car, the bridge began to crumble slightly where the van had hit the rail, chunks of concrete falling into the water below. Laquda took the hint and opened the back van doors as Crocodile dad pulled to keep the van on the bridge.

Laquda leaned over her father “COME ON COME ON!”

Alimah handed Minnie first through the back of the van. Laquda picking her up and setting the crying child on the bridge. Lolida and Greg were then scooped up, bleeding, scratched and broken in Laquda’s arms but thankfully still alive. Laquda reached for Alimah’s hand and-

Another large chunk of concrete fell from the bridge and into the water below, Laquda took Alimah’s hand just as the Van jerked forward, only the back axle barely handing to the edge of the crumbling bridge.

Edith woke up with a groan, the wound on her head where she hit the steering wheel still bleeding sluggishly. She looked out at the water in front of her, the van sliding towards oblivion and-

A large paw grabbed the driver’s door, ripping the piece of metal away, grabbing Edith just as the van tipped off of the edge of the bridge, Edith watching with horror as the van fell into the water with a thunderous crash.

Crocodile dad pulled Edith up and set her on the bridge. Edith was breathing heavily, her eyes wide. “W-why?”

Crocodile dad ignored her, instead going to Minnie who launched crying into his arms. She was scared and scratched up but she was ok, thank god she was ok. He cried and rocked Minnie back and forth, more tears rolling down his snout.

Two cars pulled up, Sharon quickly exited her vehicle and ran towards the scene. “ALIMAH!” She yelled.

“MOM!” Alimah yelled back happily, running towards her mother. Sharon took Alimah in a hug, mother and daughter collapsing to the bridge and crying together.

“LOLIDA!” Emmet came running out of the other car “LOLIDA ARE YOU OK?”

Lolida began to cry. Emmet reached her and was surprised when Lolida fell into his arms, hugging him tightly and shaking like a leaf as she sobbed. “It’s ok. You’re ok.” Emmet cried with his adopted daughter and pet her hair “You’re ok.”

 

Edith was arrested, the woman loaded into the back of a cop car, watching powerless as her son was loaded into an ambulance, Earl riding with him, holding his son's uninjured hand.

In the investigation that followed, Zappik becoming a key witness, it was found that Whiteman had recruited Edith a long time ago, promising the mentally unstable woman her son back in exchange for working for him. He had installed her in the same neighborhood where she fed him constant updates about what transpired.

Following this investigation the congressman was also arrested, leaving his organization “The Alliance for Earth Purity” in shambles. The group had already been suffering from a sharp decline in numbers since Crocodile dad’s brave rescue had been on the new, all filmed from the police helicopter.

The house that Edith used to live in was sold to someone else. Ben had found such a great support system for himself and his daughter that he wisely chose to buy the house and move into the neighborhood. Each morning was greeted with a jog around the neighborhood, his daughter riding his shoulders and giggling the entire time. He joined the PTA and was the den mother for Lily and Minnie’s girl scout troop.

Jukilo and Chloe continued their romance, growing stronger together over the years, Jukilo and Dexter also growing a begrudging appreciation of each other in regards to the fact that both of them made Chloe happy.

Lolida and Emmet also grew closer. Emmet knew that he could never replace the raptor mom that Lolida had on Alternia but together they were able to find a new sort of peace. Lolida stopped planning to kill him and slowly but surely let him into her life. She never relinquished her plans for world domination though, and did in fact win class president, a trend she would continue even through college. 

Laquda also made her stay on Earth more permanent, her and Zappik moving into another house on the street. The neighborhood was made just that more lively by the occasional kismesis fights from them that would perhaps lead to a couple of burned trees. Zappik found employment with the miami police, much to everyone’s surprise, but he proved to be an excellent asset.

Laquda did in fact build that library she promised when she broke a zoo, stole a car and smashed up a mcdonalds. Because she could, she made sure that every book in that library had dyslexic friendly font. She could often be found there. Reading.

Sharon teamed up with Jukilo to expand the grub distribution effort in Florida and consulting for similar efforts that were popping up around the country.

Alimah went to college, excelled without trying and on the day of her graduation skateboarded out of the auditorium, blowing a bubble in her bubblegum and flipping off the rest of the assembly, her honors sash and gown flowing in the wind. She was a smart kid, and struggled to find where she best fit, but eventually found purpose in working with her mother, traveling with Lolida to work at the Earth embassy on Alternia.

 

 

A young teenager danced to pop music in her bedroom, jumping on her bed and pretending to sing into the handle of a brush, she wore a school uniform, her curly brown hair tied off into two pigtails. Someone knocked on her door. 

“Come in!”

Crocodile dad shuffled into the room. He smiled at his daughter and pointed to a clock on the wall.

“Whoops!” Minnie stopped bouncing and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling on her shoes quickly “Sorry dad I got distracted!”

Crocodile dad smiled and handed his daughter a paper bag lunch, a heart drawn on the side of the bag.

Minnie laughed and rolled her eyes. “Dad you’re so embarrassing!” She gave her dad a hug, Crocodile dad crossing his paws behind her back and crooning. Crocodile dad also gave Minnie and envelope. She opened the letter and took out a picture. Lila grinned up from the photograph, a spitting image of her daughter, Lila was dressed in a black cap and gown, holding her degree proudly in front of her.

Minnie smiled “Aww I’m glad she’s doing well.”

“HEY!” Someone called from outside. A lanky troll teenager was on his bike, his arched horns peeking out from his bike helmet. “MINNIE COME ON! WE’LL BE LATE TO SCHOOL AGAIN!”

Minnie rolled her eyes and pulled back from her dad’s hug. She grabbed her backpack and ran out the door. “Oh my god Dexter! Chill! We’ll be fine!”

Minnie braced herself on the back of Dexter’s bike. Crocodile dad waved as they set off.

“Bye dad!” Minnie called “I love you!”

In a house across the street a lanky troll girl yawned and stretched, she got out of bed and quickly got dressed in a school uniform, with a flick of her wrist electricity flashed around her fingers and the spare change on her dresser floated over to her where she quickly pocketed it. She smiled in the mirror and clipped a couple of colorful barrettes into her unruly hair.

She ran downstairs, her long legs taking two stairs at a time.

Ben was in the kitchen, a little greyer on his temples. He smiled at his daughter and handed her a metal lunch box. “Go out and conquer soldier.”

Lily clicked her heels together and saluted her father “SIR YES SIR!”

Ben laughed and kissed her on the forehead as a farewell. Lily ran outside where a troll boy and a human girl on a bike were waiting.

Lily hopped into the bike’s basket and grinned up at Dexter. “Sup nerd."

Dexter rolled his eyes “Ok I already know you have a stupid idea, and already I can tell you that I’m not helping you this time. Not after what happened last time.”

Lily rolled her eyes “You know you being a mind reader is so annoying sometimes.” She put her hands in the air “But picture this: the entire school filled with pink bubbles! It would be the best prank ever!”

Minnie giggled where she sat behind Dexter “Oh my gosh that would be so funny!”

“I know right!” Lily laughed and high-fived Minnie over Dexter.

Dexter sighed “You two are terrible you know that?.......ok I’m in."

Crocodile dad watched from his front window as Minnie went off to school. A proud smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to CyanideOreo! The epic person who illustrates for this series and is now featured in the final cameo of this story as judge Sydney Robin! Thank you so much Cookie for everything you've done for this series! I treasure every single drawing you've ever made and happy birthday!
> 
> Oh my god it's the end. This is the End of Minnie and Crocodile dad, the fic that was only supposed to be 6 chapters but spawned an entire universe.
> 
> I think every once in a while if the mood hits me I will perhaps write a one shot to add onto this so keep an eye on this in the future but yeah.
> 
> This has been a treat to write, I have learned so much making this. You all are fantastic!
> 
> Now with one age done we can reveal more in other fics in this series ;3
> 
> Please comment! I love you all to pieces! 
> 
> Toodles!


	36. Minnie and Crocodile dad species reverse oneshot au

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if the Alternians were Earthlings and the Earthlings were Alternians?
> 
> Laquda=Laquda  
> Jackson=Jukilo  
> Klowee=Chloe  
> Sha-ron=Sharon  
> Zack=Zappik  
> David Johnson= Crocodile dad

David “The Crocodile” Johnson leaned back as he sat on the deck of his pontoon boat, leaning back and enjoying the sunshine  that hit his face. He was a very large man, very tall and very broad, making the folding chair underneath him strain under his weight.

 

His size had served him well over the years. When he was young and reckless he had a show called “The adventures of Crocodile Dave!” Which was mostly him running around through nature like a jackass supplexing crocodile’s and punching sharks.

 

He chuckled to himself. His thick blonde-white mustache bristling as he smiled. Different times...Different times…

 

That was until he was injured, taking a slash to the throat from a lioness that had nearly killed him. He survived but it took his vocal cords and his dreams of stardom with it. He had been depressed, healing from his injuries and drinking away his sorrows on set in the jungles of Camaroon when he had heard it...A tiny little cry not far from his campsite.

 

He had wandered down to the edge of the water. Finding a bag there half-stuck in the mud. He had reached down and opened the little moving bag and-

 

A tiny, beautiful baby girl cried from the inside of the bag, her little brown hands balled into fists, her eyes screwed shut. He picked her up from that muddy bag and took her back to the campsite, despite his producer’s insistence that this was a bad idea, he demanded to adopt the baby right then and there.

 

He took her to the clinic he had been patched up at, still drunk and covered in bandages but now with a baby in his arms. She was a tad dehydrated and a tad malnourished, but otherwise she was alright. He decided to name her after the lake she was found in, “The Loch Uda” which he shortened to “Laquda” because he was drunk and he had terrible ideas when he was drunk.

 

He went through the proper agencies in Camaroon, and less than a year later he was on a plane back to the U.S, his show cancelled but a fat royalty check in his pocket and a new daughter in his arms.

 

He put that money to good use, funding a private nature reserve in the wilds of Florida. Laquda had grown up here wild and feral, running through the swamps and grasslands, her hair wild and tangled behind her. She grew up tall and broad. She went off to find her own destiny, joining the military… She was gone and it just wasn’t the same without her.

 

Laquda had opened his heart up, and when he saw how happy she had grown up here…

 

Well..

 

David “The Crocodile” Johnson became one of Florida's top foster parents, fostering more than 24 children during his long tenure. Earning the nickname “Crocodile dad”.  He wasn’t as young as he used to be, so he hadn’t taken in a baby for a while, but he still kept in touch with all of his children, all of them spreading to every corner of the Earth, falling in love, living their dreams, coming back home every Christmas with such amazing stories. Even some grandchildren!

 

He smiled as he leaned back in his folding chair. He loved them all so much. He was so proud of them.

 

Suddenly there was a large burst of air that blew over the swamp, rocking his pontoon boat so violently that it nearly capsized. His folding chair was flung into the water as waves upon waves shook the boat violently, forcing him to cling to the railings as he was pelted with water.

 

From the sky a large red ship slowly descended, parting the clouds with the sharp bow of the ship, the wind flattening the trees of his reserve and sending shockwaves over the water.

 

Crocodile dad knew of course of the Alternians. They had been all over the news since they had first made contact. He was all for helping neighbors, even intergalactic ones, but why in the heavens were they HERE?

 

His eyes widened, looking out over the water, at the clearing where he had built his farmhouse looking over the water. The ship was landing practically in his front yard.

 

His mustache bristled with anxiety. His son Jackson and his first daughter Laquda were visiting, they were grown up and he was sure they could handle themselves but…

 

Crocodile dad’s mustache bristled with dadlly determination. He leapt from the boat, heedless of the fact that his hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts would undoubtedly be soaked. He swam to shore, rising from the water just as the the red ship touched down on the grassy clearing. He rose from the mud and began to jog hurriedly back home.

 

Jackson was already in the front yard. He had been visiting Crocodile dad to help get the nature reserve’s finances in order and preparing a couple of grant applications. He was in the front yard, clutching a stack of papers to his chest, his blue and green striped tie undone, his eyes wide as he looked up at the looming red ship.

 

“Dad!” Jackson cried out when he saw Crocodile dad running towards him and the house “Do you know what’s going on?”

 

‘No’ Crocodile dad signed back, his large hands trembling with nerves despite himself ‘Where is your sister?’

 

“Laquda went to the store!” Jackson yelled back “Why are a bunch of aliens in your front yard?”

 

Just then the red ship began to hiss. Crocodile dad and Jackson looked as a large rectangle pushed out from the seamless exterior, gas hissing out from the split between the ship and the door, depressurizing before the door slid away.

 

A dark silhouette stood in the doorway, whipcord thin, tall needle-sharp horns that raised up from an angled bob cut. A walkway extended from under her feet, metal plates sliding over each other and clicking into place until they reached the ground.

 

She stepped into the light. She wore a smart immaculately tailored uniform, edged with violet accents. Thick golden hoop earrings hung from the fins on either side of her head, protecting deep violet gills that continued down her neck.

 

She looked down at the humans before her passively. “I am Sha-ron Kakkar. The Imperial attorney.” She looked down her hooked nose at Crocodile dad and Jackson. “I am looking for the one that they call...The Crocodile dad…”

 

Crocodile dad blinked. He stood there dumbfounded, his hawaiian shirt and his khakis soaked and clinging to him. He could already tell that today was going to be a weird day.

 

Crocodile dad shrugged and waved cheerfully at the troll woman. Grinning as he waved.

 

Sha-ron stalked down the walkway, her hands behind her back, the picture of militaristic precision. “Good. We are in need of your services.” She walked past Crocodile dad and Jackson, both of them stunned to see that she was actually shorter than the both of them. She continued towards the farmhouse “We’ll talk more inside.”

 

Jackson put up a hand awkwardly “Wait you just can’t-”

 

“-My Teal-blood will help you with the paperwork. We have a busy ahead of us.” Sha-ron interrupted, not interested in any of Jackson’s complaints on the matter. She turned towards the ship “KLOWEE!” She yelled and stalked toward Crocodile dad’s farmhouse “DON’T DAWDLE!”

 

“Yes miss!” Came a shout from the ship.

 

Jackson turned back to the ship, his hands on his hips, ready to yell at what other alien decided to invade the privacy of his father’s home when-

 

Have you ever seen someone so beautiful that it makes you want to cry? Jackson hadn’t until this very moment.

 

The woman stood at the top of the walkway, the light from the inside of the ship making a golden halo around her form. Her hair was around her in long flowing curls that swayed gracefully in the breeze made from the ship’s engines. Her horns swept back in whimsical curls. She wore a teal dress that hugged her thick hips. She took a strand of hair in her taloned fingers and tucked it behind a pointed ear. Thick eyelashes fluttered and thick lips curled into a smile and-

 

Jackson’s knees were physically weak. Actually he wasn’t sure how he was standing at this point. Was he standing? Maybe he was hit by the ship’s walkway as it came down and he’s now suffering brain injury related delusions about gorgeous alien women and he’s actually bleeding profusely in an ambulance headed to the hospital-

 

The troll woman skipped down the walkway of the ship, her arms overloaded with papers. Jackson was dimly aware that Sha-ron and his father were walking into the farmhouse but he couldn’t take his eyes off her. She began to follow Sha-ron into the house but paused when she came to Jackson.

 

“Hi!” She smiled at him. She waved and gave him a small giggle.

 

Jackson felt like he was hit in the face with a frying pan.

 

When he didn’t answer, too focused on trying to keep his knees from giving way she just shrugged. “My name is Klowee!” She took his hand and Jack forgot how to breath. She shook his hand from side-to-side a very determined look on her face.

 

Jackson couldn’t help but laugh, regaining suddenly his ability to function “Ah actually-” He shook her hand up and down “Try it like this.”

 

Klowee laughed and shook his hand vigorously, up and down this time. “Very nice to meet you-”

 

“Jackson.” He supplemented, distracted by the fact that they were still holding hands “My name is Jackson.”

 

She smiled and from this close up he could tell that she had a smattering of freckles over the bridge of her nose. He wanted to lick them. Was that weird? It was probably weird.

 

She took her hand from his, but before he could be too upset about that she poked one taloned finger against the tie around his neck. “That’s funny.” She snorted “Your tie is green AND blue! You can’t wear green AND blue!”

 

Jackson was suddenly extremely self-conscious about his attire. His hair is probably mussed from the breeze the ship’s engine’s made. He put a hand to his tie nervously. “Yes well.” He smoothed out his tie nervously “You’re allowed to wear whatever colors you want on Earth.” He grumbled, mentally kicking himself.

 

Klowee’s eyes widened “What? No!” Her lips pursed and she leaned in closer “...Really?”

 

Jackson nodded “Ah...yes?”

 

Klowee giggled, one clawed hand over her mouth “You can really…What about…” She leaned in closer, leaning up on her tippy toes to whisper in Jack’s ears, her thick lips brushing the shell of his ear. He forgot how to breathe.

 

“...what about…” Klowee whispered, her breath on his ear  “...an orange dress...with pink spots?”

 

This isn’t the usual sort of thing men wished beautiful women whispered gently in their ears. Jackson’s head was dizzy from both her closeness and the absolute ridiculousness of what she just said. “Ummm…” His brows furrowed, struggling to reply as she looked up at him expectantly with big teal eyes “...Yes?”

 

Klowee snorted. She raised a clawed hand to her mouth “That’s so… _improper_!”

 

Before Jackson could answer there was a sharp cry from inside the house.

 

“KLOWEE.” Sha-ron shrieked “IN HERE. NOW.”

 

Klowee’s shoulders stiffened, she pulled away from Jackson with a squeak. “Ah! Sorry mistress! Right away!” She trotted quickly towards Crocodile dad’s farmhouse. She paused at the screen door leading into his father’s kitchen, looking back at Jack over her shoulder. “It was nice to meet you!”

 

And with that she disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Jackson outside on his father’s front lawn, blushing, slightly dizzy and absolutely lovesick in front of a giant alien battleship.

 

He was going to die. He was going to die and Klowee was going to kill him.

 

...and he was more than ok with that.

 

Jackson put his hands to his hips, suddenly realizing that his life had instantly become more difficult than it had been before. “Well today has been weird…”

 

Behind him a large purple van decorated in airbrushed crocodiles and flame decals swerved off the road leading to the house, crashing into the landing gear of the alien ship.

 

A very large woman got out of the van, her dark shoulders a line of tension as she glared at the ship in front of her. “MOTHERFUCKER!”

 

Jackson’s lips pressed into a hard line. Ah...Laquda was home.

 

Sha-ron watched Klowee from the other side of the screen door as the teal troll sheepishly trotted back to Crocodile dad’s house. Sharon glared out the screen door, her legs crossed and her arms folded.

 

Sha-ron sighed and turned to Crocodile dad “It’s so hard to find a decent teal these days...Her ancestor was a good friend of mine, a fine warrior, I took her in as a favor to him but…” She rolled her eyes.

 

Crocodile dad shrugged. He was still muddy from jumping into the swamp, but it certainly wouldn’t be right to go and change now that he had company. He went to his trusty red coffee maker, pulled out two mugs from his cupboard and poured both him and Sha-ron a cup.

 

He set the coffee cup in front of the alien woman. He sat down across from her with his own coffee.

 

Sha-ron glanced into the cup, the frills on the side of her face flicking back with disgust. She looked over at him. “I came here as a guest and you try to poison me?”

 

Crocodile dad shook his head. He leaned over to show her that he had the same in his cup. He then leaned back and took a big sip, sighing contentedly.

 

Sha-ron picked up the coffee mug. She sniffed the brown liquid and Crocodile dad watched the gills on the side of her neck expand and contract as she breathed. Huh interesting.

 

She turned back to glare at him “If I die, I will hold you personally responsible. There will be nowhere you can hide from my fleet, they will exact revenge upon you and your filthy planet, the likes of which you can’t even imagine.”

 

Crocodile dad raised his eyebrows at her, cocking his head.

 

Sha-ron stiffened “Do NOT look at me as if I am the one being ridiculous!”

 

Crocodile dad gave her a blank look, glancing from her to the coffee cup.

 

“Fine!” Sha-ron hissed, picking up her coffee mug with disdain. She pointed a well manicured claw at him, her voice promising darkness and revenge “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

 

Crocodile dad simply shrugged and took a large sip of coffee.

 

Sha-ron took a sip of coffee, Crocodile dad couldn’t help but chuckle at the way her nose scrunched up and her fins flared angrily.

 

She slammed her coffee cup to the table “That was the WORST thing I have EVER tasted!”

 

Crocodile dad rocked his head back and forth, amused at her reaction.

 

Sha-ron took another spiteful sip of coffee, glaring at him the entire while over the rim of the mug. “IT TASTES LIKE ACID AND DIRT.”

 

Crocodile dad smiled at her.

 

Sha-ron took another sip of coffee. Her brows furrowed “LIKE BURNED VEGETABLE MATTER.”

 

Crocodile dad watched as she took another vengeful sip, and then another.

 

Sha-ron glared at the coffee cup in her hands “...why can’t I stop drinking it?”

 

Crocodile dad shrugged. Amused at his alien guest’s first introduction to coffee.

 

Sha-ron pushed her now empty mug towards Crocodile dad “I demand another cup.”

 

Crocodile dad obligingly stood up, taking her cup from her and lumbering to the coffee machine. Sha-ron watched him with keen interest for a moment. She turned and glared out the screen door. Klowee was still talking to the human there. She rolled her eyes. “KLOWEE!” She yelled. Crocodile dad jumped at her scream, accidentally spilling hot coffee on his hand. Sha-ron watched her teal stiffen at her call “IN HERE. NOW!”

 

Crocodile dad took his hand to the sink and turned on the tap, running the burn under hot water.

 

Sha-ron’s frills twitched at the sound of the sink. She turned towards him and winced. “...My apologies. Did I startle you? That was careless of me…”

 

Crocodile dad smiled at her, he waved away her concern, drying his hand off with a tea towel he had hanging from a hook in the kitchen.

 

Klowee slunk into the room, closing the screen door quietly behind her. She bowed sheepishly at Sha-ron. “Forgive me mistress.”

 

Sha-ron sighed. “A teal is to be attentive Klowee.” Sharon warned her sternly, though there was a touch of concern furrowing her brow. “I may be lenient with such things but another violet blood may not be…”

 

Klowee bowed slightly “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

 

Sha-ron shook her head “Don’t be sorry, be better.” Now sit down and have a cup of this disgusting hot human plant water.”

 

Klowee’s brow furrowed “Ma’m?”

 

Crocodile dad smiled and filled another cup of coffee for Klowee. Setting both cups in front of the alien women. Klowee accepted her cup of coffee with more than a little concern. Sharon immediately downed her cup as Klowee watched with horror.

  
  


Zach, the skinny little Korean boy that was Laquda’s not-boyfriend pulled himself out of the passenger window of the van. He sat in the window ledge, his skinny jean-clad legs still dangling on the inside of the vehicle. He took an obnoxiously loud slurp from the icee in his hands, watching as Laquda angrily paced in front of her nearly totalled van, the front hood crinkled and smoking where it had hit the landing gear of the ship.

 

“Lol.” He grinned at Laquda “Get rekt.”

 

Laquda’s eyes were drawn to the landing gear of the ship. More specifically what the landing gear had squashed.

 

Zack leaned over and winced. “Oh shit it’s the anger management garden.”

 

Jackson winced as he watched Laquda in the yard “Oh shit…it’s the anger management garden…”

 

Laquda grit her teeth, breathing heavily, clenching her fists so hard that the cords of her muscled arms stood up. It was the fucking garden. The fucking court mandated GODDAMN ANGER MANAGEMENT garden! The one she was tasked to make as a part of her anger management course after she chucked an ice cream machine out of the front window of a local Mcdonald’s.

 

She had SLAVED in that garden! Done shit like WEEDING and PRUNING there was a FUCKING TOPIARY. A TOPIARY SHE HAD PAINSTAKINGLY SCULPTED INTO A VEINY COCK IN HONOR OF THE DICK JUDGE THAT MADE HER GO TO ANGER MANAGEMENT in the FIRST PLACE.

 

Laquda dropped to her knees, the picture of dramatic fury before an oath of bloody revenge is taken. “MY.” Laquda wheezed through her gritted teeth “FUCKING.” Her voice was the war drum echoing over the bloodied battle field “TULIPS!!!”

 

“Oh shit.” Zack paused where he had been slurping his icee “The fucking tulips.”

 

“Oh shit.” Jackson grimaced where he was watching his older sister scream on the front lawn “The fucking tulips.”

 

Laquda clenched a fist full of dying posies, her eyes dark. “SOMEONE WILL BLEED FOR THIS.” She growled.

 

“Eh.” Zach went back to his slurpee “So much for the anger management garden. I will miss thee, giant veiny dick topiary.”

 

Laquda stood up from the field, her fist full of dying tulips and she trudged towards the house. “WHO THE FUCK LANDED THEIR FUCKING SHIP IN MY FUCKING COURT MANDATED ANGER MANAGEMENT GARDEN!?” Laquda bellowed.

 

Jackson put up his hands as his sister approached “Laquda! For once in your fucking life DON’T!”

 

Laquda growled and pushed past him and into the house. Zack followed close behind her, an eager smile on his face, waiting to see who Laquda was about to pummel.

 

Jackson rolled his eyes as Zack walked past him “Why are you even here? Don’t you have your own house to go to?”

 

Zack watched him blandly over the top of his icee cup. “Oh yeah.” He burped slightly “Your FACE has it’s own house to go to.”

 

Jackson threw up his hands “What does that even MEAN?”

 

Zack walked past him after Laquda “Your FACE is what it means!”

  


Sha-ron set her coffee cup back down onto the kitchen table. “Mr. Johnson, or er, Crocodile dad, we are here to ask your help on a very important matter…”

 

Crocodile dad nodded, his brows furrowing.

 

“We need you to-”

 

Just at that moment the screen door slammed open, the light from outside eclipsed by Laquda’s very large, very angry form. Laquda pointed a thick finger accusingly at the aliens sitting at her father’s kitchen table.

 

“ALRIGHT YOU ALIEN ASSHOLES.” Laquda growled, pointing back to the ship and the decimated garden beneath it “WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKS LANDED YOUR FUCKING SHIP IN MY COURT MANDATED ANGER MANAGEMENT GARDEN?”

 

Sha-ron looked back at Laquda, an unimpressed look on her face. She took a sip of coffee impassively. “That would be me.”

 

Laquda loomed over Sha-ron “MOVE YOUR FUCKING SHIP.”

 

Sha-ron smiled at her. Her teeth behind her purple painted lips, glinting like a knife in the dark. A silent but bloody promise. “No.” She answered simply.

 

Laquda growled, she reached for Sh-ron but-

 

-but before she could lay a hand on Sha-ron the much smaller troll woman’s hand shot out. Her clawed hand fisted in Laquda’s “Guns out until the suns out” t-shirt, lifting the startled Laquda right up off the floor.

 

Still sitting in the kitchen chair, holding up Laquda with one hand, Sha-ron placidly took another sip of coffee before speaking. “Let us get one thing straight.” She pulled Laquda in closer, baring her needle sharp teeth as she hissed “I. DO. NOT. TAKE. ORDERS. FROM. HUMANS.”

 

She then threw Laquda across the kitchen, Laquda slammed into Crocodile dad’s cabinets, sliding down the wood to sit on the floor in a flabbergasted heap.

 

Crocodile dad gave Sha-ron a harsh look, slamming a fist to the table to get her attention. ‘Don’t you dare touch my daughter’ he signed forcefully.

 

Sha-ron blinked at him “What?”

 

Crocodile dad sighed and took a pen and paper from the top of the table. ‘Don’t you dare touch my daughter!’ he wrote down, passing the paper to Sha-ron.

 

Sha-ron accepted the note, pulling up a pair of pearl-plated reading glasses.

 

Klowee turned to Crocodile dad “Um...can’t you…”

 

Crocodile dad smiled kindly at her, he stretched up his neck and patted a hand across the long scar trailing across his neck.

 

Klowee put a hand to her mouth “Oh! I’m so sorry!”

 

Crocodile dad shrugged good-naturedly.

 

“Ah.” Sha-ron put down the paper, pulling down her reading glasses. “My apologies, I did not know she was yours.” She turned to give Laquda a disdainful look down her hooked nose “I would hope you do not raise all of your children to be so...crass.”

 

Crocodile dad shrugged. He pulled back the pen and paper and scratched out another note.

 

‘She’s stupid, but I love her dearly. So if you want me to help you with whatever it is you’re doing, no more throwing her around!’

 

Sha-ron took the note and shrugged. “Fair enough.” Sharon took off her glasses. She turned to Klowee. “Get the crate.”

 

Klowee stiffened in her seat. “...Do I have to?”

 

Sha-ron shot her a look.

 

Klowee put down her coffee cup and hurried out the door, past Jackson who was just now opening the screen door leading in. There was an awkward moment where both were stepping through the door at the same time.

 

“Oh uh sorry I-” Jackson stammered.

 

Klowee giggled and slipped by him, leaving Jackson blushing and confused in his father’s kitchen. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, stepping over one of Laquda’s meaty legs as his sister continued to sit dumbfounded on the floor.

 

‘Father.’ Jackson signed to Crocodile dad ‘need me to translate?’

 

Crocodile dad smiled at his son ‘Well we seem to be doing just fine with pen and paper!’ Crocodile dad signed back ‘I certainly won’t object to any help though! Thank you, you’re so thoughtful!’

 

Jackson laughed “It’s no trouble at all.” He said out loud. He turned to Sha-ron, bowing slightly at the troll woman. “I can act as a translator”

 

Sha-ron smiled at him “Oh good.” She looked out the window where Klowee was returning to the ship, a large rate in her hands, something inside shaking violently back and forth. “We should take this outside.” Sha-ron mused “I would hate to ruin your lovely home.”

 

Jackson and Crocodile dad shared a worried look.

 

Sharon stepped over Laquda. She smiled down at the human woman. “Behave.” She ordered smugly before exiting the house, Crocodile dad following close behind her.

 

Zack entered the kitchen once they had left. He leaned over Laquda with a snicker. “Get rekt son.” He whispered.

 

Laquda watched Sha-ron leave, the swagger of her hips as she sauntered across the lawn.

 

“I am so fucking turned on right now….” Laquda whispered.

 

Zack broke out into a fit of giggles.

 

Jackson rolled his eyes “Ew. Gross.”

 

“WHAT SHE’S HOT OK?” Laquda grumbled.

 

Jackson didn’t answer her, just slamming the screen door shut behind him as he followed after Sha-ron and Crocodile dad, trotting slightly to catch up.

 

“As you know.” Sha-ron stated as she and Crocodile dad walked through the field towards Klowee “Our planets came to a treaty under the new condescension Lilana.” Sha-ron rolled her eyes “However our new condescension is…” Crocodile dad looked at her expectantly as Sha-ron struggled to find the right word “...extremely easy to manipulate, unfortunately.” Sha-ron finished. “She’s young and has worked to better the conditions of our race but lately she has come under the influence of another violet blood.” Sha-ron sighed “Whiteman, names after the armor he wears, made from the shells of lusii. He is dedicated to the “traditions” of the Alternian race, most notably war and bloodshed.”

 

Crocodile dad nodded, a grim expression on his face. Jackson caught up to them just as Crocodile began to sign.

 

Jackson turned towards Sha-ron “He’s asking how he can help.”

 

Sharon nodded “Only a fuschia blood can take the throne. If Lilana takes our planet back to the dark ages well...she may have to be overthrown. Their kind is extremely rare. We were able to find another fuschia, but Whiteman and his supporters are vicious, they do not wish to lose a ruler that can be so easily manipulated to their goals…”

 

Klowee set the hissing and growling box in front of them, stepping back as something thrashed and screamed inside.

 

Sharon looked to Crocodile dad “We need someplace safe to keep the princess, and a capable caretaker to raise her.”

 

Sha-ron went to the box. She pressed a hand to a scanner on the outside of the box. The mechanism beeped and the lock disengaged. Sha-ron stepped back from the box.

 

Crocodile dad stepped forward.

 

He lifted up the top of the box and.

 

There was a tiny girl inside. She couldn’t have been older than two or three based on what he knew of human children. She sat in the corner of the box, sniffling and crying, wiping pink tears with a tiny clawed hand.

 

She looked up at him, her face framed with the same frills that Sha-ron had, only pink. A tiny gold circlet sat on the top of her head under little curved horns.

 

Her little lips curved into a smile at the sight of Crocodile dad “Kerikidu!” She gasped and raised her little arms.

 

Crocodile dad was already smitten with her, picking her obligingly up from the box.

 

He held her in his arms, the little princess’s hands going to his beard and petting it with awe. “Kerikidu!” She giggled and kicked her little feet.

 

Crocodile dad laughed and signed something to Jackson.

 

Jackson smiled and turned to Klowee and Sha-ron “He’s asking what she’s saying.”

 

Klowee smiled “Oh uh, it’s a type of lusus! What’s something similar you have on your planet..umm…” She snapped her fingers “A kitty!”

 

The little girl laughed and patted his beard “Kerikidu! Kerikidu!”

 

Crocodile dad laughed, signing something else to Jakson.

 

Jackson translated for the aliens “He’s asking what her name is.”

 

Sha-ron shook her head. “Our kind do not name ourselves until we come of age.”

 

Klowee shrugged “I’ve been calling her small empress.”

 

Sha-ron rolled her eyes.

 

‘I will call her Minnie then.’ Crocodile dad signed, grinning at his new daughter in his arms ‘My mini princess’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Laura are probably winged otter lusii on Alternia. Ben is probably a giant armored bear lusus.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the oneshot! Just something me and Oreo were laughing about. Now I should get back to doing things I was actually supposed to be doing...whoops.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [My Son's a Rustblood](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10905861) by [planetundersiege](https://archiveofourown.org/users/planetundersiege/pseuds/planetundersiege)
  * [The Trip With a Change](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11216637) by [planetundersiege](https://archiveofourown.org/users/planetundersiege/pseuds/planetundersiege)
  * [My Darling Jade](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11970612) by [Gallowscumbrage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gallowscumbrage/pseuds/Gallowscumbrage)
  * [Four Little Wigglers (or well grubs)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11980134) by [planetundersiege](https://archiveofourown.org/users/planetundersiege/pseuds/planetundersiege)
  * [Your Child, His Descendant](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12868002) by [09Pyros_09Hydros](https://archiveofourown.org/users/09Pyros_09Hydros/pseuds/09Pyros_09Hydros)




End file.
